You've Been invited... to ...get LAID

get your attention? lmao.. love the subject lines of spam email... thought I would give catchy subject headers a try...

On the way to my brother's work place, we stopped at a small gas station for a soda for him to take with him inside work. I have never been inside that store, even though it's been there forever. And I was still in my jammies but with a coat over them. My hair wasn't too bad...sort of smoothed it down. Added some bright lipstick...figured that would be a great distraction. Focus on the lips and ignore the rest of me.... I procured his soda--a can of Orange Crush and marched to the front.

Couldn't figure out where the cash register was because they had everything under the sun on the counter... big jars of pickled eggs, pickles, some funky voodoo heads, it was weird... I asked the lady that was unpacking cigarettes "Where do I check out?"

She said, "That young man will help you," pointing at a guy I swear was *Fast Eddie's twin if it were the mid 80's and this was the Greenville area. But I couldn't get to his area because a black guy was unloading some boxes.

The lady said, "The ice cream man's in the way. Go around him."

I did and he said, "Come on up. I'll clear a spot off."

The FET (Fast Eddie Twin) said, "Honey, is this all?"

I said, "Yes." Then to the Ice Cream guy, "This is my first time inside."

He said, "You need to come more often. Are you from Lumberton?" (The store is off of I-95 at exit 19.

"Yes. Out in the country."

The EFT said, "Yes. Come by during the morning shift. That's when I'm here." (Ha...the lipstick trick was working)

The lady said, "Next time you come in and the ice cream guys in the way, make him move."

The ice cream guy and the FET laughed.

I said, "I'll bring my whipping stick. That always gets 'em out of the way."

(An elderly woman had come in and was standing behind me. She made a disgruntle sound, as if she disapproved.)

Everyone laughed and the lady said, "I don't know, honey. I think the guys around this area like that sort of thing."

I said, as I got my change back from FET and picked up the cold soda can, "Then I'll make sure to wear some leather."

I left amid the very loud grunt of disapproval from the woman behind me and the even louder laughter of the others.


*patent pending...