Thursday, November 13, 2008

oh well...

Tz is out of the hospital. He got home yesterday. We talked for a while at around 5 pm and he said that our intimacy won't go on...aka sex, because he's afraid he'll have a heart least until he has his valve surgery and who knows when that will be.

I noticed a withdrawal from him in ways... I guess he's protecting himself by putting a blanket between us. My heart aches so much. Since I'm writing 'our' story all the intensity of us is still so fresh and vivid. I can't write on it right now..and I need to if I am going to finish it by Nov 30. But the memories I'm reliving are so strong and so happy. But my heart isn't.

There is a hole in my soul.

I can't even finish writing the blog post...


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