Tuesday, February 05, 2008


Saturday afternoon I made my grocery list. I already had 85% of the items I needed for my Superbowlful of Feastly Foods.

What I lacked was:

1- Blue Cheese
2- Velveta Cheese (for the sausage dip)
3- celery
4- sour cream
5- OJ (for my lemon chicken)
6- Beer, preferably Killen's Red. (for my drunken beans and my beer bread.)

So off I went and naturally a few other items found their way into my shopping cart. And dang it...they had no Killen's. I had to settle for Michelob Amber Bock. I love rich dark sweet beers. They are great tasting and the best to use in recipes.

The two checkout lines weren't that long. In fact I rarely mind waiting as long, as I can stand by the gossip tabloid papers and read the headlines. Of the two lines, I picked the lesser of two dweebles--the smart checkout girl and the clumsy bag boy over the dingy checkout girl and the lazy bag boy.

My checkout girl wizzed through my items and kept giving the clumsy boy dagger eyes because he was so damn slow. I smiled at her apologically and she rolled her eyes at him. He had two items to bag...my beer and my OJ. I watched his awkward bagging and prayed he wouldn't crush anything...when the bag that had the beer in it broke. Instead of taking the six-pack of bottles out of the bag and putting it in another, he tried to put it in another bag by turning the six-pack sideways...

Crash! Two beers fell out. He looked at me as if it were my fault. The check-out girl didn't bother to hide her disgust. He said, "Oh man. I've got to go get another beer." He promptly walked off...in the opposite direction of the beer case. The girl had to go get another six-pack.

Behind me were several old women...race unimportant...they were old and prudish. One said to the other, "That beer bursting is a sign from God that she shouldn't drink."

I wasn't going to say anything, but they stared at me down their judgmental noses, which pissed me off.

So I said, "Ladies, if God was giving out signs, yours would say "Don't Judge, Least ye be Judged."

Then I took my beer and I left.