Somehow I am managing to survive, even if with tears. I am amazed at the people who saw through mine and Thomas's banter on the myspace class page and knew there was more to us than just words. So many have sent me emails and called, offering support and telling me how Teez told them that I had made a difference in his life...and a few of his oldest and dearest friends thanked me for giving him such a wonderful send-off...that it was obvious to them that he suddenly had a spring in his step, a fire in his eyes and a smile in his soul after years of barely getting by.
There words are kind and taken to heart... yet how am I to fill this void he left... no more emails waiting for me...no more talks for hours...no more touches to my hair, to my body...
My day was so long.. and a few times I checked my email to see if he had written, only to be reminded he won't. Once the phone rang and I prayed to God that it would be him saying 'Gotcha.'
I miss him so much. Even as I am surrounded with loving emails and other things...they can't take the place of a man who made my life so bright, so full of love and everything positive. I know this will probably be the love of my life...and even with the pain, it is worth the love we shared...and the love that still breathes inside me.
One breath at a time...is how I am living until I can find a way to live without him.