That's right...

a blog post from ME!

Your eyes aren't deceiving you at all.

You know, it's amazing how you can let life's hectic daily upheavals keep you away from doing things you love. It seems that's how it's been for me all of August, Sept...and now the first 3 days of October.

Something has to stop. I have to have my time to write, to rant, to share humorous stories and photos. And no one can make time but me.

Everyone at home is doing ok.

The nephews seem to think I'm the homework guru. Ben's no problem. His homework consists of coloring and drawing circles around things, practicing his letters and numbers, etc. I know all that stuff. It's William's that gets to me. His teacher sends home some crazy as hell stuff to do. It's simple math, but the way she wants him to process the problems is loony. He has to also read a story 3 times about twice a week. Last night's story involved Spanish words like Jose`... William argued with me, saying it was Josey. I told him it was a Spanish name and that J's in Spanish are pronounced as H. So we start reading the story, it's about cowboys.. Vaqueros. ...and when William read that Vaquero was Spanish for cowboy, He gave me an amazed look...like, "Wow, she was right!" After that he pronounced Jose` as Jose`. What kills me, is that as soon as I get home and the nephews are there, they jump me. "Let's do my homework." They cry out..both fighting to be first. My brain is usually dead by 6 and all I want to do is make a nice cup of Raspberry tea and sit on the couch. But like Mom pointed out yesterday, "You're their favorite person and that makes you 'Homework Girl.'"

Granny isn't doing that great. She's been having mini-strokes--waking up in the morning, confused and not recognizing things around her. When I call her, it's hard to talk to her, because she doesn't remember much of her day. She's obsessed with medicines and doctor visits. It's so depressing. I dread calling. I miss my Granny--the one who could laugh and would tell me about the day I was born and how sunny it was. How her boss told her she was too young to be a Grandmother... the Granny that likes to sip tea and talk about the old days, when she was young.... the Granny who got my jokes and would laugh, saying "You're crazy. I dont' know where you get it from!" My heart aches... and there's not a thing I can do.

Dad's done with doctor visits for a while. None of the tests he went through showed signs of new blockage in his heart. In fact, his stress test and EKG show that his heart is strong. All along I've said that he's got angina--and that it's brought on by stress, smoking, not eating right and not exercising. All of which he won't do anything about. He seems to revel in complaining. My sister says it's all for attention. Maybe... but you know, when all you've got is your illness...and the attention and sympathy it brings, sometimes it's hard to let go of.

Speaking of health...I've got some sort of cyst or tumor on the top of my left foot. It's about the size of a huge jawbreaker ... almost as big as a golf ball but not quite as large. I think I caused it from the way I sit at the PC all day. I stretch out my legs, take off my flip flops and put my left heel on top of my right foot... which is exactly where the cyst thing is. It doesn't hurt though, by the end of the day, my foot sort of aches. But I know I should get it checked out. I called a few doctors and all of them want me to get a referral. I'm like...from where? One suggested I go to the Urgent Care. We're talking an extra $200 bucks or more. And my deductable is like $800. Let's say... "Rip-off." I know that some of the doctors around here have ties with each other or with clinics and will refer people back and forth. But when I explain that my insurance deductable is rather high and I don't want to spend a lot of extra money out of my pocket, they don't really care. Maybe if I've been going to a doctor all year (besides the gyno) and had spent money towards the deductable, I wouldn't be bitching. But I haven't... Al suggested I call some of the doctors in Fayetteville. I think I just might do that, though I prefer someone close to home, because knowing my family/friends, no one will be able to take time off to drive me to get the surgery done and drive me home again.

I've been watching Nip Tuck. It's gotten back to the darkness of the second season. I like this Nip Tuck better, though the Melissa Gilbert-dog story sort of pushed the envelope. If you're gonna touch a pet lover story, it shouldn't be done so vaguely. The writers seem to love to shock us on that show, I say give us a good jolt, not a tickle.

Also, I've begun working on the magazine again. With the pressures at work and home, I felt I needed a break from it. The fun of putting it together changed to the pressure of putting it together... after the sabbatical I've had, I'm energized and excited about it once again.

Next month will be Novel Writing Month. I didnt' think I had a story in my head, but I believe I do. I started writing down notes and outlines--character developments... and I think I'll tackle the NaNoWrMo.org challenge again this year.

As for my love life, it's stalled out. I'm still hanging out with Allen but he's dealing with Prostate issues which involve Avodart, which decreases his sexual appetite, his ability to get erections and has totally killed his libido. Sex is not on his mind at all. We hang out and I'm there for him, because he's going through some difficult times now and needs a good friend. As for my needs, I have my toys and to be honest, I haven't been around anyone who's appeal to my sex-petite enough to want to 'do them like wild animals.' Sometimes even sexuality needs to sit in the shadows and re-charge.