Something wrote in 2001

It's Been a While

Its been awhile since I thought of him, the one that got away. The love of my life that I let walk out that door. Youth in all its silliness can fuck you over. Its been 13 years, wiser now, smarter now, and a little more mature.Why couldn't fate have allowed us to meet now instead of when we both were so young and foolish? I think of that on nights like this, in the humid summer.

I sit on the porch, especially after a rain. Think about the moon, the stars and how they remain much the same, through all our fuck-ups and our heartbreaks, our laughter and our love. No emotion there in the sky, just existing. Some lights burning long and bright, some dying fast..some just twinkling dimly...no one noticing them at all.

Sitting and sipping lemonade. Ice-cold-freshly-squeezed-between-my-thighs-lemonade.

His light was bright, so blindingly bright. And hot to touch. But I did. I took the chance. He told me mine was as hot to embrace and so blindlingly beautiful to look at. One night while we were making love in one of those cheap motels that have the mirrors over the bed. I looked up into the mirrors, after one particular extravangant pussy-blowing orgasmic fest, and saw our combined auras, swirling and melding together--cosmic colors of pink climax and blue satin bliss--silly giggly after-good-sex-colors.

Lemonade sure is good. Crickets are mating and damn...could have sworn that for a moment, the skies looked like our bonded hearts did that night, reflecting back at us and smiling, at youth and its heated fevers of the moment...wish that I knew how they get so lost in today.

~ ~ ~ ~
I remember writing this. But I don't think that the person I'm referring to in the prose is the 'love of my life.' At the time, I might have felt that way...but now, I don't. I'm hoping I haven't met the love of my life yet. That there is hope in the stars and that love...is eventual.