Saturday, January 03, 2009

A new Year

I'm better today-both physcially and emotionally. The raw grief of losing Teez has dulled a little. I think because I realize he is still living inside me. Yes I've lost the physical person but the essence of Teez will always be with me. He and I had something so rare and special. That won't die ever... but I'm gonna learn to live with it and still find the love I deserve and continue to live like he wanted me to.

Every day I talk to him. I think of scenes from the times we were together and clips of our many converstaions. I smile, I laugh...I cry a little inside but mainly I embrace all that he gave me. He was one amazing man and I know there isn't another like him. I won't be looking for a clone...and if it's meant to be, there will be another love as great in its own way as the one Teez and I have.

I've decided to start a private blog--a place to write about Teez and I. To get my mind and heart in order, so I can continue my journey alone. My life goes on, even as his doesn't. I can't stop living. Yet I can't move on without putting some sense to this loss and the questions I have about why it had to be so short.

Once I find these answers, then I'll tackle the novel I wrote and give our story the ending it should have had... the ending both of us wanted with each breath we breathed together. This story special, if only to Teez and me...deserves to be told as it should have been.

No comments: