Thursday, April 27, 2006

My apologies my readers...

life's been hectic at work, mainly. I believe aliens have taken over my father's digital camera and are sucking the life out of me.

My hope for today is that I'll find time to blog and catch up on news...and on reading blogs I've been neglecting, but love to read.

I miss that...the reading more so than the writing.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Understanding a Woman's language

"Fine" - This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

"Five minutes" - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

"Nothing" - This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows) - This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows) - This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Monday, April 10, 2006

From The Classifieds

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER: 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES: Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog - able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG: Looks like a rat ... been out a while. Better be a reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED: Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK: $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES: California grown - 89 cents lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY: Must sell washer and dryer $300.


FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything.

Friday, April 07, 2006

The Things We Learn from Porn (thanks NLM)

1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not
scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blow job.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blow job will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar
solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his
half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.

14. Men always groan 'OH YEAH' when they cum.

15. If there is two of them they 'high five' each other. (and the
girl isn't disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don't exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the
bushes the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove
your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.

19. There's a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman
by giving her a gentle slap on the ass.

21. Nurses suck patients cocks.

22. Men always pull out.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend,
she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking both of you.

24. Women never have headaches.

25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to
remind her to 'suck it'

26. Assholes are clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for
all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's
pants and find a cock there.

29. Men don't have to beg.

30. When standing during a blow job, a man will always place one hand
firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly
on his hip.

31. Pigtails = handlebars

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Under a Dim Light

From under the dim light of a faltering moon,
I embrace the chill of a spring night;
its evening eyes hidden under new sprouts
of tender grass.

Winter past froze time in crystal tears,
each night an agony that tore my soul.
I do not regret its passing into the ides
of windy March.

Soon summer will play upon the oceans of us;
our passions a war of foam and sea,
churning up the sands of time and eternal lust
of things we can't have.

Like the faltering moon of spring's new birth,
we'll know the after taste of winter frost,
even as we frolic among the white-capped
waters of summer.

some cinquains

hi guys...thanks to all of you who are posting. My muse seems to be a butterfly and won't stay for long.

buds opening
flowers dancing on green
under my toes, blossoms tickle
my soul


upon my lips
your minty breath of spring
helps me to forget winter's cold


6 days into the month and I just realized that I haven't blogged in over a week.

I really thought I had and was surprised to see I haven't bored anyone lately!

Things around here have been ok. Just working hard and enjoying the nice weather when I get home at night. My yard is looking good. The azaleas and dogwoods are blooming. My pussywillow had fuzzies all over it.

The nephews are doing great. William made all 3's on his report card. Excellent for a kid with autism. I hope by the time he's in the 8th grade that he won't carry that label. We work hard every day so that he knows his homework. Last night we spelled all sorts of words. I'm very proud of him. Poor Ben...he's not the academic type at all. I've been working with him on his spelling and trying to coax him to play educational games on the computer but all he's interested in is...playing ball or power rangers. I'm afraid he's not going to be the 'geek' type like William is. As long as he passes his classes, I guess that's all that matters.

Spent a nice weekend at Al's. He had to work but we managed to find some time for adventures. One of my friends made a comment that heaven in a relationship doesn't last long. Maybe it doesn't. But I'm not striving for a perfect relationship--if it were that, then it would be boring I think. Al and I have our differences. We get angry but we talk it out and do what we can to compromise. Then we laugh about it later. I'll settle for pieces of heaven.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006