Hewlett Packard really is the Devil

I would make a great Church Lady. Even could do my own version of Church Lady Dancing

I've spent most of the day fighting with my HP scanner trying to get it to work on the old system, which it worked on perfectly before I tore it apart to move to an obscure corner. Now the old computer says it's being used in another program but none are open. This really sucks... I've lost five days of work! 5! I'm so stressed I know I've got gray hair sprouting up everywhere. Yep...there's some on my knuckles...oh hell, there's some on my palm...wait, nevermind--the palm hair is a result of ...er... masturbation.

Conversation with King John:

Me: Hewlett Packard really is the devil, btw.

KJ: no, Hewlett is the devil. Hewlitt was Satan incarnate. Packard was a car.

me: combined they are a Satan incarnate car? Well, no wonder my printer and scanner aren't working right!!!

KJ: yes, sort of like Stephen King's Christine

me: Maybe if I sacrifice a Stephen King book they will work.


So readers, I'm off to sacrifice ...something....

You Are The Lovers

You represent ideal love: innocence, trust, exhilaration and joy. You demonstrate the harmony of opposites, two sides coming together. At times, you also represent the struggle between what is right and what is tempting. Control is an issue for you, especially when you don't know your reasons for choosing something. Your fortune: You have an important choice you need to make about love, and it will be a difficult choice to make. You are likely struggling between the love you crave and the love that is right. In the end, you will choose what you crave, even if it's bad for you. Because without what you crave, you will feel empty and incomplete.

What Tarot Card Are You?

The Long Walk... from here to there.

Thursday night, Al called. I hadn't been home 10 minutes. Was eating a slice of pizza...cold pizza (pepperoni) when the phone rang and it was Al. He was in town over at one of his friend's house. He asked what I was doing and I told him. He said, "I'm hungry too." I said, "Come over...I'll cook us something."

So he did. I cooked a simple stir-fry of cauliflower, carrots, baby carrots sauteed in garlic, ginger and soy sauce. We ate it over a splash of angel hair pasta. Was very good.

After that, we watched a bit of television, but mainly we talked. I suggested we go online and look at a site that has middle east jobs. He's been talking to a company out of Fort Bragg that hires civilians. He's dead set on going over to Iraq. I don't want him too but it's his dream...and I'm not going to take that away from him. We found a lot of useful info. In fact, we stayed on the PC until 2 am. It was too late for him to drive back to F-ville, so he stayed. I didn't mind that at all. ;)

Friday, I spent 99% of the day trying to format my photo files into jpegs, so that they could be burned to CD. The crazy part is that I have over 4000 files. I deleted all but 2000. Now, the old PC had a CD drive and a Floppy Drive. No burner. That meant I had to take about 25-30 floppies and save my photos to them. But get this...the new PC doesn't have a floppy drive. So I had to take the floppies home, save them to the PC at home and then burn disks. Talk about being tired of the computer....

Saturday, I kept the boys that morning and we had a pretty good time of dancing to the Wiggles TV show on Disney. Then we did some art and Mom came over to watch them so I could go to work. I disasembled the old PC...put up the new one and spent much of my day getting programs installed. Got off at 3. Hurried home. Got my stuff and drove up to G-ville to see Joyce. We exchanged Christmas gifts. I got a new pink sweater. It's pretty. Our plan was to go to the ECU basket ball game but her brother showed up with his new bride and we ended up cooking out. Steaks and ribs. It was nice. Joyce called a few friends and we had a small party.

That morning I got up very early and had brunch with my friend Dave and his wife. They live on the outskirts of G'ville. She wanted a Tarot reading but I didn't bring my cards. In fact, I'm still afraid of the deck. I left at 10 am.

Went directly to Al's house. Got there at about 11:30. He was still in bed. Let's just say I woke him up..."Sherrie Style." We spent the day cooking and joking around. I installed his DVD player and later we watched a few movies, while cuddling on the couch. I left the next morning and went straight to work.

He's coming over Thursday. I'm looking forward to it. A few of my friends are upset that I've let him back in my life. I know they don't understand, because they've never broken up with someone due to problems not related to being in love or cheating. When I ended things with Al...it was due to his drinking and losing jobs. Not because I wasn't in love with him... that love has never died...though I pretend it didn't exist for a long time. Now he's straightened up his life. Has his sh8t together and we're taking things slow. I'm not the same twinkly-eyed girl I was when we were together. I know that life can derail a relationship, no matter how much love is there. So does Al. Like he says, "We'll play it by ear."

I'm content with that.

The Wine of You

In winter's embrace, I seek the solace
of an icy night; twisted satin on my limbs.
You cling to the way my hair falls,
across the hollows of my cheeks;
chestnut brown on fire.


I watch as you offer me a drink,
the kiss of wine on your lips
and I shiver from winter's influence
on the grapes of love.
Shall I fall drunken at your feet?

The labors of wine are like love,
each grape-kiss squeezed dry;
corks popping open to reveal secrets
and the heady delight of being drunken
and warm like chestnut hair on fire.

You whisper that I am the glass,
and you are the wine, pouring into me.
I offer no resistence to the flavor
of hickory and berries-the taste of you.
What will you do, once my wine's aged...

and ready to savor like the flesh of sin?


~~~~
Found time to write a poem

I'm Alive

Between Al, the new PC, installing stuff on the new PC, having wild sex, Al, updating drivers, working and Al....


I've been too busy...but hopefully after today, I'll be back tomorrow.


:)

Computer and Penises

..I'm getting a new system for the studio.
Dad's gone to pick it up in Fayetteville now.
Am I working? Hell, no...I'm goofing off quite a bit.
Tomorrow I'll probably be offline, setting the system up
and doing all the fun things that go with a new computer.


This morning I checked my opalrose.com mail and found a letter to the webmistress.
It was from a guy who did a search for the Burger King King and my article from Nov came up in the search. He swore he was the BK King and that he would show me his 'Big Breakfast Sandwich.'

It was a penis...a rather average plain dick penis. Nothing special...though he had it lubed so it was shiny..but not shiny enough to distract me.

I sent him a reply. In it was a picture I have of a huge penis...one that's big enough to wear a stretch band watch around it...and beside the penis for referrence to size is a Bud beer can. All I said to him was, "Too bad mine's bigger."

Next I blocked his address.

What's up with guy's showing their wee willies to strangers online? Anyone have a clue?

Forgettable Face

Wow... I have a forgettable face. Now...I know I'm a plain jane..average to a fault. (One of my Greenville friends said he had almost forgotten what I looked like after receiving a current picture of me. I reminded him it was over a year ago--Jan 2, 2005 to be exact when he last saw me. HE said he knew I would know the date--yes I'm teasing him with this post).

I've been thinking though... wonder what I can get away with... if my face is forgettable, I imagine I can get by with a lot of decedence.

"Yes Officier, I saw it. A woman ran into the Gold's Gym Locker room, flashed everyone and then ran off with an arm load of Jock Straps."

"Sir, can you describe her?"

"Mmmhmmm she was 5'3" or so, reddish hair and ...damn... I can't remember much about her face. Average. She looked average."

"Sir, it would help if you could be more specific."

"I can describe her tits to a T. Will that help?"

Untitled Lust

There's nothing like hot,
the taste of fire on your lips,
the sassay of lust
shimmering from my hips.

Barriers are frail
like the silk of skin,
the wisp of a dream
wrapped in carnal sin.

Reach for me on satin
the sheen of lust
clinging to my eyes,
take me if you must.

I fear no fire,
the hazel hues of night
and within my desire
you'll find your delight.

PJ and Styrofoam Coolers

One of my old college roommates emailed me today. We had a laugh over an old memory, one I had forgotten.

She works at ECU and mentioned that some of the students who work under her were discussing a party they had over the weekend at one of the dorms. They made PJ (A punch like drink that has Everclear alcohol in it along with fruit) and put in it a stryofoam cooler. And the results were a disaster.

Joyce wrote:

"Sherrie, remember when we roomed together and Susie and Amy had a PJ party? I had to study for an exam and when I came back to the dorm, I heard a lot of shouting when I got off the elevator. As I walked to our room, it got louder. I realized it was coming from their room, so I went in and there you were, standing in a chair in the middle of the room, shouting at Susie. Remember her boyfriend? That wild eyed guy named Howie or Hugh or something like that? He was sitting on Susie's desk, egging you on. Susie and Amy were mixing up PJ. They were pouring in the Everclear and you were yelling, "It's going to eat the cooler. Stryofoam and Everclear don't mix. Stop it! Stop the madness. You'll ruin everything. The carpet. What if it eats through the floor, we'll fall through."

You went on and on and they ignored you. Remember what happened about thirty minutes later? The cooler sprang a leak and that ugly lime green carpet they had in their room began to turn pink. And you yelled from your perch on that stupid chair, "SEE! I TOLD YOU SO!"

They made a wild dash trying to pour the PJ into every container they could find. You didn't move off your perch and that Howie/Hugh guy fell over laughing so hard that I thought he was having a seizure.

That was a wild night. You were so funny. I can see you standing on that chair, telling them to "Stop the Madness." lol

Those were fun times."

`~~~``~~~`

I had forgotten that. She's right they were fun times. I remember it now. Hugh... his name was Hugh and when he hung out with us, he rarely spoke. I believe he was absorbing our girl talk for future references. I remember how they didn't listen to me and I said, "I told you so" for a year.

Ah...those ECU years... they were fun times.

This is corny

A customer told me this joke:

Q: Why don't blind people sky-dive?
A: Because it scares the dogs.

Belly Dancing is Dancing!

Last fall, two women joined our aerobic belly dancing class. From day one, they griped about the exercises and how they didn't see how it was belly dancing. I was disappointed to see that they were back in the class this winter. At the first class two weeks ago, they griped so badly that I stayed late to talk to Babs, our instructor. She said that she didn't know what to say to them that she hasn't said before...that the exercises are 'belly dance' steps. As we talked I had an epiphany...

"Babs, why don't you create a dance incorporating the steps in the exercise routine? Show them. You know, 'seeing is believing!'"

She said, "You're on to something."

So last week, before we began our exercise routine, Babs came into the room in full 'Belly Dance regala' complete with a golden cane. She danced for 20 minutes. And she employed every section of our routine into the dance. When she was finished, we gave her a standing ovation. It was beautiful. The gripers didn't say one word.

Tonight we have dance class and I'm wondering if they'll continue their campaign. If they do, I think I'll have to speak up.

It's like this...if you doubt what you're doing, you'll never see progress.

MDA Lockup--Help Jeff

My friend Jeff is helping out the MDA charity (AKA Jerry's Kids)by doing a lock-up to raise money for the local programs. As a sister of a brother born with muscular disabilities who's benefited from charities like this one, I can't help but plug his gallant quest.

Here's the link to his donation page. Please help if you can!

Dreams

Al called last night. We talked for 30 minutes, mainly about his quest to get hired by a company that works in Iraq. He qualifies for several positions. We discussed his resume (which I said I would type up) and references he should use, etc.

Before we hung up, he said, "Sherbare, I really want this."

I know he does and I said, "Then let's make it happen."

There was a smile in his goodbye that told me I said the right thing. It really was the only thing I could say.

My brother is confused. He asked, "Doesn't it bother you that Al may leave? He'll be gone for a year, maybe more and you'll be miserable. I don't understand you, Sherrie. You act as if it's no big deal."

It is a big deal, but I can't talk him out of his dream. No, I don't want him to go away. I want him close. We've just begun again. But I can't diss his dream.

I knew I couldn't convey to my brother the importance of following dreams. He's never really done that. I have. Look at where I would be, if I hadn't of found the courage to publish my poetry... I would always wonder if I could make the cut. What if I had listened to people who doubted I could learn the restoration business... well, you get my point.

All I know is that Allen should follow his dreams... those that are obtainable. IF he doesn't, there will always be a 'what if?' Let's face it, we all have those.

It's too early to tell if things between us will return back to the way they were before our problems began. Who knows...we may decide to stop seeing each other... I don't know what path we'll take nor do I plan on trying to figure out the future...it comes fast enough...the future...Time flies and who can stop it?

All I know is that I still care about Al...I always have and I'm happy now. I'll deal with whatever bridge I have to cross when it comes into view. Life is what it is...so is love. Either we live it or we stay huddled in the shadows, frozen in fear.

Do as I do...Not as You do!

I'm here to gripe for a moment. It pisses me off when I take a time away from work to babysit the nephews and Mom or Lisa complains about how I did things. Like yesterday...I worked hard Monday to get all my Tuesday tasks done and still left work I needed to do.

William and I had a great day. We played games, did art, worked together on the computer--doing his games, watched the documentaries on the Charlie and the Chocolate factory, and had light sabre battles. I won a few times. He won lots. I told him it was his day...and I let him make his own decisions...if they weren't the best, I gently eased him in the right direction.

One of his decisions was to wear his PJ's all day. I didn't see anything wrong with that because sometimes on Sundays I do the same. We brushed his teeth and washed his face, combed his hair.... he was clean all day...it was rainy so we stayed in.

Mom came in with Ben at 4:30. She bitched at me about the PJ's, and about other little things that didn't make a grain of difference.

It's like this...don't ask me to do you a favor and then bitch about how I did it. From now on...that's one rule I'm enforcing if I do someone a favor.

oh yea...

I forgot to add these:

1) I'm taking Tuesday off. William is out of school and I promised him an 'our' day. So I won't be online...much.

2) Football...during the pre-game shows I told Al that the Steelers and the Seahawks were going to win and they would have the same score. I was freaking right! Which caused him to give me strange looks...he's very superstitious. And hates it when I do stuff like that...

3) The other week, during the Al Jitters, I was going to do a Tarot reading for a good friend, but couldn't concentrate. So I put the card that represents her "The Queen of Wands face up on top of the deck and rewrapped it in the silk scarf I keep it wrapped in. Saturday night, I decided to read for her and do a reading for myself. I opened the scarf and saw only the back of the deck. I thought I had dropped the Queen of Wands on the floor during the unwrapping process but I hadn't. I frantically looked through the deck and found it midway....talk about freaking me out. I couldn't do a reading. I wrapped the deck and hid it in my sock drawer. Maybe I'll conquer my fear and try to do the reading tonight. Jeez... I just remembered, I need to do the Taroscopes for Feb's issue. Guess I'll have to conquer my fear regardless.


I think that's all.... If not... I'll be back.

Foggy Today..

Man, the fog is so thick you could make a pie out of it. It's almost noon and it hasn't burned off yet, either. Plus it's a sneaky cold...the kind that sneaks up and slacks your ass and says, "I'm here."

Had an interesting weekend. Kept the boys Friday night. We had fun playing with Batman and his mobile. All of us were in bed fairly early. Sat morning was a good morning too. I made pancakes. Mom came over at about 10 am and I got ready for work. As soon as I went outside and saw the condensation on the truck I knew it wouldn't fire...that the engine was wet. So I opened the hood and got an old cloth and blotted the wetness. Time was flying and I needed to get to work, so I got the leaf blower and blew the engine dry. As I was doing that, I saw a flash of red.

It was Ben. He was running around the huge Oak try in his Superman costume complete with a cape. He looked so cute. Then I noticed William. He was wearing his Batman costume--cape too. They came over and helped me with the truck. After I got it fired up, I was putting stuff away and saw the boys standing under the Oak, up on the roots. They were so cute--in their costumes. I smiled and said, "You boys are Aunt Sherrie's Good Little Helpers."

Willam gave me a half-smile and replied in a very condensending voice "We aren't sidekicks. We're Super Heroes."

I laughed. "Well what am I?"

"Your Super Garage Woman."

I got a kick out of that. .... Got to work an hour late but managed to get a lot done. After work I went to Walmart. On the way home, I called Al and left a message. Hadn't heard from him and was wondering what was up. The last time we had talked he was all smoochy, lovey dovey...I'm your man--you're my woman.

Called my brother too who informed me that he had bad news. I figured it was something Mom had done. She's always trying to do stuff for me and ending up making a mess.

But I was wrong... Our PC had the "Blue Screen of Death"...no amount of anything would fix it. We went to San Jose for supper and had some delicious Mex food. Once we got home, I worked on the PC for 5 hours. Finally got it working through sheer luck and was able to save all our files. Yippeeeee... (Dancing like Grandpa Joe in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.)

Called Al one more time. He was home and has been sick all week. And if I had checked the voice mail on my cell phone, I would have known sooner that he had called at least 4 times. Silly me... keep forgetting about the phone.He asked me to visit him Sunday ...to be there early and wake him up 'Sherrie style.' I would tell you what that means but ... some mysteries in life should remain just that...a mystery.

We had a great day and night. I swear it's so easy to fall back into our old relationship--at the spot we were before he fell into his bad time. I kept saying, "This doesn't mean we're back together." He would laugh and say, "You're here. And... you'll be back." He's right ... I will.

I don't know what's going to happen...but I'm happy and so far that's all that matters.

What Classic Dame am I? (Thanks J)

Katharine Hepburn You scored 23% grit, 23% wit, 38% flair, and 28% class!

You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet. You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who like strong women. Find out what kind of classic leading man you'd make by taking the Classic Leading Man Test.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 59% on grit You scored higher than 37% on wit You scored higher than 56% on flair You scored higher than 46% on class

Link: The Classic Dames Test written by gidgetgoes on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

R.I.P

Wilson Pickett

~The Midnight Hour will always be my favorite time of the evening.

and...

~Mustang Sally will ride forever!

Va Tech Football Poster Child

Honesty and Sex...

When I first arrived at Al's, we spent some 30 minutes kissing. As soon as I stepped through the doorway, he had me in an embrace. It was a nice one. When his hands became 'snaky,' I pulled away. He laughed and let them drop. Then gave me a tour of his house. He had added things since my last visit a few years ago. After the tour, he began his long drawn out meal.

First we had blackened oysters. Yummy... then a salad of spinach, mushrooms and a vinegarette dressing he made from scratch. After the salad, we sat and talked for an hour or so. It was during the soup that he began to question my sexual history after our breakup.

I was honest, which led him to be honest too. I didn't tell him everything. I told him about some of the horrible blind dates I've had. About Robert, the GI I fell in love with and lost to the War on Terrorism. I told him about Doug. How he was 11 yrs younger and that he didn't want the sexual advice of a wordly woman and how it infuriated me to where our sex life began nil for the last year and a half of our relationship. I told him about a diversion (whose name is kept safe) I had last fall and early winter and how the sex was hot and dirty and the best I had within the last 7 years (OK...until Al & I had sex later). I told him about Seth and how the girl walked in on us. How Seth seems to need validation and I really don't want to spent so much energy on doing that.

I told him a Physcian's Assistant was interested in me. I told him Seth had returned and wanted to continue our 'relationship' until he left in April.

He told me about some of the women he's dated. How they were selfish and didn't like to give long blowjobs like I used to do. How they hated giving massages. How they didn't understand his humor and so on and so forth.

I listened to him. I didn't let the fact that I wanted to fuck his brains out deter me from my listening skills. I focused on the tenses he used when talking about these women.

There were two things that he said which alerted me to how I should handle the subject that I knew would come up later and that I knew he would scream against...condoms.

One thing he asked was "So you never went out to the sports bar or other clubs and picked up guys? It's sometimes easier to have one-night stands than relationships. Fast hard sex and 'poof' you're gone the next morning."

No. I don't do one-night stands. Mainly because I have to have more than a physcial connection for sex. I can't orgasm unless I'm connected mentally. It takes longer than a few hours and requires more than a few drinks to establish that for me. Now, I've had my share of them in my younger years at ECU. I loved cock and cock loved me. It's not that I don't love cock. I am devouted to it--to the shape and taste of it...to the way it fits tight inside. But I'm more selective and to me...that characteristic is very important.

But I heard what he didn't say--what he left out. Let me re-write it. "It's sometimes easier (for me) to have one-night stands than relationships. Fast hard sex and 'poof' (I'm) you're gone the next morning."

The other thing he said was about the girl he dates 'casually.' He kept telling me stuff she did that got on his nerves, such as give him one minute blowjobs, give him one minute massages, jump up right after sex and shower. Notice the common theme? Present tense! When I mentioned my situations with Doug or Robert or the Diversation, I spoke in past tense. Al was talking about the girl as if she was doing it at that moment.

Another woman...or rather I was the other woman. I laugh now, because I didn't feel any curiousity about her. Nor jealousy. It was what it was and that's his business.

After we finally ate dinner, Al took me by the hand and led me to the bedroom where we had an hour or so's worth of foreplay. When it came time for penetration, I pulled out a condom from my toy bag. He wasn't happy about it, swearing that he was 'clean.' Maybe so... I knew I was ok. I keep a check on it at my GYNO. I don't mind asking to be tested. I felt I didn't need to take chances with Al.

The sex was hard. He tore at least 7 condoms, but I had a bunch and would make him put one back on. It was good sex. Sweaty and mind-blowing...very athletic. I'm glad I'm in shape...but even so I was sore until today.

All during the night, the phone rang on and off. He didn't answer it. It rang often during Sunday. He didn't answer it. It rang Monday morning...he didn't answer it. I can't help but think it was her calling. I didn't fret over it.

He called Monday, as I mentioned in an earlier post. I told him I would call Tuesday evening. He said that he couldn't wait. I did. I called once at 7. Got his recorder. Left a message that I would call back at 10. Did so and got the recorder again. I didn't leave a message. Nor did I call back.

I'm not stupid to assume that just because I was there the whole weekend, that he isn't going to continue to see the other girl. With him not answering or returning the call, I realized she probably was there. I have no plans to call him back. He can call me. I'm not going to fret over it. What will happen will happen... I'll let it go it's natural course.

In the meantime, I'll do what I always do every day and night. I'll continue to live for myself. To bravely accept the good and the bad, to wonder and examine and study every emotion and act that I perform momently. I won't worry what anyone thinks and I'll bravely write what I feel, even if it's too revealing.

There was a dream once that was Allen. A dream that I held dearly and one that I thought would last a lifetime. Now...there's a dream that is Sherrie. A dream that will last a lifetime. A dream that is.

While My Printer Hums

Thought I would invest some quality time with my blog. I haven't had time this week to write like I've wanted too. It's very important to have a great relationship, because without the closeness, how will I ever be able to write so openly?

There are many moments when I wonder if I should put it all out there? If I should bare so much of myself? TO be so open is a bane oft times. Some people are appalled at the boldness, some are excited and others shake their heads in disbelief. There are vultures lurking in the shadows, waiting for a drop of blood or flesh that's ripped out of my heart--anything to feed on so that they can feel their miserable little lives are far better than mine.

So I write. I write what comes to mind, what feels 'write' at the moment, whether I should or shouldn't. I write for myself. That's the key. So it doesn't matter if there's approval...it doesn't matter if I get bushels of readers praising my cleverness, or drooling over my legs glad in fishnet. I write for myself, for my soul...I write because I can.

Where is all this leading? To a post about sex? Zackly!

Chuck Norris Fact # 91

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

F'ing Forwards

I enjoy most forwards--those wrought with humor.

Not crap like this:

Subject: Fwd: Four days only: shop online, save 20%

Subject: Fwd: Christian Singles in Your Area

Subject: Fwd: Save at Target: One Day Only

The problem is that the girl(who is a reader from a message board I post poetry on) who sends them is very sensitive and when I complain, she sends ten emails apologizing and about as many of those stupid e-greeting cards apologizing. If I don't pick up the cards in a timely manner, I get another 10 emails asking why do I hate her.

I'm thinking...do I lose a reader over forwards or do I simply delete them and ignore the fact that she believes her Spam is my treasure?

Or I could start forwarding her my Spam.... wonder how she'll take the "Soft C.I.A.L.I.S" spam? Or the "Hung like Pony Happy Girls" one I get occassionally? Hmmm... Think I'll find out.

Survivor

I've been very tired at night lately, probably due to being so sick the other week. I'm in bed by 9:30 and sleeping soundly until the shrill laughter of Sheri of the Bob and Sheri radio show fame, wakes me up. I know I dream. When I wake up, wisps of the dream cling to my eyelashes. Usually, as I bat them away, I lose the dream.

This morning I didn't. Maybe because it wasn't Sheri's shrill laugh that woke me, but Bob's seductive voice. I lingered in the edges of the dream, actually remembering it. I thought I would lose it with the soapy water as I showered but I didn't. Nor did this morning's cup of Chocolate Velvet coffee steam it away.

The drive to work was wrought with farmers hauling in things on the backs of big trucks. I figured I would lose the dream, as I drove in frustration at 35 mph the three miles to the studio. But it rode along with me.

For the last hour, I've been printing and working on some orders. One would think that any type of dream from the night before would be complete vapor, but that's not the case. As the printer whips out the masterpieces that I've created, I think I'll write out the dream. After all, there are guest appearances in it.

These are the people who appeared in my dream:

Jeri--my very last roommate in G'ville
Wes--my friend from the men's store next-door
King John--my bloggin' buddy and partner-in-some-crimes
Jeff Probst--Survivor reality show host
Jeff D--my DJ friend from G'ville
Susie--a chick I used to party with in the Pecker days of Yor.

And a few other people either I made up or are real people I've seen in crowds, etc.

The dream is about Survivor...the show. In my dream I woke up and was in a motel room with Jeri, Wes and Susie--all standing over me. Jeri said, "She's awake."

Wes said, "I'm outta here. She's going to be mad."

Susie said, "No she won't. Not when we tell her about Jeff Probst."

I looked at Jer and said, "Where am I and why do I have insect bites all over me?"

She cleared her throat and said, "You at a motel in Panama and you've been on Survivor for 39 days and nights."

"What? How did I get on Survivor?"

"I tricked you. Remember that guy at Dave's party? (Dave was our old upstairs neighbor who threw wild parties.) The one was putting rabbits in trances?" (remember dear reader--this is a dream and doesn't make sense in parts).

"I think so."

"He hypnotized you so that you would go on Survivor with us."

"OMG....how did I look after a week?" I was thinking back to how bad most of the constestants look after a few days--not to mention 39 days!

"Not too bad. Your hair had a cowlick thing on the side but we braided it and stuck bird feathers in it."

Bird feathers! Lordy!

They began to tell me the story.... parts of it are fuzzy. From what I can remember, Jeri said everyone loved me. I was their chosen one. Even Jeff Probst loved me. In fact, he had to remove himself from his lofty hosting position and call in Jeff D--the DJ to replace him because he declared that regardless of winning the million dollars I would get him as a prize.

Jeff D took over the hosting job with ease. He did play by play reporting--something Jeff P doesn't do much of and impressed everyone with his Curly from the three stooges impressions.

The one person who kept getting votes but lasted until the final days was King John. He was labeled "Barb Wire Man", because his wit was so sharp he pricked everyone. His great athletic abilities kept him off the chopping block until I made some master place to out him....and it worked.

In the end, I out witted, out lasted and out played everyone. I won a million bucks and got to take home the golden prize of Jeff Probst...all under hypnosis.

You know...that sort of sucks! It would be nice to have remembered doing it!

Left Behind?

I just received a call from Al which has cracked me up to no end.

The phone rang and I answered it like always.

He said, "What ya wearing?"

I laughed, "Hey Al."

He said, "Sher-bare, you didn't leave anything behind!"

Not understanding his remark, I repeated the last part as a question, "Anything behind?"

"Yes, like an earring or a ring...a glove or your favorite lipstick."

"I made sure I had everything." I laughed and patiently waited for him to make his point. With Al, it's always the long road.

"Don't you want a guaranteed return visit?" He asked.

Then it hit me... "How to lose a guy in 12 days" (or whatever that movie's name is...with Kate Hudson.) The girl left an object at the guy's house so she would have a reason to contact him, if he didn't call back.

He continued, "Every woman I've had over at the house for dinner or to watch a movie, has left something. Except you."

"Was it good stuff?"

"What?" He asked.

"The things they left behind?"

"Nothing that looked good on me."

I laughed, then said very seriously, "You know Al, all I left behind was great memories of a wonderful weekend. If they don't guarantee me an invite back, no amounts of jewelry, gloves, scarves or even undies left will either."

He laughed, "You make a good point." Then he cleared his voice, dropped it an octave and asked, "Soooo, what ya wearing?"

Weekend Report

William's birthday party was a success. We had it at my house Saturday afternoon. He got lots of fun presents and everyone ate well--Mom's John fried chickens in the turkey frier. I didn't eat much...just nibbled because I had the date with Al later that evening.

I got there around 7 ish. All I can say it ... Same ole Al, except no drinking or smoking. We got along great...laughed a lot. He's such a goof ball. I didn't see a lot of change in him. Except that he was sober. In a way it was easy to fall back into the old routines... like for instance, the way he cooks. It takes him hours to prepare a meal and there are usually 3 courses to them. Saturday night it took us 5 hours to get through dinner.

Then we spent the rest of the night, locked in his bedroom. All I can say is that he had erections from hell (meaning they never died) and I'm sore in places I didn't know could get sore. The intimacy was great. I think he's either read up on sex or got pointers from someone, because he had a few tricks up his sleeve that surprised me...in a pleasant way.

At 5 am, he decided to cook us a snack of crapes. I didn't want them. I wanted to sleep. We hit the sheets at 7 am and slept until noon. He cooked another long drawn out meal, as we watched the football games (Go Panthers!). I kept saying that I had to get home, but he would talk me into staying a little longer, which turned into 9 am this morning!!!

I'm tired but in a good way. I'll be in bed early tonight.

Overall, it was a good visit. I don't think I'll fall back into the visit every weekend routine of years ago. He kept referring to return visits, but he didn't press when they would occur. I believe we both know, we can't go back and that there isn't a reason to rush forward.

But I do know this... I'll return ...for those erections from hell. ;)

Cowboys Are My Weakness
By LARRY DAVID

SOMEBODY had to write this, and it might as well be me. I haven't seen "Brokeback Mountain," nor do I have any intention of seeing it. In fact, cowboys would have to lasso me, drag me into the theater and tie me to the seat, and even then I would make every effort to close my eyes and cover my ears.

And I love gay people. Hey, I've got gay acquaintances. Good acquaintances, who know they can call me anytime if they had my phone number. I'm for gay marriage, gay divorce, gay this and gay that. I just don't want to watch two straight men, alone on the prairie, fall in love and kiss and hug and hold hands and whatnot. That's all.

Is that so terrible? Does that mean I'm homophobic? And if I am, well, then that's too bad. Because you can call me any name you want, but I'm still not going to that movie.

To my surprise, I have some straight friends who've not only seen the movie but liked it. "One of the best love stories ever," one gushed. Another went on, "Oh, my God, you completely forget that it's two men. You in particular will love it."

"Why me?"

"You just will, trust me."

But I don't trust him. If two cowboys, male icons who are 100 percent all-man, can succumb, what chance to do I have, half- to a quarter of a man, depending on whom I'm with at the time? I'm a very susceptible person, easily influenced, a natural-born follower with no sales-resistance. When I walk into a store, clerks wrestle one another trying to get to me first. My wife won't let me watch infomercials because of all the junk I've ordered that's now piled up in the garage. My medicine cabinet is filled with vitamins and bald cures.

So who's to say I won't become enamored with the whole gay business? Let's face it, there is some appeal there. I know I've always gotten along great with men. I never once paced in my room rehearsing what to say before asking a guy if he wanted to go to the movies. And I generally don't pay for men, which of course is their most appealing attribute.

And gay guys always seem like they're having a great time. At the Christmas party I went to, they were the only ones who sang. Boy that looked like fun. I would love to sing, but this weighty, self-conscious heterosexuality I'm saddled with won't permit it.

I just know if I saw that movie, the voice inside my head that delights in torturing me would have a field day. "You like those cowboys, don't you? They're kind of cute. Go ahead, admit it, they're cute. You can't fool me, gay man. Go ahead, stop fighting it. You're gay! You're gay!"

Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Larry David appears in the HBO series "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

Chuck Norris Fact #87

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Sex ya Later

I called Al last night on the way home from work...yes I used my cell phone and thus became what I complain about... a person driving and talking on the phone.

He asked and I said, "Hey It's Me..."

He said, "Heeeeeeey Baaaaaaay beeeeeee"

Then I said, "I'm calling to remind you that I'm coming to dinner Saturday night."

He laughed really hard and then said, "I know."

I said, "7 o'clock. Don't forget and have one of your women there."

He laughed and said, "I'll send her home."

I laughed and said, "I'll call when I get close to your house so you'll be on the lookout for me."

He said, " Can't wait. and Sherrie... Sex ya later."

Happy Birthday William

My oldest nephew...William is 7 today.

This just in:

my HP printer is being the devil's whore today.... damn thing keeps cropping images....

My fair weather friend dropped in earlier...she asked if I had any resolutions for the new year and I told her I had one..."to be faithful to my vibrators."

She said, "you mean those neck massagers?"

lmao

Oh to live in a fish bowl!

Beware the Ides of January

(actually it's really the 14th...I should beware of...one has to invest in dramatic titles, you know. It's a blogging rule of thumb.)

My quickie horoscope for today is:

There's temptation to fall back on an old habit. Remember, you stopped for a reason!

When I read it, I laughed my ass off into next week! It was that funny to me... well not really funny..funny... more like.. ironic in a funny way.

Damn, I'm rambling today...

Al called during the Shield last night. At first he tried to pretend he was making an obscene phone call but I busted him. Knew it was him by the sound of his breath. Ever known someone so well that you knew they were behind you from the way they exhaled? We had a good laugh over the obscene phone call prank and settled in for a nice chat. It was fun...laughing with him. Our humor is alike and he is good with comebacks, just like I am.

But the conversation soon turned sexual and he began to pull the strings...the ones he knew so well, trying to get me to come over to his house tonight. He said stuff like, "There's no one like you, Sherbare. No one gets as wet as you do. No one gives a blowjob like you do. You're the most sexual woman I've ever known. I miss you."

I fought it off for about an hour...the verbal acknowledgement that he was right...when he got off his moral horse, we f*cked like we were made to f*ck. It was good. Mindblowing good.

When I thought he was going to give up, I felt a panic. And the little voice inside said, "You need to see this through. Or you'll always wonder."

I cleared my throat and said, "I'll be at your house Saturday at 7 pm. Have dinner cooked. We eat first. Make it a light dinner. Nothing heavy."

You would have thought he had won the lottery. Maybe he has... at least in the carnal department.

He says he's more open-minded now..regarding sex. That he regrets missing out during our years together. I reminded him that his head was elsewhere back then and that he had demons he fought. He claims they're at rest. We'll see.

I told him I wasn't going to fall into the Al-trap. That I was different and I liked my life the way it was.

There are no illusion. I know he's a manipulative man, who'll try to find strings to pull. He knew the old Sherrie....every pore, every fiber, every breath. But he'll be surprised by the new Sherrie--the woman who has accepted that she doesn't need a man to validate her existence, that she doesn't need a man to make her world go round...that there isn't always that one true love waiting at the bottom of a rainbow and that life is good, even if she's traveling it alone.... it's not the journey, nor the destination that makes this life so good...it's people met along the way--the friendships forged and the meeting of flesh...even if it's briefly. That's what makes life what it is.

I know who I am and want I want and what I'll allow... if he doesn't realize this... that's his problem.

Warm Weather

I'm amazed at how warm it's been this week. Up in the mid 60's. But there's still a chill in the studio. I was freezing yesterday and when I went outside after work, I was shocked to see that it was warmer than in the studio.

I was in bed at 9:30...again. I woke up at 3 am, with sweat pouring off me. I kicked the cover off and tried to cool off. I don't know if I was fevered or maybe had too much cover on me. I know I woke up later without my PJ bottoms. Must have taken those off during my sleep. Have to be careful of that...no telling what I'll remove during those wonderful moments of slumber.

Today's been an ok day. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Dad's been out goofing off someplace. It's been a bit quiet. A bride came in for her preview book. She seems to look down on me..I think she thinks I'm just a receptionist. Dad wasn't here and when he got back from whereever...I told him she had come by. He kept asking if she complimented his photos. She said they were 'nice.' And that's it. But he seemed to think she should have gushed over them. He has to remember that his clients aren't going to treat me the same as they do him...nor will mine treat him as they treat me. But Dad...he's always got to get validation...no matter what he does.

I have a silly day2day calendar. It's 365 days of Stupidest Stuff Ever Said: Today's is:
Convenience store manager: "Do you have any experience in working in a convenience store?"
Job applicant: "Does robbing one count?"

Silly

Jo asked me if I had any resolutions for the new year. I jokingly said, "To be true to my vibrators." But now that I think of it...that's not a bad resolution. I think I can fulfill that one!

Monday is ...Jan 9

..and the birthday of two old flames..

Happy Birthday guys...may your flame stay eternal and away from my fires. lol

Well, let's see what's going on around here....

I haven't heard from Al since Christmas Eve...he was suppose to come to my sister's party but got off work later than he thought. When he found out that I wasn't going out to party anywhere (well, I did have plans to go over to a friend's house but they are very low-key and drink wine only), he decided not to drive down. He asked if I would come over New Year's Eve if he had a party and I told him I wasn't sure...that I might have other plans, but to call me. He didn't. I think he realizes I'm not his old 'sherbare' anymore.

Seth called me last Thursday. I was shocked. To be honest, I haven't thought of him much in ages. He wants to pick up where we left off, but also told me he may be headed to Iraq this summer. I don't know... I went down that path with Robert--who would disappear on mission for months, return as if nothing happened on to disappear again. It was upsetting--the worrying and wondering if he was alive and well. In a way I was relieved when he chose his career over love and cut the strings to my heart. I still miss him and I think if I were to be the lady in the tower, waiting for her knight to return from slaying dragons, it would be for Robert.... not Seth.

Now, Seth's a good man... handsome, strong, humorous and very sexual... but... always a But... He's gone to visit his parents for a week. I told him to call when he gets back--that we would go from there.

Now on to something ...someone else... there's a Physical Assistant--Alec, whom we took photos of him for a Health Organization here in the county. He's very handsome, smart and witty. He flirted with me a bit, as he waited for Dad to take his photo. I flirted back. Though Dad doesn't like for me too...I know he's only afraid someone will sweep me away. He came by Friday to look at the previews. Made his selection and then asked if I wanted to go to a movie that night---King Kong. I said yes.

And guess what... I fell asleep. I'm not taking a short nap, where your chin suddenly falls forward, jerking you awake. I'm talking a very long hour or so nap. I was so embarrassed... and disoriented when I woke up and saw Alec bending towards me, listening to see if I were breathing. It's funny now but then it wasn't. On the drive home I had to explain that I had been sick but was mending. My strength was slowly returning. He was amazed that I could sleep through all the noise. Whether he knows it or not, he made a bonus point by not pushing me in regards to my health. Alec said he would call sometime this week--that he had a busy schedule but would find time to say hi. He's a nice guy and I hope he does call.

Saturday night, I didn't do much. I was in bed before 10 and slept to 11 am the next day...did laundry and other stuff like that. Was in bed last night by 9:45 and feel much better today.

I have to Laugh! Yea... Right!

You Have Your PhD in Men

You understand men almost better than anyone. You accept that guys are very different, and you read signals well. Work what you know about men, and your relationships will be blissful.

How Well Do You Understand Men?

R.I.P

Lou Rawls... died today of Lung and Brain Cancer. What a voice! He rates it up there with Barry White and Issac Hayes...

Well.... my taste buds are back from their vacation. And my tonsils are slowly returning to their proper size. With the return of my taste buds, I've come to the conclusion that the gourmet coffee my sister gave me sucks eggs.

And that Men are put on this earth to drive me absolutely out of my mind!!!!!!

goofy guy movies

I was struck with insight last night...that was so forceful, I was humbled.

Well, not really...it's dramatic Friday and you know the score.

While watching TV last night (I think a CSI re-run on SPIKE), the trailer for Grandma's Boy came on. I knew right away it wasn't for me. Then I thought to myself, these goofy sexual guy movies are the equivalent of the gushy Chick Flick...those I abhor, like nature does a vaccum.

Then today, while sipping coffee and reading my online newspapers, there was a story in USA today about Shirley Jones...the Grandma of Grandma's Boy...Sexy at 71? Maybe... here's the interview... what got me was the over-sharing she did.. I don't want to know that a 71-yr-old woman takes matters into her own hands when her equally old husband doesn't feel like having sex!!! This is Shirley Patridge!! Mother of a musical group of children, whom I grew up watching on TV! That's like hearing Grandpa Walton beat one out when Grandma didn't feel like sparkin' in the palor!

Some times are best left in the shadow, Shirley Jones.

You Are 30% Weird

Not enough to scare other people... But sometimes you scare yourself.

How Weird Are You?

Testiments

A customer gave me a tin of mints--they are square and kind of like Certs--that kind of mint. Been sucking on them and not paying much attention to what they look like... until I dropped on in my lap. When I picked it up...I noticed it had a Cross carved into it. Then I picked up the plastic it was in...and saw an Old Testament Bible verse on it From Isaiah. That's when I noticed the name on the tin. "Testimints"

Wow.. I've been ingesting religion. It goes perfectly with the religion I get by osmosis from the church in the 'store' beside us.

What's next I wonder? An anti-satan enema? "Out you devil...Out!"

Jan's issue of my Mag ...

..is up

check it out

http://www.opalrose.com/magazine/January06.html

Happy New Year, everyone....

sorry I haven't been around... have been sick with tonsilitis and not felt like doing much....feeling a little better today, so I hope I'll get around to blogs and say hi.