Temptations

Great music... but not the subject of this blog post.

I'm on myspace...joined because my friend Sam kept asking. He posts his poetry on there and suggested it was a good venue to promote my poetry books. He was right. I actually sell my books on occasion and have re-connected with old friends.

And a place to make new friends.

Such a PR. PR is a real estate developer in the area and I'm guessing he did a search and found my profile. He emailed and asked what kind of fun could be found in town. I sent a few suggestions. He replied with a flirt and I wondered if he knew I was in a relationship. I know it says so on my profile but that doesn't mean he saw it. He said he did and it was a shame because I was sexy and he digged older women.

I confess. I like to flirt with sexy intelligent men. Plus he confessed that he had a live-in girl friend. To me this was a safety net...one that I thought would break any fall. So began our daily flirting. It peaked during the time of Al's prostate illness, when all sex stopped for a long time. I confess, I was tempted by PR to cheat. He even stopped by to say hi and seeing him...knowing that he desired me (it was obvious--his pants held a nice 'tent'), made me realize just how much I loved Al...even if things were rocky due to his illness.

PR and I talked about meeting for a few weeks. I asked a lot of questions, mainly about his girl friend. According to him, they had a 'don't ask/don't tell' relationship. With his traveling, it was easy 'not to tell.' I asked if he cheated often and how many women did he have in different towns. According to him, he was just beginning to do this and hadn't gone through with much, other than dinner and light petting.

Yet, he had 'motel' plans mapped out for us...excuses for us to use and even had an idea of how long it would take us to f*ck. What we would do and how many condoms, he would need.

When the time came to met, I canceled. 3 times. And after the last time (in early Sept), I wrote him and told him that I loved Al. And couldn't go through with it. PR didn't email me until my birthday to give me a greeting. Then asked if I was mad. I said no. And kept the emails light...not frothy with flirting.

Today, he sent a message to me on myspace, asking what I had planned for Halloween and if I still wanted to 'f*ck sometime.' I said no... and he wrote back that he was going to Jacksonville, NC for a blowjob.

I realized he was a player then. Because I asked why go so far for sex when there's a woman at home? He wrote, "Because this chick gives good head and is worth the drive."

Ah... the truth comes out. He's done more than he let on. We had a few exchanges and he told me what he wished he had done that day he dropped by--very explicit things that I won't write here. And told me that if I need a 'break for the limp bf' or a 'stranger' f8ck, to let him know what motel and room # I'll be at and he'll be there with a hard-on.

My respect for him dropped to nil.

Back in the day, I would have went after any man I wanted regardless of whether he was single or attached. Or even if I was attached...it didn't matter. I took what I wanted. With little regrets. But now...

I can't--not with a guy I don't respect. A man who lives a double life with the woman, he allegedly loves. I love Al. He's my heart and though we're going through difficult times, I'm not going to cheat on him with some hard dick who might be handsome and rich, but has little respect for what a relationship really means.

Happy Halloween

My kinda pumpkin!

PS... re: Oldies 107.9 online

If... you listen to Jeff Diamond online, email him and let him know. Tell him where you found him at. (A cabbage patch isn't the correct answer, either).

The link to the staion is on the right below the clock... his email address there is jeffd@1079wnct.com

While I've got a minute...

Thought I would update what's going on with me.

My birthday was ok. Sort of ...weird. Maybe it's because I'm now 44 and to me that seems like a strange number.

On my birthday morn, I got a call from one of my old college friends--Susie aka Banshee. She informed me that my old roomie, Amy's mom died over the weekend and she wanted me to go to the Wake that night. It was in Fayetteville. I knew where the funeral home was, so I said yes. Called mom and cancelled the birthday patry that night..or rather postponed it to Wed.


It was strange seeing Amy and Susie. Sort of awkward because so much time has gone by. I gave them my email addres. Both promised to write but it's been a week and no word.

My brother told me Jeri, one of my other roommates called while I was gone. I emailed her and she promised to call this weekend. Didn't hear a peep at all.

Wednesday evening was a blast. The boys were so excited that they bugged me to finish dinner. Mom fried spots and they were pretty good. Freshly caught at Holden Beach, NC by my brother-in-law. The cake my sister got me didn't have my name on it. Ben asked why. I told him it was there...only invisible. Which... caused him to say, "Oh now I see it." lol... damn I didn't.

And...the best present of all was William singing Happy Birthday to me... twice. He always runs away when we sing to anyone. I asked him why he sang to me, he answered, "Because you're sweet." I love my nephews.

I racked up on some Bath and Body Works products. My new official smell is "Japanese Cherry Blossom"...it is very me. Got some other goodies but for now...that's all I'm telling.

The rest of the week was a busy one. The weekend was nice. Went to a party dressed as a French Maid. When I was leaving, a person said, "Hey isn't the maid suppose to clean before she leaves?" Like that's gonna happen...

Yesterday I watched football on and off. Mostly priced stuff for a yard sale I'm having this Sat. I was sorting through closets, going to throw perfectly good stuff away until I remembered this saying "One woman's junk is another's treasure."

So I think I'll treasure a yard sale...and the money I rack up.

Oh yea.. Al's got several job offers. Which takes a load off all our minds. He has to figure out which to take and get his direction back.

Enough jibba jabba... time to get back to work.

Listen to Oldies 107.9 Online

My friend, Jeff Diamond--the unofficial greatest broadcaster in NC, dj's from 9 am to 2 pm EST M-F and now, dear readers, is available for your listening pleasure online.

Here are the instructions on how to listen via your media player:

How to Listen to 107.9 A Direct link is coming, until then

http:\\206.107.102.82:8080

OPEN UP WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER. CLICK ON FILE

OPEN URL AND PUT THE ABOVE ADDRESS IN THE BOX, CLICK OK.

IF YOU OPEN WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER AND DON'T SEE FILE.

RIGHT CLICK IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND CORNER

I've been listening on and off all morning (depending on how often the phone rings or a client pops in)...and the station sounds crystal clear.

Enjoy.. if you have a problem with the instructions, let me know.

Mystic Force Power Rangers

I love this show. A new episode comes on tonight...oh goody! The nephews and I will be there...or be square.

Carolina Panthers

broke my heart last night.
We're done. I'm breaking up with them.

and dating da Chicago Bears.

Go...Bears

Today is

my birthday.

I forgot to leave an official statement as to where to send presents.
I'll be accepting them from noon until midnight. If you need an extension, just let me know.

And if you're a hot stud with a...special... package... you can drop by any time...day or night.

;)

novel writing month...

is November and I'm doing the nanowrimo.org thingie again.
Have a novel mapped out. It's been living in my head for a month and I've decided to build it a new home...at Microword.

The temp title is Blueberry Girl. It's a suspenseful/murder/romance story. There will be sex, eventually. If not in the novel, hopefully at my house.

lol...
but seriously, I've createda blog just for it and post when I update. Won't be starting the actual novel until Nov 1. So bear with me.

Thoughts to pepper my blog!

~I wonder if the new blog in beta is better than this format?

~Joke for today from Jeff Diamond:

What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme?

hump me dump me

Thanks DJ JD. (Voted sexiest DJ in North Carolina for 22 consecutive years)

~My number one fan ( of my erotica) from Poland sent me early birthday greetings and photos of his Trip to Greece. I love virtual tours.

~There's a possibility I had sex in the late 80's with the monkey in a suit in the careerbuilder.com ads showing on TV.

~Mr. T, my hero is back...and I'm gonna watch him tonight on TVLand. As if you care!

~Of all the articles in the new issue, My Sip of Sherrie column was the favorite. See.... you guys at the SLA meeting tomorrow night at the Shriner's club (temp location until we can build).

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder

There's PMS and then there's PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder)...

and according to the symptoms listed, I think I have it.

For the last few years, my cycle has been wacky. I keep asking my gyno about it. But was told it was only PMS and my symptoms were normal in aging women. Even my mom would say, "Could be that you're going to get the 'change' soon."

The change? like Menopause... So I read up on it and didn't see one symptom of menopause that fit me.

So I've quietly sat in the corner, dealing with this.

According to the site, here are the symptoms. I X-ed the ones I suffer from.

X 1-Very depressed mood, feeling hopeless
X 2-Marked anxiety, tension, edginess
X 3-Sudden mood shifts (crying easily, extreme sensitivity)
X 4-Persistent, marked irritability, anger, increased conflicts
X 5-Loss of interest in usual activities work, school, socializing
6-Difficulty concentrating and staying focused
X 7-Fatigue, tiredness, loss of energy
8-Marked appetite change, overeating, food cravings
X 9-Insomnia (difficulty sleeping) or sleeping too much
X 10-Feeling out of control or overwhelmed
X 11-Physical symptoms such as weight gain, bloating, breast tenderness or swelling, headache, and muscle or joint aches and pains

These symtoms start 2 weeks befor my period and end the 3rd day of it. I'm talking suddenly everything's rosy again... my period is very heavy for the first 2 days and then it's light as air.

According to the site:

There is more to making the diagnosis of PMDD than just the symptoms. For example, the symptoms must be linked to the menstrual cycle -- appear in the premenstrual phase, improve or disappear when menses begins or shortly thereafter and be absent in the week following menses. Also, if the symptoms are relatively mild the diagnosis is not made. The premenstrual symptoms have to be severe enough to interfere markedly with relationships, work, school, or social activities.


Now I'm not sufferring enough for these symtpoms to interfere with work, but they do interfere with my relationship with Al. He told me last month during the two-week before my period that he thought I suffered from 'hormones,' which pissed me off. But now I think he's right.

Here's an approach to treatment, if I'm diagnosed

Here are the 3 approaches with some examples of each:

1-Medications - including antidepressants, antianxiety drugs, analgesics, hormones and diuretics.
2-Psychobehavioral - including exercise and psychotherapies (cognitive-behavioral, coping skills training, relaxation).
3-Nutritional - including diet modification, vitamins, minerals and herbal preparations.

Number 1 is out. I'm not loading up on zombie drugs.

My next visit to the gyno is in Nov and I am printing out the info on this site and taking it to her. Maybe between us, we can find a workable solution.

A quote for today

By Voltaire

I hate women because they always know where things are.

Damn, I wish that were totally true...can't find my winter handbag.

Fall Issue of Magazine

is up and away

Right...Here

Just something about nothing

I'm at the end of my rope regarding the studio. I have so much work piled up that I want to scream. But it won't do any good and I'm afraid is will be misconceived as a mating call by undesirables.

Dad expects me to stop what I'm doing to either correct some digital photo error or print an order he needs or burn CD's, etc.... and so I do. Only to put my work behind. After I've done what he's asked, he lectures me about my work load and tells me what orders I should be working on (nevermind what order I took them in--he wants the fast $$ orders done first--meaning the ones I don't have to do much work on).

I keep telling him that he needs to practice with the photo programs and to learn how to burn CD's (I've shown him 7 times how to use the CD-W wizard--maybe he needs a fairy)... I keep saying..."What if something happened to me and I couldn't work? or What if I got married? and moved away!"... he makes a frowny face when I say these things. I got word from my brother that Dad thinks I'll be here forever.

Forever is a long time and I feel I've served the time.

I'll bee 44 in a few weeks. It's not that I dont' love my job. I do. And I will continue to do it...but I don't think it will be here. At the studio. Dad's been dangling the carrot of ownership before my eyes for the last 10 years. Every year, he say's..."Come this time next year, I'm turning the studio over to you." And he never does.

Our visions of the future are different. I think it's time we concentrate on restoration work. He thinks we can revive portrait settings--I disagrre. The digital era has introduced every Tom, Dick, Harry, Jane and Mary to digital cameras and the ease of them. They're doing their own photos...all except school photography and special occasion stuff like weddings, reunions, etc. They're creating their own Christmas/greeting cards, etc...

But not many can get a good quality copy of a photo--scanned or copied digitally. Nor can all of them understand photoshop or other editing programs. They bring their old photos to me...because I can do a better job.

But Dad's a dinosaur. He's not ready to leave the 'film' era, even as we're forced to do so. He's not ready to give up the throne and turn it over to his successor. I know this...

if he wasn't my father, I would have been gone 12 years ago. But he is...and mixed in this is a blood relation, that causes my decisions to be made with a heavy heart.

There comes a time, when you have to step away from your family--whether it's home life or business and say, "Now's the time for me... now is my time for happiness."

And that's what I plan to do.... my goals are to take small steps, as I plan them. And to make things as easy for all parties as I can.

Yes... I'm rambling but that's what a blog's for....to handle the rambles along with the rants and the laughter.

I dare...

a quote
By Elbert Hubbard

A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares.

French Mail... Moi!?

I've figured out how to get out of housework when I go visit Al.
Wear a French Maid outfit. I got one a few weeks ago and when I got to Al's house Saturday, he was there. He wasn't feeling all that great. His diverticulitis was acting up. I came in and said hi. Noticed the kitchen was a mess and the den a disarray of newspapers and other things. He said, "Sher-bears, will you make me some herbal tea?"

I said, "Sure, let me go change into something more comfortable."

So I went into the bedroom, put on my french maid outfit, complete with heels and fishnet stockings. When I walked into the den, I said, "Just so you know...not many men have it 'maid' like you do."

Needless to say... I didn't do any housework for a few hours.

Do you love a mystery?

a quote

By Diana Sturm

A man gives many question marks, however, a woman is a whole mystery.

Critics

The above is an oil pastel of the very first nude I sought to paint. I've never been that great with drawing the human body, much less painting it, so I decided to go the easy way and do a backside view. I personally was pleased with the results.

On an adult site, I like to play on (no I'm not listing the url...I sort of like the privacy I have there and it's not my space)... I posted this piece of art in the photo section of my profile so another member could view a sample of my erotic art. I didn't want to compromise my email address. Like I said...I like my privacy. In my photo section, I have other photos of myself, too. Like on most 'entertainment' sites, this one has photo commenting.

I received this comment from a guy from Canada:

HI Thanks for posting. It is a shame you are so far away. I like all your photos except for this one. Photography agrees with you. Not to be critical the art could use some improvement. its a nice picture but you fail to capture the emotion of what you were feeling at the time you painted it and is shows on the Canvass.

Thanks for posting and feel free to write if you would like to discuss the art further.XXX@ica.net


For some reason, this comment bothered me. And at first I was going to ignore it but felt I should reply.

Thanks for the comment. I've deleted the photo because I didn't mean for it to be up for long. A member wanted to see some erotic art and I posted the photo of the painting because I didn't want to breech my privacy by revealing my email address.

Actually, the painting was an experiement. I usually dabble in watercolors or pen and ink. I was very shy about painting a nude, which is why I painted only the backside of her--a relunctant subject, because that's how I was feeling--relunctant at attempting this form of art. To me, the painting does reflect my mood. I feel I captured the emotion I sought. But how can you say I didn't capture the mood I was attempting, when you don't know the mood I was attempting to capture?

Art is meant to be interpretion of the viewer as well as the artist. You comment was welcomed and is appreciated. But I really have no desire to improve upon something I thing is fine as it is. Thanks for offerring to discuss it.

Take care and have a great day.

Take care.
Sherrie

I can see where this guy's coming from. Every piece of art I look at I see something that needs improving. The same with photography. And poetry and writing..and well, a lot of things. But I never tell someone they didn't capture a mood. How do I know what mood they were in? I write gothic poetry when I'm as happy as can be. There are times when I post jokes or write something silly and I'm sad. But I would never tell someone... say another blogger that they didn't capture their mood, when they're writing about football or music or whatever.

Moods are moody...

Middle Names

Mine is Rose. I like my middle name, because it is part of my mother's name: Rosemary. But my sister hates her middle name. It's Renee. Lisa Renee. I've always thought it was nice but she would almost pull her hair out when relatives would call each of us by our first and middle names. And heaven forbid if somebody tried to give her a nickname like 'nee nee' or 'Lisa Re'... heck it's better than the one some relatives called me, "Sher-Rose."

There's an old friend of Dad's visiting today. He was at the hospital when Lisa was born and was given the honor of thinking up a middle name. He told me that his favorite girl name is Renee. I told him she hated her middle name and wished it was "Queen Elizabeth of North Carolina." He didn't bat an eye and said, "She should have spoken up."

A Quote

By Elizabeth Metcalf

The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself.

Ash

I am ash,
bitter blue
and frail.

Love binds me
to the dregs
of summer.

I want to
run on soft
brown sand,

fighting the
wind that blows
me away.

I am ash,
love's last
remains.

The soot
of desire
burned out.

Pregunta style Poem

A Pregunta is a Spanish poetry style that's a dialogue between two
voices. One asks a question, the other answers. Both lines end in
rhymes... Here's my first attempt:

Love of Autumn

Will you still love me now that summer's done?
Yes, I'll still love you with the cooling sun.

With fall's chill, will your kisses be like frost?
As season's change our love won't become lost.

But will you promise that your love won't chill?
So long as you give me that special thrill.

Can you love me forever amid change?
I'll love you as long as you don't get strange.

Autumn holds promise of love, don't you think?
The promise is there on your lips, so pink.

Will you dance with me under a harvest moon?
I'll dance with you from Hell to high noon.

Wiil you stop talking and kiss me my dove?
I'll kiss you forever, lost in our love.

(Man, this totally fell flat at the end... I'll have to keep
practicing)

That's right...

a blog post from ME!

Your eyes aren't deceiving you at all.

You know, it's amazing how you can let life's hectic daily upheavals keep you away from doing things you love. It seems that's how it's been for me all of August, Sept...and now the first 3 days of October.

Something has to stop. I have to have my time to write, to rant, to share humorous stories and photos. And no one can make time but me.

Everyone at home is doing ok.

The nephews seem to think I'm the homework guru. Ben's no problem. His homework consists of coloring and drawing circles around things, practicing his letters and numbers, etc. I know all that stuff. It's William's that gets to me. His teacher sends home some crazy as hell stuff to do. It's simple math, but the way she wants him to process the problems is loony. He has to also read a story 3 times about twice a week. Last night's story involved Spanish words like Jose`... William argued with me, saying it was Josey. I told him it was a Spanish name and that J's in Spanish are pronounced as H. So we start reading the story, it's about cowboys.. Vaqueros. ...and when William read that Vaquero was Spanish for cowboy, He gave me an amazed look...like, "Wow, she was right!" After that he pronounced Jose` as Jose`. What kills me, is that as soon as I get home and the nephews are there, they jump me. "Let's do my homework." They cry out..both fighting to be first. My brain is usually dead by 6 and all I want to do is make a nice cup of Raspberry tea and sit on the couch. But like Mom pointed out yesterday, "You're their favorite person and that makes you 'Homework Girl.'"

Granny isn't doing that great. She's been having mini-strokes--waking up in the morning, confused and not recognizing things around her. When I call her, it's hard to talk to her, because she doesn't remember much of her day. She's obsessed with medicines and doctor visits. It's so depressing. I dread calling. I miss my Granny--the one who could laugh and would tell me about the day I was born and how sunny it was. How her boss told her she was too young to be a Grandmother... the Granny that likes to sip tea and talk about the old days, when she was young.... the Granny who got my jokes and would laugh, saying "You're crazy. I dont' know where you get it from!" My heart aches... and there's not a thing I can do.

Dad's done with doctor visits for a while. None of the tests he went through showed signs of new blockage in his heart. In fact, his stress test and EKG show that his heart is strong. All along I've said that he's got angina--and that it's brought on by stress, smoking, not eating right and not exercising. All of which he won't do anything about. He seems to revel in complaining. My sister says it's all for attention. Maybe... but you know, when all you've got is your illness...and the attention and sympathy it brings, sometimes it's hard to let go of.

Speaking of health...I've got some sort of cyst or tumor on the top of my left foot. It's about the size of a huge jawbreaker ... almost as big as a golf ball but not quite as large. I think I caused it from the way I sit at the PC all day. I stretch out my legs, take off my flip flops and put my left heel on top of my right foot... which is exactly where the cyst thing is. It doesn't hurt though, by the end of the day, my foot sort of aches. But I know I should get it checked out. I called a few doctors and all of them want me to get a referral. I'm like...from where? One suggested I go to the Urgent Care. We're talking an extra $200 bucks or more. And my deductable is like $800. Let's say... "Rip-off." I know that some of the doctors around here have ties with each other or with clinics and will refer people back and forth. But when I explain that my insurance deductable is rather high and I don't want to spend a lot of extra money out of my pocket, they don't really care. Maybe if I've been going to a doctor all year (besides the gyno) and had spent money towards the deductable, I wouldn't be bitching. But I haven't... Al suggested I call some of the doctors in Fayetteville. I think I just might do that, though I prefer someone close to home, because knowing my family/friends, no one will be able to take time off to drive me to get the surgery done and drive me home again.

I've been watching Nip Tuck. It's gotten back to the darkness of the second season. I like this Nip Tuck better, though the Melissa Gilbert-dog story sort of pushed the envelope. If you're gonna touch a pet lover story, it shouldn't be done so vaguely. The writers seem to love to shock us on that show, I say give us a good jolt, not a tickle.

Also, I've begun working on the magazine again. With the pressures at work and home, I felt I needed a break from it. The fun of putting it together changed to the pressure of putting it together... after the sabbatical I've had, I'm energized and excited about it once again.

Next month will be Novel Writing Month. I didnt' think I had a story in my head, but I believe I do. I started writing down notes and outlines--character developments... and I think I'll tackle the NaNoWrMo.org challenge again this year.

As for my love life, it's stalled out. I'm still hanging out with Allen but he's dealing with Prostate issues which involve Avodart, which decreases his sexual appetite, his ability to get erections and has totally killed his libido. Sex is not on his mind at all. We hang out and I'm there for him, because he's going through some difficult times now and needs a good friend. As for my needs, I have my toys and to be honest, I haven't been around anyone who's appeal to my sex-petite enough to want to 'do them like wild animals.' Sometimes even sexuality needs to sit in the shadows and re-charge.