I haven't hidden the fact that I'm unhappy with Al's decision that we remain 'celibate' until we're married. Nothing's changed on my part since he made this decision alone.
With this decision, he's become the driver of our relationship. I'm just a back-seat driver who's not allowed to say much about where we're headed. When I try to talk about it or complain, he says that he doesn't know when he'll be "ready" and asks "Aren't I worth the wait?"
That's besides the point. I want to know what's going on in his head and I think that's not too much to ask. Every person in a relationship deserves that.
Every night this week, I've had nightmares and bad dreams about he and I. So bad that one of them woke me up at 4 am Tuesday morning...I was crying and covered in sweat. The dream was so horrific I immediately blotted it out. I can't continue like this.
So tonight...after our movie, I'm going to tell him I need a 'physical' sign that he isn't pulling my leg over our future...
I think you know what I want...
a fucking engagement ring.
"Aren't I worth that?"