The Eyes have It

Presbyopia... a natural part of aging was a semi-topic in an email from my friend Jeff. For anyone who doesn't know what I'm referring too...it's the condition over 40 people get when they have to get reading glasses to read fine print. I have enough Presbyopia--a small degree of it--to totally throw off my Myopia (near-sightedness) last year. It took forever to get my lenses right. I can't get regular reading glasses because each eye is different. So we had to find the right formula for my glasses to work with both conditions.

My mom just got contacts for reading. She's lamenting over the difficulties of putting them into her eyes. I can relate. I had contacts from 83 to 96. Stopped wearing them due to eye allergies. During my ECU years, when I would lose one, I wouldn't go to clubs wearing my glasses. My friends would fuck with me, especially Susie... She would tell me a cute guy from across the bar at Rafters was motioning for me to go over there. I would go around the bar to see what he wanted only to find he hadn't motioned for me nor was he cute. Or I would say "hey that looks like so and so" and she would say "You're right, go talk to him." I would go over only to find out it wasn't the person...lol... Then when it was someone I knew, I wouldn't go talk to them because I thought Susie and the others were playing a trick on me... Oh those old days crack me up...

I had my contacts in the first time I saw DJ JD, spinning records at Rafters and he wasn't a trick of my vision. He really is one of the best DJs in NC ...Shhhh.... don't tell him though.

Freudian Typos

I typed this poem in microword this morning, before my first cup of coffee and without my glasses on. I wrote it last night before retiring, after reading a selection of Pablo Neruda poems about the sea... this poem is about trees...lol.. sea.. trees... where's the connection... there isn't...

I saved the poem and was just now going to post it on a few poetry message boards, luckily I proofed it and.. to my horror found two freudian slips... can you find them? lol... I think they're great, because of the context they're in...

Prison of Pines

I have returned again to the prison of the pines,
swaying in humidity’s arms; summer’s embrace.
Rough bark gray with lichen, is harsh on my cheek,
a stubbly kiss etching its mark.

I am solitude, the resounding muteness of voice;
a wood imp whose dance is stilled in tall lemon grass.
The penis do not care that I have returned to their
wise wooden stance, to soak in their strength.

For I do not want to be cut down by life’s fury,
like a sapling under the hooves of deer and elk.
I beat my fists against their trunks, closed to me.
I will not be ignored. I am wild with rage.

Hear me, penis of summer. Know me, love me
as a kindred soul of timber, leaf and sap.
In the pine forest of silent screams,
I become wooden to my world.

~~~
should be pines not penis ...
Lorraine's comment to my mistakes: "lmao!! In the second stanza, I think it should be plural " peni" haha."

True love?

Well, I joined the myspace.com site a while back to promote my book and writing. Here's an email I got from a guy I do not know. He gave his full name and contact info. (I changed it for this post) Goes to show that love at first sight must be a syndrome for some.

Hi Angel

Hello am Peter XXX, from CA,i love to meet u ,i love ur photo so much,When I look into your eyes, it seems all the problems in the world go away and I'm floating in mid-air,When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you.I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go.i really want to meet u.you are really looking sweet. U CAN ADD ME TO UR YAHOO MESENGER LIST SO WE CAN TALK BETTER OR U EMAIL ME TO THIS IM GENTLEGUY???@XXXcom.

Peter.

~ ~ ~
Pete...Sorry guy but "Don't Marry Strangers On the Net" is Rule #281 on my list of Rules to Live By.

man...

I don't realize how good I look for my age until I run into a female classmate who has 90% gray hair and looks like her grandmother.

Thank you, Goddess of Eternal Youth... I'll sacrifice the virture of a young 21 year-old guy on your alter of youthfulness.

My Ribbon

Comments

What's up with these ding-a-lings who post comments that have nothing to do with the post?
I don't care about Lumber. I don't care about real estates. I care what you think of what I wrote!

The next commenter that is really a thinly disguised spammer gets it with a wet noodle.. 100 lashes...and some bad haiku.

Re: Allen

Thurs night there was a horrible rain storm that flooded parts of Fayetteville. Al lives there now. He was sitting on his front porch, watching the storm when he saw a 17 yr old boy walking across his front yard. The boy stepped into a ditch and disappeared. The ditch is 12 feet deep when it rains heavy and the kid got sucked under and pulled into a culvert. He drown. Al jumped in and tried to find him. Couldn't. Got out, found some rope and wrapped it around his hand, gave the other end to a neighbor to hold, and then jumped back in. He tried to find the kid but couldn't. He gave up when the rescue team showed up. But they were too late.

I called him earlier today but he wasn't home. Because I knew he would take this hard...not being able to save the kid. He called back later. I didn't realize he had caller ID and would return my call. We talked for awhile. First time in over a year. And it was nice. He wasn't desperately trying to get me to come back to him. We chatted like friends. Funny how that made a weight go off me. He was sufferring the last time we talked. I'm glad he finally moved on past the past of us. We both had a sense of peace as we hung up the phone.

I tied up a loose thread. You know... I still love him, but it's more of a memory of that love we once had. We can't go back. And we aren't stuck in it now. There isn't a future but we can live with that knowledge now. Be there if the other needs a friend.

Time...it does heal.

Allen

Allen, my ex-boyfriend and probably the love of my life, was in the news yesterday. He tried to save a boy who fell into a rain-swollen ditch and was sucked into a culvert. My mom told me about it. She was surprised. I'm not. There's a lot of good in Al...

story link

TGIF and a few other letters

Today has slowly ticked along. The work I'm doing is tedious and that doesn't help. Plus the phone's been quieter than usual. School starts back this coming Thursday. People are getting ready for it this weekend.

Which reminds me...I need to buy Mom a birthday present. Her b-day is Sunday. Guess I'll do it after work tomorrow. My brother's birthday is Aug. 31... Ben's is Sept 14. Mine is Oct 23..but I won't have to spend money on it. lol... Then I'm clear till Will's b-day onJan 13 on family birthdays.

It rained yesterday afternoon here in town...very heavy rain. But when I got home, there wasn't a drop on the ground. Well, there goes that theory...the one I had that a rain cloud was following me around. It's cloudy and very gray now. The humidity isn't breaking.

I've got a few DVD's I haven't watched yet. Maybe I'll plug one into the DVD tomorrow evening. I can pull out my watercolors and do some new paintings. Have an image in my head. If I mentally paint it too much, I'll never put it on paper. Same goes with a story.

Better finish my task for today so I can get home.

Sponge Bob Square Cakes

Last night and this morning was a lot of fun. The nephews and I watched the new Lazytown( move over Captain Feathersword... Sportacus is my new man) show I taped Monday and then we watched Sponge Bob. I had them in bed by 8:30. But I slept fitfully. Ben, my blonde boy drank a huge glass of water I had on the end table. All I could see in my head was a flooded bed, because he still has accidents at night. So I kept a vigil, waking every hour to check the bed or to see if he was squirmy in his sleep. At 3 am I knew I couldn't stand it anymore and woke him. With his eyes shut, I guided him to the bathroom. Don't think he really woke up.

This morning Ben wanted a brand of cereal that I don't eat ... so instead I successfully made Sponge Bob Square Cakes (Square pancakes). I made the batter thinner than normal and when it hit the skillet, a zillion bubbles appeared and behold.. Sponge Bob Square Cakes.

They were delicious.

A great morning...

Miscellaneous This and Thats

~My mother is the Queen of Spiel. She tells me the same things over and over and over. “Water the flowers.” “Don’t open 2 cereal boxes at the same time.” “Put the milk in the back of the fridge, so it won’t spoil.” “Don’t keep the blinds open at night.” “Don’t let the boys jump on the furniture.” The list goes on…if she can’t tell me, she’ll leave it on the answering machine or on a post-it note. I’m over 40 and she thinks I need instructions on how to run my house.

How do I cope? I ignore her when she’s spieling. Which has its drawbacks…because I miss important stuff in the mix. Stuff like “Don’t forget you have to keep the boys Thurs (tonight) and take them to school the next day. We (the daycare she and my sister work at) have a workshop until 10:30 am.”

When I expressed surprise, she said “I’ve been telling you for weeks. Haven’t you been listening?”

Note to Self: Instead of ignoring Mom, go into a half-listening mode. That way you’ll be quicker to catch important stuff.

~Yahoo has a lovely option in the email accts. Colors… lovely colors for the inboxes. I went for boring blue to a lovely goldenrod. Brightens my inbox and I don’t mind that I have no email except spam… I joyfully delete it, basking in the rays of sunshine emitting from the page.

~Spam… speaking of it…I got the most unique piece last week from Kaplan Cruz. The subject was “Seimen generator: No dribble guarantee.” Oh Kaplan, you squirmy spammer!

~Today is one of those days where I hate my bra. The under wire is warped and my breasts are in a mood to revolt. I’ve half a mind to get a permit and protest the evils of bras in the downtown plaza. Or better yet…have a bra burning…who’s with me? (yes, we’ll take them off first.) *Edit: Forget the bra burning today...it's finally raining heavily. We'll try tomorrow. There's always tomorrow said another famous Southern Belle Scarlett O'Hara....Or was that Little Orphan Annie? I get my chicks mixed up.

~Just realized I haven’t had a J of Sunshine today.

~I have a pink teddy bear that lays on its tummy on top of my monitor, watching me work. I put a button through his head that says “Keep Lumberton Clean and Green.” It looks like a hat. He doesn’t look happy at all. Sad beady eyes starting at me. Maybe I should remove it before the Stuffed Toy section of PETA comes after me.

~Sometimes I’m amazed that I can find nothings to write about.

Oldies but Goodies

This morning I took in a few Civil War era photos to repair. All on tin negatives with holes punched in the corner for necklaces. They're in medium shape. The main problem I'll face is getting a picture off of them to restore. I was amazed that the customer knew who they were and delighted that he told me their stories. Being a lover of photographs old and new, it's hard not to show excitement when I get these type of antique photos. I know the old guy thought I was a bit loopy, because I kept looking at them through my magnifying loupe and giving little giggles of glee.

I mentioned this in an email to my friend Jeff, a DJ of oldies and good time rock & rock. He wrote back with "you have a fun job, too." He's right. It is a headache at times, but mostly it is fun to work magic over the photos I have to repair. Sometimes I find it hard to believe I've been doing this for 15 years. I started out doing restorations or retouching directly on photographs and have successfully transferred to a digital restoration system. Something none of the older restoration artist have been able to do.

His comment got me to thinking. His job is at an oldies station, spinning songs that are memories of eras gone by. I work with photos, memories of times and places. We deal in memories; magical or sad...they are still memories waiting for someone to share.

August

...is flying by. My mom's birthday is Sunday. I think we're doing a family dinner at our favorite Chinese restaurant. Which is a good thing... I've run out of bookmarks. (I use the fortunes out of the fortune cookies to mark my last read page in a novel).

I've been a good worker bee this morning, churning out retouched photos and am almost caught up on my back log...enough to take some time and write a bit.

Posted an old short story in Irish Pirate. Almost ready to repost the Irish Pirate's revised chapters. I plan to submit it to the publisher in Oct.

Got some things on my mind. May blog about them in a bit. Have a customer in now.

Lipstick

Caressed by color,
a new shade of lust,
lips on yours...
marking their trail
over folds and crevices..
claimed by pink fatale

A Woman's View

I started a blog under a different acct. It's about being single over 40. I keep saying I'm going to write a book about it and I think this is a great way to get my thoughts down.

http://femininewiles.blogspot.com/

I added a link on the side bar...its under 'kewl places 2 go"

comments are welcomed

Headline in yahoo entertainment " P. Diddy changes name."... I click on it, thinking that the name change was probably to an obscure symbol likeZor to "Bling Bling"... but instead.. I find out he's dropping the P and sticking with "Diddy"... Diddy by itself sounds like a Teletubby name.. jeez I feel so let down...hold me....

Blood Canticle

Finished Blackwell Farm by Anne Rice... she's merged the Vampire Tales and the Witches of Mayfair.... The actor who did the reading entertained me. I cracked up a few times when it wouldn't have been funny if I had read it.

Started the continuation of the story... Blood Canticle. Lestat tells the story. In the Blackwell story, I kept thinking how Lestat was so mature and that I didn't like him as much. I like the arrogant, magnificent decadent Vampire he's been in the other chronticles... and voilia...

he's all that and more in this story. He's cracking me up. And I love it. I swear, if you don't do Audio Books, you're missing something...

Now I still read--in fact I read Billy Goats Gruff to Ben last night, but at night when my eyes are tired from working in front of a monitor all day. I listen to the audio books. Relaxes me.

Meditation

A poem...

Hold my hand in quiet meditation,
as the world flashes lights of
white, green and gold around us.

Hold my hand, so that I
don't drift away on astral planes,
seeking cosmic adventures.

You are sage and I am rose,
cleansing the air around us.
If each of us can't find our center...

of peace and harmony,
how can we love together
in this world?

Birds

Glanced out the window by the computer this morning while I checked my email before work and saw some birds I thought to be crows. There was a murder of them under the dogwood, chasing bugs. Their heads threw me off... bodies were black but some of the heads were brown. I took them to be the males, because some of them were brown (probably females). No ordinary crows...because the crows that do stop by usually raid my birdfeeders... these didn't.

So I pulled down my handy dandy birder book and discovered they were "Brown-headed Cowbirds."

Can we say... Bird article for Sept's mag?

A Tarot Reading for Me

Felt moved to read my Tarot Cards last night. Here's a reading for myself.. I pulled a card first to see what the reading might refer to:

The Page of Pentacles:

Examining something (a place, person or situation) thoroughly with common sense.
(I knew immediately this referred to David)

Immediate Past: The Six of Cups:
Memories, reflections of the past. (I've been thinking of my past relationships and how I've learned something from each and the journey I am on, regarding my needs for romance and how the past has shaped them)

My Now: The Knight of Wands: A knight brings sudden change. This knight is like an Indiana Jones type situation--full of adventure but doesn't stay around long. (My first thought was the chance encounter with David at the post office)

The Three of Wands crosses the Knight of Wands. The Three represents actions set into motion. (My first thought was "I'm watching actions from afar. Seeing where things could be heading. The long picture so to speak).

My Immediate Future: The Nine of Cups. It's the Wish card. Meaning I'll get my wish. It is a lucky card. Very positive in most situations... But...

The Devil card is the future's environment. Right away I realized that it's telling me to be careful about what I wish for. Not all wishes turn out as we like. There is decadence suggested and I must be careful how I proceed if I want this to be something other than a fling. (As of now I don't know what I really want)

The final card(something to consider) is Justice (I don't do outcome cards. My future is not set in stone)

Justice is about balance, taking the consequences for my actions. It tells me to be just and to look at all sides of this situation with common sense. To view all the options before me, but mainly to stay true to myself.

All together, the cards are pretty much my state of mind right now. I am in no hurry to proceed and will take care and heed that I do what's best for me.

Great Weekend

I'm recharged! My trip was a lot of fun. Never made it into Greenville (Joyce lives in a town close by). She had a few friends over. There were 8 of us. I made my world famous Sangria. It was a splash. Everyone drank it up. Joyce pulled out some board games (I looked up links):

Guesstures I loved this game... like charades but you couldn't use words, only gestures

Jenga I was clumsy... and they kicked me out of this one...

So I settled in front of the Play Station 2 with another guy and we played some video games. The more Sangria I had, the better I got. I kicked ass.

Slept in a different bedroom, so Hissy Cat didn't bother me and I slept well. We hung out for a while and I left around lunch. Was glad to get home but also dreaded it. Didn't feel like doing laundry and other little chores, but I did.

Blackwell Farms

Since Wed night, I've been listening to it on Audio CD. It's a book by Anne Rice...one of the vampire books. Quite good actually. If I really thought about it I would take the title as a sign of what happened after work yesterday.

Before I left work, I stopped in the restroom. Brushed my hair and applied some bold colored lipstick. This summer I've stuck with the pastel pink glosses. Decided to stop by the post office. While I sat in the truck, looking for the key to my box, I saw a guy walk by. Instantly I recognized him as a guy I went to Jr. High and High School with. But he had sunglasses on and his hair was salt & pepper..more pepper than salt. I thought I could be confused, so didn't try to hail him.

Went in and opened my box. Got the mail out and suddenly he was beside me. He stopped, looked over his shades at me with those piercing blue eyes I remember so well and said, "Either I'm halluconating or having a Flashback or It's Shere P.."

I smiled. "Hey David B_well."

In school, he had a tendency to tease us girls by making up nicknames. His blunt comments and opinions were always funny to me because I knew he meant them, even if they made everyone else laugh, thinking he was joking. I knew he wasn't. We talked for 20 mins. I realized he hadn't changed that much.

I hadn't seen him since 95/96. SO we caught up on things. He asked if I had gotten married. I said no... that I was the old maid of OHS. He said he was the old bachelar.

A little on his background: In the 11th grade he impregnated a classmate. After the child (a girl) was born, they lived together for a few years but never married. He lived with another woman for 8 years but they broke up a few years ago. He still sees her kids once a month. He told me that people think he's crazy for continuing to be a presence in their life. He says "I helped raise those kids and I love them. I'm the only father they've ever had." Needless to say, that impressed me.

We talked about people we knew in high school, I told him about Tommy and how he thought I should still be a quiet mouse like I was in high school. David said, "He's stupid. Doesn't he realize you're a woman now, and not a child." When he said that... he loooked me over....pink-polished toes to head, his eyes resting on my lips.

It was then I realized how close he had moved to me and that there were sparks flying... when he asked if he could call or come by soon. I said yes....

I haven't felt instant sparks like that in a long time. Like I wrote earlier...it's time to clip the Doug strings and soar.

Greenville Bound and going down

....

lol.. well, not literally... actually it should be going up and over. I doubt I'll be 'going down' this visit... though I am quite the expert.

Joyce has been on me about visiting. So I'm going Sat afternoon and leaving sometime Sunday. Don't know what's planned. Hope it something other than Cafe Caribe. But knowing Joyce and Ron...its Cafe Caribe.

Got an email from her this morning. Last time I stayed at Joyce's, I drank coffee out of a mug larger than her husband who has an alpha-male syndrome. I didn't do it on purpose. My choice of coffee mugs was limited to little tea type cups or a huge monster mug. Since the Hissy Cat kept me awake, hissing at me and jumping on my feet all night. I needed the cup that held the most. Anyways...She asked for me to remember not to do that again. She said he called me the coffee mug tzar...lol...to quote my nephew "Whatevah!!"

The Sun Rose Today.

And oh man, my fig preserves are the bestest of the best. I'm having some on buttered toast with coffee. A late breakfast because I was outside at 8 am watering my flowers.

Yesterday was one of the lowest days I've had in ages. A mixture of things bothering me--work, dad's health, my great-uncle Bill's errands he sends me on, and a few other things not worth mentioning...but the icing on the cake has been a real-life friend who has let me down the last month or so.

I've mentioned him before--Doug, my movie and dinner friend. We've known each other for over 3 yrs now. At first there was a romance, but to be honest it didn't work out. He's 10 yrs younger than I am and not prone to taking unveiled suggestions on sexual manuevers. It has been a good year and a half since any sort of romantic contact. But our friendship has always remained strong. I've been a major support system for him. Wish I could say the same for him.

Because I am so private, I do not always talk about the things that bother me, so when I do you can believe it must be something important to me. To make a long story short, I turned to him and his reaction was "I know I'm not a very good friend and I don't seem to be getting better."
At first I was shocked to hear that...and now I realize it's the proverbial "I'm a Bad Seed--don't expect much of me" card played. He now has an excuse to his recent behavoir and an excuse to continue.

That hurts me. I value friends and I know that many friendships have different value. There is usually one person who shows more support, makes more of an effort to be a good friend... But there is also the friendships that are equal on all parties. Those are usually rare and priceless. After 3 yrs, I place a lot of value on my friendship with Doug, but not a lot of effort. I realize that his depth of soul isn't as intense as mine, but I do expect him to be there when I come to him for unloading--which is something that he's not been there for me to do in a month or so.

With this adding to the pile of stones I carry, I had sunk into a level of depression that I haven't experienced in a long time. My soul was crying. Then late afternoon, John pops on Messnger and we get to chat awhile. I told him about Doug. Then it hit me... I should do some Spring cleaning with my life.

John said, "that's not such a bad idea... just...please don't clean me out."

Never... John's my "J of sunshine." I can get a ray of sunshine any time. The J of sunshine is hard to find.

The Blah's

Sunk into a depression that I haven't had since 98, when I miscarried. I see no end to the bottom and the sunlight seems so far away when I look up. Have even tried to change a few outer thing about myself like..colored my hair to deep brown to get rid of the uneven sun streaks....that didn't help... wearing it differently... still no good...new shoes or nail polish hasn't cheer me. Can't seem to write. Nor paint or draw. I work on automation here at the studio.

Now I do know how to make a good impression of being a happy fun lady, when clients or other people stop by.

But those who truly know me can tell a difference.

Part of my problem is feeling trapped here. Oh to have wings...even for a brief moment.

Local Dialects

It kills me when Dad or other people from this area, use local dialects when talking to foreign people or yankees.

For example: Fayetteville
People around here and also people from Fayetteville say "Fedvull" ...vull rhyming with full.. 3 syllables crammed into 2

Same with Whiteville .... they say "Widevull"

A guy from India who just moved to this area came by and asked if there was a place in town that sold professional photography equipment. There isn't. Dad told him to go to "Fedvull."

The guy said, "What state is Fedvull in?"

Dad laughed. I didn't. I said, "He means Fayetteville. The town Fort Bragg is in. There are several photography businesses that offer professional equipment."

The guy said, "Ahhh yes I have heard of this town. I will go there." To help him out, I looked up some addresses and phone numbers for him. He thanked me and left.

Dad made a joke about him. I didn't comment. Dad's the one who looked ignorant. Not the guy from India.

For Better or For Worse Comic Strip

This strip is the best. About a family from Canada. A mom and dad with 3 children.. a married son with a wife and 2 small kids, a daughter who teaches at an Indian Reservation and a 14 yr old daughter who's in a band and is experiencing her first love. There are lots of characters and the website is very detailed

www.fbofw.com

Elizabeth the teacher daughter is home for the summer, working at a friend of the family's landscaping business. There's a guy who works there who is stalking her. Today he's attacking her. Oh I'm on pins and needles. Someone rescued her but all you see is an arm.

August Issue

its late but finally out:

http://www.opalrose.com/magazine/August.html

Hope you all enjoy it.

Tuesday Gone

but my hair isn't... it's days like this that I want to chop it off to my ears. The humidity is so thick it feels as if my clothes are made of steam. Thunder roars in the background but I don't think it will storm... I think it's heat thunder.

I worked on my Magazine for a while last night. The recipes are from my personal recipe book. Recipes that I've tried and altered to my taste. I'm not getting a lot of submissions. But its ok. The mag is more of a hobby than anything. I'm planning a big October issue...so if anyone has some scary ghosts stories or favorite Halloween costume/costume gone bad stories to tell, email me at my website addy: opalrose@opalrose.com

Hmmm what else to write about...

Listening to an audio CD of Animal Farm by George Orwell. I'll write about it later.

New Posts

I posted a short story on the Irish Pirate Blog and also some new links on the Sher Laffs blog.
The links to each are on my profile and at the right under links.

The Beguiled

I watched the Beguiled yesterday. Clint Eastwood at his finest. I remember it in 1971 or 72. My mom wouldn't let me watch it, but my older step-sisters did. She said it was too adult for a 9/10 yr old. I agree now that I've seen it as an adult.

It's set in the "War between the States" era. Clint's a wounded wiley yank, who is found my an innocent 12 yr-old whom he claims is 'old enough for kisses.' She drags him to the Girls' School she's living at and they take him in to mend until he's well enough to survive the Rebel prison camps. The moment he's there, he becomes the carnal cravings of most of the girls and teachers. He knows how to play on their suppressed sexuality.

But there's one thing, old Wiley Yank didn't realize...he should never fuck with Southern women. Because the consequences could be death.

Rainy Days and Monday

Raining today. My watermelons are happy.

Had an ok weekend. Dad's feeling better. I think partly because he went off on me Friday. I usually defend myself but didn't this time. I was so afraid if I got him more upset by retorting to his ranting that his heart would blow up. When I got to work Sat, he was vaccuuming the flower. Even did the wedding by himself. He told me this morning that he hadn't had an attack since Friday afternoon.

So now, we're in a debate over whether he should take the stress test or not. He's driving me nuts over it. I think we talked about it for 2 hours Sat and an hour today. I've got a headache and sent him out to do some errands for me. Figured I would keep him busy so his mind doesn't get over-worked and stressed.

I'm feeling trapped. Like I've got a chain on my ankle that let's me get so far and then jerks me back.

Didn't sleep that great this weekend. Woke up at 7 am Sunday. Tried to go back to sleep but couldn't so I got up and worked on my August issue of the magazine. It's late and I apologize for that.

Goofed off most of the weekend, doing little stuff. This week, I've got some orders to work on but nothing pressing. If I can keep the stress from dealing with Dad off me, I should be ok.

Sunflower...an ode

Standing tall and unflinching
in the summer heat,
you are a mini-sun,
warming the earth
with your cautious
petals, points made.
But as the sun sets,
you lower your head
and pretend that
you are nothing,
so that the moon
doesn't get jealous
of your shine.

Feather

I found a feather in the grass
under the oak tree.
It was carelessly tossed
into the green below,
by some poor bird
in a state of confusion.
Mr. Gray-and-White cat
sat close by, eyeing it.
I quickly scooped it up.
As I walked across the yard
towards the house, I wondered...
How many more did I need
before I could take flight.

An update on dad

He finally went to the doctor today. They did an EKG and it looked ok but Doc M said that he needed to do a stress test to really see what's going on with his heart. He's scheduling one for Mon or Tues. Hopefully, we'll sort it all out after we know what's what.

Dad's stressed about the medical bills. I told him we would work through it when we got that far.

Those of you who pray...please remember him. Thanks

Dog gone

Phew... now that I've unloaded...let's discuss ..Dogs...

Like in Baseball. The game was fun... a double-header. We won the first...lost the second.

All I can say is 'Hot Dog.'

Well, I could say more but then I would have to kill you.

It's a Tax Free Weekend for NC

but not a stress free one for me!

I told J that my blog was turning into a Dad Fest. Yesterday, right before I leave for the Swamp D game, I heard Dad on the phone talking to someone. I was saving my files and closing out programs, when he said 'Sherrie. Telephone.' I hadn't heard it ring, but then I was concentrating on getting my tasks done. I answered the phone, expecting a customer but instead I got the owner of the jewelry store at the corner of our block. I guess Dad had called her to complain about his health. She went off on me!

"Sherrie. Take your daddy to the ER now. He needs to be in the hospital. He could be having a heart attack. Make him go now."

I said, "I can't make him. He knows his own body. If he needs to go, it's up to him. He's not 2 yrs old."

She said, "It's your duty as a daughter to make him go. Drag him into your truck and take him now. Be a good daughter. Look out for your father."

Oh, I saw red but I contained it. "Let me go talk to him. Bye."

I went to the front where Dad was standing, chewing his fingernail. I said, "Dad, what the hell was that all about?"

He asked what she said to me and I told him. Then I asked if he was having chest pains. He said he was. I told him to go to the hospital. He said he was feeling a little better. I went off on him.

"Dad, don't mess around with this. It's not a game." I was close to tears. "If it were me, or Lisa or John...you would be all over our asses to go get medical help." He didn't say anything. Stood there trying to dig his way out of the hole he created by calling Mary to get sympathy and attention.

I believe that's why he called her. Everyone that walks in the door, he has to tell them about his health. Some listen and pet him. Others could care less. He likes to milk stuff...I'm not saying he's not having chest pains or other problems. I know he is. And he probably was feeling a tightness in his ches, because he had spent over an hour stressing about the AC.

While I got my stuff together, he went to check his blood sugar and it was normal. So I left for the game--stressed and feeling guilty for losing my patience with him. During the game I tried to relax...tried to enjoy the attentions of a 30-yr-old army guy who thought I was better than buttered toast...but a nagging worry known as Dad kept popping up.

When I got home, he had left a message that the AC was working and he was calling the AC repair place and telling them not to come by.

I didn't sleep well last night. Kept waking up, going to the answering machine to see if anyone like the hospital had called, because I really believe he's on the verge of an attack...but there wasn't any..but still I didn't sleep soundly.

I got in early..did some work and Dad came in at 11. He hadn't called the repair place. And we spent 30 mins discussing it. I went for coffee and as soon as I got back, he began the debate again... another 15 mins. I lost my patience, because he was stressing over it and I saw no reason too. "Dad, call and cancel." He said, "What if the AC stops working??" I replied angrily,"Then we'll have to call them."

I walked off while he called them and when he was finished, he said, "Why are you so short-tempered today?"

"Because I've spent most of the week, worrying about you and I'm tired. I didn't sleep well."

He's gone to do some errands. And I need a vacation.

Dog Fever

Succulent tenderloin ....playing baseball...

Reverse Psychology

Ha... Dad called the repairman.

I told him we absolutely HAD to wait until tomorrow to call, because he could be wrong about the AC not working.

He said that he's right.

I said that he wasn't. That the AC needed to rest and it would be ok.

He said that was silly. (He must have forgotten he said the same thing earlier today).

A moment later I heard him calling the guy...who's coming by in the morning.

AC

Our AC is on the fritz.

My Dad loves to put off calling the repairman. I bet he's turned that thing off and on ten times in the last 30 mins. Then stands there debating about what could be wrong with it. There's a switch on the roof that flips off. Every repairman has to climb up on the roof.

It's not stifling in here but by morning it will be. He says "We'll call them in the morning, if it doesn't fix itself."

Hello... tomorrow will be Friday and... he won't call before 11 am. I know him.

My Dad's favorite word is "Tomorrow."

Hello...May I speak with Mr/s. (insert a name)?

Usually they get my last name wrong and I know it's a telephone solicitor. At home it's only tele-charity marketers. Now with the do-not-call petition in effect, I don't get the "are you happy with your long distance service" calls or the time-share scams.

Sort of miss them. I have grand memories of getting calls while I was cooking supper. I would say, "Can you hold a moment?" They always said they would and then I would proceed to finish cooking supper. Every once in a while I would pick up the phone to see if they were still there...occasionally they were and I would say, "Sorry, I'm almost done." Put the phone back down and do some more stuff. The record of longevity goes to a "Sprint" guy...he hung on for 30 mins.

Another favorite is the time I asked one of the long distance service warriors for his home phone number--that I was busy and would call him later at home. He said he couldn't give out his home number--that I couldn't call him at home. I said "Why not? You're calling my home."

Once when I was home with a respiratory illness in 98, I got a call from a woman telemarketer. I didn't want to answer the phone because I felt like shit and could barely talk due to congestion. But I answered because Mom had called the day before and when I didn't answer, she called a neighbor to come over and check on me. SO I answered the phone with a cracked raspy voice and the lady said, "Hello sweetheart, is your mommy home?"

I didn't say anything for a moment. And to her distress, she caught me in a moment of clarity and quick wit. I said, "No. Mommy ran off with Mr. Smith our next-door neighbor. Do you know my mommy? I miss her."

The lady stammered out.."hmmm, no. Hmmm is there another adult around that I can speak to?"

"No. Daddy just left with his shotgun. Can I take a message?"

Click.

Then of course, there are the calls we still get here at the studio. Most of the time I answer the phone and can cut them off before Dad gets to them. He likes to debate. A few years ago I got calls from a guy. He would ask for Dad and if I said he wasn't there, he would hang up on me. Usually in the middle of my "May I take a message" request. He did this for a week. Sometimes twice a day. I learned his voice quickly.

So I corned him one afternoon. When he asked for Dad, instead of giving the phone over, I said "You're the guy who keeps hanging up on me." He denied it. I said, "No, I know it's you. I recognize your voice. I've got a few things to say to you before I hand the phone over to Mr. P. First of all, I'm the person you have to go throuh to get to Mr. P. So I've got a few suggestions for you: Don't hang up when I'm in the middle of a sentence. Ask how my day is going? And compliments on my voice always gets a tele-marketer points and maybe even a conversation with Mr. P."

He told Dad that his 'secretary had the tenacity of a bull-dog." Maybe.

But today, as I got ready for work I got a call from a tele-charity. They wanted a donation to help kids with special needs go to camp, the theatre, and museums, etc. I said sure that I would help and offered a $10 donation. I am a big supporter of some local charities. But this guy sounded nice and I figured I would commit and have him send a form to my home. But he asked that I hold on a moment. I did and he came back and said, "Sorry Miss but our minimum donation is $25."

What? A minimium ..who puts a minimium on donations? When you're asking for help, you don't say..."Oh I can't take anything less than X amount of dollars or X amount of goods?" You take whatever someone can afford to give.

I let the guy have it. Asked if the charity worked with L'ton children. Asked for a website. I got no real answer from him. He wanted to put me on hold again, probably to confer with his boss, but I said, "Take me off your phone list now."

So here's to tele-anybodies .... "Don't call or I'll send my daddy over with his shotgun." lol

Vibes Part 1

Today's topic: Vibes I've had (Part 1)

The Tonuge II...my ex-fiance` got me this one in 1994. A year before we broke up. He got lazy at oral sex. Thought this wonderful appendage would work great. WRONG. It was awkward to use. I tossed it in the garbage.

My favorite little bullet: I've worn out 5 of these little guys. Five mins on the clit and I'm in heaven.

Now for a dirty little wild ride...I love my krystal pink squirmy. Dual action. Bullets in the shaft and the little clit buddy. Gyrating head... sorry guys but a toy like this almost makes a cock obsolete.

Icing

I am the icing
on his cake

a cup of stardust
in my hair

sparkling like
candy sprinkles

to keep love
alive

I pretend that
he isn't as dry

as week old bread.

Sniplets

Saturn and Satin, my new poetry book is available for pre-order. I know..I've already mentioned it. Got my author copies Friday and it looks great. Read over some of the poems and realized how much I've improved since the first book. My hope is that by the time I get the 3rd one done, I'll be even better. If not to anyone else...to myself.

~~~
No one around here seems to know much about cloning! I asked a few people if milk from a cloned cow is considered cloned. No one knows. Or cares!

~ ~ ~
I was talking to WC and Wes last week about different things. The conversation turned to how you take a chance when you let someone borrow your mode of transportation. WC said, "It's like this, Sherrie. If you ask Wesley if you can borrow and he let's you. There's nothing he can do to stop you from taking it and driving it to Flordia." Wes said, "No, if she borrowed my car it would be to run over a boyfriend." What's strange is... he's right. lol

~ ~ ~
Petey... that's the name of a hamster my sister had in the 80's. It hated me. I'm glad it never mutated into 100-feet of sinewy fur with a taste for Sher-flesh or I wouldn't be here today.

~ ~ ~
Like sand of an hour glass, so runs the minute hand of my watch.

~ ~~
Every person should have a brother-in-law like mine (Not)! He told me that my first poetry book was a great "bathroom" book...though the word he used was "Sh*t". I replied that it was... if he didn't like a poem, he could tear it out of the book and use the paper to wipe his ass .

~ ~ ~
Today I saw a hummingbird at my feeder. It was a haiku moment.

~ ~ ~
Sex...I've come to the conclusion I do it best when I'm alone.

Sister Soul

Hey Sister Soul,
hand me that lipstick,
the deep velvet red
so that I can paint
a smile on my lips
that will teach
my world to smile.

While you're at it,
grab that eyeliner,
the deep satin blue
so that I can draw
a line around my eyes,
to corral the tears
that threaten to escape.

See the blush, petal pink?
Let's brush it, sweeping up
and see if we can coax
some innocence from
the hiding place in my pores.
I'm tired of the jade
I wear like a crown.

Sister Soul, color my outside.
Make it as lovely
as dew on roses red,
as wistful as sunrise on satin.
Add enough coats
so that it stains me inside.
And when I self-anaylize,
the decor will be vogue.

Cool Sands of Summer

Cool sands of summer tide you over until fall,
their grainy clusters clinging to your feet.
You stand against an angry rogue wave,
its foamy fist pounding your knees;
churning the sand you so love.

Summer is the age of new love,
overflowing like rivers into the sea.
Yet you find the death of eternal love
inside an empty pink-tipped conch shell,
bleaching in the sand from a sunny glare.

I cannot soothe your wounded soul;
the sacred hollow of hermit crabs.
Tides roll in and out, erasing kisses
that were made of salt and promises.
Love, like the rebel sea sifts in the wind.

Will you hide yourself inside the conch?
Waiting for the lone song of a siren
to arouse your tattered heart?
Remember this, as the wind wails,
you can hide from the world...

but not yourself.

HelloOOooo August

Well, the once-a-month-drivers are out. So beware of blue-haired ladies and crinkly old men on the road, forgetting to use turn signals and stopping on Green.

The weekend was nice. Lisa's birthday was yesterday. Dad's is tomorrow, so we celebrated it at a nice seafood restaurant yesterday. Then came home and had coffee. Nice day. The nephews did great, though William didn't want to go in at first. He said it was a hospital. My sister doesn't take him out to many places because he has a hard time with "new" things. It took both of us to talk to him and calm him down. Luckily she brought the portable DVD player. She turned it on and he sat down right away. Poor guy... I feel for him. It looks as if he's being a spoiled brat but he's not...he's having problems adjusting to something new. It's part of his autism. Strangers trying to talk to him only make it worse. My heart aches when I see him like this...not understanding why we have to do something "New." I hope and pray his 1st grade teacher will be patient with him.

When we got home, I made coffee and we all hung out for a while. Lisa and I had a talk with Dad about his smoking and not eating like he should. He had BBQ Sat and later had a episode with his heart. And indigestion on top of that! Before he left he said, "I should get my new prescriptions filled." I wanted to knock his block off. He got those Thurs and here it was Sunday... he should have been taking them.

Today, he complained for an hour when I got in. Kept asking me questions about his medicines and why he woke up every morning at 5 am with chest pains, etc. I said, "Dad, you should have asked your doctor, these questions." I always ask questions. If the doctor speaks in a foreign lanuage like..."Doctor" ...I keep asking things until I get an answer I understand.

Ok, enough worries over this. I'm so stressed and tense, you could bounce quarters off my shoulders.

Ash Night and Musk

You of ash night and musk;
dark like lava rocks cooling.
You once told me that truth
lives on the edge of dawn within
grasp for a fleeting moment.

In truth, it is easier to catch,
like a moonbeam across shadows.
You must be bold enough
to attempt such a feat,
as wrangling elusive truth.

Ash night and musk entwine
in the haze of summer heat.
We seek the secrets of hearts,
dancing wildly in sultry embrace;
a tango of dawn rising.

Truth to you is five letters,
representing your fluttering heart.
But to me, it is more complex
like the weaving of plaid fibers
for a blanket to warm us.

~ ~ ~ ~
Not sure if I am done with this poem...

Stresed to Kill

I spent almost 30 mins writing about how stressed my dad makes me, when I realized that by writing about it I felt better but... did I really want to post it.

So I erased it.

And realized that I had purged myself and... there was no need top spray my blog with it.

I told dad today that he's 'stressed to kill.' He's having chest pains. I sent him to the doctor. He doesn't know I called the doctor's office and told them he's still smoking and not sleeping due to stressing over work. Bet dad's gonna be pissed at me.

Tough tootie...

Lost: One Baseball

Found: by Sherrielock Holmes

~~~
Ben lost his baseball last week...I found it this afternoon while pulling weeds from around the grapevine.

Pictures

Ben's Puppet Show... Amazing and exciting..and I'm not lion.




















A fairy in my petunia patch? No, it's a Hummingbird Moth.













My first watermelon... maybe in another week or so it will be in my tummy.

Stabbed by a Leaded Pencil

Before I begin my tale of woe, I have an announcement:

I'm the champion Southeastern Hairball Bowler. It's an unofficial title that isn't up for challenging, so don't even think about breaking my record...hey, if I keep my record a secret, then no one can break it...damn I'm soo smart. ( don't hate me because I'm smart, hate me because I can hairball bowl.)

In case you don't pay attention to my silly blog of fun links....
here's the link to it

Ok... I've been slack by not blogging of late...blame that on my work load and my problematic work Computer.

Bruce Springsteen is in NC doing the concert scene. I couldn't make either show... I guess its a good thing... Bruce, my darlin'...it wouldn't have worked anyway... what we have is precious I know...but think of those we would hurt... it's better this way. I'll never forget you. At least we have our song..."I'm on Fire." We'll flame from afar, Bruce... we'll flame...

Sunday, I was looking in a bag of hodge podge art stuff for a drafting pen to highlight some pencil drawings I was working on and my right forefinger was stabbed by a very sharp leaded pencil...a #2 to be exact. It killed. I pulled it out but part of the tip stayed. I home-doctored it. But this morning I noticed that it was festered and hot to touch with red streaks going up the finger to my hand. Had to take my brother to work, and once I did, I stopped by the urgent care and they checked it out. Lanced it, swabbed it with some red stuff and then...Gave me a tentus shot. Ouchie. And a sample of some type of heavy duty antibacterial ointment. It's bandaged and a pain to work with. Cost me $105 !!!!

That's my news for now...not that it's all my news...it's all my fingers can handle for the moment.

Attack of the Crape Myrtles

They are blooming. Lovely to look at but I hate them. My sinuses are clogged, my eyes are itchy and I'm sneezy. My front line is weakening. My defense has been advil sinus tablets, but they're not fighting the problem effectively. My generals are meeting and I've been informed that they're sending a special forces team to the pharmacy to find a top-secret weapon that will diminish the resistence.

They will not win!
I will survive.
I am almighty.

No Bruce

Bruce Springsteen... I wanted to see him in concert this Sunday but won't be able too... No one wants to go and I don't feel comfortable enough going on my own. Too many bad things could happen.

The new guy...Tommy has been attentive all week. He's taking me to see a baseball game tomorrow and I think Sat, we're going to dinner. I thought..."hey, he might go with me to see Bruce." So I asked and he laughed. He said, "I don't like Bruce Springsteen. Nor Bob Dylan Nor Rod Steward..."(I think he said some other names) "But I'll take you to a Tim McGraw concert anytime. I like Country Music."

Strike ONE.

I don't like Country. I grew up on the classic country--Conway Twitty, Loretta Lyn, Hank Williams, Patsy Cline, etc...but I can't relate to today's country music. I think its full of wanna be rock stars trying to grab the attention of today's youth.

But I would still go to a concert if he asked me to go. One makes exceptions. Hell, in 2003, I saw Mike Love's Version of the Beach Boys...if I can do that, I can go to any type of concert.

But I guess Tommy doesn't feel that way...I do know this...his saying yes and going with me to see Bruce would have caused my 'clothes to fall off faster.'

Wink..Wink..

Beaching

Yesterday was a blast. Though my ears are flaming red because I forgot to put sunscreen on them.

The nephews had fun. I thought William would be afraid of the water but he fooled me. He was really funny when he tried to impersonate the surfers. I told him once he learned to swim, he could get a bodyboard and ride the waves with it. I hope Lisa will let him take lessons next summer. Ben didn't like the waves at all. He wouldn't go in the water unless Lisa or I held him. I'll tell you this..he's a heavy little guy. I showed him how to make sandcastles with his bucket and he spent most of the trip trying to make a place for Spongebob Square pants to live in. He dug a hole which filled with water. I told him all he needed was a fish and it would be "Ben's Sea." He said, "Go get one" and pointed at the ocean. LOL.. the things they think I can do.

I did see some hot guys...whew... it was all I could do not to let my top fall down and say "Oops can you tie this for me?" Don't think my sister would have liked that too well. Whenever I would point out that some guy was fine, she would say "Remember, we have children with us." SOOOOO? What has that got to do with drooling in the sand?

My sunburn isn't too bad. I took John S's advice and put sunscreen on my feet...though my left big toe got neglected and it's really red today. Most of my sunburn is on my ears, the area behind them (I wore my hair up), an area on my chest and one spot on my right inner arm.

It was fun...the trip, not the sunburn. I needed a day away from this town, this job, this...everything.

Look at what I caught at the beach.....

But my sister made me throw him back!

Beaches and Pirates and Mermen

My sister Lisa is on vacation this week. Tomorrow we're going to the beach for the day. By we, I mean my sister, the nephews and me.

According to William, we'll be fighting pirates. Ben thinks we'll see Spongebob Square Pants. Lisa's worried about sharks and me...well, I wouldn't mind seeing a Merman.

I've already packed a bag with sunscreen, beach towels and inflatable beachballs. Lisa says I'm full of hot air, so I expect to be able to blow them up when we get to the beach...lol..

The Party Sat Night

... it was fun. Grilled chicken, hot dogs and burgers. I took a watermelon and some other fruit. Made some sweet dip to go along with the fruit. Which was goobled up fast. With it being so hot, the cool fruit was refreshing.

I actually took a dip in the pool. I don't like to go to pool parties where alcohol is served. Many of the guys let their lupine side show then. Wore a modest cobolt blue one piece suit. Had a matching sarong and a sheer top to wear with it.

Before the girls could start their "Scary Sherrie" tales, I turned the tables. I told the same stories but made different ones the 'culprit'. When they would deny it, I would say "My she doth protests too much." Wisely, the stories were dropped and when I was accosted in private about why I did what I did, I reminded them of the first rule... "What we do stays at the clubs, unless we are talking amongst ourselves." They realized I was right and apologized. I don't mind us laughing together over dinner or lunch, but when they start telling stuff to strangers who don't know me, that's when I get upset. First impressions are important and I don't want the thought of my hand on a stripper's cock to be the first thing they think of when they see me.


I've been thinking how if I hadn't of let Dena pressure me into going to the party, I wouldn't have been re-acquainted with a guy I knew in High School who is divorced and available...who was happy to see me again and whom I spent 90 % of the night talking too and who I have a dinner date with Sun night and lunch today.

His name is Tommy and he's 43. 5' 10 with green eyes and golden brown hair. A handsome guy...and Another freaking Gemini. But he does get my humor and he says he's always known I would be a writer one day. IT blew me away when he said that. He asked if I remembered a world cultures class we took together (He was a senior and I was a junior). I said I did and he told me that he loved to hear me give my presentations or projects (we had to do one each month), because I wrote with a touch of humor and made it all interesting.

He used to go to Peckers when I dated Allen and we talked about that. He met his former wife there and we talked about that. But I could tell he didn't have a lot of baggage from it. He's been divorced a few years but doesn't get out much. He said he's tired of the bar scene and wasn't going to come to the party until James, Dena's hubbie held his arm behind his back and made him say he would or he would break it (James does stuff like that..lol).

I'm glad he decided to go. I'm trying not to appear too excited over this. Don't want to jinx it but... he kissed me softly on the lips when he walked me to the car and he said "Sherrie ... Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night?" The stars were so bright. But his eyes were brighter and I said, "yes, I would love too."

We went to a cozy Italian place Sunday night. It was so romantic. We talked and laughed. He had me home by 10. Gave me a soft kiss goodnight. Then asked me to have lunch with him today. I did. It was a short one because I have so much to do.

The only thing that annoys me about him is that whenever I say or do something that catches him off guard he says, "You're different than you were in high school."

Duh... it's only been 24 years ago! Of course I'm different. He is too. I've made jokes about it, hoping he'll stop saying that. Don't confuse me with the girl I was.

Last Thursday

William and I saw Herbie Fully Loaded. We were early for the 12:30 showing. So we played video games till I ran out of quarters. There were only four of us all together, watching the movie. But first, we had to sit through 15 mins of advertisements and music. William said, "That song is long." Translation: They're playing too much music.

He did great when the movie came on. We laughed and held hands.

After the movie, we went to McDonald's for some lunch. Ate outside on the playground. When we were finishing our meal, a black boy named Jedidiah (I think that's how he spelled it) jumped over the little brick wall we were sitting beside. William said, "Ahoy there Matey." Jed said, "Huh?" I said, "He thinks you're a pirate because you're so dashing."

The boys played together. Jed's mom came out and asked if it I would keep an eye on him, I said sure. He was a cute kid. About William's height. I think a little older though. Once they bumped into each other and William said "Kay sir rah sir rah." (The Doris Day song)...which he got from me! ... I cracked up.

When it was time for Jed to leave, he shook my hand and said, "You host a great party, lady."

Like I said, he was a charming boy.

Wed of this week, I'm going with Lisa and the boys to Holden Beach for the day. It should be lots of fun. I'll have to bring my sunscreen though...don't want to flame.

Half past July

Another month swimming by.

My sister Lisa's birthday is July 31. I have no idea what to get her. She needs some clothes. Maybe I'll shop for a boring outfit or two. When it comes to spectrums, she and I are on opposites. I'm feminine and adventurous...she's semi-girly and dull. Mom says I'm sunshine...and Lisa's thunder.

Then Dad's birthday is Aug 2. No idea what to get him either.

My mom's John's b-day is Aug 14. Mom's is Aug 21. My brother's is Aug 31 and Ben's is Sept 14.

I call it the birthday circus.

Dena talked me into going to a party at her house tonight. I had planned on hanging out at home with some movies and raspberry tea. She's grilling out and has about 30 people invited over. I think it's James's (her hubbie) birthday. I'll take a bottle of wine just incase it is. He likes wine with meals. Was surprised she and the other hens weren't going to see strippers. They like to go almost every week. I noticed last week that when they tell 'strippers served raw' stories, that the stories involve me. And 80 % is stuff I've never done. Dena laughs at me when I try to correct them. She says "Scary Sherrie, that's the stuff legends are made up."

But I don't wanna be a 'stripper deflowerer legend.'

At least at this moment...

I wouldn't mind being plain ole Sherrie.

This Week

It has been a busy one with electrical storms, work and a day spent with my oldest nephew William. I've written blog posts in my head but haven't been able to retrieve them and post them here. Course after a week, they've gotten mangled by other thoughts.

Ah...lost blog posts...much like lost poems not written down...is it a blessing or a disgrace. That I don't know.

As you know if you've seen the previous post, my 2nd poetry book is available for pre-ordering. I'll get my author copies soon. Then I'll place my orders for those who want signed copies. The second book doesn't have as many poems in it as the first one did. I think there are 82. I noticed the book is 2 bucks cheaper. I've started gathering books for my third poetry book "another sip of sherrie." I think I'll have the poems on the left hand page and a brief explanation on the right hand page...what do you think? is that a good idea?

I'm typing fast, so don't spank me for making errors. But I should be working on a photo instead of writing in my blog. I figured if I didn't take the moment to write now, I might not get another chance today.

Second Poetry Book

Here it is! Available at www.publishamerica.com You'll have to do a search to find it. Use either the title or my name. Or contact me. I'm happy its out. Now to get the Irish Pirate ready!

Oldies But Goodies

When the Hens and I were driving to F-ville Saturday night, I turned the radio to an 80's retro show. Since I was the Designated Driver, I felt I had total control over the radio. "Word Up" by Cameo came on and I started singing along. I remember loving that song, but loving the video more--the singer wore a cock-shield over his pants. Anything that has to be contained with armor has my attention. The Hens were talking amongst themselves, not paying much attention to the music. That's until "Bruce" by Rick Springfield came on.

Here's the lyrics:

BRUCE (Rick Springfield)

Doctor Doctor you got to help me yeah

You got to make it right for me

It seems this other man's name's been

Following me around and it just won't let me be

You see I've got this name and he's got this name too

And they're kind of close only a blind crazy fool

Would think I was him it's like saying green is blue

But let me tell you brother it all started being a bother

When he made the cover of Time magazine

I was at this party in the well heeled hills

Just the other night

Her name was Shelly I introduced myself

She just smiled and said "Oh right"

Well we got talking and drinking wine

She said she liked my music thought it was fine

She said "let's make love your place or mine"

And in the middle of the passion I was on the border line

When she called out a name but it wasn't mine

She called me Bruce (Bruce) Bruce (Bruce)

I can hear her calling Bruce (Bruce) Bruce (Bruce)

I can hear her calling Bruce (Bruce) Bruce (Bruce)

I can hear her

My name is Rick

I'm gonna stick it to you babe

Well there's this kid walkin' carrying a guitar

You know I told him that I play

He asked me my name you know I told him

I said it plain as clear as day

Well he seemed really clearly sincerely impressed

And as he pulled a piece of paper for me to sign from his vest

He said "I thought Born To Run was one of your best"

Oh wait a minute man who do think I am?

He answered

"Mr. Springsteen, you're a famous man"

He called me Bruce (Bruce) Bruce (Bruce)

I can hear him calling Bruce (Bruce) Bruce (Bruce)

He called me Bruce (Bruce) Bruce (Bruce)

I can hear him

My name is Richard

I'm gonna hit it to you babe

You know my mama called me long distance yesterday

And as she got off the phone I swear I heard her say

Bye bye Bruce (Bruce) Bruce (Bruce)

I can hear her calling Bruce (Bruce) Bruce (Bruce)

She called me Bruce (Bruce) Bruce (Bruce)

I can hear her

My name is RickyI'm gonna stick it to you babe

Oh She called me Bruce (Bruce)

What?

She called me Bruce (Bruce)

She called me Bruce (Bruce)

She called me Bruce (Bruce)

(REPEAT AND FADE)

I started laughing when I heard that song. I hadn't thought of it in probably15 years. It used to crack me up and I bet you I drove DJ JD nuts by requesting it every hour at Rafters. For parties at my apartment, I would record songs from the radio onto cassette tapes so that it sounded like we had a DJ manning our parties. One particular tape had the Bruce song on it four times. For a brief month, a neighbor would knock on our door and say "Hey Bruce, can you turn down your music a knotch."

But the Hens didn't like it. They started shouting, "Change the station." "I hate Bruce Springsteen." "Fuck the 80's."

I'm like "The 80's were cool. It's not Bruce singing, it Rick Springfield. How can anyone hate the Boss??"

I refused to change the station. Dena said listening to retro music depressed her...made her feel old. It doesn't make me feel old. In fact, I feel young when I listen. Great memories come alive. Places and people I don't think about often are live in my mind, as the song plays. Age is inevitable if we're lucky. We sure can't run from it.

A poem I wrote and a reply to it.

I wrote this poem Saturday and placed it in a poetry forum I run. It generated an interesting reply that I want to share here.

Shipwreck Soul

I do not have the strength to save you
from yourself,
nor do I possess the keys to heaven;
the free get-out-of-hell card.
I cannot give you sanctuary
from the demons within.

Once upon a soul, I gave you love
the death of my individuality...
what became of me
begot you an entity pure.
But as all love is prone to do,
you fell into a moment of truth.

The ecstasy of eternal bliss dies,
a slow meaningless death.
To keep love alive, one must stroke it,
like the fire that it is.
Left unattended it smothers to cinder.
Do you not know this?

I cannot save you, nor can I give love back
once it is gone...it is ash.
You have to find the way back
to your soul, to the heart of you.
All I can do is stand on the shore
and watch you sink or swim.
~~~~~
Sherrie
~~~~

Now the story behind this poem wasn't posted. But I'll share it here: The subject of the poem refers to Allen--my old love. I came across a letter he wrote me in 1999. I read it and threw it away. The poem above pretty much describes how I feel.

I posted the poem on a few poetry forums and on the one I own this is the reply I got:


"Very Good piece and you are right about power/love within BUT . .you could throw me a rope or a lifesaver

and see if I can figure out how to make use of it ;)

:))) t_z

one line can go "keys to heaven"we all have a set ;)

knock and the door will be opened

When the doors of perception are cleansed all will appear infinite-W.Blake"

~~ ~~ ~~
A bit of history about the guy. He's a Neo-poet. Neoism poetry is all about minimalism in poetry. They are big on saying little when saying a lot. They thrive on haiku and the slaughter of old forms (meaning they rewrite the works of the old masters. Cutting out excessive images, etcs to get to the heart of the meaning). I think whatever floats your ink as a poet is whatever...I have my own voice, another poet has theirs. As you can see, the guy flirts with me a little. I usually ignore it and reply to whatever suggestion he gives.

But this time I disagree with him about the "Keys to Heaven" line. It needs to remain in the poem. Because not everyone knows that all of mankind has a set. You have to believe in yourself, have faith in God to use your keys. Allen for example...he doesn't believe in himself. When we were together, he expected me to be his 'rock that he clung too in the currents of life.' Of course t_z doesn't know this.

The Keys to Heaven aren't necessarily keys to God. Heaven can exist inside our souls, but we have to create the garden with faith in who we are, in our ability to be happy with ourselves... we can't hold onto the painful past. There has to be a time when we need to let it go. And if we sleep with inner demons for too long, there is a big chance of losing all that we love.

When someone that you love, becomes a demon bent on self-destruction and no matter how much you love them, give up for them, offer them, you have to step away from the ship wreck of who they are or you'll drown too. It's called Self-Preservation. Belive me, darling...You can toss out all the life lines you want, but its up to that person to grab on.

Sunday's Gone

...almost!

I think the song's really called Tuesday's Gone.

As you can see, I was online last night late...doing stupid quizes. Really came on to write but no words would come.

Saturday evening was fun. Got there early. This time the tables were close to where the guys came out on stage. We could see through the curtains of the changing room, every now and then. No schlongs... I told Dena it was a blessing in a way...what if the schlongs were not as impressive outside the bun (thong). It would kill the fantasty.

There was a sister-sister act with us. Some kin of Dena's. They argued the whole freaking night, about everything from "I'm telling your husband" to "Don't tell me to slow down. I'm getting drunk if I want too." With me being sober, it was hard to ignore it.

The male strippers weren't up to standard this time. But then again, I could blame that on being sober, irritated with the bickering and distracted by the opening curtain to the dressing room. I still had fun. There was this one guy, a caramel colored and semi-sexy whose thong reminded me of a turtle shell. It was round and the seaming was obvious. I dubbed him "Turtle Cheesecake." It caught on pretty fast and our section started chanting that. He seemed to think we meant he was sweet to eat. When his dance was over, he worked the crowd. I think this is one of the few times, I've failed to keep an eye out for the crowd trollers--the bad dancers with the good bodies who work the crowds while the hot dancers are on stage. A few of them caught me unawares, so I had to tip them to get them off my lap and their cocks out of my cleavage. I didn't mind when the Turtle Cheesecake came over. I tipped him very well and he gave me a damn good show. Too bad the turtle shell had to stay on. ..heh heh...but I bet if it didn't I would have had to rename him "Turtle Brownie."

After the show, we stayed a while. A really good song came on that called me to the dance floor. When I stood up and said, "I'm going to dance," Dena gave me a strange look and replied, "But you aren't drunk." I knew she was referring to the last time when I got right tipsy. Maybe she thought that was the reason I got up and danced by myself so much. But it wasn't. After 3 years of belly dance, I'm pretty confident in not embarrassing myself on the dance floor and also confident enough not to feel the need to be plucked from wall flower status by some guy.

I'm thinking it was close to midnight when I went to the bar to get some water. Standing there was a familiar face, but I couldn't place it right away. Neither could he place me...we both kept saying "I know you from someplace." We would mention names that neither knew. At first I said names from Lumberton that I am currently in contact with. Then I thought, "Hey I'm in F-ville... " So I named a few people I know there and... bingo... we both suddenly remembered.

His name is Seth and he knew Dale who was the one who set me up with Robert--the soldier I was once so crazy about. Seth had been to a bunch of the parties Dale and her sister used to have. He is one of Robert's friends. It's been ages since I've heard any news of Robert. Dale moved to New York State and I don't keep in contact with her or her sister that much. Seth and I sat at the bar for a while, talking. He caught me up-to-date on Dale's sister and her family. He hangs out with them often. I wanted to ask about Robert. My heart was pounding. I had heard rumors that he was off on Special Forces duties in some remote country.

Seth saved me from having to break-down and ask. He began to ask if I remembered certain people from the parties Dale used to have. If I did, he would tell me what they were up too. Robert was the third person he mentioned. Seth said he was in Iraq until Nov. This was his third and final tour! After that he would be teaching at Fort Bragg , which was what he was doing when I first met him. My heart skipped a beat. I didn't let on that it mattered. We talked until Dena found me. One of the sisters was getting sick in the bathroom and we needed to get her home. Hey, she should have listened to her sister. So I said my goodbyes and we left.

I was silent on the drive home. My mind full of Robert. He made his choice years ago. But for a while last night, I spent some hours going over what might have been.

And today...I haven't. Things are different now. I'm different. So is Robert. Whatever magic we once had would be hard to recapture. Sometimes when you try to go back, you ruin what was. My heart yearns for him. I guess it always will. I can live with the yearning. Hell, if it wasn't for the yearning, I might never have started writing. A comforting thought... the magic we had lives in my words, in my poems ...I like that idea.

Which generic smut novel character are you? (With somewhat relevant pictures!) The Well-Endowed Kitchen Wench Look, if you’re going to keep slipping in the rain, at least stop wearing those revealing cotton gowns.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

What kind of artwork are you? You are the light in the garden! You are that one ray of light that brightens people's day. Your great personality always shines through, and you warm those you love with it.

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What is your inner-hair color? Brunette You are intelligent and beautful. You are Nature! Down to earth and caring, you are good at giving advice.

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What Neil Diamond Song Are You? Forever In Blue Jeans

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What Form of Creative Writing are you?

Fiction

Mainstream and flexible, fiction can speak to everyone. It's variety is its best strength. Suggesions: Aimee Bender, Italo Calvino, Flannery O'Connor, Chris Abani, Susan Straight, Neil Gaiman

oh... yea

Just realized I failed to mention the FBI guy I know who wants(ed) to see me this weekend; the one who seeks me out between lovers.

I talked to him a few times last week. But his demeanor had changed. I knew he went out one night with some buddies and I'm betting he met someone who caught his attention. Really it didn't matter to me, I've been toying with the idea of coming up with an excuse not to meet.

He pounded the nails in that coffin, when he said in a conversation this past weekend that the title of my first poetry book was cheezy. I thought it was witty and so has everyone else. Maybe that comment was a way to put a wedge between us. I'll confess...it worked. No visit planned.

My friend John (j s) asked "and his opinion is?"

I replied, "shit."

and it is... true friendships don't hinge on whether....

Today ..today..today...

Friday! Wow... you know for an abbreviated week it has dragged on.

I'm stressed today due to dad... he's stressed over the digital changes we need to make... and he's screwed up the filing system. I've spent most of the day looking for old negatives from 98-99. Can't find them, but I can find every other file from those years. There are like 50 boxes to go through and it's driving me nuts!

So to calm down, I'm drinking a beer and writing in my blog . Kidding about the beer...

I was talking to Wes from next door. It's a family business too. I asked him if his father drove him nuts, he said "Does a fat kid like cake?"

I told him my first advice to people was "Don't work with relatives." He said, "I don't advise them. Hell, let them find out for themselves."

He's got a point there.

Going out tomorrow night with the "hens." Maybe watching some gyrating almost naked exotic male dancer bump and grind will relieve this stress. I'm driving so there won't be any drinking. But I can still let my hand dip low when I push the money down those g-string pouches. That's like... you know...sort of relaxing.

Finally

I'm feeling better today. More like myself. Nephew William told me last night that when he gets bigger he'll give me medicine so I'll feel like a new girl. I'll remind him of that when I'm 90.

If my memory is still with me then...

My Prayers

....go out to my UK friends in hopes that they and their loved ones are safe.

A Haibun… Driving Home

(haibun)

Driving Home By: Sherrie

Quiet. No sounds around me, except the hum of the car’s motor, driving down the road. A gray mist of heat rises from the asphalt, like a million tentacles from the blue-gray sea. I do not know where I am headed, as the hazy horizon teases me.

tree lines blur
speeding along highway
winged wheels

Hours. I drive by pastures green with wooden fences holding in the lush grass. Day lilies line the ditches in shades of orange and gold. They defiantly refuse to wilt under the sun’s blaze. Overhead Turkey Vultures circle on warm currents.

in lush green
calling to vultures
death and decay

Salt. I travel through flat lands and swamp. Each scenic view becomes a blur, forgotten before it’s seen. My open window introduces a scent of salt—the sea. Ocean gray is the Atlantic. I know her well. She is composed of siren tears, luring ships to shore.

foamy sprays
across rocky shoals
ship graveyard

Quiet. I sigh, as I watch the tide roll in, teasing my toes. There is no beginning and no ending to the horizon before me. The waters are deep and dangerous, yet cool and inviting. The sun’s flame whispers on my skin. A salty breeze entices me, daring me to fly, to soar, to dive…

rocking waves
salt upon my lips
siren reborn

~~~~
I found the picture on an obscure site.

Surviving

..so far

Still don't feel 100% but I'm somehow making it today. Took in a few orders to copy by Sat and luckily they are mindless jobs that I can do automatically.

Got a preview of the cover of my Saturn & Satin book. It looks lovely. The release date is set for 9/05/05 but I'm told it will be available sooner. It goes to the printer on Monday. I'm happy. Now I need to do the finishing touches on the Irish Pirate and get it ready to publish.

I saw War of the Worlds Friday night. Maybe tomorrow, if the creek don't rise and the cows come home, I'll write a review.

Surveys and My Brother

While John was away, he received a package. I placed all his mail on his dresser, and naturally it was the first thing he opened. Inside was a small box and a large envelope of coupons. He said, "What's this?"

I took it from him and was shocked to see it was a box of tampons.

"Why did you get these?" I asked.

"Oh, probably from one of the survey sites I'm a member of. Sometimes I do surveys in your name, mainly stuff like deoderant."

I perused the contents of the package and realized it was just a sample. But it hit me suddenly...a man doing surveys for women...about products women use...who has no idea what they really are...

I said, "Listen carefully, if they start making feminine protection products in the shape of alien spaceships or footballs, I'm going to gather all my female friends and we will kick your ass."

July 4th Poem

Fireworks

Across the July sky
a light show
of blue, red and white...
singing songs in
patriotic tunes
that allows us
to write, to sing
about the night
spattered
with freedom

July Issue of Carolina Potpourri

here's the link

July

July 5

Guess you can tell I've been busy and haven't taken time to blog.

Things are ok here. Today I've got a king-sized headache, due to being in the heat all afternoon yesterday. We grilled hamburgers at mom's John's farm. I hung out with him while he cooked. Made mom stay inside getting stuff ready. Those two argue about how to do everything and I knew if she helped him grill the food, we wouldn't be eating for several hours.

My brother got home yesterday. I was glad to see him. Funny how quickly we get back into our routine.

Went to G-ville Sat and came home late Sunday afternoon. Was fun. Joyce had a party for her newly-wed brother and his bride. I didn't know many people --neither did the bride. Joyce's Hubbie 'procured' me a guy but there was no chemistry. I spent most of the night either talking to the Bride, who's from Canada and a 'non-available' guy whose live-in girlfriend of 10 yrs spent all her time talking to another woman. He and I hit it off so well that Joyce got 'worried' and kept pulling me aside to tell me I had a guy in the other room. lol... I swear it was kinda funny. I told her I wasn't a homewrecker.... today. But seriously it was harmless chat, mainly about movies.

Today I'm working on some easy stuff. May go home early.

The magazine is up btw...check out the "My links" section of the blog. It's under the My Magazine one.

Sex offender had blog

The guy who was found with the missing Idaho girl had a blog:

http://fifthnail.blogspot.com/

Its disturbing. He posted until 3 days before the girl and her brother became missing... and her family slaughtered.