in a way.. I'm here

Last week was very busy. This week will be the same..the start of the holiday season for me.

I started on my NaNoWriMo novel Saturday... it will be about T and I...but in fiction form...there will be a lot of our exchanges woven in there. I am not sure if I will post it online or not... But I do know that once I finish it I will publish it in book form throught he createspace.com site and send him a copy...

if he's still here...

at this moment he's checking into the UNC hospital. He's got fluid building in his lungs, a dislocated shoulder and a sprained wrist...he's still weak from the MRSA bug and I fear that he's not going to get better soon. These conditions are causing him to fall behind in chemo treatments and then radation/chemo. He wanted to start the radation next week but it won't happen...not as long as he's weak like he is now.

I realized today when he called to tell me he was being admitted and for me not to worry..that he would be back soon... I realized that I love this man. I love him with a depth that I didn't know existed... this love I have... will stay with me and keep me warm, when I am missing him so much...it will remind me that although it is difficult that I am lucky to know it..to feel it beat in my heart...

and no matter what happens, it will always be with me...

so if I am quieter than normal..it's because I am praying for his survival with every free moment I have... it's because I am writing our story and am lost in the amazement of love and the way that God can put a person in your path for reasons that fail to be understood...I believe that Thomas is my reminder that life and love are so short...to hold them tight yet not smother ...to allow breathing room and to remember to thank God for the ability..the opportunity to love and to live..as if each day is your last.