Beware the Ides of January

(actually it's really the 14th...I should beware of...one has to invest in dramatic titles, you know. It's a blogging rule of thumb.)

My quickie horoscope for today is:

There's temptation to fall back on an old habit. Remember, you stopped for a reason!

When I read it, I laughed my ass off into next week! It was that funny to me... well not really funny..funny... more like.. ironic in a funny way.

Damn, I'm rambling today...

Al called during the Shield last night. At first he tried to pretend he was making an obscene phone call but I busted him. Knew it was him by the sound of his breath. Ever known someone so well that you knew they were behind you from the way they exhaled? We had a good laugh over the obscene phone call prank and settled in for a nice chat. It was fun...laughing with him. Our humor is alike and he is good with comebacks, just like I am.

But the conversation soon turned sexual and he began to pull the strings...the ones he knew so well, trying to get me to come over to his house tonight. He said stuff like, "There's no one like you, Sherbare. No one gets as wet as you do. No one gives a blowjob like you do. You're the most sexual woman I've ever known. I miss you."

I fought it off for about an hour...the verbal acknowledgement that he was right...when he got off his moral horse, we f*cked like we were made to f*ck. It was good. Mindblowing good.

When I thought he was going to give up, I felt a panic. And the little voice inside said, "You need to see this through. Or you'll always wonder."

I cleared my throat and said, "I'll be at your house Saturday at 7 pm. Have dinner cooked. We eat first. Make it a light dinner. Nothing heavy."

You would have thought he had won the lottery. Maybe he has... at least in the carnal department.

He says he's more open-minded now..regarding sex. That he regrets missing out during our years together. I reminded him that his head was elsewhere back then and that he had demons he fought. He claims they're at rest. We'll see.

I told him I wasn't going to fall into the Al-trap. That I was different and I liked my life the way it was.

There are no illusion. I know he's a manipulative man, who'll try to find strings to pull. He knew the old Sherrie....every pore, every fiber, every breath. But he'll be surprised by the new Sherrie--the woman who has accepted that she doesn't need a man to validate her existence, that she doesn't need a man to make her world go round...that there isn't always that one true love waiting at the bottom of a rainbow and that life is good, even if she's traveling it alone.... it's not the journey, nor the destination that makes this life so good...it's people met along the way--the friendships forged and the meeting of flesh...even if it's briefly. That's what makes life what it is.

I know who I am and want I want and what I'll allow... if he doesn't realize this... that's his problem.