The Strangeness of Breathing

There's a strange black guy who hangs around downtown. He’s quiet and won't talk to people. He breathes heavily....He’s here for a while and then gone for long periods. I think he lives down by the river, at the first intersection across the bridge going to my house. I’ve seen him walking towards town. In fact, I saw him this morning when I drove my brother to work.

Well, all this week and part of last, every time I go over to the bakery he's lurking close by... Today... I had to go to the bank first to make a deposit. He was standing outside it when I walked out. He turned suddenly and walked in front of me past the bank parking lot and stopped at the furniture store on the corner and watched as I walked by. I gave him a sidelong glance without turning my head and he was staring at my shoes (blue flip-flops with the rhinestones). I crossed the street to and went by the license plate agency, a dance store and into the bakery to get coffee and wasn't in there 5 minutes. I took my usual shortcut thru the plaza and he was suddenly there. I stopped cold in my tracks, pivoted on one foot and almost fled in the opposite direction. He startled me and I felt a flutter of fear in the pit of my stomach. So I stood there feeling conflicted...I didn’t want to look like a racist and made myself walk by him. I didn’t want to appear afraid of him... this time he stared at me. I finally said something like 'looks like rain today." He didn't say anything... its just weird. I’m not a racist. I don’t cower easily. In fact, I smile at everyone I pass and don’t fret if they ignore me. But this guy…well... it's just a gut feeling. I guess its good he's out in the open and not hiding, like that guy in Greenville, who lurked in a tree outside my apartment window and kept a journal on what I did in privacy.

I don’t think he'll do anything, its just uncomfortable and I don't like feeling that way...I am such a creature of habit. I always park in the same place and if it’s taken, I have same place #2. When I go to the grocery store, I take the same path. Maybe I’ll have to stop being so predictable and grow eyes in the back of my head.