Friday, February 24, 2006
Hell... to quote the Rolling Stones:
"And look at me, I'm in tatters, yeah
I've been battered, what does it matter
Does it matter, uh-huh
Does it matter, uh-huh, I'm a shattered"
(humming is optional, Shadoobie)
Today is better...maybe due to me scheduling a rare 2 day weekend away from the studio.
It's been crazy here. No scanner...and I need one. Dad's been on my ass about going to the Offfice Depot and getting whatever. I said "NO". I'm getting a quality one, even if I have to do trekking. On top of this, my printer (Hewlett Packard is the Devil) is chopping off images when it prints. Only when I use razor thin paper does it print right. SO I need a new printer tooo... this is added to Dad's "Have you found (insert item name) yet?" Between the pressure from him and the pressure to get my work printed and out on time, I'm going into brain death before 2 pm every day.
Wednesday evening we found out that Granny is in the early stages of Alzheimers. We figured she might, because she's been getting lost going to places she goes to daily, forgetting things... walking around disoriented. She's upset and feels like a failure. I've been rallying close family members, so that we all can be upbeat and optimistic and ease some of her distress. She's on new meds and they seem to be helping. I talked to her this morning and she sounded more like Granny than she has in over 6 months. Say some prayers for her, please.
The stress of having to keep family members calm is telling on me too. I get calls daily with questions about Alzheimers. Today I plan to print out some information and make a 'guidebook' for those who can't grasp things, like my silly cousin who likes to make things worse than they are. Someone gets a paper cut and she spreads it around that they lost a finger.
The nephews are doing great. They're the bright spots in my life during the week. When I walk in the door and they're there, they both yell "Aunt Sherrie's HERE. Hey AUNT SHERRIE...COME LOOK AT THIS...or COME PLAY." They run and hug me and give me kisses. I was playing a video game with William Wed night and he was beating me badly...
I said, "Wow, you're killing me."
He said, "It's all for the Love of God."
Where he gets these funny comments...I don't know.
Allen passed a huge test, which suprised me. I was really upset Wednesday night. He called late and I sat in bed, listening to him rattle on about his day. I thought,"I want to talk about Granny, but I know he won't listen." That's how it was in the past...he was very self-absorbed. But I decided to try.
I said, "I have something important to talk about."
He grew quiet and waited. So I told him about Granny's Alzheimer and Al was so tender and full of concern. We talked about it until I felt better. He soothed my soul and that's a first. He's rarely been able to comfort me in the past. I have to confess, this made me fall more in love with him.
After yesterday's craziness at the studio, I went in search of batteries and candles. On the way home with my treasure trove, I called a close friend in Cali. Haven't had much time to talk of late. We chatted for a long time..catching up on things between his customers at the comic shop he works for part-time. I told him about Granny and he was very supportive. He told me about the birthdays that his son and wife just had. When I got home, I sat in the truck and took a deep breath. I could hear a lot of people in the background and knew he was getting busy. So I said, "Sam, I'm home and need to go inside and see what's up."
He said, "Take a deep breath. Relax and then face whatever's waiting, Painter lady." (his nickname for me and the name of this blog..lol)
I laughed shakily and said, "Thanks. I will. Have a great evening. I'll catch you soon."
Before I could hang up, he said, "Wait...there's something important I want to say to you..."
I said, "Ok." Waiting and wondering what it could be...figuring it had to do with his job or family or about the poetry book he's got in production."
Instead he said, "For 5 years now, you've been here for me...a strong and supportive friend. I don't think I say this enough...fuck, I know I don't...but I love you. And I'm glad you're in my life."
That started the tears... you know... it's good to hear that people love you and I realize I don't say it enough...so to my blog friends and my online friends.. I want to say this:
Jo... I love you and I miss our talks. Your insight on life has saved me many times.
King John... I love you and how you make me laugh with your wit.
Sarah HB... I love you like the daughter I've always wanted. You have so much to offer this world. Don't ever forget that."
Sandra...I love you and your crazy single life...it reminds me of myself when I was your age.
Lorraine... I love you. You're my blood sister and that says it all.
DJ JD...I love you. You've put up with my silly emails and sent me funny ones in return that make me fall off my seat laughing. Thanks for that.
It's good to have friends...now I'm off to call a few real life ones and tell them how much I love them.