Metal

Feels as if a lifetime has passed since July 31. Dad ended up at the UNC Hopsital Wednesday. He had 5 different blockages in his heart. The doctor said that he was surprised Dad hadn't had a massive heart attack. But they're fixed with angioplasty. The stents they used have to have Plavix with them..The prescription costs close to $150 for a month's supply and Dad's about to have a fit. I don't know if he'll stop smoking. I overheard him and a friend talking and Dad told him that smoking wasn't the reason he had blockage.

He's wrong, but it's not the total reason. Not exercising, not eating healthy and stressing also have contributed. He's ignoring what all the doctors said ...which was 'Stop smoking.' Plus the literature they sent which stressed in big letters. "Don't smoke if you have stents."

He and I have already had a few arguements over this. I don't understand it. Why does he want to feel awlful all the time and not live a life that is full of quality. Life is so precious.

I've decided to quit worrying about what he does. I feel as if I nag him all the time about things he does, like the smoking and eating those little debbie cakes for meals. But Mom pointed out that if I didn't love him I wouldn't give be doing it. And she's right.

There are times when I think that maybe I should move on from the studio. Start thinking of myself and let Dad sort out things here. Isn't my sanity worth saving? Do I stay with his sinking ship also know as his health? I think he would be forced to retire if I weren't here helping him limp over the bridge. But how do I shrug off my feelings of responsibility and loyalty? How do I look at my overflowing cup and say...when?