Monday, August 11, 2008

So begins... another week

I'm hoping this will be a better week for me time wise that is.... Mom was sick last week plus she had irritated her eye and couldn't see that great. Which meant I had to take care of both nephews more than usual. I don't mind but they are so demanding. I'm trying to teach them to be more independent.

One of my high school friends finally agreed to help me organize the reunion plans ...we decided that Nov was too soon and moved it back to next July or Aug. We went through our yearbook and got a list of names. I sat down with the phone book and found about half of them. She found a good spot to have it--it's a beach house on a lake right here in town. The cost is only $45 for the whole day. I told her I didn't mind paying for it. We're going to look at it this week. I created a myspace page for our class and sat down last night and wrote a letter explaining what our plans were and that I needed feedback for everyone.'s looking good. She's excited and I think that once people see that we are actually taking steps towards a reunion, more will be willing to help.

I decided to scrap the non-profit organization idea. The few artists I know locally didn't express interest. And I could use the time to devote to other projects I want to work on. Maybe in a few years I'll start one but for now I have other dreams that are more important. I am taking the publishing class starting Aug 20 and in Nov, I may take either a mystery writing class or a children's book writing class. My options are open.

As for Al and me... things are still at a stalemate relationship-wise. He told a friend of ours that he was thinking of getting me an engagement ring. She was so excited that she called me at work last week to tell me. But I heard what she said he said and I understood what it meant...thinking ... well that's one thing. Doing is another. I know what he'll give me for my birthday--a watch! I know him that well. He's started remodeling his house so that he can rent it and begin living 'his dream', which is flipping houses. He's been 'mobile home' shopping these last few weeks. His plan is to rent his house, and start his flipping business with mobile homes until he's got some money built up to move to buying houses. He'll continue to work at the jewelry store until he has enough rentals that are making profit. He spent 2 hours telling me all of his plans. I heard every word and not once in those 2 hours did he say "We or Us or Our"... he never asked me what I thought or wanted. He told me more with what he didn't say than what he did... after he fell silent. I said, "I noticed something during your discussion ... not once did you say "We"... and that tells me much. Now I know how things are and to make plans according to this."

He said, "Well... 'I' is just figurative speech. I mean us." I could tell by his voice that he realized he had made a big mistake. But I didn't fall into believing he meant us. I think he does in a way...and I said, "I'm not like the cat, who will go with you regardless of what she wants. I have thoughts and dreams too. And this isn't what I really want... " I paused and waited but he didn't say anything..then I said, "you know what my dream is. The fork is coming up pretty fast, Al. But at least I know what I'll probably have to do." He didn't say anything and I didn't elaborate.

I tried to sleep but I couldn't. My mind was racing plus my back ached I got up for a while. When I returned to bed, Al asked me not to take what he said the wrong way that he was doing this for both of us. I believe him. But you know...I have my own dreams and desires. If we can work to make both our dreams coincide then we'll be blessed. If not... when the fork arrives, we'll have to make a decision. I love him. He loves me. I decided this morning not to dwell on it too much and to let God direct us. When you fight against what He has planned for you, that's when you meet with crisis and disharmony. I don't like the bad karma that comes along with disharmony. So I'll continue as I've been... until I can't anymore.

Love doesn't always conquer all. But it does conquer much. I have faith in our love as much as I have faith in God.

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