About 3 or 4 yrs ago, someone lent me a book of short stories by Annie Proulx, who wrote "The Shipping News," which was made into a movie that had Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey starring in it. A good flick--intense and very deep...not a chick flick movie. In this book was a short story called "Brokeback Mountain." A love story between two cowboys, Ennis del Mar and Jack Twist..that span 20 yrs. Deeply moving and tragic, as all secretive forbidden affairs are. I cried rivers. When I gave the book back to my friend, I mentioned the story and her response was "I can't believe you cried over two fags."
I cried rivers over two star-crossed soul mates, who loved each other but weren't allowed to express it without violence from society. Even as they both married women and had children, they never lost the intensity of their love--they maintained their relationship in secret.
Something Ennis del Mar said a few times, rang a bell in my heart, "If you can't fix it, you gotta stand it." That's so true...I believe it is how I live my life. There are things that have happened that I can't fix--like losing a child, Al's drinking which lead to our breakup, my dad missing most of my childhood, my beloved stepfather's death, my nephew's autism...the list is long. How I wish I could make everything right, but I can't. I have to find a way to live and continue along my path, even if my heart is wounded, even if a part of me is missing. We all experience this...and if someone says they don't, then they're lying.
One day last week, I was at Walmart getting some photos for mom from the photo department. I dropped by the book section to see if there were any books that caught my eye. I saw an Audio Book ... "Brokeback Mountain." Now a Major Movie! On the cover there is Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. Campbell Scott reads it...I had to have it.
And I listened to it last night...and cried a river.
I read today that the movie has been nominated for Golden Globe awards. I pray that it stays true to the story--though I imagine there will be embellishment, after all it's originally a short story. I hope that people won't stay away from the movie due to homophobia... it's a love story... and one that suggests you can't control who you love... you just do and find a way to stand it.