oh....

(singing off-key)

1 2 3 4
I forgot what I came here for...

5 6 7 8
got to put my mind on straight...

Ohh...yea-heah
I came to blo-0og...

Ohh ...yea-heah
I'm slaughtering this song-ong

~~~~~~~

Now that I've got THAT out of my systm, on with the show. I spent the greater part of the morning at the eye doctor. It's been 4 years since my last visit and yes, I got chewed out about it, mainly because Glaucoma runs in our family and I have ocular hypertension (meaning high eye pressure ... 18 in my left, 20 in my right eye). So I had to go through loads of tests and I was amazed at how many new machines they have that do all the hard work for them.

Everything went peachy for a while. I need stronger bifocals, and my left eye hasn't changed any but my right eye has increased in near-sightedness while the stigmatism has decreased. I was sort of happy until Dr. Masters looked in my eyes with her bright light. I saw a change in her demeanor; she did a double-take with the light and then rushed out of the room to see if another maching (test) was available. She wanted "One more test, Sherrie and I promise that's it." So I did it and boy was it uncomfortable. I had to hold my eye open and not blink while a red light did an erotic dance across my pupils.

The end of it all... I could be developing angle closure glaucoma. My 'angle' is getting smaller which causes the fluid in my eye to build up and not drain. I have to go back next summer for testing and if the angle is smaller, I will have laser surgery immediately-- a small hole burned into my Iris.

I can't fuck around with this. It will cause blindness if I ignore it. She gave me some information on it and then sent me to the eyeglass room...where I promptly shelled out $500.

The price of vision... to me has no price, so I'm not gonna moan and gripe about all the money I spent.

Instead I'll sing....

1 2 3 4....

Little Rascals Joke

Beautiful Miss Crabtree, the greatest teacher ever, was going over the Little Rascals' spelling words one day at school. She came upon the word Dictate and asked, "Who can make a sentence using the word 'dictate?'"



Buckwheat raised his hand and eagerly said, "I tan. 'Hey Dahla, how do my dictate?'"

God Lives Under your Bed

Don't ya just love forwards??? I don't mind the funny ones. When I send one out, I always try to make sure it's funny. But not everyone does this. Some people live to send forwards. I've got one 'friend' who sends me everything from dating site spam forwards to Christian stuff. It gets so bad that I have to reply with a smart ass remark so that she'll get pissed off and won't send me anything until she 'forgives me.' I used to politely ask her not to send everything but she ignored me.

For the last few weeks, she's been slowly increasing her forwards and when I logged on at lunch I had 8 from her. The last was this: "God Lives Under your Bed."

So I clicked on 'reply to all' and wrote:

He does? Well, can he get rid of the dust bunnies that live there too?

Who Would John Wayne Vote For?

As I was driving down Hwy 87 towards I-95, I got behind a beat up old red truck that had a sign (it was too big to call a sticker) posted to the tailgate. The sign read "Who would John Wayne vote for?" It covered about a 1/3 of the tailgate. I couldn't help but wonder about this...who would he vote for?

So far I don't see any candidates that would fit the bill...or is that the boot?

Bored

Well, not really... just sorta.

I am printing photos today and goofing off online. Nothing much going on. Should be catching up on some emails but I'll do that latter...or not.

I watched Survivor last night. So far not many of the newbies are interesting enough to write about. I thought the ritual before the tribal separation was awesome. And I was amazed at how irreverant the NYC girl was... and how the Jesus girl ran out of the ceremoney even after Jeff P said it wasn't a religious ceremony.

I guess I'll pull for someone eventually. I think that the first challenge was boring. And that the tribe who went to tribal counsel shouldn't have gotten fire. In the past they've made the losing tribe earn it by winning rewards.

If Survivor goes soft this season...it will be my last one.

And I can't wait for CSI next week...will Sara live or die? I guess it depends if she signs her contract...lol

Rant Time

A few years back I joined Columbia House DVD so I could receive a free gift (The first season of Nip Tuck), plus I got X amount of DVD's for little of nothing and had to buy 4 full priced DVD's over 2 years. I did so within the time slot.

Occasionally I would forget to decline the Director's choice and it would arrive at my home. If it was a good movie, I would keep it. And if it wasn't I would send it back but it took forever to refund my credit card. Knowing how bad I can be with remembering little things like declining the Director's choice, I tried to remove my credit card from their online site. Wouldn't do. They wanted a new card number. I noticed that the card would expire in another couple of months, I kept it and never did change the expiration date.

So now when I forget, they send a note saying they need a valid card. Or ask if I want to send a money order or personal check. I usually ignore the email.

I went the paperless route and asked for email but they're still sending packages of DVd's to order from to my PO box. I usually rip them in two and trash the packets.

Well, today I got an email from them about my expired credit card. So I went to their site to cancel my membership. They have a help section and a form style letter for you to write in your request but the kicker is that you have to select a topic for the email. And if you've ever tried to cancel something before from a website where you buy things, you know that score...they make it very difficult to do so. When I clicked on the "Cancel Membership" title, and then hit submit...it returned to the form letter saying I didn't select a title. I did this 5 times and got the same result, so I decided to go a different route. I clicked on "Order Status" and it went through immediately. (In the message box I had writte: Cancel my membership ASAP.)

I knew it would take a zillion emails to get them to understand that I wanted my membership canceled, so I kept perusing the site until I found a help section that gave details on cancelation. It was a very small section and in the end you have to call an 800 #...

Oh joys! The endless automatic service or the foreign customer service rep...what a choice. But this time I got a ROBOT!!! It said, "Hi talk to me as if I were a person. Such as, 'I want to select the Director's choice for this month.'"

So I said, "Cancel my membership."

It said, "Hold for just one moment" And then there was a series of tappity taps on a key board. The voice then said, "You want to cancel the Director's choice."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo.... it went on for ever...and ever... finally it asked for my acct number...so I typed in and when the voice came on I kept saying over and over and over (trying to cause a glitch in his voice recognition software) "Cancelmymembershipcancelmymembership) the robot said, "I can't help you with this. I'll connect you to a customer service rep."

And I promptly got a foreign voice that said, "How can I help? You not want the director choice?"

"Cancel my membersihp."

"Pordon?"

"You understand me or you wouldn't be working here. Cancel my membership NOW."

"Why?"

"Listen lady, I just spent 15 minutes talking to a robot. I'm not going to spend another 15 minutes telling you why. Either you cancel my membership NOW or transfer me to your supervisor."

"I will cancel but keep membership so you can receive double points and fun cash for purchases..."

I lost control... she was back talking and I hate that so I said, "Cancel my membership or I will begin to use profanity."

"It is cancel. Give 48 hours to remove."

I said, "Cool.... don't make me call back."


I guess most people would have hung up and said, "Oh well, getting emails and promotional packages don't hurt. They can't charge me if the credit card has expired. I'll let it go."

That's the point... what if they start sending DVD's and demanding payment... and what if the DVD's are intercepted by another party... you would be obligated to pay.

I don't want the hassle anymore. I don't want the junk mail nor the junk emails. I just want it to be easy to cancel, easy to use automative services, easy to talk to a customer service tech who will say 'OK..it's done...problem solved.'

Am I asking too much?

Rainy Days and Thirstday

always get me.... wet...

For some crazy reason I'm really thirsty for water today. Plus it's raining. There could be a connection.

Had to take my Bro to see Dr. M for his bi-yearly eye exam. I did some errand while he was in there...and I even had a chance to set in the lounge and read some groovy cool wildlife magazines.

Life is good when you can check out a silver fox or horny owl.

Or horny anything... heh heh...

I read in my friend Robert's 360 blog a retort he gave to a person who commented negatively someplace about his poetry. And it reminded me of this. I deleted a comment a few days ago which said that my blog was so boring no one wanted to comment. It was posted on Ben's birthday post. That stupid comment ruined part of my day... why did this person have to say this. Why the negative energy? I really don't care who reads me... I went to his blog and it was all controversial crap...people blasting subjects like Brit Spears, Paris Hilton and other topics in the same vein. I almost commented but decided to ignore this perosn. Then I went back to my blog and deleted the post. Why let him ruin my tribute to Ben. Like J said in his email to me regarding the subject, "Don't let some asshole stranger ruin even a minute of your life."

He's right...why should we let negative people ruin our day, especially with crap that doesn't matter.

A woman, a bus and a baby


A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.

The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

What the O.J. in O.J. Simpson.. really stands for

Orange Jumpsuit

(thank DJ Jeff Diamond for the laugh)

Avast Mateys! It's Talk Like a Pirate Day..arrrrrrg

Why do pirates always have a bar of soap tied to them?
So when they are shipwrecked they can wash themselves ashore!

Why do pirates like treasure?
Because it spARRRkles!

Sherrie's Pirate Name Is...

Cannibal Sweet Waters

What's Your Pirate Name?

Ben's Doll

This is Ben and Lisa, his mom/my sister. We had a private family birthday party for him Friday night. I mentioned in the previous post about pulling a gag gift on him. So this is his expression when he pulled the doll out of the bag!

Night Falls

Night stands
alone in its darkness
yet not lonely.
Many lovers have
risen and fallen
under its mantle.

As you and I do.

We are hungry-handed lovers
reaching and groping;
a mad rush
to sate lust
under the mantle
of night;

alone, yet not lonely.

Happy Birthday, Ben

Today is Little Bird's birthday. That's what I call Ben...Little Bird. His other nickname is "Ben Bug"...his first daycare teacher dubbed him that.

I spent most of the morning getting the house ready for the party. Wrapped presents--mine, mom's and my brother's. Even did a gag present... put a Super Mario t-shirt in the bottom of a Pink with White Polka dots gift bag..on top of that I put a doll that I recently purchased for a Christmas gift. Should be funny when he pulls the doll out. Will have to make sure I got the camera ready.

Tomorrow Lisa's tossing a party for him at the bowling alley. She's invited a few of his friends. I guess I'll pop in and take some photos. William is excited too. He asked if I would be his date for the party. I said sure.

The day Ben was born was only 3 days after 9/11. A horribly sad time. But we were all so happy that Ben was born. I remember feeling momentarily pangs of guilt for being so happy when the nation was mourning so many tragic losses.

He's our baby bird and I'm honored to watch him...

The Teacher says...

and that's precisely what Ben does at school. His first-grade teacher sends a monthly calendar home every day, showing how he behaved. If he is a good little boy, he gets a sticker. If he isn't...he gets a note describing his behavior. Out of 3 weeks of school, he's only received 4 stickers. His downfall is talking during their work periods.

My sister is at her wit's end. She's punished him by taking away privileges, ect. I've had several long talks with him. So has Mom and my brother. But nothing works. I don't think they will because Ben is a pack member. If someone else is doing it, he's right in there. According to the teacher's note, there are 4 boys getting into trouble for talking or acting silly. She breaks them apart but they still do things to make each other laugh. I can see Ben going along with this. He followed the crowd all during his pre-school years. Last year in Kindergarten a boy was pretending to wipe his butt with napkins during lunch. Ben jumps into the fray by doing it too. And gets in trouble along with the boy. Ben likes to be the center of attention, even if that means he'll get into trouble. Hell, he does it at home. I've witnessed it countless times and all Lisa does is call his name and give him a threatening look.

Friday is his birthday. He'll be six years old. Maybe he'll begin to calm down a bit. He's very immature for his age and I pray that he'll settle down and be a good boy. But it's not up to his mother or his family to make him do this. It has to come from inside Ben.

Curb Your Enthusiasm is back!

I love this show. Larry David is a flipping comedy genuis. My friend Doug turned me on to this series. He kept saying, "Watch it, you'll love it. Larry David has your sense of humor." So I finally watched an episode and promptly fell on the floor laughing. Mind you, the humor is dark and sly so many people won't find it humorous at all. In fact they'll think Larry is a (insert any insulting noun you can think of here).

I watched the premiere of the new series last night. Forgot to watch it Sunday. I won't spoil the storyline for those of you who may want to watch it after reading this. I'm sure HBO will run it to death this week, like they do any series. But in one part of the show, Larry and His wife Cheryl go to order a cake for a party they're throwing for a family they've adopted who lost their home in a hurricane. A friend of Larry's told them to go to this shop to get this delicious cake...and when they get there, they ask for the cake, dropping their friend's name. The guy pulls out the cake from his display case and voila...it's a huge chocolate penis cake. Larry promptly wiggs out and turns to his wife saying "He knowingly served us Penis."

Oh I fell on the floor with that one...

The show is great. Larry always gets in these crazy schemes usually by accident, because he has a loopy way of thinking and is a bit of a social outcast who's managed to stay in the graces of the Hollywood scene.

Watch it... if you don't find yourself laughing at some point, then maybe you should go buy yourself a sense of humor.

My horror scope says:

Your refrigerator is filthy. • Keep an eye out for rabid squirrels this month. • Your next Career: Serial Temp • It will rain tomorrow. Guaranteed.

What a Mess!

I saw the customized link and look what I did! I changed the font, ect and what a mess! I lost some things too. What's the saying? If it's not broke, don't fix it.

Maybe I will go with a completely different look... maybe even a different picture. So this is my goal for today...change the look of Painter Lady.

Hmmm... there's a button on my keyboard. Maybe I should click it!

Even Death

Death has no friends
only shadows and tears.
Love can't stop it.

I will die one day,
the bright light calling;
excited voices, murmurings.

But I will not go,
as long as your light
blinds my soul.

I will be the caress
at midnight; the kiss at dawn
and the sighs in between.

When you are weary,
I'll be the surge of strength
coursing your veins.

If you cry,
I'll be the river
rolling down your cheeks.

Every step, every breath
you take, I will
tremble through you.

Death cannot part
our souls sewn tight
with love's silken strands.

I love you intensely
with a flame death fears
and cannot extinguish.

Chuck Norris

Al and I were watching TV last night--mainly Football. But during the Cowboy game, Al kept flipping channels. We came across a documentary and stopped it on that. A total gym commercial came on--there's Chuck Norris pumping iron. I noticed his beard was gone and that his hair and 'stache were a funky shade of red.

So I asked Al: "Is that the real Chuck Norris?"

He said, "I know of only ONE Chuck Norris."

"But where's his beard? He has another fist behind his beard and it's gone.'

Al said, "WHATT???" while giving me the look--the one that he gives when he thinks I'm nuts.

Mulling it over, I said, "I guess he could have moved the fist. Maybe it's behind his 'stache...or under the hair of one of his armpits."

Al changed the channel back to the Cowboy game and said, "I think you think of this stuff just to torture me, because I never know if you're serious."

I smiled. "I don't. In fact I can think of better forms of torture that are much more pleasurable."

Dreams

I've been having crazy dreams these past few weeks. One sort of keeps recurring but with different variations.

Dream Version 1: "I'm on the street in front of the studio, talking to old High School classmates about having a class reunion and the studio catches on fire. I don't notice because all my attention is on the reunion and the building burns down itn the meantime. When I realize it's gone, I turn from my classmates to survey the damage in horror and when I turn back around to talk to them, they're gone.

Dream Version 2: Al and I are at a mall and we run into about 20 of my HS classmates. We discuss a reunion and in the meantime Al wanders off. Next thing I know we hear gunshots and someone is shooting at Al. I yell for my classmates to help me stop the person but they walk away.

Dream Version 3: The nephews and I are trying to all fit on the same bike..a tricycle. We're on a sidewalk by Walmart. I see some classmates and walk away to talk to them, telling the boys to stay by the tricycle. When I look back to check on the boys, they've disappearred. I frantically search for them in the parking lot, weeping and begging my old friends to help but they start talking amongst themselves. Luckily I find the boys playing in on the shopping carts left at the shopping cart return spot.

I know what this means.. I fear that I'm going to get sucked into a vaccum with the details of planning the reunion and it's going to affect my work and family and relationship. People swear they'll help me but I've learned the hard way that it's easy to say you'll help but hard to follow-through.

Sand

Sands

Sands are stirred
by the tide of our love;
lips locked with salt
and the essence of alabaster sighs.

Clouds long to weep,
overwhelmed by our passion;
the air so thick that
nothing can breathe, not even time.

Sands stirred, as we
break like the surf at our feet.
From above fingers watch
sea foam clinging to our toes: secrets kept.

Like temptest love,
the sea knows no mercy,
ripping the sand from under us
only to toss it back, grain by grain.

Pet Care
Customer service representatives answer straightforward pet care and nutrition questions, however some calls can be quite unconventional as follows:

- "My cat just came in from the garage and I was wondering...how many calories are in a mouse?"

- "I have a neutered male cat. How old should he be before I can breed him?"

- "What should I feed a borderline collie?"

- "What size litter box do I need to keep my cat comfy?"

- "Is it normal for a dog to shed?"

- "How can I keep my cat from stealing my husband's toothbrush?"

- "My cat passed a stool on the indoor rug and it's stuck in the vacuum cleaner. Any suggestions?"

- "How can I get the secret recipe for your special dog food?"

- "How do I stop my cat from giving food to the dog?"

- "Your food turned my dog into a stud. Now what do I do?"

- "Do you know how to toilet train a cat?"

- "I have three cats. Is it true that a special brand of cat food makes the poop smell better?"

- "Will chewing pop cans remove enamel from my puppy's teeth?"

- "Where can I get a six-toed cat?"

Watermelons

I was at the Walmart Sunday. Notice I put a 'the' in front of Walmart... don't really know why... anyways, I was walking by the produce section and had to stop by a bin of watermelons so that a crowd of Mexicans could get by me. Gathered around the watermelons were three blondse, trying to figure out how to test a watermelon's ripeness. A GI happened to pass by and overheard their discussion. He smiled and said, "You smell the ends of the watermelon. That's how you tell if it's ripe."

He walked off and I stood there for a few moments watching the blondes pick up watermelons and smell the ends. One of them said, "We should have asked him what it's suppose to smell like."

I glanced past the girls and saw the GI and a few of his buddies standing in the shadows, watching the girls and laughing their asses off.

You know...there should be a law against fucking with dingy blondes.