Rambles on a Friday

Ben's back in true form. He's proud of his 'shot' and doesn't hesitate to pull his pants down to show you the needle mark. I don't think one of my neighbor's knew what to think when he said, "I got a shot. But not with a gun. With a needle. See?" And promptly pulled his jeans down and showed her the faint mark. I was glad he had on a pair of underwear that weren't too big. He's got a little butt and the seat tends to be baggie. I just hope he doesn't do that to everyone he meets!

Talked to Sam yesterday. He told me that Publish America and Amazon were arguing over Amazon bullying Publish America because Amazon wants them to turn over electronical files or something like that and that PA was going to concentrate on it's partnership with Barnes and Noble. Amazon is selling used books from other sellers and the option to buy directly from them is gone. I guess I shouldn't have deleted all those PA email that I kept getting over the last few months without reading them first.

He also told me he wasn't working nights anymore--that his job is done and he's going to concentrate on selling comics and other things. He's been working nights as long as I've known him and he seems to be excited about it. We talked about 'forced change' and how scary it can be. He said that's how it will be when I leave the studio...that I'll be forced to do so. I think he's partly right. I've been longing for a new environment--something to make me feel as if I'm not in a rut. We're going to work on a project together. I'm excited and so is he. Once we get it organized and begin to work on it, I'll probably blog about it.

I had a strange thing happen today that made me realize how much I've grown over the years. A guy asked to be added on messenger. His id looked familiar and I thought he was from the Lost in Pleasure group I gave up to Shelby and Phoebus a while back, so I added him. Today was the first time we both were on messenger and for a moment I accidentally went visible. He sent an IM and we began to chat...tentatively on my part. Many of these guys want to talk sex and I don't do that anymore.

But I was wrong...he had found me from the literotica stories I have posted. I was shocked, then remembered that one of my profiles is the name I use, so he probably did a search on the name and came up with the profile on yahoo. He asked what enflamed me and I immediately assumed he wanted to cyber...but I was wrong. He was curious about me and wondered why I wasn't posting anymore.

So began a long drawn out ambigous reply from me... he stopped me because I wasn't giving him the answer he wanted. I know why but how do I express it to a total stranger who doesn't know me... I don't need to be validated. I know who I am and now my erotic thoughts and desires aren't for the public. I don't need to write about big dicks or doing 69 in a garden to get attention. I know who I am and where my desires lead. There's more to sex than just the act and I don't think he understood that.

We chatted about other things, finding out we were both in NC and both went to college in the same area. His kids are the same age as my nephews and our jobs are both interesting. After a few mins of that type of topics, he asked which of my stories were true. To be honest, I don't remember what's published on literotica. He pulled a list up and I wasn't truthful about some of them... I told him all but 2 were fiction. And he was a bit disappointed and wanted to know where my inspiration came from, were my kinks varied and where did I keep them.

The last question cracked me up...so I wrote that I kept them in an empty cigar box in my mental closet.

What really got me was that he kept denying that he wanted to cyber or get aroused by anything I shared regarding my erotic writings--that he was a fan who was curious about me, who thought I was talented enough to publish erotic books professionally and that I was a bright women--yet towards the end of our conversation he asked if he could send me a picture of his private part to show how much he liked my writings and how they affected his 'parts.'

In the end... it's all the same... you throw out sexual stuff and that's all that people like him want... even if they claim they want to know the person behind the erotica... it's all bullshit... they want the erotica behind the person.