A Rose so Perfect

My heart breaks to see
a rose so perfect.
Each petal hugging fragrance.
And you are in the shadows
afraid to take notice.
But do not fear, my love,
the rose so perfect
doesn't realize we exist~
you in shadows and me in heartache.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The chance to realize that beauty exists within is rare... the fact that it can happen between two people...even most rare. But to ignore it...and let is go unnoticed. I think is an ultimate sin.

Belly Dance Goddess Reviews

I got a belly dance DVD from my sister-- "Belly Dance for Wimps."

It sucks. At least to me it does--I'm sure its good for beginners. Anyways, I wrote a review about it on Amazon.com. It should be up in a day or so.

Nice girls finish...last

I don't mind finishing last as long as its a good orgasm.

But seriously, today I was standing at the front door watching a lady try to parallel park her long ass car. I was so engrossed in the entertainment that I didn't notice someone outside the door waving at me. It was an old friend of mine from the old Pecker days--Cathy or Kathy. Can't remember which letter she was obsessed over us using. Anyway, she got married a few years ago and we sort of lost contact with each other.

So I stepped outside and hugged her. Told her she looked great and then turned to her husband to say hi...man he looked terrible... I bet he's put on close to 60 lbs. He's a giant so he can carry the extra weight ok...but still--that's a lot of weight to gain in a few years. Anyways, we chatted and I waited for the questions of the day...
"Are you married yet?"
no
"Are you seeing anyone?"
no one steady

Then comes the exchange of looks between them. I don't let it bother me. I keep waiting for someone to ask the important question: "Are you happy?" YES
But they never do!

Then her husband shocks me. He says "You're too nice and sweet. Men don't want sweet women. You need to learn how to be a bitch. Then you'll get a man."

I have never been told that. I was so shocked that I couldn't say anything... not even good-bye.

Jeez, do I really need to be a bitch to make a man happy? Is that what went wrong in my past relationships? I was too nice and sweet and not bitchy enough??????

Oh well... is it too late to change... I don't know if I can change or if I want too.

Savage Nature--a repost

I posted this in my other blog... and its going here too. So if you've read it once... you're allowed to skip over it.

I can't get over the tragedy that struck South Asia. The death toll is something I can't imagine...its my town's population almost 4 times over!!! I watched the news on TV last night and this morning and I wept. The street corner preacher came in this morning and said that it's the end of times. God's coming soon. I don't know about that.. I do know God's trying to tell us something... we've got to listen... now that he's got our attention.

When I first started writing erotica back in 99, my first ever fan was an older man from Poland. I call him Uncle Woody. He wrote to me and I surprised him by replying. From there we've developed a friendship that has lasted all this time. He does translations to English for companies in Poland. His wife is somewhat sickly but he takes her on a month long vacation every year. Usually to Greece. He'll send me hints with langtitude and longatude. When I give up, he'll give me the location. This year his visit was to Thailand. He took it in Nov. Below is his email. He sent me upon his return... he included the most beautiful photos. Excuse his English--after all he's from Poland.

Dear Sherrie,
It was long month. I’ve seen many Thai beauties – long sandy beaches, completely empty, picturesque islands, coconut palms. Very warm sea (more than 85 F) excellent for swim. I have spent three weeks living on four islands where there was electricity at day (only from 6 pm up to midnight). There wasn’t cell phone connection too so my notebook worked as store for pictures. We were gone from island to island by Chao-Lae’s (“sea gipsy”) longboats. Last few days I was in Bangkok visiting Buddhist’s temples, king palace and museums. Unforgettably sights. I am arrived to home yesterday and have lot of to do, especially make correction to pictures (I’ve shoot about 400).I write more soon.
Kisses – Woody

Then today I received this email from him with another photo of some Thai boats.

Dear Sherrie,
Have you heard what happened in Thailand? I am lucky to be at Christmas home. I have been in this region. Lived in many islands. I don’t know if peoples I’ve met are alive, have their small huts, boats. What I remember that any time I have seen fishermen’s boats at see. What happened to beautifully beeches I spent holiday? It is tragedy. This was high tourist season. I have read that more than 1500 Swedish was missed, 800 Norwegians many Germans and few only Poles. This accident showing how humans are vulnerable and how nature is strong.These three last days I am watching TV, reading Internet’s news and sorrow. Why?
kisses..Woody

I was at a loss as to how to reply. So I kept it simple:

Dear Woody
My soul weeps for South Asia. It is horrible--the loss of lives and homes. I thought of you when I first heard the news. I have the lovely pictures you sent me and I am thankful that you were not there when the Tsunami hit. Even as I wept for those that were lost. God is telling us something--that we are not Gods. Mother Nature is stronger and shows no mercy. All we can do is pray and be the best that we can be.

I do know this.. you are special to me and I'm glad you are here.
Kisses Sherrie

Cold Tuesday

We had an ice storm after Christmas. And its still very cold today. Lots of ice still hanging in the trees, especially in the shadowed areas where the sun doesn't shine. I think this old building is holding all the cold air that it can find. I'm so cold my nose aches.

But I got some work done today. Took in a few orders and I hope to have them done by next week. None are very hard, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Still debating over what to do for the New Year's Eve. I have some friends who are having a party. But my friend in Wilson is also having a party. Or I could stay home and veg out with some movies. If I go to the Wilson area I'll hit Greenville too--make a weekend of it. I've got a few days to think about it.

Going over to a friend's house tonight for a little while. Her kids want me to drop in and see their Christmas 'stuff.' Maybe I'll get to play with their toys! One can only hope.

Painter Lady

You ask that I paint us
into a picturesque setting,
where the sky weeps blue
and green covers the ground;

a place where we can run
barefoot through fields of daisies,
never fearing the wrath of bees.
You ask for a perfect world.

So you crown me Painter Lady
with the richness of oils,
a sable brush my scepter
and my robes made of pastels.

Though my heart wishes it,
I cannot do this task
you so confidently request.
Our love may be perfect
but the world isn’t.

Time and Distance

Ticking, time beats
a pendulum across my heart,
continuous, never ceasing.
Subliminal messages
prey upon my soul;
your fingers on my face.

I cannot stop the racing
of my present,
nor can I stall
the slow climb of
the second hand
as it ticks away
the moments of our love.

But I do know this,
as simple as your breath
against mine,
I can close the distance
between our lips.

~ ~ ~ ~
I sat staring a blank page of paper not long ago...trying to find words to describe my thoughts...and the ticking of a clock overhead was so loud I swear it deafened my muse...and so a poem was born.

You Wear Shadows

You wear shadows like a cloak of night,
stealing across the moon’s dark side;
a face hidden in canyons and oceans.
Mysterious, I give you that;
black eyes, so dark that light reflects naught.
If I look too deep I can see into shadows,
your secrets and dreams shifting away.
Why do you hide yourself?
You have created a maze of solitude
and I find no pathway to the heart of you.
My light is lost in the dark recesses
you surround yourself with.
Might I touch you, black onyx
to warm you with my opal fires
so that your shadows dissipate
into the brilliance of promise,
like the sun over the blues of ocean waves?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Sometimes a mystery is good to solve, but there are times when the shadows need to fall away.

Icey Day

we've got lots of ice here... no snow but enough nasty weather to keep Granny from heading back to her abode by the sea. She's off visiting my uncle now. I don't have enough chores to keep her busy and she gets so bored. I guess tonight we'll hang out and watch the Hallmark channel or some other woman's network.

Yesterday was so much fun. Lots of laughter and good food. I'll have to do my belly dance aerobeic workout 3 times a day to work off all the cookies and stuff I've eaten.

Got my new poetry book on my mind right now. I guess I'll get back to it. Maybe I'll write more about the holidays later.

looooooooong day

Whew... I'm exhausted... over all a long day/evening.. but a good one.

I'm mentally drained. The two beers at supper only relaxed me... I'll write tomorrow. It will be a lazy day as far as I know...

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

Satin

Before me was a path,
I knew I had to travel.
Bends and dips,
angles and curves
beseeching me
to take that first step.
Once taken, I would
not turn back.

Fingers were my feet,
their pads extra sensitive
so that each movement
over the planes
before me
would feel as if,
it were
the first touch.

No scenery cluttered
the trail of him,
nothing but
the path before me
of flesh and muscle
and my fingers
paved him with
a touch like satin.

~ ~ ~ ~
Nothing like a good massage.

Saturn

I saw him, orbiting slowly
around my sun,
tilting slightly on the axis
of a music note.

The light of me dimmed,
as he looked down
from his world of song
and resonance.

An aura hung over him,
a ring of Saturn
where music and magic
came together in unity.

~ ~ ~
For the new poetry book...an ode to a first impression.

Ego

The party at my sister's was really fun this year. The nephews did great--no fighting or throwing temper tantrums. They played nice and were polite. I was very proud of them.
We played a game in their bedroom for awhile. Ben said he was hungry, so I told him we would go find something to eat. Lisa had a load of food on the kitchen table. I walked behind him into the den and sitting there was a face I haven't seen in ages... a guy I went to high school with... Steve Grimsley. I stopped short and said, "Grimsley!!!" He stood up and said, "I was wondering where you were." We hugged and talked for a second.

He's one of my brother-in-law's friends. I think they fish or hunt together. Anyway... I suddenly felt a knife in my back so to speak. I turned around and sitting on the couch was a girl who gave me such a look I knew... that she must be his girlfriend. I smiled and said hi...and pointed out that we went to school together years ago. I could tell she wasn't very happy about me talking to him, so I smiled at him and excused myself.

Got Ben something to eat and with me guiding him through the maze of people in the den, we made it back to the bedroom to play some more... a few mins later, Steve appears and we chat for awhile. He told me I needed to get busy so I could have a few of my own... he meant kids. I laughed at that and told him it was way too late for me...I made a silly joke and he laughed. Can't even remember what I said... but there she was...the girlfriend in the doorway, shooting darts at me with her eyes.

I'll confess I'm a flirt but I don't flirt with guys who have girlfriends with them. And well, Steve's an old friend. I remember him sleeping in biology and copying my notes during lunch. He drooled. lol.. sorry but that kind of spoils things.

I was relieved to see them go.

My brother-in-law Randy cracked me up once. He told me that he was going to have a picture made of himself to give to me as a Christmas present but his ego wouldn't fit in the picture.

Tomorrow will be a very busy day... so I better log outta here and get some rest. Merry Christmas.

Christmas Eve

I'm at work...waiting on a client to come get her order. Then I'm heading home to help get ready for tonight. Lisa, my sister has a family party. Its a strange mix of her in-laws and us. The nephews are very excited. We sang Christmas carols all morning. I should hook up the webcam and make a singing video of us.

Last night after work I had to go get a final present--DVD of harry potter 3 for my sister. Drove by a few auto accidents. Luckily none were serious. The last one I passed was a 3 car bump up. And the one that caused the accident was my almost 'in-laws.' Charles my ex-fiance's parents. I didn't stop. They looked unhurt. I bet Susan was driving. She's prone to accidents. It was strange seeing them. I keep thinking how I was lucky enough to get out of that situation before I did the vows.

I bet at 44, Charles still hasn't cut those apron strings. I heard he was a manager of a Sears in the RDU area. I'm taking it with a grain of salt. Susan told me 5 yrs ago that C was credit manager of an auto dealership and I found out later he was just a lowly salesman. Embellishing him won't make the package appealing, Sue. lol

When I think of him, I think of the day that he added the last nail in the coffin of our relationship...hell, it will be 10 yrs ago this January!!!! A cold Sunday... at his condo on the beach. I'm doing dishes and he is watching TV when suddenly he decides to go for a walk to the pier. Something he never does--even in the summer. I was going to go but he talked me out of it. So when he gets back I hug him so he'll get warm and I smell marijuana on his skin. I pull away and say "What do you have to tell me that you had to get high so you could say it?"

Long story short... he had been dating a woman for 2 weeks and now wanted to break up. Mind you... he saw her behind my back because he wasn't sure she was the one to break up with me over. During those 2 weeks, he sent me roses and cards professing his love. I threw a glass of OJ at him. A perfect pitch aimed at a spot above his head. I laugh now because he thought I meant to hit him and missed.. no I meant to hit the spot above his head and I did.

I cried as I got my stuff together. When I left, I said, "One day you'll be on your knees in front of me crying and begging me to come back." And... I was right... 4 months later he came to town to visit his aunt and called me, saying he had some stuff of mine he wanted to return. I got my stuff and he grabbed my free hand, got on his knees and professed his love, saying he missed me and there was no one like me, etc. He cried and pleaded and I turned away...and left.

No regrets. He hasn't called in a few years. I guess he got that last hint..that I was busy for the rest of my life and didn't have time to talk.

The choices we make that shape us into who we are... I learned that I could be loyal through anything when I dated him. I also learned that you can take a man from his mamma only if she cuts the apron strings...and she never did.

I should send him a thank you card...he's the one who taught me about dirty sex...about exploring the nasty girl side of me... and in that process I became a wanton woman. lol... I made him feel like a sex God and I guess he thought he should share that with others... only to find out that they didn't feel the same. He had 'short' cummings... if you know what I mean. He's the one who had me convinced that 4 inches was really 7. lmao

Damn didn't mean to go off a C tanget.

Tomorrow we'll go to my mom's fiance's house for Xmas...have brunch and exchange presents...then its off to my Aunt Shirley's house (dad's sister)... then at 7 I think I'm going out for a drink with an old friend who is in town for Xmas. He's a strange bird... believes that we're hurting the whales--causing them to go deaf with all the jet skies and motor boats in the ocean. He has other philosophies that are unique and I confess I love to talk to him. He once told me that if he were sane, he would marry me. lol...course that's impossible... I don't love him but he doesn't take that into consideration... its his sanity that's the issue to him.

maybe we're all a little crazy in our own ways...

Merry Holidays to all...

New Poetry Book

I'm going to send in another poetry book to PA. I want to do this by early Jan, so it will be ready by next Christmas. It will be a romantic/slightly erotic poetry book. Something lovers will love.

The rock I'm against right now is finding a title. Here are my choices so far:

Kisses on Canvas

Saturn and Satin

Pale Green Curtains

Lipstick Trails

If you can think of a better title... let me know.

just some thoughts

killing time while waiting on customers to pick up those last minute photo orders...

Dad's gone somewhere.. not sure where ... doesn't matter...cuz he's driving me crazy. We had a slower than normal Christmas. Sales were okay but Dad seems to do better in spirit when we're busy. Not good for me, because I have to help him keep up with his portion of the studio and try to do mine too. I think that's partly why things were smoother this year. Since it wasn't so frantic, he could manage his affairs better.

Now last year was a different story-- after the studio was burglarized Nov 1, Dad's spirits took a big hit. Then his dog of 13 years died. He mourned that dog more than he did his own mother's death. Dad sank into a depression that had me worried. I was afraid he would do something to himself. It was all I could do to keep the studio running and keep him from finding out that I was upset over him being depressed. Someone had to stay strong. That's me...the Rock of the family. If I let on that his depression was upsetting me... I don't know what he would have done.

I kept telling him we would be ok.. the studio would carry on... and we did... we've managed to stay afloat even in this new age of digital cameras and scanners and printers that almost everyone has.

I don't know what 2005 will hold for us. Whatever happens I hope its something that will make Dad happy... he needs this place more than I do.

Same Journey~New Year

The air is misty with the rain of December,
as I walk down the cobbled street.
In the silence of winter's past,
I hear the echoes of a laugh
that once made my heart beat.

But there is no one else on the street,
only the light gathering of a cool rain.
My heels tap a melody as I walk,
the song is familiar and ageless
like condensation on a window pane.

The day stretches out before me.
I watch the stones disappear,
as my steps take the same path.
Will I discover something new
on this journey in the new year?

~ ~ ~ ~
My intention was to write a romantic poem but this one appeared instead.

Fear of the Pen (2002)

He asked before he left me,
if he was just another character in one of my stories.
I laughed when he asked that silly question.
I calmed his fear for that was what his question belied.
I didn’t want him to be one of the characters that I write about.
I didn’t want our love to be a fictional prose.
I wanted more than anything to feel alive
as I live and not as I write.

But he left anyway.
Regardless of his reasons,
the fact remains that he is gone.
With his departure, he became a character
for me to write about.
His good points embellished,
while his unsavory side became glazed over.

I cry now as I write him into a story line,
because his fear is alive and rabid,
although he isn’t around to take notice.
For the second that I started writing about him,
he became like the character of a story.
Sadly, stories end when the last word is written,
at least for the author it ends.
Readers bring to life over and over the tale.

I grieve bitterly, as I write.
For now he will live on through other eyes,
as they read but to me the story is told.
He ceases to exist before the ink dries,
after I write these words– “The End.”

SRP 2002
~ ~ ~ ~

Strange what you find when you're looking for something else. Came across a floppy dick... I mean disk that had poems from 2002. This poem was on the disk. It's about Robert--the soldier I loved so much. His biggest fear was that he would end up being nothing more than a character for me to write about...mine was that I would love him forever. His fear came true...mine didn't.

I'm coming to a conclusion about love... at least in regards to myself... that there is no one soul mate out there for me. That maybe my life will always be full of brief 'love' affairs--some that rip me apart and some that give me sass. I jokingly told someone that my friendships last longer than my romances do. It's true--they do.

I've spent a lot of years, soothing souls, boistering egos and being that transitional person--the one who helps them discover just what it is they want, which is usually not me... and thinking about this now makes me want to go outside and shout at the waxing moon... and say "My rewards in the afterlife had better be absofuckinglutely fantastic!"

love in a snow globe...

WTF?

I'm getting tired of the cheezy poems on the yahoo message boards. No wonder I can't write after reading some of that crap.

I'm cranky poodle today. It's that time of the month and I feel like biting the heads off chickens and breathing fire. lol

Lipstick and Moving Cars

I saw something this morning that cracked me up. I had to run to the Office Depot to get some 11 x 17 photo paper. I forgot to order it last week. On the way to the studio, I drove down Elm St. At 15th, it goes into one way traffic. Since 1999, the city has been working on the drainage system so that means there are a lot of little bumps and hiccups in the road. I drove in the right lane, because eventually the other ends and I hate trying to nose into the right lane. When I stopped for the light at Godwin and Elm, I noticed a lady in the passenger seat of the car in the left lane trying to apply lipstick. When the light changed the car surged forward, hitting the little series of bumps that I drive slowly over. I caught up with them a few blocks down at the next light and laughed--the lady had lipstick all over her mouth. She was telling the driver off, as she took a napkin and wet it with her tongue to get the dark lipstick off her face.

Made me think of Charles...we dated from Feb 89 to Jan 95. The first two years he lived down a long dirt road. It was naturally a very bumpy road. The first time I tried to apply lipstick the same thing happened to me--it got every where. But I quickly adapted to the bumps by allowing a breath between my lips and the lipstick, so that when we hit the bumps the lipstick would dance with my lips... I would move the lipstick across my lips with the bumping...thus never getting any where it shouldn't be.

This really bothered Charles for some stupid reason. He would drive as fast as he could over the bumps and still I would master the lipstick. I have control and know how to use it... poor Charlie--never did.

Bag of Toys

I have a bag of toys--dildoes, vibrators, anal beads, vibrating bullet, finger massager and lube... loads of it.

It's on the top shelf of my closet. I haven't used them in ages, except for the vibrating silver bullet. It has a hand controller... multi speed. I place it on my clit in the mornings and flick the switch to medium. My mind wonders over different little fantasies...we all have our secret dirty fantasies...maybe one day I'll write about mine..lol... anyway...I was flitting through mine when suddenly I thought about vaccuming! I needed to vaccuum the den because I had been in and out the front door the night before and the ground had been wet. About that time... my thoughts trapped on a mental vaccuum... and I suddenly am in the throes of a huge orgasm! It was the kind where once you cum, you want to push your partner away... I pulled the vibe off my clit and stuffed it under one of the spare pillows...

A new one for me .... cumming to a mental image of vaccuming carpet!

How I feel at this moment...

When I moved into my first apartment in Greenville, I lived on the bottom floor with 2 other chicks. Above us was a guy named Dave and his girlfriend. Every Sunday morning they had sex and we could hear the girl screaming. The first time we heard it, we all froze and looked at each other. I think we were in the kitchen trying to find something to ease our hangovers. No one said anything, though I did giggle. It seemed out of place at 10 am in the morning. Most people are at church at that time...getting filled with the holy spirit... though she was getting filled... well, I'll stop there...lol

Anyway, the sex part has nothing to do with this post, but I thought I would add it in there for the hell of it.

They had a yellow cat named TomBoy... it was the girl's I think. He wasn't allowed outside, but darned if he wouldn't try to bolt out the door when it opened. I asked Dave once if TomBoy ever made his escape. He had! A few years before they had rented a small house and TomBoy actually achieved his goal...the dash of freedom was shortlived though, when his paws touched dirt. He didn't like the feel of it or the grass, and ran back inside.

So here I am... in a position to write what the hell I want and I'm finding I don't know what to do with the freedom. But unlike TomBoy, I can adjust.

The Remnants of December

The ending of a year and the beginning of a new blog!