I've come to the sad conclusion that Al and I will never get married. He's too busy putting other things in front of our relationship and is content with what we have--a Friendship. Yet he expects me to play weekend wife without so much as a passionate kiss or any form of validation.
The other day I spent time going over this blog and realized that I glossed over much about us, because I didn't want to face the truth--things had become the same as they were the first time around with me giving 110 % and Al popping out zero, if that much.
Do I want to live like this? No...I want a passionate life and I'm not referring to sex--but to passion between two people. We do not have it. He seems to think everything is fine...well on his end it is. I cook, clean and even call every morning to wake him up. IF he's down, I am there, if he's sick, I am there...and when he's working late hours and I won't see him but for 6 waking hours of the weekend, I am still there.
In the past 6 weeks, I've met another or rather had a personal 'reunion' with an old classmate... he's had more sorrow and illness that any person I've ever met at our age. Yet, he has the most positive attitude I've ever know. And he inspires me like no one before him. I feel as if I've awakened from a long sleep and am seeing the world for the first time.
There's not enough time now to write all I want... things are changing here and I've hidden from writing about the changes.
Time to face the music and write the truth...what lives in my heart. I've found that words give me strength...and now I know that positive thinking and realizing we've only got this one second in life... drive me too.