A Nervous New Priest

There was a new priest that gave his first sermon in a new church. He was so nervous during his sermon, he could barely talk. After the sermon, he went down to the pulpit to visit the veteran priest of the church. He told the veteran priest about his nervousness and asked what he could do to make his next sermon run more smoothly the next week.


The elder priest told him, "Try putting some vodka in your water glass at your podium to sip on. Things should go much better for you if you do." The young priest decided to take the elder priest's advice and put vodka in his glass by the podium, instead of water.


The following week the priest did just what the elder priest suggested. His sermon went so well, he was very proud of himself. He went down to the pulpit, after the sermon, to thank the elder priest for his helpful advice. The elder priest was not there, instead he found a letter on the desk. It read:

1. Next time sip the vodka, do not gulp!
2. David "slew" Goliath, he did not beat the shit out of him.
3. Next week we have a taffy pulling contest in St. Pete, not a peter pulling
contest at St. Taffie's.
4. We do not reffer to the cross as the "Big T"
5. We do not call the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost; "Big Daddy, Jr., and
the Spook."
7. When saying prayer at Sunday dinner, do not say "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for
the grub!"
8. We do not call Jesus and his diciples, "JC and the Boys."
9. And last but not least, it's the Virgin Mary, not "Mary with the cherry."