Wednesday, August 31, 2005
So... here's to my brother... Happy Birthday and many more
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
I don't blatantly lie.
Do these assholes not realize that to get to him they have to get through me??? When you call a business seeking to sell something, the person with power isn't the owner nor the manager, but the person who answers the phone. In this case, Flowers won't work...but flattery..well it might get you through to the person you need to talk to.
Standing on the edge of a dream, misty pink cocktail of light;
I realized that tomorrow is always a touch away,
the finding of dreams within shadows.
I do not hold the moon accountable for lost love,
though it was under her kiss that I found it.
Nor do I blame the pines for giving moonlight a beard
with their blackness of sorrow over lost sunlight.
Life moves us whether we like it or not,
moves us onto new paths to explore
and sometimes back onto old paths
where moonlight sits on top of the pines.
My heart goes out to those hit by the hurricane. I was blown away by the images on TV. It made me feel guilty for complaining about anything.
The Rome show on HBO was pretty good. I'll catch it again tonight. The boy who was in Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World plays in it as Octavian. He's the reason I love that movie so much. Russell Crowe is good in it, but the relationship between the doctor and the boy is touching. That kid is a fine talent.
Since I am on the 'TV' topic... Curb Your Enthusiam Season 5 starts Sept 25... Nip/Tuck Season 3 starts Sept 20 (I'll be on my botox in front of the tv for this one... Oh I mean buttocks)...
Monday, August 29, 2005
No real title yet...so I'm calling it
i thrive to see
a green carpet
to waltz across
now gray skies
and i know
that even if
there was sunlight
in raspberry tea
and the world
i would still
have to dance
Disguise complete. No one would know it was me. Chances are that I would run into someone I knew.
But... the grocery store I frequent wasn't open until 1 pm. I wasn't about to wait until then, I had the feeling my headache would intensify as the day went on. The only place available at 10:30 am was... Walmart-ville.
I was surprised the parking lot wasn't full of cars. Got a great parking space close to the doors and even found a shopping cart that wasn't wobbly. Then began my search of things I needed. What a waste of time! It took me over an hour and a half to find stuff I needed and... I couldn't find a lot of it. They must have some imbecile designing where to put stuff in that damn place.
There were a bunch of people at Wal Vegas. I was secretly delighted when they failed to recognize me. But... there I was at the ice cream cases, looking for some red popsicles for Ben, when a voice said, "Look what the dog dug up!"
It was Chip, my old gay male friend I haven't seen in ages. He looked so fine with his highlights and saloon tan. Dressed to the nines with his gold chains. He hugged me and I said, "How did you know it was me??? I'm in disguise."
"My dear, you scream of Sherrie with your signature taste in handbags and that naughty shade of lipstick. "
I saw his male friend standing off a few feet, sending eye lasers. "New boyfriend?"
"Yes, darlin'. He's delicious, isn't he?" Chip sent a smile over to his guy, easing his worries, which I secretly laughed at. Hell, Chip is all 'girl' and would never stoop to doing one. Then he turned to me and asked, "Are you still seeing that young stud?" He meant Doug and I didn't correct him on the young stud part. Nor did I correct him for assuming that Doug was my boyfriend.
I decided to play it up a bit. "No, he dumped me via email. Didn't have the balls to call or tell me in person."
Chip was very understanding. "Men... shameless beasts." He hugged me and then said, "We've got to run. Call me sometime. I'm still at the same place. We should do lunch." Before walking away with his new delicious man, he gave me a very intense once-over. "Darlin' those holes in your jeans make your knees look like they're keeping secrets. Good thing your lipstick draws the focus away. Buh Bye."
My knees are keeping secrets?? Well, at least the lipstick was doing its job.
Was a hoot! The strippers were terrible... I suggested we tip them to put on their clothes.... or take up a collection for a down payment for new career classes at AIU. I stayed out of thong reach.
Since I didn't know the bride all that well, I got her a gift certificate at a very upper-scale boutique that has delicate lingerie and other feminine dainties. Would you believe she said, "Is this all you got me?"
Then to top it off, the maid-of-honor went around with a cup and asked for donations. I'm sorry but if the bridemaids are hosting the party, it's up to them to fund it.
That's the last time I'm going to a party just because I know a friend of a friend. If you don't have enough friends to invite to make a party worthwhile and you have to import strangers, then you don't need to have a party. Hell, go out with the few friends you have. That's what I would do, if it were me and I didn't have a lot of friends who wanted to do a big bachelorette party. I think it would be more fun to be around a few close friends than a bunch of strangers.
...came into the computer room for something and the window blinds were up...there was a door with light behind it reflecting in the glass..freaked me out until I realized it was the closest facing the window with it's light on. I was afraid to go near it...lol.. I think the movie scared me more the second time around.
Barely made it through my work and instead of hitting the grocery store, I zoomed home and fell on the couch where I slept until dusk.
Woke up with it Sunday too... it eased off at 10 pm or so. Today I feel drained of energy, almost a zombie.
Hmmm a cup of coffee.. that's what I need.
Friday, August 26, 2005
William told me he had a good day at school, except he got too hot on the playground.
No major plans this weekend.Going to a bachelorette party tonight. Male strippers are coming over. I don't know the bride that well. It's one of those parties where the bride's friends or relatives try to help find enough attendants to make a party with strippers worth it. Not in the mood to see gyrating half-naked men. Damn...my lidido is off...my moon must be in Virgo. lol ...Sat I work for a few hours and that night I have been invited to go with a friend and her husband to see a guitarist at a 'tavern' here in town. She told me to dress 'pretty.' If this is a set-up, I'm gonna rebell.
I'm working on a story. It started as an image in my head and has evolved on its own. I hope it will be a good story. I may use it for the Sept issue. Looks like I'll be doing the magazine all by myself. No useful stories. I got some good porno ones from a guy in Canada, but they aren't magazine worthy, even if I edited it to PG. No storyline without the explicit sex.
Today I feel totally stressed. I'm not worrying about dad...what's stressing me is trying to keep things from stressing him out. My friend Mary told me that I can't take on his stress too. I know she's right, but how does a daughter stop worrying about her father's stress level. Just want him to feel better and not worry about things.
This morning when I went outside to get the newspaper, it seemed almost like a Twilight Zone episode... the street was quiet, no kids playing in their yards or bikes riding up and down the road... I could hear all the mockingbirds singing. Even the bugs in the trees. Schools in session... and nature was rejoicing.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
William started 1st grade today. I hope he had a good day. Trying not to worry about him, either. Lisa has open house tonight so I'm keeping him and Ben until 7:30. She'll come get them once it's over. I'll have them in their jammies and ready for bed. Ben has requested Sponge Bob Square Cakes for supper.
I scrambled me some eggs this morn. Had them with toast. Guess the brainwashing worked. They were yummilicious.
Dena popped in during her lunch hour to see if I would copy a photo for her. While it printed, she asked if I had heard from David. The answer is no and to be honest, I haven't given it much thought. She thumped my head. "Call him." I won't. Yes, I know I didn't write down my number. I only told him what name it was under in the phone book. Not an easy one to remember. But he knows what street I live on, he knows where I work and if he wants to go out... all he has to do is find me. When I told her my Tarot cards didn't suggest I call, but to let things happen naturally. She thumped my head again.
To be honest, I got too much going on. Worrying about Dad... dealing with Doug turning into an asshole, trying to put perspective to why I want to see Al, and other little things in my head... I don't really want to have a new romance. I think I'll wait for the big chemical reaction...wait for something that will wow me and make me say "Damn this was worth waiting for."
Have a story in my head. My plan is to peck it out as I print orders. So... off I go...
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
No not John Kerry's political compaign.
For years I've fought wearing them...opting for sandals with no thong part. That is until I found a really cool pair and I'm wearing them all the time now.
They are black with red/pink roses and rhinestones on the straps. Go with everything and my feet love them.
Every day I ask myself, "Self...why did you fight on the opposite side for so long? Didn't you realize that flip flopping is really cool?"
No I didn't...even if Kerry did.
But there are mornings when I like to lie in bed, cat-napping while listening to Bob and Sheri callers telling embarrassing stories. Some are a hoot.
This morning... I was awakened and promptly cracked up by a Real Man of Genuis Bud Light Commerical:
Here's the link.... the site is slow to load... but you can listen to the commericals
Real Men of Genius
It would be a great day to sit at home, watching old sitcoms like "I love Lucy" or "The Stooges" or "The Beverly Hillbillies" ...or even black & white movies... Film Noir, baby...
or plot world domination.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Sherrie : I love Eggs. Eggs like me. lol.. sorry... still chanting that
jo : i like eggs
jo : i like omelette
jo : i like over easy
jo : and sunny side up
Sherrie : me too.. i like over easy with toast
jo : i like eggs
jo : yummmy
Sherrie : you would be easy to brainwash into the Cult of Eggs
jo : i think you just helped me decide what i am having for supper.
Sherrie : in fact, you would be a high Priestess
Sherrie : The Priestess of Yolk
Than not a moment or two later King John sends an IM:
j s: I love Eggs. Eggs like me.
j s: shit, where'd that come from??
Sherrie : did Jo say that?
j s: i dunno...it was my voice, in my head, yet kinda robot-like
Sherrie : you're being brainwashed.. run
j s: I think so....I saw this smiling korean guy too
j s: some young moon, I think
j s: maybe a new moon
Sherrie : Jo is the Priestess of Yolk
j s: then I'm the Omlette of Ham
Sherrie : William will be proud to know I've recruited two members.
Sherrie : wonder if the korean guy is an egger too?
j s: he's a moonie...which kinda looks like a big fried egg, without the yolk
~ ~ ~
A thought... I know I am a silly blogger...finding humorous things to write about. It's part of who I am in real life too... even if it doesn't show, I can be serious and do try to write about serious situations when I am moved too. I know in my heart this blog will never be more than what it is...and for those who do come by and read me.. I want to say thanks..and..
I love Eggs. Eggs like me.
There's no telling where he picked that line up from. Last month, I heard him reciting the "Hi I'm Bob Villa" sears commerical about kitchen improvements. He memorizes commericals, tv shows, movies, books...
Anyway, here I am trying to read the paper and comprehend the articles... in my head begins a robotic drone in my voice "I love Eggs. Eggs like me."
It occurred that I am being brainwashed. So I looked over the paper at William and said, "Dawgie Dog, if I wake up tonight in front of the refrigerator saying 'I love Eggs. Eggs like me.' You're going to wear scrambled eggs to school tomorrow."
He gave me a big grin. "Aunt Sherrie, boys wear clothes. Not eggs."
I didn't wake up in front of the fridge. But earlier today, as I wrote down a customer's order, I found myself droning under my breath. "I love Eggs. Eggs like me."
My mom just got contacts for reading. She's lamenting over the difficulties of putting them into her eyes. I can relate. I had contacts from 83 to 96. Stopped wearing them due to eye allergies. During my ECU years, when I would lose one, I wouldn't go to clubs wearing my glasses. My friends would fuck with me, especially Susie... She would tell me a cute guy from across the bar at Rafters was motioning for me to go over there. I would go around the bar to see what he wanted only to find he hadn't motioned for me nor was he cute. Or I would say "hey that looks like so and so" and she would say "You're right, go talk to him." I would go over only to find out it wasn't the person...lol... Then when it was someone I knew, I wouldn't go talk to them because I thought Susie and the others were playing a trick on me... Oh those old days crack me up...
I had my contacts in the first time I saw DJ JD, spinning records at Rafters and he wasn't a trick of my vision. He really is one of the best DJs in NC ...Shhhh.... don't tell him though.
I saved the poem and was just now going to post it on a few poetry message boards, luckily I proofed it and.. to my horror found two freudian slips... can you find them? lol... I think they're great, because of the context they're in...
Prison of Pines
I have returned again to the prison of the pines,
swaying in humidity’s arms; summer’s embrace.
Rough bark gray with lichen, is harsh on my cheek,
a stubbly kiss etching its mark.
I am solitude, the resounding muteness of voice;
a wood imp whose dance is stilled in tall lemon grass.
The penis do not care that I have returned to their
wise wooden stance, to soak in their strength.
For I do not want to be cut down by life’s fury,
like a sapling under the hooves of deer and elk.
I beat my fists against their trunks, closed to me.
I will not be ignored. I am wild with rage.
Hear me, penis of summer. Know me, love me
as a kindred soul of timber, leaf and sap.
In the pine forest of silent screams,
I become wooden to my world.
should be pines not penis ...
Lorraine's comment to my mistakes: "lmao!! In the second stanza, I think it should be plural " peni" haha."
Monday, August 22, 2005
Hello am Peter XXX, from CA,i love to meet u ,i love ur photo so much,When I look into your eyes, it seems all the problems in the world go away and I'm floating in mid-air,When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you.I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go.i really want to meet u.you are really looking sweet. U CAN ADD ME TO UR YAHOO MESENGER LIST SO WE CAN TALK BETTER OR U EMAIL ME TO THIS IM GENTLEGUY???@XXXcom.
~ ~ ~
Pete...Sorry guy but "Don't Marry Strangers On the Net" is Rule #281 on my list of Rules to Live By.
I don't care about Lumber. I don't care about real estates. I care what you think of what I wrote!
The next commenter that is really a thinly disguised spammer gets it with a wet noodle.. 100 lashes...and some bad haiku.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
I called him earlier today but he wasn't home. Because I knew he would take this hard...not being able to save the kid. He called back later. I didn't realize he had caller ID and would return my call. We talked for awhile. First time in over a year. And it was nice. He wasn't desperately trying to get me to come back to him. We chatted like friends. Funny how that made a weight go off me. He was sufferring the last time we talked. I'm glad he finally moved on past the past of us. We both had a sense of peace as we hung up the phone.
I tied up a loose thread. You know... I still love him, but it's more of a memory of that love we once had. We can't go back. And we aren't stuck in it now. There isn't a future but we can live with that knowledge now. Be there if the other needs a friend.
Time...it does heal.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Which reminds me...I need to buy Mom a birthday present. Her b-day is Sunday. Guess I'll do it after work tomorrow. My brother's birthday is Aug. 31... Ben's is Sept 14. Mine is Oct 23..but I won't have to spend money on it. lol... Then I'm clear till Will's b-day onJan 13 on family birthdays.
It rained yesterday afternoon here in town...very heavy rain. But when I got home, there wasn't a drop on the ground. Well, there goes that theory...the one I had that a rain cloud was following me around. It's cloudy and very gray now. The humidity isn't breaking.
I've got a few DVD's I haven't watched yet. Maybe I'll plug one into the DVD tomorrow evening. I can pull out my watercolors and do some new paintings. Have an image in my head. If I mentally paint it too much, I'll never put it on paper. Same goes with a story.
Better finish my task for today so I can get home.
Last night and this morning was a lot of fun. The nephews and I watched the new Lazytown( move over Captain Feathersword... Sportacus is my new man) show I taped Monday and then we watched Sponge Bob. I had them in bed by 8:30. But I slept fitfully. Ben, my blonde boy drank a huge glass of water I had on the end table. All I could see in my head was a flooded bed, because he still has accidents at night. So I kept a vigil, waking every hour to check the bed or to see if he was squirmy in his sleep. At 3 am I knew I couldn't stand it anymore and woke him. With his eyes shut, I guided him to the bathroom. Don't think he really woke up.
This morning Ben wanted a brand of cereal that I don't eat ... so instead I successfully made Sponge Bob Square Cakes (Square pancakes). I made the batter thinner than normal and when it hit the skillet, a zillion bubbles appeared and behold.. Sponge Bob Square Cakes.
They were delicious.
A great morning...
Thursday, August 18, 2005
~My mother is the Queen of Spiel. She tells me the same things over and over and over. “Water the flowers.” “Don’t open 2 cereal boxes at the same time.” “Put the milk in the back of the fridge, so it won’t spoil.” “Don’t keep the blinds open at night.” “Don’t let the boys jump on the furniture.” The list goes on…if she can’t tell me, she’ll leave it on the answering machine or on a post-it note. I’m over 40 and she thinks I need instructions on how to run my house.
How do I cope? I ignore her when she’s spieling. Which has its drawbacks…because I miss important stuff in the mix. Stuff like “Don’t forget you have to keep the boys Thurs (tonight) and take them to school the next day. We (the daycare she and my sister work at) have a workshop until 10:30 am.”
When I expressed surprise, she said “I’ve been telling you for weeks. Haven’t you been listening?”
Note to Self: Instead of ignoring Mom, go into a half-listening mode. That way you’ll be quicker to catch important stuff.
~Yahoo has a lovely option in the email accts. Colors… lovely colors for the inboxes. I went for boring blue to a lovely goldenrod. Brightens my inbox and I don’t mind that I have no email except spam… I joyfully delete it, basking in the rays of sunshine emitting from the page.
~Spam… speaking of it…I got the most unique piece last week from Kaplan Cruz. The subject was “Seimen generator: No dribble guarantee.” Oh Kaplan, you squirmy spammer!
~Today is one of those days where I hate my bra. The under wire is warped and my breasts are in a mood to revolt. I’ve half a mind to get a permit and protest the evils of bras in the downtown plaza. Or better yet…have a bra burning…who’s with me? (yes, we’ll take them off first.) *Edit: Forget the bra burning today...it's finally raining heavily. We'll try tomorrow. There's always tomorrow said another famous Southern Belle Scarlett O'Hara....Or was that Little Orphan Annie? I get my chicks mixed up.
~Just realized I haven’t had a J of Sunshine today.
~I have a pink teddy bear that lays on its tummy on top of my monitor, watching me work. I put a button through his head that says “Keep Lumberton Clean and Green.” It looks like a hat. He doesn’t look happy at all. Sad beady eyes starting at me. Maybe I should remove it before the Stuffed Toy section of PETA comes after me.
~Sometimes I’m amazed that I can find nothings to write about.
This morning I took in a few Civil War era photos to repair. All on tin negatives with holes punched in the corner for necklaces. They're in medium shape. The main problem I'll face is getting a picture off of them to restore. I was amazed that the customer knew who they were and delighted that he told me their stories. Being a lover of photographs old and new, it's hard not to show excitement when I get these type of antique photos. I know the old guy thought I was a bit loopy, because I kept looking at them through my magnifying loupe and giving little giggles of glee.
I mentioned this in an email to my friend Jeff, a DJ of oldies and good time rock & rock. He wrote back with "you have a fun job, too." He's right. It is a headache at times, but mostly it is fun to work magic over the photos I have to repair. Sometimes I find it hard to believe I've been doing this for 15 years. I started out doing restorations or retouching directly on photographs and have successfully transferred to a digital restoration system. Something none of the older restoration artist have been able to do.
His comment got me to thinking. His job is at an oldies station, spinning songs that are memories of eras gone by. I work with photos, memories of times and places. We deal in memories; magical or sad...they are still memories waiting for someone to share.
I've been a good worker bee this morning, churning out retouched photos and am almost caught up on my back log...enough to take some time and write a bit.
Posted an old short story in Irish Pirate. Almost ready to repost the Irish Pirate's revised chapters. I plan to submit it to the publisher in Oct.
Got some things on my mind. May blog about them in a bit. Have a customer in now.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
I added a link on the side bar...its under 'kewl places 2 go"
comments are welcomed
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Started the continuation of the story... Blood Canticle. Lestat tells the story. In the Blackwell story, I kept thinking how Lestat was so mature and that I didn't like him as much. I like the arrogant, magnificent decadent Vampire he's been in the other chronticles... and voilia...
he's all that and more in this story. He's cracking me up. And I love it. I swear, if you don't do Audio Books, you're missing something...
Now I still read--in fact I read Billy Goats Gruff to Ben last night, but at night when my eyes are tired from working in front of a monitor all day. I listen to the audio books. Relaxes me.
Hold my hand in quiet meditation,
as the world flashes lights of
white, green and gold around us.
Hold my hand, so that I
don't drift away on astral planes,
seeking cosmic adventures.
You are sage and I am rose,
cleansing the air around us.
If each of us can't find our center...
of peace and harmony,
how can we love together
in this world?
Monday, August 15, 2005
So I pulled down my handy dandy birder book and discovered they were "Brown-headed Cowbirds."
Can we say... Bird article for Sept's mag?
The Page of Pentacles:
Examining something (a place, person or situation) thoroughly with common sense.
(I knew immediately this referred to David)
Immediate Past: The Six of Cups:
Memories, reflections of the past. (I've been thinking of my past relationships and how I've learned something from each and the journey I am on, regarding my needs for romance and how the past has shaped them)
My Now: The Knight of Wands: A knight brings sudden change. This knight is like an Indiana Jones type situation--full of adventure but doesn't stay around long. (My first thought was the chance encounter with David at the post office)
The Three of Wands crosses the Knight of Wands. The Three represents actions set into motion. (My first thought was "I'm watching actions from afar. Seeing where things could be heading. The long picture so to speak).
My Immediate Future: The Nine of Cups. It's the Wish card. Meaning I'll get my wish. It is a lucky card. Very positive in most situations... But...
The Devil card is the future's environment. Right away I realized that it's telling me to be careful about what I wish for. Not all wishes turn out as we like. There is decadence suggested and I must be careful how I proceed if I want this to be something other than a fling. (As of now I don't know what I really want)
The final card(something to consider) is Justice (I don't do outcome cards. My future is not set in stone)
Justice is about balance, taking the consequences for my actions. It tells me to be just and to look at all sides of this situation with common sense. To view all the options before me, but mainly to stay true to myself.
All together, the cards are pretty much my state of mind right now. I am in no hurry to proceed and will take care and heed that I do what's best for me.
Guesstures I loved this game... like charades but you couldn't use words, only gestures
Jenga I was clumsy... and they kicked me out of this one...
So I settled in front of the Play Station 2 with another guy and we played some video games. The more Sangria I had, the better I got. I kicked ass.
Slept in a different bedroom, so Hissy Cat didn't bother me and I slept well. We hung out for a while and I left around lunch. Was glad to get home but also dreaded it. Didn't feel like doing laundry and other little chores, but I did.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Before I left work, I stopped in the restroom. Brushed my hair and applied some bold colored lipstick. This summer I've stuck with the pastel pink glosses. Decided to stop by the post office. While I sat in the truck, looking for the key to my box, I saw a guy walk by. Instantly I recognized him as a guy I went to Jr. High and High School with. But he had sunglasses on and his hair was salt & pepper..more pepper than salt. I thought I could be confused, so didn't try to hail him.
Went in and opened my box. Got the mail out and suddenly he was beside me. He stopped, looked over his shades at me with those piercing blue eyes I remember so well and said, "Either I'm halluconating or having a Flashback or It's Shere P.."
I smiled. "Hey David B_well."
In school, he had a tendency to tease us girls by making up nicknames. His blunt comments and opinions were always funny to me because I knew he meant them, even if they made everyone else laugh, thinking he was joking. I knew he wasn't. We talked for 20 mins. I realized he hadn't changed that much.
I hadn't seen him since 95/96. SO we caught up on things. He asked if I had gotten married. I said no... that I was the old maid of OHS. He said he was the old bachelar.
A little on his background: In the 11th grade he impregnated a classmate. After the child (a girl) was born, they lived together for a few years but never married. He lived with another woman for 8 years but they broke up a few years ago. He still sees her kids once a month. He told me that people think he's crazy for continuing to be a presence in their life. He says "I helped raise those kids and I love them. I'm the only father they've ever had." Needless to say, that impressed me.
We talked about people we knew in high school, I told him about Tommy and how he thought I should still be a quiet mouse like I was in high school. David said, "He's stupid. Doesn't he realize you're a woman now, and not a child." When he said that... he loooked me over....pink-polished toes to head, his eyes resting on my lips.
It was then I realized how close he had moved to me and that there were sparks flying... when he asked if he could call or come by soon. I said yes....
I haven't felt instant sparks like that in a long time. Like I wrote earlier...it's time to clip the Doug strings and soar.
lol.. well, not literally... actually it should be going up and over. I doubt I'll be 'going down' this visit... though I am quite the expert.
Joyce has been on me about visiting. So I'm going Sat afternoon and leaving sometime Sunday. Don't know what's planned. Hope it something other than Cafe Caribe. But knowing Joyce and Ron...its Cafe Caribe.
Got an email from her this morning. Last time I stayed at Joyce's, I drank coffee out of a mug larger than her husband who has an alpha-male syndrome. I didn't do it on purpose. My choice of coffee mugs was limited to little tea type cups or a huge monster mug. Since the Hissy Cat kept me awake, hissing at me and jumping on my feet all night. I needed the cup that held the most. Anyways...She asked for me to remember not to do that again. She said he called me the coffee mug tzar...lol...to quote my nephew "Whatevah!!"
Yesterday was one of the lowest days I've had in ages. A mixture of things bothering me--work, dad's health, my great-uncle Bill's errands he sends me on, and a few other things not worth mentioning...but the icing on the cake has been a real-life friend who has let me down the last month or so.
I've mentioned him before--Doug, my movie and dinner friend. We've known each other for over 3 yrs now. At first there was a romance, but to be honest it didn't work out. He's 10 yrs younger than I am and not prone to taking unveiled suggestions on sexual manuevers. It has been a good year and a half since any sort of romantic contact. But our friendship has always remained strong. I've been a major support system for him. Wish I could say the same for him.
Because I am so private, I do not always talk about the things that bother me, so when I do you can believe it must be something important to me. To make a long story short, I turned to him and his reaction was "I know I'm not a very good friend and I don't seem to be getting better."
At first I was shocked to hear that...and now I realize it's the proverbial "I'm a Bad Seed--don't expect much of me" card played. He now has an excuse to his recent behavoir and an excuse to continue.
That hurts me. I value friends and I know that many friendships have different value. There is usually one person who shows more support, makes more of an effort to be a good friend... But there is also the friendships that are equal on all parties. Those are usually rare and priceless. After 3 yrs, I place a lot of value on my friendship with Doug, but not a lot of effort. I realize that his depth of soul isn't as intense as mine, but I do expect him to be there when I come to him for unloading--which is something that he's not been there for me to do in a month or so.
With this adding to the pile of stones I carry, I had sunk into a level of depression that I haven't experienced in a long time. My soul was crying. Then late afternoon, John pops on Messnger and we get to chat awhile. I told him about Doug. Then it hit me... I should do some Spring cleaning with my life.
John said, "that's not such a bad idea... just...please don't clean me out."
Never... John's my "J of sunshine." I can get a ray of sunshine any time. The J of sunshine is hard to find.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Now I do know how to make a good impression of being a happy fun lady, when clients or other people stop by.
But those who truly know me can tell a difference.
Part of my problem is feeling trapped here. Oh to have wings...even for a brief moment.
For example: Fayetteville
People around here and also people from Fayetteville say "Fedvull" ...vull rhyming with full.. 3 syllables crammed into 2
Same with Whiteville .... they say "Widevull"
A guy from India who just moved to this area came by and asked if there was a place in town that sold professional photography equipment. There isn't. Dad told him to go to "Fedvull."
The guy said, "What state is Fedvull in?"
Dad laughed. I didn't. I said, "He means Fayetteville. The town Fort Bragg is in. There are several photography businesses that offer professional equipment."
The guy said, "Ahhh yes I have heard of this town. I will go there." To help him out, I looked up some addresses and phone numbers for him. He thanked me and left.
Dad made a joke about him. I didn't comment. Dad's the one who looked ignorant. Not the guy from India.
This strip is the best. About a family from Canada. A mom and dad with 3 children.. a married son with a wife and 2 small kids, a daughter who teaches at an Indian Reservation and a 14 yr old daughter who's in a band and is experiencing her first love. There are lots of characters and the website is very detailed
Elizabeth the teacher daughter is home for the summer, working at a friend of the family's landscaping business. There's a guy who works there who is stalking her. Today he's attacking her. Oh I'm on pins and needles. Someone rescued her but all you see is an arm.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
I worked on my Magazine for a while last night. The recipes are from my personal recipe book. Recipes that I've tried and altered to my taste. I'm not getting a lot of submissions. But its ok. The mag is more of a hobby than anything. I'm planning a big October issue...so if anyone has some scary ghosts stories or favorite Halloween costume/costume gone bad stories to tell, email me at my website addy: email@example.com
Hmmm what else to write about...
Listening to an audio CD of Animal Farm by George Orwell. I'll write about it later.
Monday, August 08, 2005
It's set in the "War between the States" era. Clint's a wounded wiley yank, who is found my an innocent 12 yr-old whom he claims is 'old enough for kisses.' She drags him to the Girls' School she's living at and they take him in to mend until he's well enough to survive the Rebel prison camps. The moment he's there, he becomes the carnal cravings of most of the girls and teachers. He knows how to play on their suppressed sexuality.
But there's one thing, old Wiley Yank didn't realize...he should never fuck with Southern women. Because the consequences could be death.
Had an ok weekend. Dad's feeling better. I think partly because he went off on me Friday. I usually defend myself but didn't this time. I was so afraid if I got him more upset by retorting to his ranting that his heart would blow up. When I got to work Sat, he was vaccuuming the flower. Even did the wedding by himself. He told me this morning that he hadn't had an attack since Friday afternoon.
So now, we're in a debate over whether he should take the stress test or not. He's driving me nuts over it. I think we talked about it for 2 hours Sat and an hour today. I've got a headache and sent him out to do some errands for me. Figured I would keep him busy so his mind doesn't get over-worked and stressed.
I'm feeling trapped. Like I've got a chain on my ankle that let's me get so far and then jerks me back.
Didn't sleep that great this weekend. Woke up at 7 am Sunday. Tried to go back to sleep but couldn't so I got up and worked on my August issue of the magazine. It's late and I apologize for that.
Goofed off most of the weekend, doing little stuff. This week, I've got some orders to work on but nothing pressing. If I can keep the stress from dealing with Dad off me, I should be ok.
Friday, August 05, 2005
I found a feather in the grass
under the oak tree.
It was carelessly tossed
into the green below,
by some poor bird
in a state of confusion.
Mr. Gray-and-White cat
sat close by, eyeing it.
I quickly scooped it up.
As I walked across the yard
towards the house, I wondered...
How many more did I need
before I could take flight.
Dad's stressed about the medical bills. I told him we would work through it when we got that far.
Those of you who pray...please remember him. Thanks
I told J that my blog was turning into a Dad Fest. Yesterday, right before I leave for the Swamp D game, I heard Dad on the phone talking to someone. I was saving my files and closing out programs, when he said 'Sherrie. Telephone.' I hadn't heard it ring, but then I was concentrating on getting my tasks done. I answered the phone, expecting a customer but instead I got the owner of the jewelry store at the corner of our block. I guess Dad had called her to complain about his health. She went off on me!
"Sherrie. Take your daddy to the ER now. He needs to be in the hospital. He could be having a heart attack. Make him go now."
I said, "I can't make him. He knows his own body. If he needs to go, it's up to him. He's not 2 yrs old."
She said, "It's your duty as a daughter to make him go. Drag him into your truck and take him now. Be a good daughter. Look out for your father."
Oh, I saw red but I contained it. "Let me go talk to him. Bye."
I went to the front where Dad was standing, chewing his fingernail. I said, "Dad, what the hell was that all about?"
He asked what she said to me and I told him. Then I asked if he was having chest pains. He said he was. I told him to go to the hospital. He said he was feeling a little better. I went off on him.
"Dad, don't mess around with this. It's not a game." I was close to tears. "If it were me, or Lisa or John...you would be all over our asses to go get medical help." He didn't say anything. Stood there trying to dig his way out of the hole he created by calling Mary to get sympathy and attention.
I believe that's why he called her. Everyone that walks in the door, he has to tell them about his health. Some listen and pet him. Others could care less. He likes to milk stuff...I'm not saying he's not having chest pains or other problems. I know he is. And he probably was feeling a tightness in his ches, because he had spent over an hour stressing about the AC.
While I got my stuff together, he went to check his blood sugar and it was normal. So I left for the game--stressed and feeling guilty for losing my patience with him. During the game I tried to relax...tried to enjoy the attentions of a 30-yr-old army guy who thought I was better than buttered toast...but a nagging worry known as Dad kept popping up.
When I got home, he had left a message that the AC was working and he was calling the AC repair place and telling them not to come by.
I didn't sleep well last night. Kept waking up, going to the answering machine to see if anyone like the hospital had called, because I really believe he's on the verge of an attack...but there wasn't any..but still I didn't sleep soundly.
I got in early..did some work and Dad came in at 11. He hadn't called the repair place. And we spent 30 mins discussing it. I went for coffee and as soon as I got back, he began the debate again... another 15 mins. I lost my patience, because he was stressing over it and I saw no reason too. "Dad, call and cancel." He said, "What if the AC stops working??" I replied angrily,"Then we'll have to call them."
I walked off while he called them and when he was finished, he said, "Why are you so short-tempered today?"
"Because I've spent most of the week, worrying about you and I'm tired. I didn't sleep well."
He's gone to do some errands. And I need a vacation.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
I told him we absolutely HAD to wait until tomorrow to call, because he could be wrong about the AC not working.
He said that he's right.
I said that he wasn't. That the AC needed to rest and it would be ok.
He said that was silly. (He must have forgotten he said the same thing earlier today).
A moment later I heard him calling the guy...who's coming by in the morning.
My Dad loves to put off calling the repairman. I bet he's turned that thing off and on ten times in the last 30 mins. Then stands there debating about what could be wrong with it. There's a switch on the roof that flips off. Every repairman has to climb up on the roof.
It's not stifling in here but by morning it will be. He says "We'll call them in the morning, if it doesn't fix itself."
Hello... tomorrow will be Friday and... he won't call before 11 am. I know him.
My Dad's favorite word is "Tomorrow."
Usually they get my last name wrong and I know it's a telephone solicitor. At home it's only tele-charity marketers. Now with the do-not-call petition in effect, I don't get the "are you happy with your long distance service" calls or the time-share scams.
Sort of miss them. I have grand memories of getting calls while I was cooking supper. I would say, "Can you hold a moment?" They always said they would and then I would proceed to finish cooking supper. Every once in a while I would pick up the phone to see if they were still there...occasionally they were and I would say, "Sorry, I'm almost done." Put the phone back down and do some more stuff. The record of longevity goes to a "Sprint" guy...he hung on for 30 mins.
Another favorite is the time I asked one of the long distance service warriors for his home phone number--that I was busy and would call him later at home. He said he couldn't give out his home number--that I couldn't call him at home. I said "Why not? You're calling my home."
Once when I was home with a respiratory illness in 98, I got a call from a woman telemarketer. I didn't want to answer the phone because I felt like shit and could barely talk due to congestion. But I answered because Mom had called the day before and when I didn't answer, she called a neighbor to come over and check on me. SO I answered the phone with a cracked raspy voice and the lady said, "Hello sweetheart, is your mommy home?"
I didn't say anything for a moment. And to her distress, she caught me in a moment of clarity and quick wit. I said, "No. Mommy ran off with Mr. Smith our next-door neighbor. Do you know my mommy? I miss her."
The lady stammered out.."hmmm, no. Hmmm is there another adult around that I can speak to?"
"No. Daddy just left with his shotgun. Can I take a message?"
Then of course, there are the calls we still get here at the studio. Most of the time I answer the phone and can cut them off before Dad gets to them. He likes to debate. A few years ago I got calls from a guy. He would ask for Dad and if I said he wasn't there, he would hang up on me. Usually in the middle of my "May I take a message" request. He did this for a week. Sometimes twice a day. I learned his voice quickly.
So I corned him one afternoon. When he asked for Dad, instead of giving the phone over, I said "You're the guy who keeps hanging up on me." He denied it. I said, "No, I know it's you. I recognize your voice. I've got a few things to say to you before I hand the phone over to Mr. P. First of all, I'm the person you have to go throuh to get to Mr. P. So I've got a few suggestions for you: Don't hang up when I'm in the middle of a sentence. Ask how my day is going? And compliments on my voice always gets a tele-marketer points and maybe even a conversation with Mr. P."
He told Dad that his 'secretary had the tenacity of a bull-dog." Maybe.
But today, as I got ready for work I got a call from a tele-charity. They wanted a donation to help kids with special needs go to camp, the theatre, and museums, etc. I said sure that I would help and offered a $10 donation. I am a big supporter of some local charities. But this guy sounded nice and I figured I would commit and have him send a form to my home. But he asked that I hold on a moment. I did and he came back and said, "Sorry Miss but our minimum donation is $25."
What? A minimium ..who puts a minimium on donations? When you're asking for help, you don't say..."Oh I can't take anything less than X amount of dollars or X amount of goods?" You take whatever someone can afford to give.
I let the guy have it. Asked if the charity worked with L'ton children. Asked for a website. I got no real answer from him. He wanted to put me on hold again, probably to confer with his boss, but I said, "Take me off your phone list now."
So here's to tele-anybodies .... "Don't call or I'll send my daddy over with his shotgun." lol
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
The Tonuge II...my ex-fiance` got me this one in 1994. A year before we broke up. He got lazy at oral sex. Thought this wonderful appendage would work great. WRONG. It was awkward to use. I tossed it in the garbage.
My favorite little bullet: I've worn out 5 of these little guys. Five mins on the clit and I'm in heaven.
Now for a dirty little wild ride...I love my krystal pink squirmy. Dual action. Bullets in the shaft and the little clit buddy. Gyrating head... sorry guys but a toy like this almost makes a cock obsolete.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Monday, August 01, 2005
Saturn and Satin, my new poetry book is available for pre-order. I know..I've already mentioned it. Got my author copies Friday and it looks great. Read over some of the poems and realized how much I've improved since the first book. My hope is that by the time I get the 3rd one done, I'll be even better. If not to anyone else...to myself.
No one around here seems to know much about cloning! I asked a few people if milk from a cloned cow is considered cloned. No one knows. Or cares!
~ ~ ~
I was talking to WC and Wes last week about different things. The conversation turned to how you take a chance when you let someone borrow your mode of transportation. WC said, "It's like this, Sherrie. If you ask Wesley if you can borrow and he let's you. There's nothing he can do to stop you from taking it and driving it to Flordia." Wes said, "No, if she borrowed my car it would be to run over a boyfriend." What's strange is... he's right. lol
~ ~ ~
Petey... that's the name of a hamster my sister had in the 80's. It hated me. I'm glad it never mutated into 100-feet of sinewy fur with a taste for Sher-flesh or I wouldn't be here today.
~ ~ ~
Like sand of an hour glass, so runs the minute hand of my watch.
Every person should have a brother-in-law like mine (Not)! He told me that my first poetry book was a great "bathroom" book...though the word he used was "Sh*t". I replied that it was... if he didn't like a poem, he could tear it out of the book and use the paper to wipe his ass .
~ ~ ~
Today I saw a hummingbird at my feeder. It was a haiku moment.
~ ~ ~
Sex...I've come to the conclusion I do it best when I'm alone.
Hey Sister Soul,
hand me that lipstick,
the deep velvet red
so that I can paint
a smile on my lips
that will teach
my world to smile.
While you're at it,
grab that eyeliner,
the deep satin blue
so that I can draw
a line around my eyes,
to corral the tears
that threaten to escape.
See the blush, petal pink?
Let's brush it, sweeping up
and see if we can coax
some innocence from
the hiding place in my pores.
I'm tired of the jade
I wear like a crown.
Sister Soul, color my outside.
Make it as lovely
as dew on roses red,
as wistful as sunrise on satin.
Add enough coats
so that it stains me inside.
And when I self-anaylize,
the decor will be vogue.
Cool sands of summer tide you over until fall,
their grainy clusters clinging to your feet.
You stand against an angry rogue wave,
its foamy fist pounding your knees;
churning the sand you so love.
Summer is the age of new love,
overflowing like rivers into the sea.
Yet you find the death of eternal love
inside an empty pink-tipped conch shell,
bleaching in the sand from a sunny glare.
I cannot soothe your wounded soul;
the sacred hollow of hermit crabs.
Tides roll in and out, erasing kisses
that were made of salt and promises.
Love, like the rebel sea sifts in the wind.
Will you hide yourself inside the conch?
Waiting for the lone song of a siren
to arouse your tattered heart?
Remember this, as the wind wails,
you can hide from the world...
but not yourself.
The weekend was nice. Lisa's birthday was yesterday. Dad's is tomorrow, so we celebrated it at a nice seafood restaurant yesterday. Then came home and had coffee. Nice day. The nephews did great, though William didn't want to go in at first. He said it was a hospital. My sister doesn't take him out to many places because he has a hard time with "new" things. It took both of us to talk to him and calm him down. Luckily she brought the portable DVD player. She turned it on and he sat down right away. Poor guy... I feel for him. It looks as if he's being a spoiled brat but he's not...he's having problems adjusting to something new. It's part of his autism. Strangers trying to talk to him only make it worse. My heart aches when I see him like this...not understanding why we have to do something "New." I hope and pray his 1st grade teacher will be patient with him.
When we got home, I made coffee and we all hung out for a while. Lisa and I had a talk with Dad about his smoking and not eating like he should. He had BBQ Sat and later had a episode with his heart. And indigestion on top of that! Before he left he said, "I should get my new prescriptions filled." I wanted to knock his block off. He got those Thurs and here it was Sunday... he should have been taking them.
Today, he complained for an hour when I got in. Kept asking me questions about his medicines and why he woke up every morning at 5 am with chest pains, etc. I said, "Dad, you should have asked your doctor, these questions." I always ask questions. If the doctor speaks in a foreign lanuage like..."Doctor" ...I keep asking things until I get an answer I understand.
Ok, enough worries over this. I'm so stressed and tense, you could bounce quarters off my shoulders.