(Repost)

I saw a guy today at the bakery that reminded me of a regret that I have. Well, I shouldn't call it a regret...its more of a 'what could have been.' Oh well, I guess that's what a regret is.

Back when Allen moved to Charlotte in 1996. Before he left, we used to hang out at Peckers sports bar every night. After he left, I continued to stop by after work to talk to our friends and grab a bite to eat before heading home. One night...in the spring, I was there sitting at the bar enjoying a Zima beer and a salad when I noticed a guy sitting a few seats away from me at that bar. He was a stranger... and what caught my attention was that when I called for Willie the bartender to bring me more napkins, the stranger answered. His name was Willie too.

Seated between us was a guy who liked to sit beside me. Mark. He was married and hung out at Peckers until his wife got home. She would call when she got in and he would dutiful go home to her. The reason he liked to sit beside me was because he knew I wouldn't hit on him. That's the excuse he gave...but I think it was because I played the Sex Trivia game on the poker machine. I kept the high score. Sometimes he would play with me or tell someone to come over and watch me top my last score.

That night, he started a conversation with the Stranger. And in doing so, the stranger asked what I was doing (by this time I had finished my salad and was playing the sex trivia game while I finished my beer). So we three played the game. While we did, the stranger talked about his life and entertained us with jokes. He was my age and lived in Florida. Single. He had flown up New Jersey to get a car his dad had for him and was on his way home to Florida. L'ton is the halfway mark. He was in town for just the night.

And boy was he ever so charming. He was a tree trimmer. He had a barrel chest that shouted muscles. Dark brown hair that was thick and stopped at the collar of his shirt. I could see every muscle on his arms. I trembled to imagine the rest of his body.

Our chemistry was devastating. And everyone noticed it immediately. Right before Mark left, he leaned over and whispered in my ear "Don't leave yet. Enjoy this guy's company. He's interesting and I can tell you're charmed. You deserve the attention he's piling on you."

So I stayed and I don't think I've ever been charmed as much as Willie, Tree Trimmer from Florida charmed me. We eventually moved to the billard area and shot a game of 8-ball. We laughed and laughed. He gave me lessons on how to line up my shots, even though I told him I knew how to play pool. He still had to show me. My pulse raced when he put his arms around me and helped me take my shots. I know I had an effect on him. I felt his hard cock pressing against me whenever he got behind me to help me take a shot....Once a song played, "Brandy" by Looking Glass and we danced. He held me close and even with layers of clothes between us, I felt the potency of his erection. I was literally being swept off my feet. And if someone had of mentioned Allen's name at that moment, I would have said, "Allen who?"

It was right before last call that Willie, the bartender came up to me to see if I wanted anything else. The Tree Trimmer was in the restroom. I remember Willie looking at me strangely, as if I were someone he didn't know. It was then that I realized that my behavior was unusual. I never exhibited interest in any guys while with Allen. When a guy would show romantic interest I would quickly inform him that I was Allen's girl. But this time, I didn't. I was acting as if I were single.

I looked at Willie and said, "I probably should leave before I get into trouble." I was referring to my desire to do more than talk to the tree trimmer. Willie agreed, "Yes, you need to get out of here now...while he's in the men's room. Go. I've got your tab covered. Its on me... GO NOW!" and he shooed me out the door. I was amazed that Willie was actually paying my tab for the night. He must have been really concerned that I was about to do something that would hurt Al.

I ran. Out the front door. I remember it shutting behind me and I breathed a sigh of relief. As if I had just had a close call of some sort. I took about 5 steps towards my car when I heard a voice behind me say, "Hello."

It was the Tree Trimmer, smoking a cigarette as he stood in the middle of the parking lot, as if waiting for me... Willie... man of iron, man of smiles, man who made my pulse race... I stood in shock. But..but..I had left him inside. I had just made my grand escape and ...there he was. I guess he read my mind because he said, "When I left the men's room, the guys at the bar told me they were closing. I left out the back door and waited for you....and here you are."

I smiled, not knowing what to say. My mind in a turmoil. I hadn't escaped the web. I had ran right into it.

"Is there another place we can go?"

"Hmmm no. Peckers is the only place I ever go to."

"I'm staying at the Comfort Inn. Would you like to come over and watch some TV? Talk some more."

Oh someone was tempting me... God? The Goddess of Fidelity? Oh I wanted to. How I wanted too... I had a flash of us naked...bodies sweating... his cock driving into me... my cunt gripping him, my mouth devouring him... and then I thought of Allen. And I knew I couldn't. I loved him. And though I was lonely with him living so far away, I knew I couldn't betray him. I was silent for a while. Not answering as I let my mind run its tortured path--trying to still the desire I felt for this man while listening to my heart remind me I had duties to fulfill--mainly being faithful.

"No I'm sorry. But I have to work tomorrow and its late. Be safe going back home....and thanks for a fun time." I turned away... his voice stopped me.

"Are you sure?" He purred out. I swear he touched the nape of my neck with his voice.

I pretended not to hear. Got in my car and drove away. As I waited for traffic to clear, I glanced in my rear view mirror. There stood the Tree Trimmer, still in the same spot, smoking his cigarette as he watched me drive away.

I almost turned back at the first light. But fought the urge...and as I drove further away, the urge slowly evaporated.

That was 9 years ago. Sometimes I think about him. I don't wonder about what would have happened. I know. We would have torn each others clothes off the second the door was shut. And it would have been the most intense pleasure that either of us had known. His touch burned me. I believe mine seared him.

There are times now...when I fantasize about him. He's probably on the top 5 list of people I fantasize about while I vibe.

When I saw that guy today. He had the same smoking mannerism that Willie, Tree Trimmer had. And for a while I was taken back to that last view of him, smoking in the parking lot as I drove away.

My regret is that I kept on driving. I wonder now... if I had of taken a sip of Willie, if maybe things would have been different in the end. I would have somehow lessened some of Allen's hold on me.

But its late now...and though I started this post earlier in the day with the drive to go in a different direction, I find I am ending it poorly... but isn't that what regret does to you? It leaves you conflicted and that's how I'm finding the ending of this post... the ramble of a conflicted woman, who will always wonder about the little stuff.