In Love with A Wild Man

After I broke up with Al in 99... we still kept in contact for a long time..even having a few sexual-capades. We've never gone long without one of us calling the other to see how they're doing...except last year...

He's always been funny. Someone who loves to tease. When I jumped back on the dating scene, I got used to sedated type guys. I think back ...over these dates and the short relationships and realize that I thought of them as boring. Even if they're fun to talk to or even get my jokes (some didn't), I still kept waiting for something from them..something that never happened.

Then in walks Al...back into my life and the wildness begins...and I love it. I'm never bored, even if I predict what he's going to do..I still love it.

I got to his house fairly early Saturday. I wasn't inside for long when he said, "Let's go." We took the Al-mobile (my nickname for his car) and went to look at houses. His house is very large...and too much for him. He's going to rent his house and find a smaller place to buy--good investment. We're looking for a fixer-upper. He likes to do handywork and has a eye for detail.

As we were driving through one neighborhood, we came to a traffic light and had to wait for it to turn green. Al said, "Where does this road go?" (He was referring to the road that was perpendular to us.

I had no idea. "I don't know."

"But you said you knew Fayetteville." He sat staring at me, eyebrows raised. He expected an answer. I knew he was semi-teasing me...

so I said, "It goes that way (pointing left with my right fore-finger) and that way (pointing right with my left fore-finger)."

He stayed silent...staring at me. I stared back and suddenly started laughing. He continued to stare. I saw him pull in his upper lip to keep from laughing. There was a guy standing on the corner with his dog. Al rolls down his car window and says, "Hey Bud, do you need a girlfriend? I've sell you mine...cheap."

We burst into laughter and I looked at him and said, "You have to admit it, Al. That was funny."

"Oh yea. It was a "Sherrie" answer." He grinned at me and we continued our journey when the light changed to green.

After we did our errands... we went back to his place. I was in the process of cleaning his kitchen when he annoucned that he needed to go to the grocery store because his cousin Dennis and Dennis' girlfriend Christine (who works with Al) were coming over later. Al wanted to cook something. I gave him my cell phone, told him to take it with him. I know Al. He'll forget what he needs and will have to make 3 trips. But if he has a phone handy, he can call and ask me...because he told me what he needed to get...and I secretly wrote it down.

He was surprised I handed it over. I guess he thinks I have stuff to hide. I don't. There are numbers in the address book that are unfamiliar to him, but they're my business and if he questions me about them, I'll answer truly. Just because we're together doesn't mean that our life before stopped. It didn't. I have friends, just like he does...and it doesn't mean I don't love him. It just means I have a life outside of him.

Al called about 4 times... like I knew he would. I didn't mind. He tried to fool me by disguising his voice. It didn't work. But when his cousin Dennis called...on his cell phone. I was fooled for a moment. Thought it was Al at first, but when he didn't start laughing, I knew it was his cousin.

When Al got in, he called Dennis and they set up a time. I finished tidying the house and rushed to change into something nice and fuss over my hair and face a bit. Al cooked up blackened catfish and some Octopus fritters. I made cole slaw with a hint of blue cheese in it. Plus some honey and bacon baked beans. It was all so yummy.

I did the prep work, Al did the cooking. So when our guests arrived, they went in and I was left to entertain them. Al stepped in and said, "Sherrie and her father own a photography studio. She does photographic restorations." Then he disappeared.
This opened up a topic and they asked questions. Christine said, "Allen told us at work that you are an artist. That 99 % of the art on his walls was done by you. Which ones are they?" I showed her some. Too modest to show all of them. Don't know why the knowledge that Al bragged on my talents humbled me.

Then Dennis asked, "Did you meet Allen in school?"

I told him no. Christine pressed the issue. "So how did you meet him?"

"I met Allen in early March of 95 at a sports pub. We noticed each other for a few weeks. Once I was playing pool at a table beside the one he was playing at. I was standing beside him, watching my friend take a shot when I noticed that Allen was staring at me out the corner of his eye. His face was towards his table but his eyes weren't. I turned and smiled at him and he quickly turned back to his table... caught and not wanting to admit it. About a week later, I was in area close to the bar and trying to get someone to dance with me. Allen walks in and I held out my hadn and said,'Care to Dance?' He took it and we danced...for a long time...the rest is history."

Christine said, "How romantic!"

But I couldn't let the illusion continue. "But we did break up for a long time. For many reasons. Right before Christmas, he walked into the studio. The moment I saw him, I realized we still had the old chemistry. He called in Jan and asked me over for dinner. Since then, I've been coming on the weekends ever since. We found each other again."

She smiled. "He's happy. All he does is talk about his 'Sherrie.'"

That made me happy. We ate soon after and then I cleaned up while she talked to me. We made jokes about men and love. After I finished the dishes, we joined the guys and watched Pirates of the Carribean. Al was telling a story from his youth and he said something but I can't remember what, which caused me and Christine to give the 'exchange of looks.' Al caught us. He said, "Ah...ha! Did you see that Dennis? Sherrie and Christine just exchanged the 'look.' You know...that universal eye contact that women know from all over. They've just met and yet they pass the 'look.'"

She and I laughed. Because we had. Dennis said, "They were plotting in the kitchen earlier."

We laughed some more. And they left around 11 or so. Al and I finished tidying the den and he disappeared soon after. I sat watching some TV, thinking he would come back but he didn't. I turned out the lights, blew out the candles we had lit and turned off the TV. It was quiet in the back of the house. I walked softly, thinking he was already asleep.

In the bedroom, there was only a candle burning. The bedcovers weren't turned down...and there was no Al. I stood, trying to figure out where he could be. Then...out the corner of my eye, I saw a naked man, crounching in the closet. He jumped out...and I screamed. It was Allen. Waiting to scare me to death. I fell over laughing at him, saying stuff like "So you've finally surrendered to your paranoia...by huddling naked and afraid in the closet. Or is this YOU coming out of the closet at last? Brokeback Al..." That's when he began to tickle me.

After a long bout of kissing and other things, I broke free and put on my night gown. It was a long deep pink Grecian type gown with a matching robe. I left the robe on the bed and ran to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash the makeup off. When I came back, there was Al...in the middle of the bed, wearing the robe and doing 'Vogue' poses. I fell over laughing.

This is the way we are together. We have our moments of disagreement and we work through them. He's stubborn and so am I. He makes his point. I make mine and we find some ground in between to work through it. We aren't perfect and never will be, nor is our relationship perfect but at times... I feel it's close to being perfect.

My heart sings and I am thankful for God allowing us to be together again.

A Haibun style poem

Still behind rose-colored glasses, I sit, waiting for words to move
me. In the quietness of time, I find none. There is little hope for
a rose petal pressed tightly between the pages of Neruda poetry. The
moment the book was opened, the petal lost all beauty. For who can
compete with verses such as his?

I ask of myself, only this...to write from the heart. I struggle to
pen emotions, hiding behind the images I create with words...hoping
above all else to find a way to show the depth of my ocean. Yet at
times, I drown in the deepness of myself.

Once I was told that gold tints the edges of my lashes and if mined,
it would bring wealth beyond the riches of the universe. I see only
fool's gold. So many mistakes mar the surface of my glasses. If I
look closely, I can almost see through the rose tint, but the
brilliance from the fool's gold blinds me.

How temporary a soul can be? It is frail as a rose petal and easily
bruised by touch. I should warn you...in the depth of my ocean swims
my soul and if you seek it, you might drown. The gold that lives on
my lashes can't save you.

red rose petals
floating on waves...
waiting to die


~ ~ ~ ~
A Haibun is a bit of prose that ends with a haiku or you can insert haiku between each verse... it's usually about a travel/journey.. I like the form, especially if I want to meander in prose, yet keep it poetic.

It's been a busy day! Had a nice weekend away from the studio. Al and I enjoyed two solid days together. We had dinner with his cousin (whom he's recently met that lives in Fayetteville too) and his cousin's girlfriend. It was fun. I was surprised at how much Allen ahd told them about me. After dinner, we all hung out watching the Pirates of the Carribean. Christine and I got along great. We'll probably BBQ soon as the weather is nice.

Today hasn't been so bad. Got a lot done. Went to the post office to check the mail and found that my key wouldn't fit! So I went to the inside window and Ted, the clerk told me that some of the boxes were vandalized--that a group of guys had broken into them during the weekend. Sure enough...our box was on the list. I had to fill out a vandalism report and get new keys. Luckily no one mailed payments in this weekend. IT's a sad world when the post office gets pillaged.

Hanging out with the nephews tonight.. and I need to work on the magazine...once again I am really behind.

Yesterday was....

Hell... to quote the Rolling Stones:


"And look at me, I'm in tatters, yeah
I've been battered, what does it matter
Does it matter, uh-huh
Does it matter, uh-huh, I'm a shattered"

(humming is optional, Shadoobie)

Today is better...maybe due to me scheduling a rare 2 day weekend away from the studio.

It's been crazy here. No scanner...and I need one. Dad's been on my ass about going to the Offfice Depot and getting whatever. I said "NO". I'm getting a quality one, even if I have to do trekking. On top of this, my printer (Hewlett Packard is the Devil) is chopping off images when it prints. Only when I use razor thin paper does it print right. SO I need a new printer tooo... this is added to Dad's "Have you found (insert item name) yet?" Between the pressure from him and the pressure to get my work printed and out on time, I'm going into brain death before 2 pm every day.

Wednesday evening we found out that Granny is in the early stages of Alzheimers. We figured she might, because she's been getting lost going to places she goes to daily, forgetting things... walking around disoriented. She's upset and feels like a failure. I've been rallying close family members, so that we all can be upbeat and optimistic and ease some of her distress. She's on new meds and they seem to be helping. I talked to her this morning and she sounded more like Granny than she has in over 6 months. Say some prayers for her, please.

The stress of having to keep family members calm is telling on me too. I get calls daily with questions about Alzheimers. Today I plan to print out some information and make a 'guidebook' for those who can't grasp things, like my silly cousin who likes to make things worse than they are. Someone gets a paper cut and she spreads it around that they lost a finger.

The nephews are doing great. They're the bright spots in my life during the week. When I walk in the door and they're there, they both yell "Aunt Sherrie's HERE. Hey AUNT SHERRIE...COME LOOK AT THIS...or COME PLAY." They run and hug me and give me kisses. I was playing a video game with William Wed night and he was beating me badly...

I said, "Wow, you're killing me."
He said, "It's all for the Love of God."

Where he gets these funny comments...I don't know.

Allen passed a huge test, which suprised me. I was really upset Wednesday night. He called late and I sat in bed, listening to him rattle on about his day. I thought,"I want to talk about Granny, but I know he won't listen." That's how it was in the past...he was very self-absorbed. But I decided to try.

I said, "I have something important to talk about."
He grew quiet and waited. So I told him about Granny's Alzheimer and Al was so tender and full of concern. We talked about it until I felt better. He soothed my soul and that's a first. He's rarely been able to comfort me in the past. I have to confess, this made me fall more in love with him.

After yesterday's craziness at the studio, I went in search of batteries and candles. On the way home with my treasure trove, I called a close friend in Cali. Haven't had much time to talk of late. We chatted for a long time..catching up on things between his customers at the comic shop he works for part-time. I told him about Granny and he was very supportive. He told me about the birthdays that his son and wife just had. When I got home, I sat in the truck and took a deep breath. I could hear a lot of people in the background and knew he was getting busy. So I said, "Sam, I'm home and need to go inside and see what's up."

He said, "Take a deep breath. Relax and then face whatever's waiting, Painter lady." (his nickname for me and the name of this blog..lol)

I laughed shakily and said, "Thanks. I will. Have a great evening. I'll catch you soon."

Before I could hang up, he said, "Wait...there's something important I want to say to you..."

I said, "Ok." Waiting and wondering what it could be...figuring it had to do with his job or family or about the poetry book he's got in production."

Instead he said, "For 5 years now, you've been here for me...a strong and supportive friend. I don't think I say this enough...fuck, I know I don't...but I love you. And I'm glad you're in my life."

That started the tears... you know... it's good to hear that people love you and I realize I don't say it enough...so to my blog friends and my online friends.. I want to say this:

Jo... I love you and I miss our talks. Your insight on life has saved me many times.
King John... I love you and how you make me laugh with your wit.
Sarah HB... I love you like the daughter I've always wanted. You have so much to offer this world. Don't ever forget that."
Sandra...I love you and your crazy single life...it reminds me of myself when I was your age.
Lorraine... I love you. You're my blood sister and that says it all.
DJ JD...I love you. You've put up with my silly emails and sent me funny ones in return that make me fall off my seat laughing. Thanks for that.

It's good to have friends...now I'm off to call a few real life ones and tell them how much I love them.

One of my recent Photographic Restoration Projects

Shadow Dancer

In silence, shadows reach for me;
the soft light of moon watching.
The fabric of my soul stretches
like silk across my full breasts,
as the shadows claim their reward.
I should run from the carnal pleasure
that night covertly delivers to me.
Instead I embrace the decadence,
like a sultry shadow dancer,
locking the world outside her music box.

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Brain's Pattern

Your brain is always looking for the connections in life. You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first. You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker. You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

Your Birthdate: October 23

You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem. You're good at so much - you never know what to do. Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long. You are destined for a life of travel and fun. Your strength: Your likeability Your weakness: You never feel satisfied Your power color: Bright yellow Your power symbol: Asterisk Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Birth Month is October

You are a natural leader who is able to stand up when no one else can. Strong and powerful, you tend to overshadow those around you. Your soul reflects: Gratitude, comfort, and true love Your gemstone: Tourmaline Your flower: Cosmos Your colors: White and yellow

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

There ya go... facts are facts

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You give and take equally in relationships. You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

Tonight on PBS

The Ministry of Silly Walks




Monty Python's Personal Best.

It's a new series where the cast members share their personal favorites. Eric Idle kicks it off with his...the Silly Olympics, Bruces, Lumberjacks and the Hairdressers' Expedition to Mount Everest. This is British humor at its best.

It's one of those...

Nobody listens to "Turtlette" days!

I spent 10 mins explaining to a photographic colleague what I wanted him to do for me, regarding the scanning of a collage and then burning it to CD...

in 5 seconds, Dad confuses him by telling him what to do... which was all wrong...

and I have to spend 2 minutes telling Dad to be quiet and let me talk...then spend another 8 minutes going over what I required...again.

Dad hates it when I appear more knowledged than him...regarding anything. Then has to do stupid 'power plays' like the one today. But this one left egg on his face. I am the digital artist, not him. I know what I require to get the work done. He has no earthly idea how to scan, retouch or even print. That's his fault. We've had the digital system since 1998. All he's done has been to surf the net and play games on it.

I bit my tongue today. Next time... I might not.

Finally ... winter

It's very cold today. More so than yesterday...and gray.
I can deal with the cold... not with the rain that might come in.

Had a great weekend.
Drove up to see Allen.

I was in the kitchen last night, putting chocolate icing on a cake I baked for him. For no real reason, I glanced up and saw that he was watching me. His expression made my knees buckle. I was thankful to have the kitchen counter to lean against. Al's face had a softness to it, his eyes... that said all that my heart wanted to say... that I love him, as deeply as I did all those years ago...and I thought, "This love has never really left us."

I didn't say anything. I smiled at him and he smiled back. I know my answering look spoke to him, because his smile was a dopey and wide as mine.

We'll say those words soon. When the moment is perfect.

Saturday, we did some errands that he needed to do and then spent the evening, talking and watching porn. lol... it's so goofy--porn... he's not seen much due to being a prude for 45 years, so this is like candy to him. I sit and dissect it. Make commentary remarks that crack him up. After he got tired of the porn, he said, "Ok, it's time to hide the salami." That cracked me up...

Sex... well, it's been animalistic and wild...and the afterglow has been loving and tender... that's all I'm going to say about it.

Sunday, I cooked breakfast. We watched the Carolina game. Then I did some stuff...like clean his refridge. Why don't most men living alone, think to clean stuff like...the tile in the shower, wipe up spills in the fridge, sweep under things, etc... I haven't been doing much cleaning while I'm there because I don't want him to think I'm trying to be his mom. But I couldn't stand it any longer and did some work around the house. He went out and trimmed his azalea bushes. It was cold out... after I was done with the other cleaning, Al came in and said, "Get your coat, your gloves, your scarf and a hat." I did. Went out and he had a bonfire going. We hung out around it. Dancing...no music, just the crackle of the fire.

When we turned in for the night, in Al's arms I fell asleep...to the memory of us laughing and dancing under the stars and not feeling the cold.

Spitting nails

Yesterday afternoon was a bitch. My printer kept cropping off parts of the picture I was printing. One of my digital imaging programs kept freezing and when I tried to save my work, the program would close itself. I had one really damaged photo fixed and lost the whole file.

Then on top of it all, a customer came in to pick up an order that she needed by Friday...and tells me I got the wrong photo ready (She brought in 3)...instead of the photo I had prepared and printed, she needed the other two--both required some light retouching. I showed her the work order, because I wrote it down like she said. Instead of saying, "Oh you're right." She said, "Well, you musta not been listening."

I told her I would have the photos ready by 11 this morn and she left. I haven't seen her yet. She'll probably appear right when I'm leaving.

A few other things happened and I came to the conclusion that even with a new PC system, HP Printers still are the devil.

When I left work...I was so frustrated and irritated that I could have spit nails...enough to build a condo. The drive home usually is only 5 minutes. I get behind Grandma Bluehair and her sister Silver Puff who are talking and sightseeing, while driving 35 mph. Behind me is a prick... we all know it's better to have an asshole in front of you than a prick behind you. He's a young dud in a pimped up car, driving on my bumper. The traffic coming was so solid that I couldn't pass Granny and her Sister. So instead of 5 mins it took almost 10.

I pull into my drive and my sister is there, blocking the path I drive to the shelter I usually park under. I couldn't squeeze by her without running over my azeala bushes. So I had to drive around the block and come in via the path behind the house.

As I walked to the house, I could hear the nephews--loudly. They were either playing or having a fight. Mom and Lisa's voices were just as loud and I thought, "Give me patience to swallow these nails I want to spit out."

In an outdoor chair by the back door was a single red rose surrounded by greenery and baby's breath flowers. It was wrapped in white tissue paper with red roses printed on it. A red ribbon secured the paper. The card simply read "Sherrie" in Al's handwriting. He had left a rose for me.... to find when I got home.

Every irritation, every frustration, every ounce of anger and impatience dissolved into nothingness, as I reached for the rose. I opened the card and it said, "Happy VD. Love, Allen." My heart sang and I stepped inside the kitchen smiling.

Expect nothing and you receive rewards.

I talked to Al later. He laughed at me and said, "I put the rose outside your door last night (Tuesday-V day), to see if you would see it. I was shocked you didn't because, you went outside several times."

"You didn't have to do this, you know. Your visit meant just as much as getting flowers or candy."

He laughed, "I know, baby. Can't believe it took you so long to find it."

"I had a horrible afternoon. When I saw the rose, it evaporated. So I think I found it at the perfect time, sweetie."

Day after Valentine's Day Sale

Now's the time to buy the expensive boxes of chocolate for half-price!

My dad used to do that...lol

I had a nice day yesterday. Got some roses...not from Al. I don't think he's ever gotten me roses on Valentine's day. He's sent flowers in the past but ususally for my birthday or just because. I didn't expect any from him. These roses came from a guy who won't give up on me. He thinks that one day, I'll come around and see the light--that he's my soulmate and we'll live in the eternal bliss of true love. Wrong... he's a nice guy but there are no sparks. This year the card read, "Maybe one day my dreams will come true."

I try to be polite and kind to him...like most of us, I know what unrequited love feels like.

I left work at 5:15...stopped for gas at one of my ususal places. The guy who works there is from the middle east and a handsome young guy. He's got a crush on me. After I paid for the gas, he stammered out "Hoppy Volentine." I gave him a wink and said, "Same to you, dear."

Got home around 6:30, after doing some errands and cooked dinner for my brother. He couldn't believe Al wasn't coming down to visit on Valentine's Day. I told him I didn't expect it, because of his schedule.

Guess what...at 8 pm, Al calls and says he's in town and can he come over. I was so shocked, standing there in my jammies. I was watching Napoleon Dynamite...after all he's my Valentine this year. I said "But I thought you couldn't make it tonight." He replied in purr, "I have to see my 'fuckbunny' on Valentine's Day."

I changed clothes before he got there and we had a great night together.

Guess who called... the guy who sent the roses. I didn't bring them home...not because I didn't want Al to see them... I just plain ole forgot about them.
I thanked the guy and then told him I had company and said goodbye. Al noticed my flushed face and gave me an inquiring look. All I said was "That was a guy who has had a huge crush on me...for the last 3 years. He doesn't believe in giving up."

Al laughed but I saw him studying me closely later, as if seeing me differently--maybe as the object of desire for other men. I think it's good to know that the person you love is desireable. I'm very aware of his sex appeal.

My brother went to bed early because he had to work this morning. So once things were quiet, Al and I had a romping sex-capade in the den. Every piece of furniture was molested. He mentioned something very decadent last weekend but it never crept up last night...and I'm glad because last night was all about us... and I loved that.

This morning I dropped my brother off at work and came back home to wake Al up 'Sherrie style.' Talk about the morning glow...we both had it.

And I can truly say...this was the best Valentine's holiday ever.

This quiz result is very on target!!!

You Were A Lion

You have a lethal combination of strength and energy. You have strong family ties, and close friends are like family to you.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Give me chocolate... Like this:

Need I say more?

So Far..here's my only Valentine

God help me!