The "Eye Candy" Factor

Sunday during their visit with me, I listened to Betty-A and Shannon discuss some of the men we know--the guys they thought were hot..and the ones that weren't. They made special mention of the guys they knew who had 'a crush' on me. I had to laugh, because I didn't know they had one. But what made me laugh harder was when Shannon asked my secret!!!

I don't think there is any secret recipe to getting a person to develop a crush on you. It's something that just happens. Hell, I've had my share of crushes. And I hope I continue to have them even when I'm 103.

When I first meet a person, I am usually reserved. I study that person until I get a reading on them, as to what type of humor they have and if they are intelligent enough to get my wit. So you can say I give little tests on each. Once I feel comfortable, I slowly reveal who I am unless the connection is immediate and if it is...then I am myself. This goes for men and women.

It took me a long time to warm up to Betty-A and Shannon. Mainly because they don't have independant skills of communication. Their interests and their conversation topics are predictable and they don't have independent opinions about anything. Their goal is to find the man of their dreams...but their expectations are unrealistic. Thus, they go through many 'relationships.'

Take their 'hot' list for example... the key words are sexy, fine ass, built, cool car, lots of money and handsome. Superficial and shallow should be included. In other words, they love "Eye Candy."

I've never been one to go after "Eye Candy." There has to be more to a person to get my interest--there has to be a cavalcade of characteristics like humor, warmth, interests outside of the night life scene, education, goals, kindness, eyes that smile, a bit of devil/wickedness and listening skills/communication. Most of all, the person has to make me laugh--not just at jokes but at myself and the ironies life tosses our way. There has to be a connection that is beyond description...one that is a combination of sexuality and humanity. Toss in complexity and its perfect...I don't mean to sound vague but its hard to describe what I am referring to.

Since our conversation, I've been thinking about the guys they mentioned who have crushes on me. They are nice enough guys. And I've known them a long time. I tease them and joke around with them, mainly because they are easy targets. I can zing them with my wit and humor and half the time they don't know what hit them. There is no pressure for them to impress me, because I don't expect them to. Each moment we spent together is just that...a moment and I don't expect anything from them other than a brief conversation.

Do I have any crushes? At the moment I don't. In fact, I have no real interest in anyone. Not even a sexual interest. There has to be a connection that is wicked and delicious--one that is continuous or I lose interest fast. I don't mean love, either. I believe that a balanced combination of lust and true affection can keep me interested for a long time. There has to be a depth that goes beyond the 'eye candy' stage. I believe that's why I love being involved with complex men, because with them they throw curve balls and I find it a challenge to know when they're going to throw one.

This is the reason I don't jump on these offers from Eye Candy. Give me a man with depth and complexity any day. I don't mind waiting for him...even if him only comes my way every few years. Its better to have mind-blowing quality than mundane quantity.