Tuesday, September 02, 2008

There's a ....FROG IN THE TOILET???????

It's around midnight last night. I'm in my nightie, face freshly scrubbed and walking down the hall to the bathroom to brush my teeth when Al get's there first with newspaper in hand. I said, "Hand me my toothbrush and I'll go to the half-bath and brush my chompers." He put some toothpaste on it for me. Then closed the door. I went to the half-bath and stood in front of the mirror, watching the foam form and humming. I heard a slight sound behind me, a small 'splish' and turned to look at the toilet. There appeared to be some 'poo' floating in there. I thought it was 'backwash' from a recent flush. Al had been in that bath for a long time that morning. So I reached to flush and the 'poo' moved... I looked closely and it was a FROG...a common brown one.

Al likes to pick on me about moving slow ( I think it's a sin to rush when you don't have too) and if he could have seen me run out of that bathroom and down the hall, he would have fallen to the ground with shock. I ran so fast that I left my shadow behind me. If I had of been wearing socks, I would have slid right past the bathroom door. I said with a mouth full of toothpaste foam, "Alb therb's a froblp in duh toielay."

"What?" I could tell he couldn't understand me...so I ran to the kitchen to relieve my mouth of the foam and ran back to the door of the bathroom. I could hear the toliet flush and then the door opened. I said in a very excited voice. "Al, there's a frog in the toilet in the half-bath. I thought it was poo but it moved."

He thought I was joking but then looked closely at me and realized I was serious. He marched to the toliet with me trailing behind him. I said, "Are you going to touch it? Don't let it pee in your hand or you'll get warts." (This is wives tale in NC. I've been told it's not true but I have never sought to find out first hand.)

Al stared at the frog for a while. "Damn, how did he get in there. Are you sure you didn't put him in there as a joke?" He turned to look at me but I had ran out of the room because the frog tried to jump out of the toliet.

I hid in the bedroom behind the door. Then I heard Al go into the kitchen to get some paper towels. I followed him back to the toilet and said, "Where are you going to put him?" (I didn't give him a chance to answer) "Why don't you put him in the neighbors' yard next door. I bet they wouldn't mind if he lived in their toilet."

When Al picked up the frog, I ran again. He tried to scare me with it but I hid in the closet. When he came back inside and was washing his hands with lots of soap, I said, "You know how you say I move real slow. Well, I want you to know that when I saw that frog in the toilet I ran so fast that I left my shadow behind. It took 5 minutes before she caught up with me."

He laughed and we talked about the frog for a while. Then I turned in and waited ...eagerly wishing he would hurry up to bed so I could ask the question that was burning a hole in my brain.

I waited until he was reaching for the light to ask it. "Al, I was wondering...if I had peed on the frog would I have given it warts?"

1 comment:

John said...

no, but you may have given it tits. That's a different wives tale.