Painter Lady

Picture I took of the small bath and a table

2010-11-22T23:16:00.003-05:00

The table that broken fridge is one was once inside the house. Now it's ruined. Oh and the fridge is broken. Probably why that jerk left it.

The bath is an example of what I was left to clean up.
The brown/black things are dog poop. Somehow the dog got into the room Al uses as an office and pooped along the walls. I counted 40 pieces of poop in just that room alone. I am still amazed today at the mess this guy made in only 6 weeks.

Shame on Sherrie

2010-11-22T22:51:00.003-05:00

Shame on me for letting time slip away. I have the usual excuses. The usual bullshit that we all give when we let time go by before we visit a good friend. This blog has always been here for me...to vent, to laugh, to cry and to write cheezy poetry.

Ever since Teez died I've been struggling for words to write. I come to this blog sometimes to write. I log on and stare into the white page of emptiness. Nothing comes to mind. So I leave and tell myself that another day will work. Next time, sometime anything will find its way down my fingers and over the key board.

But nothing.

I discontinued the internet service at work. The only time I get online now is in the mornings or at night...to go Facebooking. I lose myself in the games there. Disco Empire where disco rules and rap drools. To my fairy town, where I build lovely fairy houses so they can breed and make more fairies.... my zoo world where I breed and feed. Of all my friends, the ones I interact with are my game friends.

A sad way to be I think... but I confess. It's my retreat away from things.

This has been a most difficult year. Ever since April, we've been discussing closing the studio. But each time we set a date, we get busy. I take that to mean we should stay open until we set a date and are able to meet it. I figure by Jan, we'll be able to do that. What next? Work from home and see where it goes I guess.

Allen and I are still together. He was in Kuwait working from June 3 until Oct. 30. Supply clerk at Camp Arifjan. He loved it but got screwed out of his contract by a stupid ass who was suppose to cut 96 jerk offs and rotten apples from the company. Instead he just pulled up the first spread list of employees and axed 96 of them. Al included. He's back home now. Depressed and drinking. I am at my wit's end at times.

While he was gone, I thought that I would be able to really invest some time into myself. Write, edit one of my novels, visit friends and Teez's grave. But no... I didn't get to do any.

Al let a 'friend' of his stay in his house rent-free in exchange for keeping Slick-the cat and doing home improvements that Al would fund when he saved up money. The guy turned out to be the worse jerk I've ever known...after a few days he lost the cat. (He brought in pit bulls and I think that's why she got out) This jerk gave me hell. I've never in my life met anyone who considered me, Al's right hand and girl that he adores with all his heart...a third party. That's what the guy called me. When I would relay messages from Al, he would ignore them, saying he needed to talk to him and not a third party. The guy refused to help me find the cat. If I put out food in spots I thought she might hide, he moved it. I set out a trap I borrowed, covered it with brush...he uncovered it and moved it. I once put a bowl of food in it...he took it out and put in a can of salmon. The large kind. Like a cat can eat out of that.

Finally after dealing with this ass for two months, he moves out. Leaving the house a total mess. Dog shit all over the floors, stuff missing like the towels, some furniture...dishes and bowls. He even took one of Al's shoes. Just one. Maybe he's got a third foot somewhere. He scratched up the hardwood floors. He broke some lamps. I cleaned that house from early Sept until mid Oct. It took that long to get the dog crap up. I've never seen the likes of filth that this guy left.

Naturally when Al got home he was pretty upset and still is. We never found the cat. We call for her all the time but I think she's either moved on to a faraway land or is dead.

While he was gone, I had to deal with his personal business. And at times that was tough because he went over there so fast, we didn't get me power of att. Next time, will be different.

What's weird is that dealing with that jerk has changed me in many ways. I have no tolerance for stupidity. I tell it like I see it. Before...I always hung back, trying to find words that would be gentle and kind and it I couldn't find them.. I would stay silent.

When Al came home, I felt a big pressure leave me. The time he spent there, we could only communicate through email and yahoo chat. We discussed things without arguing. We encouraged each other and I think surprised each other as well. Now that he's back, I feel a unity that is amazing. I don't have expectations anymore. I just take each moment we are together and enjoy that moment, even if it's not the best in the world. It's still a moment.

I found my muse again. I'm writing my 7th novel for NaNoWriMo.org. And it's flowing off my fingers. I am at 39,000 words as I write now. I know I'll finish this one ..that is if the creek don't rise. I've got a 4/3 record and I hope I make it a 5/3 this year.

Please forgive me for not writing, dear blog. Maybe now that I have words again. I'll be back sooner than you think.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-18T14:12:00.002-05:00

Even though I don't have time to sit and write, I am gonna do it anyway. Maybe after the New Year, I'll get back to writing. I know I've said it before but I can feel words developing in my mind and an urge to sit and write is stirring a little.

It's been a difficult year. May be 2010 will be brighter. I know some major changes will be made and have already started...

Granny is now in a nursing home that has a special Alzheimer's unit. The Friday after T-day, she got out of her house at 12:30 am and wasn't found until 8:30 am. Her core temp was 91 and she was in intensive care for a few days. Luckily she survived. It was cold but not below freezing all that night. The irony of it all was that she had ventured across the road over towards where some construction had been going on. She fell behind some heavy brush and couldn't get up. It's amazing she lived, especially since she was only wearing a thin nightie, no shoes or socks.

But luckily for us she is in good hands now and has no major damage done to her body due to the hyperthermia she sufferred. Mom was told that Granny has the vitals of a teenager. You know...God does take care of his own. Granny was a very religious lady all of her life and God won't forget that.

Sam's better and was working yesterday. I didn't have time to call and check on him. Nor have I had time to do anything fun with my chick friends. We may have dinner one night this week to share a drink and to laugh together one last time before the New Year.

My wish for all is to be happy and to embrace those around you whom you love. Life is so short and can change in a heartbeat.

Much Love and Happy Holidays.

Where did October get too?

2009-11-19T14:48:00.003-05:00

Ya know...I think about writing but it doesn't get past the thought very often of late. I sneak in and read blogs when I can, which isn't very often of late.

So much seems to have happened since last fall that has changed me so much in many ways..at least with my online life. I spend more time with friends and family. When I do log on it's usually Facebook that I hit, hiding out doing the games and reading walls.

My words feel as if they aren't mine when I try to write, except the Children's Novel I'm doing for NaNoWriMo.org. But that's "Child Play."

My second Mother, Mary died on my birthday (Oct. 23). She had a heart attack. She went fast and with no pain. I feel as if another piece of me is gone. I could tell her anything and she would give me advise without preaching, treating me as an equal. On more than one occasion, she told me that I was the daughter she never had. Last night I had a dream that she called me. We spent a few minutes talking about some books I lent her (which are still at her house), and then I remembered she was dead. I said, "Mary, I was told that you died." She said, "Who told you that load of Shit?" I said, "Your son and his wife." Silence answered and I kept saying into the silence,"Mary are you there?" Then I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. It seemed so real.

A few weeks ago my Great Uncle Buddy died from old age. He spent the last few weeks of his life in a nursing home and was the happiest we've seen him in years. I miss his gruffness. And still look over at his house from my backyard, thinking he's there.

In October, we almost lost the business due to banking mistakes Dad made. But we managed to pull out of the crisis. I am not sure if I'll be here in March. I know I've said it before but Dad refuses to turn things over to me and I am tired of drifting along with him, stifled by the shell I've outgrown.

Sam's health is not good. He has kidney disease due to his diabetes and was doing home dialysis until he had a heart attack last week. It's pretty bad but I keep praying that he'll get thru this. I'm afraid for him, especially after knowing what Thomas went thru.

Sorry...didn't mean to make this post so melancholoy. Things aren't as bad as they could be.

On to brighter things... I'm selling Avon part-time. My Grandmother Leggett would be proud. She sold it for over 26 years. So far I am doing okay with it. I don't plan on making a career out of it, and the discounts I get make the perks worth it.

Al and I are doing fantastic. He's not Thomas. And I know that he will never be like Thomas, but he's doing better and making an effort to be loving and less demanding on my time. He's supportive and talks strongly of a future together. Yes, he drives me nuts but he's my Al and I love in because of the nuts.

The nephews are great. William is adjusting to private school. He's taller than I am. I'll have to remember to upload the Halloween pictues. Ben is struggling with 3rd grade. I really believe he would profit if he were held back a year. He's so immature for his age and is too bright a child to have poor grades.

I spoke with my friend Keith--the one who has Lou Gerigh's disease yesterday. He never complains and is always so uplifting. I shouldn't be sad about the things I can't change and embrace what I do have. Love, Health and the ability to do anything I want.

September

2009-09-25T14:15:00.002-04:00

I thought I would have thoughts to blog but didn't...and so almost another month goes by without a post.

But I did manage to squeeze out a poem...it's about Thomas. Labor day weekend was the beginning of our private 'reunion.' As you can guess, I have been feeling a bit wistful and sad these last few weeks. Although I have gotten good at hiding it. Time may heal wounds but it doesn't lessen the memories. Thank God ours were good ones.

September Sees

September sees the flowing memories
of you in my mind's eye,
the frothy churning of desire
that once flooded the gates of our lives.

You were my rare shooting star
blinding me with exotic wonderment.
We were caught center stage,
blissfully ignorant of the world around us.

Every stolen moment, a treasure unearthed;
Every shared secret, a precious gift of gold.
Embraces were our rubies and diamonds
until the day the moon aligned with Venus.

There is no playground of the Gods
lurking on the fringe of tomorrow,
nor is there a bright yellow sun
shining on the promise of today.

All we have are crimson yesterdays,
so brilliant that they put the waning stars
out of their bittersweet misery,
while branding images into my mournful soul.

I actually feel like blogging!

2009-08-31T11:49:00.002-04:00

A very urgent feeling overcame me just now... Blog! So I am. Although I have a gob of work to do.

Been fighting a respiratory bug. These things always start out as head congestion and end up in my chest--I'm running on 70%. I blame it on the Crepe Myrtles. It seems I get something every year when they bloom.

Things have been going ok. The nephews are back in school. So far William loves the Christian School. Ben has a good teachter this year--one of William's old ones. He will have to deal with EOGs this year.

He came up with a great excuse not to get into the shower on Friday night... he said, "But it smells like BUTT in there."

This coming Saturday will be fun. Michele is hosting another Murder Mystery party..this one is called "Trailer Trash Tragedy." I play the 'mother hen' of the trailer park-Fanny Mason. She snoops and gossips. Oh what fun. Don't think I mentioned the last one.. it was in July. It was called Murder in Margaritaville. Set in the 80's at a bar in the Keyes. We had so much fun. Michele has pictures and I'll try to get them this weekend. Al even participated. He placed a gambler "Otto Getmore" and I played the hippie/artist "Sunny Daze"--a nickname that I won't live down for a long time. When we got there, everyone was in character and that's how we introduced ourselves. After the mystery was over, we went around and re-introduced ourselves. If you've never done one of these and get the chance, I say do it.

We've got some major rain today. I hope all my readers are doing great. Stay safe.

Current pictures

2009-08-25T15:45:00.002-04:00

I can speak Spanish: "Margarita"

Just me...

My Favorite one.

Body Parts

2009-08-25T15:44:00.000-04:00

There are ten human body parts that are only three letters long: eye, hip, arm,
leg, ear, toe, jaw, rib, lip, gum.

Wonder why Ass isn't listed?

Hot time in the City

2009-08-20T11:55:00.001-04:00

Boy has time flew by! I can't believe I let so many weeks, days, hours and minutes past without writing. I really thought that once the reunion was over I would have more time to write. Well, in ways I did have more time but in other ways I didn't. My work load for the last few months has been very strenuous. A good thing in this age of digital photography! I'm restoring a lot of photos and the good part of it is that most of the new clients are referrals. We've slacked off in portrait photo sessions and weddings but Dad's been doing a lot of commercial work. I guess it all works out so that we don't go under, like so many other professional photographers. I think we are one of about 3 with studios that are open during business hours.

Al and I are doing so much better since the intimacy returned. I really believe that's one of the reasons couples don't make it...without intimacy there is no emotional bonding and that's an important key to happiness. Sure, Al and I still have problems but they are easier to work through knowing that we are on the same path again. I think I have Thomas to thank for that... I don't take Al for granted any more and I think he does the same with me. We express affection and tell each other that we appreciate what the other does and is!

Yes, I miss Thomas. So very much. I really don't think I will ever come across another person who has those wonderful qualities that he had. He came back into my life on Labor Day weekend and I know that this fall will be hard for me... I'll feel sad a lot but I'm hopeful that the good memories I have will help me through this. I can still see him standing on his porch, leaning over the rail of his deck as I opened my truck door and said "Talk to you in a little while." And his reply, "I can only hope."

As did I!

The nephews are doing great. William is attending a private Christian school. It will be tight for my sister but it's the best for him. There was no way he could have dealt with the middle school and it's mix of personalities, especially the 'gangs.' So far William is doing great. He's matured a lot this summer and is taller than I am. I will have to find some photos and post them. Ben will start school next week and is spending the day with me at work. He's on the old PC as I type, playing a baseball game and give me momently reports. He'll be in the 3rd grade..a tough one with the first EOG testing. We've been concerned with his weight...he's dropped from 63 lbs to 57 lbs. We think it has to do with Concerta...the ADHD drug he's taking. He told me this morning that he's never hungry.

We had some fun adventures this summer. I took them with me on a trip to Ocean Isle Beach NC to see my old roomie, Jeri. They had a blast in the ocean and then in the pool. William was a social butterfly. He had me speechless a few times with his comments to Jeri and others. He struck up conversations and made all of us laugh. When the boys were in the pool, there were a few other kids in there with them. They had a water gun fight and then tossed a ball to each other. The ball sank to the bottom once and William said to a boy, "Hey Kid, can you get that ball for me? I can't breathe under water like you can!" Jeri and I laughed our butts off.

Saw the Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It reminded me of the third installment... there were things they could have kept out..like the fight in the 'swamp' which didn't take place in the book and added the huge battle at the end of the book. But I must confess that I liked the way they dealt with Dumbledore's death. I hope that they do justice to the last book with film...it will be interesting to see what they take out and what they add.

The one movie I saw that I thought rocked was the Star Trek movie. What a genius writer... the plot was excellent and ...now they can make new movies without worrying about the past ones. I really like the guy who played McKoy! He nailed his personality. I truly hope that there will be more movies.

Also saw "Mama Mia!" this week on HBO On-demand. It was really cute. The music rocked. I love ABBA...and I probably will grab the DVD once the price goes down...or when it appears in those $5 DVD bins at Walmart. HAHA.

Granny is hanging in there. She's in diapers now because she forgets to use the bathroom. She can't carry on a conversation...but I noticed that at times she can follow a conversation if there isn't a lot of people participating. She doesn't say mine or Mom's name but we believe she knows who we are. Please keep her in your prayers.

Still in touch with some of my classmates. Not all have kept up their part of the 'deal' but I find time to call them even if they promise to call me or 'get-together soon.' Sherry Aka Shook-em and I plan to attend a concert at UNC-P...Davy Jones (and a million women my age or older scream!)

Writing...I believe this is the most I've written in ages. I think I am slowly returning to it..once I get bored with the apps on Facebook...lol.. I do love those games.

But... I confess ...it is good to write. I am amazed with how fast words are flying off the keyboard and forming sentences. Now..if only I can find my poetry voice. Maybe I should start with "Sher-ku."

A few words
sentences flowing...
dust off muse

Reunion photos

2009-06-10T23:58:00.004-04:00

The DVD that Rocks!

Me (on the left) with my BBF's Donna and Shookem

Me with my rum and coke ice (yep.. I sucked it down) This is towards the end of the night.

Me and Bryan, my buddy. We were grade school sweethearts. He's probably the funniest guy I know who doesn't mean to be funny.

Our whole group. That's Keith in the wheelchair. He's the one who has Lou Gerigh's disease.

I have more pictures but you wouldn't know any of the people. I posted the ones that mean the most to me...or rather the ones that mean so much that I can share with ya.

My Class Reunion

2009-06-03T16:45:00.002-04:00

ROCKED! It was the best ever... everyone behaved and had a blast. I've gotten calls from almost everyone telling me how much fun they had and would I please do another one.

So...I said yes.. ok I'm nuts but I figured since I've got the worse part over (finding people), it shouldn't be so hard. We're shooting for April 2011. Our 30th reunion!

I've got plenty of time to work on it and now I can get back to being me...and writing, laughing and enjoying my life.

A Poem (since I have no time to blog)

2009-05-27T22:31:00.000-04:00

Stealing Wine

There is sin
in the slow gin
of your kiss

intoxicating
the sultry heart
of my world

How can Heaven
move Earth
while you're here?

Stealing the wine
of my soul
with

your
kiss

9 More Days

2009-05-21T14:34:00.002-04:00

So far I've gotten through our prom nights, my family reunion and the nephews' field trips...all that's left is the class reunion.

9 more days. May 30th!

Then I hope my life returns back to me to do as I feel like doing.

It's been a stressful six months... and I am so ready to find me again.

The reunion plans are falling into place. I've got 50 paid people (30 class/20 dates)...maybe a few more to add on Tues. Know what's ironic? Bon my ex-fair-weather friend hasn't paid her money. Everyone knows she's the one who pushed this reunion and she fell through the cracks in the planning of it and now she's gonna pretend to be a victim of 'high school antics' and not come to the reunion.

To be honest I hope she doesn't. She's been nothing but a headache these last few months. Changing things said to suit her purpose, telling half-truths and draining energy of all around her. I had a feeling we would end up like this..as non-friends. But I'm ok with it. I was more of a friend to her than she was to me. And my life will be less stressful with her out of the picture.

May 30 will be 6 months since I last spoke to Thomas. I still miss him so much.

But anyways...thought I would post and let my readers know I am alive. If I have any readers left and I promise to catch up on email to Bob, Steve, J and others. Sorry about the silence. But my engery focus has been elsewhere.

from Easte

2009-05-08T01:32:00.002-04:00

Yep...that's Al with the fishing rod. ANd the last photo is of Al, trying to show the boys where an Easter Egg was...one that they kept walking by and I kept pointing out.

more zoo pix

2009-05-08T01:26:00.002-04:00

zoo pix

2009-05-08T01:17:00.003-04:00

Here and there...now here again

2009-05-08T00:20:00.002-04:00

I am ashamed I haven't blogged in ages. I'm sure my readers have moved on to greener blog pastures. I'm alone tonight and figured I would drop by with some news, yet I hardly know where to start.

Today was a wonderful day. I was lucky to find myself on a field trip to the Riverbanks zoo with Ben's 2nd grade class. If you recall I went with William's class two years ago. William came along on this one just like Ben tagged along on his trip. This time William did great...he controlled his boredom and we were able to really enjoy the exhibits.

The funniest part of the whole trip was when we went into one section that had little monkeys in it... the Spider Monkeys were doing a porn flick and I noticed a lady walking by with her hands covering her small child's eyes. Ben noticed her actions and turned to me to say ""Aunt Sherrie, doesn't she like it when monkeys wrestle?"

Oh boy... I had to contain a laugh that wanted to spring out loud and clear. Kids say funny things. We had so much fun. Ben loves Animals as much as I do. The penquins were the coolest...and the brown bear and the sea lion and the birds and the flamingo and the giraffe...ok...the whole zoo was cool.

About a week ago I took up the carpet in my bedroom and am now using the original hard wood flooring. I can tell a difference with my allegeries. I don't wake up all congested. I changed the room about and feel a bit of a revival of spirit. My class reunion planning has been so stressful. It's May 30 and people are just now responding even though I asked for money and RSVP's to be turned in by April 15. I've had to call, beg and finally get a bit angry with the procrastinators. When it's all over, I know I'll feel a bit lost...it's consumed me since August.

I'm still missing Teez but am better about it. The hardest part is planning the reunion without him. He wanted so badly not to be on the memory table. Instead of a program booklet, I'm doing an old-fashioned school newspaper. He was the editor of it our senior year and did drawings for it. I scanned them and will use them in his honor. I think he would love this...he so wanted to be a part of the planning and all. He was a great listener and encourager. I miss that.

Some days I feel as if I'll never return to being Shere..Sherrie...Fairy..Carnie...maybe I won't ever truly be who I once was. All I can hope for is that the side of me he brought out so vividly will find a way to return...and be that bright starlight he so loved.

Things with Al are status quo. Hopefully I'll find time to get back here and blog soon.

I miss all of you.

love,
Shere

Reading

2009-04-08T00:57:00.002-04:00

Tonight was the first time I've spent hours reading in total silence in a long time. I had things to do; chores, laundry, etc but it is really cold tonight. So I grabbed a blanket and crawled into my semi-new recliner and read until 11 pm! No interruptions. I feel a bit refreshed and have an urge to write...so I think I'll log off this darn PC and grab a pen/paper...see if anything blog worthy pops out.

My Heels

2009-04-08T00:52:00.002-04:00

I must say I am pleased with my heels. They really are the best and they've worked hard to get there. Take a bow guys, you deserve it.

Ketchup and...mustard

2009-04-06T13:22:00.002-04:00

So much to blog about...where to start is a good question!

1) The Tarheels! I was sort of disappointed that they won so easily against 'Nova. I wanted a heated matchup....one that would have Al on his toes! But it didn't work out that way. So tonight's the night... I've got my toes polished with Carolina Blue nail polish...Let's do it, guys. Don't let Mamma Sherrie down.

2)Al is still fighting a respiratory illness. He drove me crazy last weekend. Wouldn't go to the doctor to get meds. He coughed so violently that I thought his lungs would explode. Couldn't eat. I made chicken soup. Friday night, all day Saturday and Sunday, I beg him to go to Urgent care to get cough meds and antibioditcs...but no, he kept saying he was getting better. When I left Monday morning, I told him he should get dressed and go on... he said No... Then at around 1 pm, he calls and tells me he gives up...that he wanted to go to Urgent care and would I take him. I was at work...covered to my ears in photos. I just couldn't drop everything and drive 40 mins to his place. So I told him I couldn't get there until 6:30. That he needed to be ready to go because they stop taking patients at 7. Was he ready? Hell no! He was primping in the bathroom and then at 10 til 7 he calls the Urgent care place and hands me the phone. They confirmed what I thought...they weren't taking any more patients. So ... I wasted a trip up there. Now ... what really made me irritated was that he drove over to his barber and got a haircut...why didn't he go on to the Urgent care then!! But he did go the next morning and got what he needed.

3) Went on a field trip with William's grade this past Friday. It was to the Marbles Kids Museum and the Imax Theatre in Raleigh. Really cool! The Marbles Museum is sort of like a huge exploration station thing. Lots of activities for the kids to do. They had a Power Food presentation and I cracked up at William, his best friend Dylan and another boy named Brandon trying to make a meal for Lance Armstrong. I should write Lance and tell him what they planned to feed him: A sandwich with lettuce, tomato and celery. Some slices of turkey on the side and water. I kept telling them that he needed fruit and grains and milk. Finally his teacher came over and told them the same thing...and they listened to her.

After that they played hockey (there was a small rink set up and the kids could put on jerseys and wack pucks. William jumped right in...something I've never seen him do. Then he and his two guys went to the pirate ship and spent almost an hour playing there with a bunch of little tykes of around 5 years. I laughed at them because Dylan was the top pirate. He stood up in the Crow's nest, yelling out instructions "Swab the deck"...now "sword fight"..."sweep the deck".."Hoist the anchor." And all the kids listened to him. They were working like a well-oiled machine. One mother of one of the 5-yr-old kids said, "I can't believe my son is sweeping." I suggested she turn his bedroom into a pirate ship and then the cleaning worries would be over.

Later we ventured to another area called "World Trek"... this exhibit covered the Artic, Rio Del Janero, Moraccoo and Berlin. There was an igloo section where the kids could make igloos and hide in them with these big stuffed huskies. The Rio Del Janero (spelling?) had a big set of drums and a carnival mask making section. There was a huge TV screen that showed a segment the largest parade on the earth--called Carnaval. It was really cool. Loud but cool. No one seemed interested in the Moroccian Street fair section with an outdoor market. And even worse...no one noticed the section of the Berlin Wall.

I did. I touched it and was so humbled that I felt like crying. To think that so many died trying to get over it to Freedom, something we all take for granted. Below is a picture I took of it. Strange that I got it because the camera would not take any pictures of the hockey session or of the pirate ship activity...yet it took this picture....and then nothing else.

After a few hours at the Marbles museum, we ventured over to the Imax theatre. If you've ever been to one, you know how cool it is. If not...you're missing out. We saw a movie on a Coral Reef outside of Australia. At an Imax theatre, you wear 3-D glasses and the images come right up to your face. The underwater scenes were very realistic. You could see debris floating in the water. Fish and other thingies like sea snakes, jelly fish, sharks and sea lions came right up to your face. I didn't care for the snakes..they were eerie but I did fall in love with the Sea Dragons--they are similiar to sea horses. It was really cool. Jim Carrey narrated it.

4) On the way to Raleigh, we drove up I-40...Thomas lived right off that highway and when we passed the exit, I felt a sadness so sharp I thought I would lose my breath. But I didn't. It was too much for me though. But I didn't dwell on it because my sister is a horrible driver and I spent a lot of time holdin' my breath and praying. On the way back I had her drive the 401 by-pass...it's a little longer drive but my sanity was intact...plus to be honest, I couldn't take driving by Teez's exit. I think that's what set off one of the worst weekends I've had since he died. I was on the edge of tears most of the time...and Sunday I spent a lot of time wiping tears away. I felt his loss so strongly that I thought I would break into two pieces.

I'm better today. Don't know why...but I am. Maybe I'm learning to tolerate the loss.

UNC Tarheels...

2009-04-05T21:49:00.001-04:00

Rock!

Sorry J...but they do!

Life's been hectic

2009-03-28T01:03:00.003-04:00

I have so much to write about ....yet have had little time to do so. Granny spent 10 days with me and work has been demanding...plus I spend too much time of facebook and myspace...

Part of me still can't seem to find my voice...the one that you guys love to read. I miss Teez so much... one would think I would be over it...after all we were only together for 3 months but...those months seem a lifetime to me now...

I'm at Al's for the weekend. I came up early because he's sick with a respiratory bug. We will probably be at the urgent care tomorrow because he's not breathing all that great...and refuses to hit the ER tonight. I'm sure I'll find time to sit down and write...catch up with my thoughts.

At least that's my plan...

I confess I miss writing.

hmmmm

2009-03-12T16:43:00.000-04:00

One day...

I will win the lottery and...buy a third world country, thus proclaiming myself Queen and then I won't have to put up with arrogant egos at work!

Cuz then I'll be an arrogant ego !

Springy

2009-03-09T12:20:00.000-04:00

Well...my eyes are itchy and irritated...and I'm a bit sneezy.

Hello Spring time... or rather hello false Spring...We all know it's gonna get cold again, so why pretend Spring's here to stay?

Spent some time on Saturday at the Rumba on the Lumber--blues & chili festival. Met my sister and the nephews. We walked around. The boys did a few of the activities for kids and I had a delicious hot dog all the way with sauteed onions, pickle radish and chili. Yumm... it wasn't one of those cheap red dogs either. Didn't hear any Blues, although the nephews sang some when their Mom made them leave because she had to mop the kitchen floor.

Got to Al's around 4 and headed over to the IGA to get some beer and other stuff. Man it was so packed in there. I got some Amber Bock beer...it's by Michelob. For the last couple of weekends, I've been drinking either Slippery Dicks or Duplin Wine, mainly the Carolina Red...so when I drank my first beer of the day on Saturday..boy it was almost an awful taste. I was a bit irritated with my taste buds because it was such great beer drinking weather.

Al was off Sunday. We goofed around most of the day. I wore this really large over-sized men's shirt that comes down mid-thigh and sat on the steps with a beer. Al kept freakin' out about it. Like I care if the neighbor's think I don't have any pants on. Hell, I don't live there and why can't they get some cheap thrills on a lovely warm Sunday?

Close to midnight, Al informs me that we need to run to Walmart. Since I was parked behind him, we decided to drive my truck...and there was no one there. Now I know how the shelves get stocked... they do it at midnight. And here I thought little dwarves did it ...right under our noses! We had to go through mazes of boxes. Then Al decides to be silly by pretending to be a 'wig'...you know...white guys trying to be cool gangsta dudes: wearing their baseball caps crooked, bagging pants down past their cracks and walk around saying "Know what I'm sayin'..."... except his tee shirt was too short, so when he pulled his pants down to expose ass crack there was nothing to hide it. He's pushing the cart, sayin' "Know what I'm saying" and doing that swag walk that wigs do.
I had to laugh for a moment, then remind him about getting worried about what the neighbors thought of my long shirt and me sitting on the steps. That at least I wasn't exposing my ass to hidden cameras in Wally World.

The weekend was pretty good though... A few times I thought of Thomas and felt sad. I wish I could talk to him. Hear what he thinks on stuff I have to say...stuff that's in my heart. Stuff I toss out here...

Oh well...

At least it's sunny today...nice and warm...birds singing...flowering trees budding...life continues in spite of death. Hopes and dreams live on, even if only in the sky at sunsets or in the glow of the moon.

Enjoy this day... embrace it. I promise that it will embrace you back.

Face Book

2009-03-03T15:29:00.003-05:00

Thought I would share this here. I am currently enjoying Facebook. Didn't think I ever would. Nancy Lorraine tagged me in this challenge. It's called ...

My Album Cover

What would your own album look like if you were in a band? Follow the directions below and find out...

Here are the rules:

1 - Go to Wikipedia. Hit “random”
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Quotations Page and select "random quotations"
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use Photoshop or similar to put it all together.

5 - Post it to FB with this text in the "caption" or "comment" and TAG the friends you want to join in.

Joke Book

2009-03-03T15:27:00.000-05:00

Joke book
Category: Life
Ever felt like your life can be taken from the pages of a joke book?
Yeah...well, me neither.

William is in a joke telling stage. Except he makes them up. Here's a sample:

Why doesn't a house move?
It hasn't been born yet.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get Chinese take-out.

So my next task is to purchase him a joke book so he won't get that 'Huh?' look from his classmates.

I had a tasteless joke book during college and tried to live by it. Hmmm maybe that's why my love life was such a bad running joke!

March is here

2009-03-02T12:18:00.000-05:00

Brrrr it's cold in the studio today. I'm sipping some yummy hot coffee... and trying to figure out a way to work and sleep at the same time. I ended up at Al's Friday night, He called Thurs evening, asking me to drive up and take care of him. His left foot was swollen and hurting. He didn't know if it was tendonities or an old stress fracture that he had awoken somehow. I couldn't. I was in the middle of washing clothes and other thingies. But I promised I would drive up Friday night. Course the nephews weren't happy but I can't make everyone's world all rosy and cozy.

Al's foot was pretty bad. It was swollen and I made him put it up. He wanted to soak it in hot water with espison salt. I said no. He actually listened and laid on the couch with it up on two pillows. The next morning it was a little better. He only had to use one crutch. And by that night, he was walking un-aided. It was much better yesterday.

I did absolutely nothing this weekend. Cooked. Napped on the couch and watched The Lord of the Rings Movies. Napped. Played with the cat. Napped. Did sweep the floors. And drank Slippery Dicks all weekend. Look it up. It's a drink.

Met M for Breakfast at McD's Saturday morning. We spent 2 hours talking about all sorts of things like men and sex. I'll just say this. I thought I was a freak but she's 60 degrees higher on the Freak-ometer. I'll just say this...she's got a Zorro mask, whip and leather boots. Get the picture? She's an avenger of bad orgasms. I'm more of a witchy woman...conjurer of sexual magnetism and bewitchment.

Didn't sleep that great at Al's house Fri & Sat nights but last night...I slept like a baby. If Al tossed and turned I didn't notice. Probably slept so deep due to not getting much sleep all weekend. Cat naps don't count, ya know.

I spent some time looking over all the short stories I've written. There's a hodge podge of them. Some scary, many erotic and some are 'southern belle-esque.' I think I'm gonna concentrate on the scary/thriller ones for the collection. I'll have to come up with a title for the collection. Editing the short stories won't be a major problem. Hell..they're short!

There was snow on the ground at Al's house this morning. And there was a fine mist of snow falling when I left. The wind was howling like a lost baby in the cold. I wasn't sure that I wanted to go out in it...maybe something dangerous waited for me. Hmmm.. this sounds like the beginning of a spooky story... maybe I should save it.

But seriously, it was cold and still is. From the looks of it Lumberton got very little if any snow. I didn't see a flake anywhere when I got in this morning.

On a different note, Teez has been gone for 4 months now. Strange how it seems like he was just here yesterday...replying to a blog post or teasing me on the OHS page. OR making me laugh on the phone...I miss him so deeply and talk to him daily during quiet times. Time eases the loss, I'm told...but so far it hasn't. I'm just getting better at hiding it.

TGIF

2009-02-27T14:42:00.002-05:00

Thank God I'm Freaky!

I haven't managed my time all that well this week. Bet I've signed in to blog at least 4 times and something would happen and I would have to exit. But I'm here now...taking time out of my day to post a few sweet nothings.

People are calling about the reunion. Many are excited. A few are unhappy about the cash bar. But it was either that or us getting kicked out of the motel for smuggled in liquor. With people having to spend money, it will keep down the drinking somewhat. Or rather the rowdiness of drunks.

Decided on the menu this week. Bryan helped me with it. He's so funny. I had forgotten how much fun we used to have in school. He's called a few times to talk about the reunion and each time we've talked over an hour...not about the reunion either. Mainly about being business owners and stuff like that... it's refreshing to talk to a fellow classmate who understands how hard it is to own a business.

I've been doing pretty good about Teez this week...until last night. I made the mistake of reading a few of his emails where he expressed his feelings for me and the hopes he had of our future. I miss him so damned much. I cried and cried last night... this man will stay with me for a long time and to be honest, I don't think I'll ever get over him not being here. He is/was a one-of-a-kind man and I doubt there is another out here like him.

Al hurt his foot this week. He's on crutches and I'm going up tonight to help him with things. He's in pain and has to soak the foot. I guess I'll be Miss Nurse. He's still gonna work this weekend, so I'll have down time. Maybe I'll get a chance to post those cell phone pix I have of the nephews. They're pretty funny.

Well...that's it for now. Life is ...well, life.

Cold toes

2009-02-23T22:37:00.002-05:00

My toes are very cold...I guess I should put on a pair of my fuzzy socks. But I'm too lazy to get up from the PC and if I do get up...I won't return to finish this post...so...

my toes will just have to deal!

Had a decent weekend with Al for a change. I cooked some great dinner both nights. We hung out and talked Sat. night... then turned in late. Sunday we slept in and I got up to make us sausage burritos. They are better than McDonalds. Al was impressed. WE cleaned the house and then hung out ...again...but I turned in early due to a horrible headache.

Al gave me a pair of the prettiest earrings. I'll have to try and photograph them. They are multiple colored crystals (in pastels) stuck together in the shape of a heart. Al said that when he saw them he told one of the guys he works with that "These remind me of Sherrie...colorful and sparkly."

That's me!

I'm feeling happy tonight. Lately I've been reconnecting with old friends --online and off. And I am glad that they've come back into my life. Friends...they make the road to nowhere brighter, don't they?

The Reunion invitations went out Saturday. I didn't wait for the last page (the bio questions and the questionaire for awards) to get approved by the others. I wanted them mailed out so that I could catch people getting tax refund money... hey, I'm not a dummy.

My cell phone has these crazy frames on the camera phone thingie. I took some funny ones of the nephews. I'll have to see if I can get them downloaded and posted here.

Shere News

2009-02-17T16:28:00.002-05:00

Let's see...

Al got declined on his HELOC (home equity line of credit)due to not being on his job for 2 years (they told him he needed to be there for a year...I was there when he talked to them aka Wells Fargo). He was fit to be tied this past weekend and not in a fun way. Let's just say Shere got no Valentine present.

The reunion planning is almost done. All I have to do is write up the bio/awards questionairre and we'll mail out the invitations next week. I even have the envelopes addressed/stamped. Now I'm getting grief over the cash bar decision from the religious sector. It was that or drinkers were gonna sneak in booze. Any outside alcohol will shut down the party prompto.

Ben has a project on Dr. Ronald McNair due next Monday. He asked me to help him. I remember that day with vivid detail.

Lot of crime going on around here. I wanted to stop and help an elderly couple with their car today but they were parked by a heavily wooded area and I was afraid of an ambush! So I called 911 instead. Sad that I felt that way.

Told William and Ben a story about us being cabbages that rolled down a hill to steal a pot of gold. Ben asked if that had ever happened before? Hmm..good question.

Bad Painter Lady...

2009-02-12T15:49:00.002-05:00

Bad!

All week I've meant to get in here and write about the party and other stuff. But I haven't felt like it. I've been stressed out this week over rush jobs at work and getting the reunion stuff straight.

The party was a lot of fun. Had a good blend of people. I will probably sit down later and write more on it. There was drama and action... and that was after the murder was solved. I tell you...sometimes 'people watching' can be an exciting sport.

Got the deposit paid for the reunion. Got the menu. We've got a month or so to decide on what to eat. Meeting with Shook'em up tonight to go over the invitation letter and pictures we've collected for the slide show. Plus we have to write bio questions for the program book. I hope that I don't have to beg people to send in their money. April 15 is the deadline. After that they have to pay more.

Teez has been on my mind all week. At odd times. And in my dreams. I've had sudden bursts of sadness so strong that I fear I am losing my mind. And strange things keep happening.... like yesterday's sunset. I watched a ball of fire (the sun) disappear completely, leaving a pink/pewter sky. And about thirty mins later when it should have been a darker pewter sky, there were long streaks of red/orange... right outside my kitchen window, facing North-East... there were none in the west where I saw the big orange ball drop. When I saw the sky, Teez popped in my head.

I want to go to his grave this weekend. Al works Sunday. I could go then...but I am not sure how I'll respond. I can't lose myself in grief, crying for him by his grave. If I do... I may not return.

How am I doing? Why thanks for asking...

2009-02-05T14:21:00.002-05:00

I'm doing okay this week. I haven't cried myself to sleep any this week. I get sad but it's not consuming me. Each day I have haiku moments...like yesterday driving home...I saw a series of baby blue clouds and immediately Teez popped into my head. Sometimes those drives home are so long and sad...we would talk every day on my drive home. I like to think that the baby blue clouds were Teez's way of being with me.

I am grateful for the time we had. He's essence will be a part of me always. I know as time goes by he won't be in my mind and heart as strongly as he is now, but he will always be there in some form. We had too much of a connection for him to suddenly fade from my soul, heart and mind.

When I am with my friends (those that knew him from high school), I try not to talk about him all the time...but I do occassionally slip. Now they aren't changing the subject like the once did. I think they realize I need to include him in our conversations. Hell, if he were alive today he would call while we were having dinner or whatever, just so he could be a part of it in whatever way he could be.

Maybe I am strong enough to pick up our novel and rewrite parts of it...edit it and let it be a legacy of our love, of the haiku moments we drifted in, savoring each and each other.

Meet The Spartans

2009-02-05T14:15:00.002-05:00

If you haven't seen the 300, don't watch the movie "Meet the Spartans." It's a goof on the 300 and other movies, much like the Scary Movie and the Epic Movie. I never saw Scary Movie but I did watch Epic Movie (it goofed on The Lion, Witch and Wardrobe). It had a lot of fun moments but I think Meet The Spartans has to be the best goof movie I've seen in a while.

It followed the 300 movie almost to a tee. I laughed and laughed at some of the stuff they changed. My Brother watched it but didn't think it was funny. Then he heard me laughing a lot and said, "I guess I'll have to watch the 300 to see what's so funny about this one."

Potent Poet

2009-02-04T22:50:00.000-05:00

Summary of character for murder/mystery party:

The Potent Poet grew up under the strict rule of her poet mother and toxocologist father. During her early 20's she fell madly in love with a gorgeous playboy who wanted to marry her, but her parents forbade the union. In a rush of anger, she poisoned her mother and stabbed her father to death with a pen. After six months of marriage to her handsome playboy, she regretfully discovered that her parents were correct in their assessment of her husband. She disposed of him by stabbing him with a pen dipped in fast-acting poison. Now a forever widow and cynic, she is readily available for hire by other heart-broken women in need of revenge. Her poetry is as powerful as the poison she loves to toy with.

Snow and...Hats

2009-02-04T15:00:00.000-05:00

Snow can be so beautiful, especially when it's a dusting on the ground and melts in one day! That's my kind of snow, baby. I didn't think we would get any last night, since the forecast called for only a 30% chance of snow. But I was wrong! (Yes, I can admit when I'm wrong). Right before dawn, I looked outside and saw the snow on the ground. It looked so peaceful out, serene and inviting. I took a mental picture of it, in hopes that when I'm old and have nothing but memories to think back on I will remember the vision of this morning.

I've been thinking about posting some of my short stories here. Not the dirty ones...heh heh although those will probably be read quicker than the non-erotic stufff. My friend Michele introduces me to people as "This is my friend Sherrie. She's a writer." Most people introduce me as a photographer, although I'm not--I'm a photographic restoration artist. And some introduce me as "This is Sherrie. She is a poet and has several poetry books published." Other's just say, "This is Sherrie. Run."

The hats that we wear are many. Some few see, while other's only know just one and never bother to see what other hats lurk in the closet. I don't really have a favorite hat to wear. All of the ones I have are unique in their own way: Daughter, Aunt, Granddaughter, Friend, Business Woman, Artist, Writer, Poet, Scorpio, Power Girl, Goddess of Stockings, Kinky Sex Kitten and...the Free Spirited Gypsy. There are others that I refuse to claim and many more yet to be discovered.

Snow?

2009-02-03T14:54:00.002-05:00

We may get snow tonight...chance of 30%..which is very slim. I'm getting new furniture tomorrow. The old is old and Al wants it. After I cleaned it last night, I realized it wasn't as bad as I thought but I am tired of it and got a good deal on the new furniture.

Super Bowl! What a game! Have to give it to the Steelers..that last play was awesome. The Cardinals didn't show up until the 4th quarter...I confess, those last few mins of the game were nail-biting. Both teams can walk away and say they played a good game...I really enjoyed it.

My food was pretty good. I made some blue cheese dip from scratch and it was superb. But after drinking 3 Smirnoff Ice w/pomegranate fusion, I forgot to check on the ribs and they were a bit overcooked. Not quite rib jerky but close.

My friend Michele and I goofed off from 10 am to around 2 pm Sunday. We ended up at Lowes and ...decided we would have a garden this spring. She's got a huge yard and has been wanting to do a garden for years. Since I am a garden girl expert, I said I would help. It should be a riot. I'm hoping we'll get enough veggies to host a veggie par-tay. Looks like we'll have to invest in bib over-alls and a straw hat. We're gonna plant 3 different types of tomatoes...maybe I'll make ketchup.

She told me about a swingers' club in Erwin (right outside of Fayetteville). It's called You Know Where (YKW)) and on private property. They have a website. I'm sorta fascinated by it... what sort of people go to these places these days...heck it's not the 60's or 70's or early 80's... We're not taking 3sums but full blown orgies. If I ever go through a mid-life crisis, maybe I'll go wild and go to you know where! (hahaha)..that or get a boy toy.

Almost forgot to mention how much I enjoyed Bruce Springsteen's half-time show. What a rocker! He promised to deliver and he did... I was amazed at how clean he looked. It seems that of late he's had a dirty boy air to him...but watching him do his crazy wild moves and sing his heart out...I realized I would do him if given the chance...

Gosh I need to get sex off my mind... jeepers how does a hot-blooded Scorpio accomplish such a feat as THAT!

25 Random Thingies about Moi.

2009-02-03T14:49:00.000-05:00

1) I don't pick up pennies if they are tails up. I consider it to be potently bad luck to even touch the coin. If I came across a thousand pennies all tails up, I would leave them.

2) I love coffee but I truly adore the flavored creamers.

3) When I see a crescent moon, I believe that it is Thomas (Teez) smiling down at me from Heaven. He is my guardian angel.

4) I have a major crush on Sportacus from the kids' show Lazy Town.

5) Since 2003, I've participated in the national novel month writing challenge each November. So far I've written 6 novels--all in various stages of editing.

6) Every Friday night my nephews and I dance like robots for twenty minutes.

7) As a Scorpio, I don't believe in getting even--I get revenge.

8) Back in 1997, Dale Earnhardt Jr checked out my butt at a gas station in Monroe. I was heading to Al's house in York, SC. I didn't know who he was until I saw him getting into his Dale Earnhardt Jr racing truck.

9) I think Tom Jones will be hot even when he's 90.

10) Haiku moments during drives uplift my soul.

11) I believe in ghosts and the supernatural.

12) My compulsive buying fetishes are nail polish and lip stick.

13) I have over 100 audio books on CD.

14) When I was around 5, I thought baby alligators were really baby dinosaurs. And I thought that birds flew South..to South Carolina in the winter. Also, I thought that North Carolina won the war between the state(s)... that the civial war was between NC and SC....

15) I want to learn how to read and speak Spanish so that I can read Pablo Neruda's poetry in his native tongue.

16) I hate pancakes, candied yams and cream of wheat.

17) I save Chinese Fortunes and use them as book marks.

18) My nicknames are "Sherbears," "Sherrie-cat," "Sher-Rose" and "P.H."...it will cost you $20 to find out what P.H. stands for.

19) In 2001, I went on over 25 blind dates and considered becoming a nun. (just kiddin' about the Nun part).

20) My favorite flower is a daisy, because daisies don't tell.

21) I am an excellent cook.

22) I used to read Tarot cards.

23) I believe in miracles and the power of prayer and the power of love.

24) My oldest nephew says that I am his best friend, there fore he refuses to call me Aunt.

25) Vultures fascinate me.

Dinner with Shook'em Up

2009-01-30T15:12:00.002-05:00

Sherry Shook'em up and I had dinner at San Jose. Caught up on what happened after high school...etc. Did a lot of laughing. Bryan and Donna were supposed to come along but both didn't make it. Donna had to work over and Bryan's daughter spent the night wih him. Talked to Donna this morning and she said that we weren't suppose to talk about 'good stuff' without her. That she's jealous she missed out on gossip. I asked her just what were we suppose to talk about...she said, "Nothing. Just eat." LOL..she's a riot.

What's funny is that in the middle of dinner, my cell rang & I said "Bet that's Mr. Glazed Donut (Bryan)." Wrong it was Bon and I freaked, which made Sherry laugh. I tried to hide the phone under my purse as it rang. It was so funny. She kept saying "Answer it" and I kept saying, "But what if she finds out about US??" She said, "Don't tell her you're with me!!" I'm sure the people in the surrounding booths wondered what was up!

Called her when I got home and I don't know why I was worried. She went right into whatever it was on her mind. I listened and once she finished, I told her I had to run. I'm less stressed and drained now that I don't get drawn into her drama. Life's tough enough without negative people in your life.

Mild but not freezing

2009-01-29T13:43:00.002-05:00

We've had crazy weather these last few weeks. Rain for a few days, sunshine/cold, then extreme cold, rain and do you see a vicious cycle storming? I've got bulbs in flower pots that need going in the ground and they're about to bloom because it's been to wet or cold to work in the yard. My congestion is coming back...I swear I've never seen a winter like this..well, at least not in ages.

Not sure where this blog post is gonna take me...so bare with me.

Hmm...Updates? yeah...updates:

1) Nephews

Both guys are doing pretty good in school. William is learning how to do division (he's finding it difficult) but I push him to finish him homework and hope that he gets what we've done. Ben is a quick one. I think if his ADHD wasn't a factor he would rule the 2nd grade. For some reason Ben thinks McCain tried to 'kill' our Current present by dancing. It's such a funny idea that I can't help but wonder if it would have worked.

2) Work

Busy...thankfully. Not swamped but busy enough to not be stressful.

3) Al

Things are status quo. We are getting along really good and are actually having fun on the weekends. Sunday we spent the day at different Asian food marts looking for a rice cooker/warmer...found one and had some amazing rice with toasted seaweed wraps. Yum...I could eat some now. I've decided not to worry about the future...let it take care of itself. With the reunion coming up and me as Chief, my dance card is full. I think once it's over, I'll reevaluate my relationship with Al and what I truly want in the future and go from there.

4) Class Reunion

A few weeks ago, I met with a select group of classmates (Donna H--a police detective, Sherry S-an office manager, Bryan-bakery owner, Phillip--ER PA and... that's all to discuss the reunion. I had become very aggravated with Bon, who was telling fibs about me and my domineering ways regarding the reunion. That I wouldn't let her help with the plans (she must have forgotten the list of things I gave for her to check on) ...oh I don't even want to hash up what was said...let's just say that I got mad, which is something that rarely happens.

We had the meeting at Ruby Tuesday. I must say we had fun and beer. Bon brought her 7 yr-old with her and didn't eat or drink (it was too expensive). One of the things she told someone was that I had to understand that her children came first...well I did understand and I wondered to myself why she didn't FEED THE CHILD before showing up for the meeting. We were eating! None of us realized this until Bon was leaving... I would have bought the child dinner if I had known... anyway... we had the best time...all of us trying to check our language or topics of conversation was a bit of a wet rag but we did.

As the meeting went on and we finally settled down to discuss reunion issues, I noted Bon's body language and it wasn't warm and cozy. A few times I pointedly asked her opinion on things and she would answer "Whatever they decide." They meaning the rest of the group. When we were done, Bon huffed out. Phil had left early to see Bush's final speech. (He's head of the local Rep party). Donna, Sherry and I were standing in the parking lot saying goodbye... Bryan had already gone to his car, when Bon drives by us and I wave bye...She pointedly turns her head.

The final straw... I went home and thought about the reunion, weighed the pros and cons of a luau vs banquet hall/catering company.... and the later won. No luau. It's scratched. We're having it at Adelios at the Ramada Inn. I've booked them for May 30. Details are still uncertain. I hope to have things wrapped up in the next week.

And I haven't heard from Bon except once ...she called to ask if I had an extra copy of our class pic from the last reunion. I didn't. And that's all. B-free for almost 14 days. I come to the conclusion that she's a psychic vampire, draining my spirit of good feelings. She has the worst attitude of any person I've met and when we talk, I end up feeling drained. And I feel so much better now that I don't have to deal with her...with her out of the picture it seems as if others are more willing to help.

Murder...Mystery.. OH MY!

2009-01-27T20:44:00.003-05:00

My friend Michele who lives in Fayetteville is hosting a murder-mystery at her house. I'm gonna be a part of it...the Potent Poet! There's a website that has scripts you can buy and download.

She's going with the 'Killers International Annual Meeting' Synopsis. She ran out of characters and we worked on creating my own personal one. I'm really excited. The party is Feb 7... and I'm ready to have some fun. Don't think I'll bring Al along. M's friends are...well...what I call strays. People who don't necessarily fit in well with the mainstream society. She is a kind-hearted lady and tries to help people when she meets someone who is lost or lonely. I admire her for it.

I'm back

2009-01-27T16:36:00.002-05:00

My respiratory stuff has cleared up. My shoulder is better and I'm beginning to feel like the old Sherrie is returning. I know Teez would want to hear this and is probably smiling at me right now.

I'll have to take time tonight or tomorrow to blog a long post to catch up on everything.

But at this moment, I'm getting ready to head out and just wanted to take time to say that I've missed blogging and am glad I have found my way back...

I know there will be days when I'll slip and fall but that's only being human. Teez is with me...always will be and with this knowledge I can move on to bright shiny things... like smiles and writing haiku about sunsets and moon glow.

Today...

2009-01-22T14:40:00.002-05:00

Thanks Robert...thanks J...for the comment on my Teez poem! Today hasn't been a great day for me...I miss him so much.

I keep wondering what I did that was so bad for God to punish me like he has...first losing my baby and now Teez! If it weren't for the reunion planning, I think I would fall into a depression that would take years to get out of.

But I do try each day to find a way to climb out of the sorrow...at this moment...I can't.

Maybe later... today I'll find a route out.

What I look like today... Hatsy!

2009-01-22T14:36:00.001-05:00

Snow Day

2009-01-20T17:02:00.001-05:00

We have snow. I took a picture of it and will try to upload later. My whole left side is so dang sore... especially my arm. I've pretty much laid around all day...

although I did have a snowball fight with myself...and lost!

The Ways you Love Me

2009-01-19T21:42:00.002-05:00

Every day I think to myself
that I'll never see you again...
never feel your touch or kiss...

But you surprised me with
a touch of fire in the
setting sun at dusk today.

As I stood watching it
fade into the pewter sky,
I felt a breeze on my cheek...

fingers of air in my hair,
caressing my ripe pink lips
soft as a kiss of sweet release.

Just when I think I'll die
from this sorrow that's been
with me since your death,

you somehow find a way to remind
me of the legacy you left for me,
the thirst of life--the thrill of love

and I embrace you in the forms
you choose to show yourself to me;
the ways you love me even now in death.

Sunset from Teez's front porch...

Catch me I'm falling..

2009-01-19T21:29:00.001-05:00

Remember that song from the late 80's....

Well..I wish someone had caught me this morning...I fell today at Al's house...or rather outside on his driveway. After putting my junk in the truck, I was walking back to his house to get my coffee mug and say good-bye... and bang, I slide on a patch of wet pine straw that was on the walkway and landed on my left side. My left knuckles are scratched up and swollen..not broken..just swollen and my left knee and elbow got skinned up. My hip and shoulder aches. I'm glad this happened in the winter time...I believe my coat, thick sweater and jeans kept me from getting scraped up even worse. I shudder when I think of what could have happened if I had of been wearing shorts and a tank top.

The last four or so days have been up-side down...like the upside down show on the Noggin channel that comes on late at night...ever seen it. It's rather funny.

Maybe I'll blog about it later...my last few days, not the show...right now it's taken forever to type with one hand. And I need to get some more ice for my knuckles.

Dinner with some Chicks & Dicks

2009-01-15T10:39:00.002-05:00

I invited several classmates to have dinner tonight at the new Ruby Tuesday to discuss reunion issues, etc. I've given them nicknames: Donna-got-er-gun (She's a detective with the PD), Sherry Shook-em-up (her last name is Shook), Bon-Bon-E (my fair weather friend), Dr. Phil Good (He's a PA at the ER) and Bryan-Pieman (he owns the local bakery)...oh and me, Sherrie-Queen of the Fucking Reunion.

Yesterday afternoon was a tough one for me...I suddenly was hit by sorrow and grief...missing Teez. After work I went to the drug store to get some advil, etc and wandered around, feeling as if I needed something but didn't know what. I realized I was heading for a massive depression if I didn't do something... I am good at keeping things to myself from real-life people. No one can tell usually unless they know me like a book... but I don't want to get as bad as I got when I lost my baby. Teez would be upset if I did that. But I know he would understand these occasional days when I can't help but cry...

so I got some hair color... a bunch of gray has invaded me...it's not that noticable but to me it is...and so tonight I'll become a bronze brown instead of this natural med reddish brown that is speckled with hard to see gray. Maybe the new look will make me feel better...along with some new lipstick and eye liner and nail polish.

One can change the outside but the inside remains the same. It's hard to white-wash it!

William is 10 today

2009-01-13T12:37:00.000-05:00

Last night we had a little birthday party for William who is ten today. Time sure does fly by. I remember the first time I saw him...all bundled up with a little blue hospital hat on. His eyes were closed and he had been crying. I guess I would too if I was removed from a warm cozy dark place into a harsh cold world with too many lights shining on me.

I put my hand to my mouth and said, "Oh my. He's beautiful" and tears came. But they were ones of joy. I felt him fly into my heart. It was as if I had loved him forever.

Then his father snapped a picture of him and he wasn't too happy about the light flashing on his face. William opened one eye and frowned at me before he started crying. I pointed at his dad and said, "It wasn't me. It was your Dad who did it. Don't get mad at ME!"

And so a new person entered my life and has brought such joy and wonder to my world. For the last ten years, I've watched him face challenges and experience things for the first time that I take for granted. His humor and wit has been as clever at times as my own and how I enjoy that side of him. I even admire his stubbornness and controlling nature at times. With those, he'll go far in whatever career he decides to pursue.

My wish for William is to experience life to the fullest. To take each moment and somehow make it his, even the bad ones... that his joys be felt deeply and his sorrows mourned but not leave deep scars. I wish for him the ability to truly love and to take whatever life throws at him and make something wonderful happen.

TGIF

2009-01-09T22:30:00.003-05:00

I'm actually feeling physcially better today. Only went through 2 kleenexes! My cough is a dry one now...little gunk coughed up. Maybe with the sunny weather we had today and hopefully this weekend (haven't checked the weather report), I'll be able to get over the last of the chest congestion.

Still feel wrung out. I guess my energy will return soon.

Meeting Bryan in the morning to discuss the reunion Menu. He was my boyfriend in the 6th, 7th and part of the 8th grade. He owns a bakery and does catering and lunches too. Always a sunny smile and tends to call all females "Baby."...guess it could be worse...he could call all of us 'witch' or something similiar.

Taking tomorrow off... after the meeting I plan to drive on up to Fayetteville...maybe see what Michele's up to or go to Barnes & Noble for a while.

Enjoy the weekend, folks.

Jan Weather

2009-01-08T14:39:00.002-05:00

...sucks!

We've had mostly gray days since Thanksgiving! I'm so sick of the rainy gloominess that January seems to seep out of its pores.

And I miss Thomas so damn much! He's been slipping into my dreams yet I don't remember them. Just know he was there...I've taken to reading books at night before turning in and was amazed on Monday evening when I realized I had read for 3 hours and hadn't thought of him once. But as soon as I closed the book, he popped into my head. My waking thoughts are of him. While I work, he's there. When I drive home at 5ish, I want to dial his number to chat for a while. I wistfully look at my email inbox for email...none... the OHS page at myspace is dead...

I need a distraction but don't know exactly what I need... I know what I want but I can't have it... only the memories of it are left.

Maybe if the sun returns to my day, I can find a way to get through this grief.

Reunion Ramble

2009-01-07T15:20:00.002-05:00

Can't remember if I've blogged about the reunion of late. I had put things on hold during November and December. With Thomas dying, we had decided to move things up to April. That means that I need to get my ass in gear about the plans...

I know I'v written about my fair-weather friend Bon who said she would help me with planning. She has shown no interest in the menu, finding classmates (except those she liked) or the memory table, etc. She wanted to concentrate on the decorations and getting Bryan (who owns a bakery) to make a cake. With her lack of self-esteem, I tried to include her in all the decisions. We had several meetings in Sept and Oct. I asked her to check out DJ's or other entertainment options...but she hasn't. She wanted to have a bio of each classmate in the program booklet. I told her to write out the questionairre..she hasn't.

I think back in September, she got upset with me because Bryan mentioned to her that I was planning the reunion. So she called me up, upset over the fact that he didn't seem to know that she was helping me. I had told him but he must have forgotten. I spent over an hour reassuring her that she was on board and pointed out all the times I called her to ask her opinion, etc. After much fluff, she calmed down.

Then in Dec... she suddenly got on the reunion bandwagon, taking it upon herself to ask various classmates to do this and that... based on a date she thought I had set in March (I was batting around different dates and still haven't really settled on one yet)... instead of contacting her with the information, they called me. I was sorta surprised that they had been asked to do these things but was glad they had. So she gets mad that they contacted me instead of her, and accused me of trying to do all the planning and not letting her do things. She went as far as to tell Donna, one of my other close friends that "I" was the one who was helping HER plan the reunion and that she could plan it by herself. I almost took her up on it but Donna talked me out of it.

So I let it ride and reminded myself that Bon is flaky and her self-esteem sometimes knocks her down... that I should just ignore this.

A day or so after New Years, she calls me up and tells me that she needs to talk and that she doesn't want me to say anything. For me not to get upset over anything she has to say...when I tried to comment, she overrode me with "LET ME TALK!" and so I did. I sat quietly while she went from one self-doubting comment to the next... and held my tongue when she said, "You aren't including me in any of the reunion planning. You've got Phillip and Keith and other people doing things for you. You don't need me. I don't even know if I'm going to go to the reunion or not."

She said some more things...but the fire within me burned the rest of her comments up. I didn't say what I wanted to say... Which was "You're the one who got Keith involved in checking on places to rent, etc. All I ever asked anyone to do was to find people.. Phillip got one address for me, Keith got 3 and Angela M has gotten 5... Charles M has found 3 and so on. I've asked you to check on DJ's. Have you? It was your idea to do a bio of classmates. Have you worked on that?" And so on... but I didn't.

Since then I've been silently fuming and today I thought...what the hell! No matter what I do to include her in my planning, it's gonna backfire on me. She's going to continue to complain to others about me not letting her do things...all for attention. Even if I stood on my head and chanted "Bonnie is the queen of the reunion." over and over...it wouldn't help change the fact that what Bonnie wants is the attention that goes with planning something...she wants people to contact HER about things... back in our High School days, she never quite fit in with the popular group...and oh how she wanted to be in. To her those days were her golden ones...and even to this day she's still trying to impress classmates... but her reputation hasn't helped things..and I don't think the glory that she thinks she'll get from a perfectly planned reunion will change that either.

So today, I called Donna and told her to call a couple of people who have offerred to help me. I've called a few others and we are going to go to dinner and I'll bounce off my plans and see what they think. I'll include Bonnie. She won't like that I've asked others to join in. But you how what...it's not only mine and Bon's reunion... it's The Class of 81's reunion...and I think other voices should have an input.

I'll have the final say...and am not worrying about them taking over...they don't want that job. Bonnie might covet it...but if given the reins, she would decline them.

Mice

2009-01-05T12:24:00.000-05:00

New Year's Eve was a quiet one for the most part. Al & I went over to my friend Michele's house for a while. She had a few people over. We ate some goodies and talked. Her teenaged son Sef and his friends popped by for a while before heading on unknown adventures.

He showed us one of those humane mouse traps. It seems Michele has a few mice popping in and out and instead of the usual snap & crush trap, she chose a humane one that traps the little rodent until you release it back into the wild world of your back yard.

I wanted to see the mouse but was afraid Sef would put it on me, so I squished that urge. We were sitting at the kitchen table by the sliding glass door. Sef promptly opens the door and tries to toss the mouse in the back yard. It escapes and lands in a bunch of flower pots beside the table that houses overgrown greenery, a prime place to hide. I tucked my feet under me. No way was a mouse gonna run up my pant leg.

Amid the mad rush of teens trying to catch a mouse with their hands, Al touched Michele's arm and said, "Let me get this straight...you trap the mouse and then release it out the back door?"

She said, "Yes. I've caught about 12 little mice this way. I hate killing them."

He laughed. "You do realize that the mice are probably imediately coming back into the house? You're most likely catching the same mouse."

She didn't say anything. Just looked confused for a moment. I let out a huge laugh and said, "Hey, you should put some kind of mark on their backs to see if they return."

"You think I should paint them yellow, Sherrie?" asked Michele with a laugh. We totally lost it. No one else was laughing, just M &I. Later after we got home Al said, "I can see why like Michele so much. She's as silly as you are. I can see you doing the same thing with the mouse trap. Catching one and then tossing it right out the back door."

No way.. I'm a snap & crush kinda gal!

A new Year

2009-01-03T17:11:00.002-05:00

I'm better today-both physcially and emotionally. The raw grief of losing Teez has dulled a little. I think because I realize he is still living inside me. Yes I've lost the physical person but the essence of Teez will always be with me. He and I had something so rare and special. That won't die ever... but I'm gonna learn to live with it and still find the love I deserve and continue to live like he wanted me to.

Every day I talk to him. I think of scenes from the times we were together and clips of our many converstaions. I smile, I laugh...I cry a little inside but mainly I embrace all that he gave me. He was one amazing man and I know there isn't another like him. I won't be looking for a clone...and if it's meant to be, there will be another love as great in its own way as the one Teez and I have.

I've decided to start a private blog--a place to write about Teez and I. To get my mind and heart in order, so I can continue my journey alone. My life goes on, even as his doesn't. I can't stop living. Yet I can't move on without putting some sense to this loss and the questions I have about why it had to be so short.

Once I find these answers, then I'll tackle the novel I wrote and give our story the ending it should have had... the ending both of us wanted with each breath we breathed together. This story ...so special, if only to Teez and me...deserves to be told as it should have been.

My Holidays...

2008-12-27T18:30:00.002-05:00

have been nice. Although I am very ill with a respiratory illness. Now it seems I've developed a bad sinus infection on top of the bronchitis. My immune system is down according to my doctor. I know it has to do with the stress of the holidays and grieving over Thomas.

I miss him so much. Every morning when I wake I have to remind myself that he's not here. When we had our class dinner last Sunday, I sat watching people interacting and would think.. "I can't wait to tell Thomas about....this or that!" Then I would remember that I can't and a sadness fell over me as I sat watching everyone have so much fun. Scott who was one of Thomas's best friends sat with me and we shared a sort of somberness as we looked around. Neither of us spoke much and when we did it was about Thomas... how he would have loved being there and so on.

Maybe when I am over this illness and feeling stronger, I won't be so sad. Maybe I'll find a way to start living like I was when he was alive, being the woman he so loved and admired.

Holidays

2008-12-19T12:00:00.002-05:00

It's been a difficult 19 days without Teez but I'm surviving. The holidays are almost here and I'm so not in the spirit of things but I pretend. Good thing I can act. A major chest cold and I are battling over dominion of my body adn it's winning. Work is ok...keeping up with things without stressing out. The nephews are excited about the holidays and helped me decorate the tree this week.

Sunday a bunch of my OHS classmates and I are getting together to break bread. Should be interesting. I don't like half of them. My plan is to go over the reunion ideas I have and get feedback. Want this whole thing done and over with as soon as possible.

After the holidays I plan to do some heavy reflecting and try to figure out my next move... what I need to survive this life.

God sent me a laugh

2008-12-09T16:36:00.002-05:00

Wes from next-door came by today to check on me. I told him about the dinner for Keith (the guy with Lou Gerigh's disease). I've organized a dinner for him with about 12 of our classmates and their spouses. We're having it in two Sundays. Told him where and when.

He said he was going to show up about mid-meal and walk up to me, crying and pleading for me to return to him saying "Sherrie, you've got to come back to me." Then to everyone sitting at the table, "She's my baby's momma. We need her back. The baby is 11-months-old. Sherrie said she was going to Bojangles for coffee 6 months ago and hasn't come back yet. We've got a 3-yr-old and a 7-yr-old at home. I just want my babies' momma back."

I laughed my ass off. I can just imagine some of the faces at the table...mouths open, eyes popping out. Then he said, "I'm gonna borrow an interracial child to take with me."

I said, "Do it. This is a hoot! Hey, would be cool if you could find an Asian child."

He pointed at me and said, "There ya go!"

I hope that my classmates understand that if a round pecan toned African American guy wearing expensive clothing comes up to me, crying and begging me to come home with him... not to think hard of me. I can't help it if the drive-thru at Bojangles takes months to go through.

so...

2008-12-09T09:17:00.002-05:00

I'm here. Really thought I would be able to write about Teez's funeral services, etc. Thought I would be able to honor him and our love with a post, but I can't. My heart is so full of sorrow that it beats tears.

He wrote this to me on Oct. 13. It was titled Another Goodnight. We had already exchanged goodnight emails.

Games are over, both the CHARGERS & the DODGERS won! Yay! Anyway, your last message has been on my mind & in my heart so I had to say goodnight one more time...not sure why I felt the need to do so.

Sherrie, do not doubt the validity of your womanhood. You are a strong, passionate, sincere, & caring woman. Probably have touched me in ways no other woman has both in passion & in your soothing, enchanting words. You are so smooth with your writings, I find myself spellbound sometimes & longing for more...the endings making me yearn for an ending that's soon to come, but never quite welcome because it only means I have to wait for the next one. I want to hear your voice again right now, the softness of it, the sweetness of it in my ear...

I want you to know that the class reunion matters not a bit to me, but OUR "reunion" of sorts has brought renewed energy & vigor into my world. I feed off of you, you feed from me. It works! We've shared so much & yet it seems the pot is not empty, there is more to devour of each other. There is more yet to explore & experience. Life holds so many surprises, some pleasant & some not so pleasant. This one between us is proving to be a precious moment in my life, one to be treasured, embraced, & appreciated for every second it exists! Thank you Sherrie for the YOU you've shown me, for the fresh "breath" you've breathed into my restless soul...

You are appreciated. You are valued. You seek & have found your validation thru me...savor it, & your life to it's fullest!
TEEZ

In so many ways, he has created the measuring stick that I'll use on future lovers...one that very few will measure up to...if any.

Connections like ours are so rare. A once-in-a-life-time-thing I fear. Maybe in time I can hope to find it again.

Saying goodbye

2008-12-05T10:13:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is the funeral. Tonight the visitation at the Funeral home. Would you believe my fair-weather-friend Bonnie is driving me up there? She's called several times a day this week to check on me. I never would have believed it possible. I really am thankful for her friendship and now see her with different eyes.

Here is his obit link from the funeral home site. I left a condolence on behalf of our class. You can click on his name in the Obit list. Thomas loved attention. And would be glad I left this link for my readers.

Thomas wrote this as a reply to a blog post on my myspace page about What's really important about Living. Please read it and take to heart his words:

"Living" as I see it involves TIME, more than love but not excluding it. TIME spent with those you love, those you truly care about, even a distant neighbor wants TIME from those around them. Completely "centered" in our lives is this yearning to be part of someone's TIME. When all is said & done, all we have is our TIME & it is precious. There always seems to be very little of it to go around, but it's about prioritizing that time to include what's REALLY important. The TIME taken to stop & browse a book when in a store, the TIME taken to say yes to a freind's invitation to lunch even though we know we have other things to do. Special TIMES taken to go visit a person you've not seen in years...it's all about TIME.

When we leave this Earth, all we will carry with us is the legacy of how we spent our TIME. All anyone will remember of our lives is how we shared our TIME with them, if we did at all. Treasure TIME as if a precious diamond, unique yet so giving when shared. Touch those you love with TIME...
TEEZ

So if you are reading this, please live like Thomas...grabbing each day and making it yours. Keeping in mind that life and love are short and should be embraced. Find time for the people you love, because that is what is left behind...the memory of time spent together. Believe in positive thinking and never give up on yourself and life.

Hanging in here

2008-12-02T22:51:00.002-05:00

Somehow I am managing to survive, even if with tears. I am amazed at the people who saw through mine and Thomas's banter on the myspace class page and knew there was more to us than just words. So many have sent me emails and called, offering support and telling me how Teez told them that I had made a difference in his life...and a few of his oldest and dearest friends thanked me for giving him such a wonderful send-off...that it was obvious to them that he suddenly had a spring in his step, a fire in his eyes and a smile in his soul after years of barely getting by.

There words are kind and taken to heart... yet how am I to fill this void he left... no more emails waiting for me...no more talks for hours...no more touches to my hair, to my body...

My day was so long.. and a few times I checked my email to see if he had written, only to be reminded he won't. Once the phone rang and I prayed to God that it would be him saying 'Gotcha.'

I miss him so much. Even as I am surrounded with loving emails and other things...they can't take the place of a man who made my life so bright, so full of love and everything positive. I know this will probably be the love of my life...and even with the pain, it is worth the love we shared...and the love that still breathes inside me.

One breath at a time...is how I am living until I can find a way to live without him.

Thomas...

2008-12-01T15:07:00.002-05:00

died this morning. His heart gave out. My heart is breaking... and I don't know how it will ever be the same without his bright light.

So say a prayer or two for those of us who loved him.

Thanks.

I'll be back I'm sure.. to mourn and try to find my path.

Cold day..night

2008-11-20T20:34:00.002-05:00

Been fighting a sinus headache all day and now night. Sipping some chamomile tea with a few drops of lemon added. It's hot and soothing.

Things have been a bit hectic. Work mainly. I think I am better emotionally regarding Tz and even Al. Things will be what they will. I must confess though that Tz has done his best to soothe my worries about us. He tells me not to distress, because great days await and when they do happen...then I should watch out. It dawned on me the other night that he isn't really pushing me away, he's pushing the passion aside so that he won't trip a heart attack. Then once his heart surgery is finished and he's mended...we'll be back to the passionate beings we are ... though dormant at the moment. I can wait. I am the most patient woman in the world.

As for Al...we'll slowly dissolve because I've always been the glue that works at holding us together. Time will solve this issue.

William is on the A/B honor roll and does 80% of his homework on his own. I must say he's growing up and is into the tween thing. He's left Harry Potter behind and is now a huge Indiana Jones fan. At night our stories are about "Indiana William." I have to make up adventures about running, jumping, defying death. Ben has been slowly catching up on his reading. His report card had improved muchly but he is still behind in many areas. My sister has been working with him more than I have. Funny how she takes the time to help Ben with his homework but when William was that age, I was the one she asked to work with him. But then again, I believe that I've helped him come along ways in regards to his school work, so I'm not truly complaining.

Been spending a lot of my time at myspace. My OHS page is really active. Some of my classmates and I like to goof off in the comment section. Lately it's been the girls against the guys and GIRLS RULE. I think that when we do have the reunion that those of us on the page will automatically clump together because the ice is broken and we've learned to joke around with each other. I'm hoping that's the way it will be.

I hope that everyone who reads me is doing ok. My 08 novel is slowly going up on the blog at my website. There is a link on the homepage. It's almost autobiographical. I may have to change that later.

Take care.

apples

2008-11-17T13:58:00.000-05:00

I dropped in the IGA on Bragg Blvd last night. Al had left some cash for me to go and pick some stuff up for him. While I was out I forgot to do it. Usually I drop in there on Sunday's before church lets out... last night was the first time I had ever gone at night...it was around 6:30 or so...

The place was almost deserted. I found a park right in front of the door, which never ever happens. I got a shopping cart, made sure my purse was zipped and decided to go from end to end because Al's list was in my head and my head sometimes refuses to recite things properly.

I went down two aisles and encountered a black lady with two kids, a really fat girl of about 8 who was busy trying to inhale chocolate peanuts through their plastic wrap and a boy who was maybe 4. He was busy eating a bright red apple. I smiled at him because he had on a red sweatshirt and the apple was the same exact color.

Didn't get far when I noticed the boy was running around the aisle in an erratic fashion. Something about it was familiar but I kept doing my thing. On the next aisle I saw him again...alone, eating his apple. I started to speak to him but the words froze in my throat. The boy was austic. I saw the vacant look and realized I knew it. William, the oldest used to have that look, used to run around like that and... I felt a kinship with this child. A sorrow for the mother who was probably my age...

I pointed the boy in the direction of his mother who was frantically calling his name..."Jamal....Jamal". I said, "Go." When William used to be like the boy I found that simple instructions worked the best. He went running to her.

A few aisles over I accidentally knocked down some paper towels and was bending over and putting them back in place. Jamal appeared again. We were eye-level and I smiled at him. He looked at me and offered me some gnawed apple. I saw him. I saw a flash of the boy locked inside and I felt a rise in my heart. I pretended to bite the apple and he laughed. Then I pointed him in the direction of his mom...and once again said "Go."

We played the "Go" game all through the grocery store. But that was the only time I saw the boy within during the aisle games. At the check-out I stood waiting and suddenly he appeared with the apple core and a bag of candy. He showed me both. I pointed at his mother and he trotted back over. She was two checkouts away. She looked at me and said, "He has autism and is everywhere. I usually have someone watch him when I have to go out but no one could tonight."

I said, "He's little Jamal Apple-seed and a very special boy." My heart was full of things to say but we had to check out. Then I heard a bunch of laughter from the register that the lady was at. Jamal was holding out the apple core for the lady to ring up. He was there once again... shining from the inside. Then he was gone. He kept running to the door but didn't go out.

After I got my bags, I went outside and stopped outside the door. A voice said, "Little apple boy is going to make a break." I was right. The automatic doors opened and he flew out. I stopped him and offered my hand to him. He took my hand and his was sticky from eating the apple. I could smell apple and we waited for his mom to come out. She did in a flutter of plastic bags.

"You are an angel," she said when she saw us standing there, so patiently. I said," He's a special boy. I didn't want him to get hurt or someone grab him." We walked to her car and I helped her get him in his seat. I leaned over and kissed his head but he didn't notice. He found a piece of paper to play with. His mother and I put the bags in her truck and I wanted to say so much but really didn't know where to start.

I had been there before and I knew the road ahead of her was going to be tough but with love and paitence and damn determination, he could be unlocked. So I said, "Inside his autism, a boy is waiting to be released. Have the courage to find the key that will unlock him."

I don't know if she understood. I hope she did. There's a wealth of apple seeds inside the core of that child. I just hope and pray that somehow the seeds will be released and he'll rain big juicy red apples on the world.

Breathing and Living

2008-11-17T12:50:00.002-05:00

Things are better. I think that Tz tried to put a block between us but realized he couldn't...we still aren't 'done' as he puts it. This morning I had an email from him... he wrote "Maybe I'll talk to you today? My heart of hearts desires it so."

Yesterday we talked for an hour and he sounded stronger... he starts radiation/chemo this upcoming Monday... he says that once he sees how it goes, he'll decide when I should come visit.

I'm patient... I can wait.

oh well...

2008-11-13T18:12:00.002-05:00

Tz is out of the hospital. He got home yesterday. We talked for a while at around 5 pm and he said that our intimacy won't go on...aka sex, because he's afraid he'll have a heart attack...at least until he has his valve surgery and who knows when that will be.

I noticed a withdrawal from him in ways... I guess he's protecting himself by putting a blanket between us. My heart aches so much. Since I'm writing 'our' story all the intensity of us is still so fresh and vivid. I can't write on it right now..and I need to if I am going to finish it by Nov 30. But the memories I'm reliving are so strong and so happy. But my heart isn't.

There is a hole in my soul.

I can't even finish writing the blog post...

sorry.

I thought....

2008-11-12T10:39:00.001-05:00

...that I had something profound to say but I don't! It was there and then...puff...gone!

I was told last night by a very old friend that I was like an bottomless Pitcher... when it came to caring about people...and that I should make sure that whoever I decide to care about should be an endless mug, because when I pour out 'sherrie' it is everlasting, flows for an eternity & thus endless and there would be a deep sorrow if I overflowed from a standard mug, spilling even one drop!

Hmm...maybe I did have something profound to say after all.

Today

2008-11-11T14:21:00.002-05:00

No one on our block is open except us! I should be getting a lot of work done but I'm not. Not feeling the best today...and for some reason the PC is a little slow. Guess I should clean out the files.

Tz may be out of the hospital by tomorrow. He was hoping he could go home today when I talked to him this morning. I haven't taken the time to call since then. May just wait to hear from him when he gets in. Yesterday was his birthday and I don't think he had any visitors other than the girl he dates. She works there and dropped by after she got off and stayed for about 20 mins. I wish I had known he was going to be alone. I would have taken the day off and spent it with him.

But I plan to drop by when he's ready for me once he gets home and back into his routine. Not sure when Radiation/Chemo will start, so we'll play it by ear. At least he's better and stronger than a week ago.

Had an ok weekend with Al. He didn't have a lot to say and spent Sunday on the golf course. When he got back, we had dinner and after dinner I made small talk and told a few jokes. He accused me of drinking!!! I hadn't had a beer or anything...was just being ME...like I always am. Witty and laughing. It hurt my feelings that he assumed I was drinking because I made some corny jokes! I told him he needs to lighten up some and that if we stay 'starched' I'm done with us.

How can one person change so much in 10 months??? Am I crazy to continue to be with him...I did promise to give it to the first of the year but... is this the way it will be until then? I wonder if he even realizes how different he's become... how remote for US he's acting!

I just want to be happy... yet I can't seem to give up on Al.

From the Heart

2008-11-08T16:13:00.000-05:00

From the Heart (A long blog post) (reposted from myspace)

Once again I sit in front of the monitor with fingers tapping out letters forming words, then sentences and finally paragraphs. And I have no idea where this blog post is going to lead me... well, that's not true, I have an idea but getting it out here...is another thing.

I confess that sometimes I take the long road in expressing myself when most people would probably hit the express lane.

I'm listening to Great White's "Rock Me." Good song...reminds me of G-vegas in the mid-late 80's and all the crazy times I had at the Attic, Susie's Treehouse and Rafters...I had fun at other bars but these three places Rocked...me.

The Attic... Al's cousin Dennis was once a Roadie for Doc Holiday (a band that played at the Attic often). He told me a funny story about how Doc H had played at a bar in Raleigh a week before doing the Attic and the owner of the Raleigh Bar gave the Roadies some free T-shirts. They set up for the Attic concert earlier in day and that night they are all wearing their free Tees ..but Tom (I think that was his name) the owner of the Attic won't let them in because he felt they were advertising for another bar (which really wasn't in competition with the Attic since it's in a different TOWN). So Dennis and the other Roadies go outside, take off all their clothes and try to re-enter the Attic. LOL... man I'm so glad I didn't see that!...and no they weren't admitted.

There were some great acts at the Attic. Kixx...totally rocked. I was front stage (and had to fight to keep it) and the guitarist let me fondle his leg from toe to upper and I mean upper thigh... lol. When that happened, my roommate Jeri sent some muscle guy to remove me from proceding further and getting kicked out. Now, I wasn't too happy then but now...I'm glad she used her muscle to keep me in line. Then there was Vixen, the heavy metal one hit wonder chicks..they rocked. I remember Greg Allman playing there and he got lost on the street in front of Rafters during his break, he was Totally fubar! If I have to explain that one..

Susie's Treehouse deserves a blog post of it's own. I'll have to remind myself to make some whiskey sours and write... and Rafters...what can I say. I knew the most popular oldies DJ when he was the grand master metal mixer in Rafters during the wicked 80's.

Now "Cumbersome" is playing... Three William Mary. A local metal band from the 90's (KatDaddy's Fishhouse) did a great cover of this song. I used to direct the guitarist in our church's children's choir during the late 70's. LOL..see what kind of influence I have on young minds.

"Every Rose has its thorn" by Poison is on...my middle name is Rose, btw and yes I have thorns.

For the last week, I've been thinking a lot on hearts of the matter. Or is that matters of the heart... I forget!

Since I started looking for classmates back in August, I've looked inside my year books on and off... and now.."Always and Forever" is playing... how appropriate... anyway...Sorry I have to stop and sing-along...bare with me...

Turned the playlist off when it finished, so I won't go down every off-beaten musical path I hear...

But getting back to my ramble...one of my online pals asked if I planned to reconnect with any crushes I had during my school years. Well, I laughed out loud for real when I read that email. I think I had one secret crush but it wasn't so bad that I pined away for an eternity. So no...there are no past crushes I plan to rekindle.

But her email got me to thinking about my past love issues and how that maybe if I had of had a bunch of broken high school flings, I might not have been so heartbroken the first time I really fell hard in love with a bouncer at one of the G-vegas clubs in 1985! During the years before that, I always guarded my heart and never let myself get too attached to any guy. I dated guys that were sorta vain and easily distracted by bright shiny objects until I met this bright shiny object in the form of a tall blonde giant...and fell helplessly in love at the first hello.

We flirted for months...until he asked me out on my golden birthday--Oct. 23, 1985 (I was turning 23). It was a magical night...and for the first time in a long time I let my heart and my body tumble head-over-heels. He seemed to be as smitten as I was...and we dated for over a month. When you're in love you can ignore the warning signs of things not quite right...at least that's my excuse. He wasn't always available for me to see..and I chalked it up to working late at night.

Finally right before Christmas, he told me the truth...he was involved with another girl and had been dating her for 2 years! Shockingly I was the other woman...and I was crushed. And promptly stopped seeing him, even as my heart broke into thousands of pieces. It took me years to get over him... I think in part because he was the first guy I said "I love you" to...and truly meant it.

From him, I learned that love may be blind but don't let it be stupid too!

After this broken affair, I dated on and off... was stalked and that made me very cautious of men...but on the bright side, had a great friendship with benefits with a special guy who never noticed the Playgirl centerfolds tacked above my bed...lol...

Sadly all things have to end and so did this...once I moved back home from Greenville in Dec. 1988. Then in Feb 1989, I ran into a guy who was two years ahead of me in high school. You know...I didn't like him then and why I let myself be lead by the nose into a relationship with him for 6 years is still beyond me. I think I was under the assumption that at 26, I need to settle down with someone, get married and have babies and a station wagon or something...maybe a dog...oh and some tuperware.

When I think of this relationship, I don't feel anything, except Indifference! I truly believe that indifference is worse that hate, because with hate you feel something!

Within 3 months, we said I love you. And an engagement ring followed...so did the problems. I stuck with him, because I made a commitment of the heart. A solemn vow that I refused to break. During his drug problems, I kept thinking...if we were married we would work this out...and thought the same when he started cheating on me during our last 2 years together. I spent 6 years with this man, thinking that my love would conquer all our problems.

I was so terribly wrong. There's a full line for all of us... we take and take and once that line is flooded, we are able to say "ENOUGH." That's what I did with him... and ended things for good. My parting words were... "One day ...maybe not tomorrow or next week...or even a month from now, but one day you'll be on your knees before me, crying and begging me to come back to you. Because I'm the best thing that has and will ever happen to you."

Five months later my forecast came true. And that's when I felt my first sample of Indifference! From this relationship, I learned that one person's love can't 'fix' a damn thing in a relationship, if the other person isn't willing to work too.

A few months later, I met Al. We danced and flames flew around us. He was my first real whirlwind, my first meeting of mind/body/soul... we connected on a mental level that was above any relationship I had ever had. We sat for hours talking...or driving down country roads talking...we shared visions and laughter. And a year later, I knew I was deeply and passionately in love with him. I thought ...finally my Prince has come.

But there's a dark side to this...the demons he kept close to his heart and the liquor that soothed them. For 5 years, I fought to win over the demons and lost... I was drowning in them just as he was. Only I was his rock...the one he clung to in the rapids of life. And eventually it was too much. I had to break things off or my soul would die.

It was difficult to say goodbye, because we both still loved each other so much. But sometimes you have to make sacrifices of the heart in order to live the next day.

From Al, I learned that you can still go on living without that person you so deeply love. It's possible to let go...now it might be painful but it won't kill you unless you allow it to.

About a year after Al and I broke up, I met a guy I really wasn't impressed with. He had tanned ankles. For some reason a guy who wears loafers without socks and has tanned ankles turns me off! But he was impressed with me and kept calling me at work until I finally gave out my home number. When he called that night, we had fun talking for over 3 hours. We fell into a phone relationship (for 6 months until he finally got the nerve to take me out--yes, I'm a patient gal) because he worked out of town most of the time and actually lived in Charleston SC. I didn't mind. Truth be told I wasn't ready for a serious relationship.

This guy killed me though... he would talk himself out of dates with me because he thought I was too much fun to be around and he had teen-aged sons whom he wanted to spend time with... He would say things like "Dammit, you're too cool. Now I want to spend all my free time with you but I can't. My sons need me." And I would say "Stop thinking beyond the moment. Just go with the flow and see what happens." But he didn't. He couldn't. I knew it wouldn't last with him...he was too wishy washy about the possibility of a serious relationship--one he wanted yet couldn't bring himself to have.

There's no hard feelings on my part. When I think of him I wonder about all the possible wonderful relationships he's talked himself out of and if now that his sons are grown, has he allowed himself the joys of letting someone in his heart.

With this guy I learned that you can't force someone to like you, much less love you and am glad I never tried... another thing I learned was that it was okay NOT to know where an affection for someone was headed...to let it just be.

I dated a few others... and have no regrets of the time I spent and can actually say I made some great friends during these years.

Then Al shows up again in my life in Dec 2005...6 years after we broke up and the chemistry we shared was still so vivid and undeniable...so I fall back into his arms. For about 6 months things were the best ever. He had stopped drinking, battled and won the war over his demons and was working to have things..for us. There was talk of marriage ...of the real life possibility of it. Then things were shot down by a car wreck he was in, his health (prostate issues/diverticulitous) and the loss of his job due to the business closing.

I stuck by him and kept thinking... if we were married I would still be here. Funny how you can fall back into old habits... and so... I have stayed. Back in Feb, he got a great paying job and has been very successful but...he's driven to make money now...and I realize that he's not the same carefree man I once loved. Maybe I was in love with the drinking fun Al...who I was around for five years the first time around...and the fun Al was there when we rekindled the romance...but he's gone now. There's little laughter between us....and I thrive on laughter--my soul needs it.

Another stone tossed in is his religious beliefs... he's become a devout born again Christian who considers intimacy a sin. Tell that to a hot-blooded Scorpio woman!

So another ending is beginning to begin after almost 3 years of being back together...and I still can't walk away from it...from the love we once had...from the dreams I once clung too...

I don't know what lesson I've learned this time around...I guess I'll know once the tale's been told...

But I will say this much...recently I've realized through an awakening of my body/soul/mind and spirit that when you are touched in all those areas...when you find a connection that lifts you...embraces you and soothes you, while inspiring you and giving you so much joy...that there is no greater freedom of the heart than this...that it's not meant to be caged or labeled or placed on a pedestal...but to be stroked, to be enjoyed and validated as only two connected souls can...while it is there ...existing within...

that it's okay to have matters of the heart that matter to the heart...without the labels and bindings so many fall into, only to lose it...forever.

And the sun shines again...

2008-11-07T21:39:00.003-05:00

As you can see from my previous blog post, I've been an emotional wreck these past couple of weeks, worrying about Teez, worrying about our 'thing', worrying about Al and our impending split, worrying about...many things.

After work, I stopped at Big Lots. I love that place. I always find neat things there and this time I actually picked up 3 Xmas presents and 2 birthday presents and 4 stocking stuffers...all for under 30 bucks! Can't beat that!

On the way home I decided to call Thomas and see how he's doing...make it short if he's still distant. HE wasn't. I said, "Hi, Just calling to get updates on you." He said, "I'm having spaghetti for dinner." We talked about that for a moment or two, then he said, "Baby, I'm actually better today. Got great news on my culture. It was clean--no staph reported. But they found a blood clot in my shoulder so I'm taking meds for that." I said, "Great. I know that part sucks. But it's terrific that the staph infection is over."

Then he said, "I'm better today. I feel better, brighter..." My heart soared. He sounded like my Teez. So we made small talk. He gave me a rundown of his weekend plans...Sunday will be a day full of visitation from some friends and family. But he emphasized that he wanted me to keep in touch over the weekend. That it was ok if I called because he told everyone about me...not sure what he's told but he said no matter who answered the phone I was to tell them who I was and they would promptly get him. Not to fret or worry about it.

I promised I would. I'm not sure how I'm gonna feel this weekend. The monthly curse will start tomorrow or Sunday and I dread it. Plus Sunday is the 10th year anniversary of my miscarriage. It's been weighing on my mind the last few days...mainly because I've had two close friends to mention it. One said out of the blue, "I wish your baby had lived." Talk about a stab ot my heart...and the other said, "You and Al should light a candle for your lost little one." Another out of the blue comment... I guess it's weighing on their minds because it's a big milestone to pass... yet feels like it happened yesterday. Being on my period will bring back the memory of the pain. I don't know how Al will be ...he and I are not on the best of terms now, although I do try to make things light...I know the last time I mentioned the miscarriage, he made an excuse to leave the room for some odd chore. SO I know there will be no comfort from him.

During one of our long phone conversations, I found myself telling Thomas about it. He cried with me. I've never known a man who can reflect my moods at the right time and moment. He said I gave him a gift...a part of my soul...with my sorrow. And he repaid me with the pictures and tale of losing his toes and foot and eventually a leg. I stood beside him while he showed me picture after picture, saying he hadn't looked a them in many years. I felt the loss as deeply as he did. We didn't cry but I touched him during the whole viewing process and I knew he was moved that I didn't flinch or run from the horror but understood his loss and the courage it took to carry on.

This afternoon, after we talked for a good 15 mins, I told him he needed to finish his dinner but he wouldn't let me hang up ...he kept saying some of the funniest things. I laughed so hard, I had tears in my eyes. Finally I said, "Thomas, stop making me laugh." He said, "But I love your laugh. It warms my soul."

Mine is warm too.

Bad News...

2008-11-07T15:05:00.002-05:00

Thomas had bad news for me when I called yesterday afternoon. It seems his heart is working at 35%! They're doing tests today.

I feel so excluded from what's going on with him. When we talked or rather he talked, he had a distance in his voice that I've never heard. Then in the middle of the conversation he said that the girl he 'dates' was there and they were waiting for the cardiologist to come talk to him. I didn't know what to say to him...only that I was there if he needed me. Then he said, "I'm dealing with some strong emotions right now that I didn't count on having to deal with." We said bye and that was that!

I spent hours in an emotional torment... I realized that that I was not good at being the 'other' woman.

We spent 30 mins on the phone talking Wed night...sweet nothings and how things would get back to where they belong once he was home...

now this!

I am trying to have faith but it's difficult. I feel as if I am doomed to continuiously have love snatched away from me.

A Brighter day

2008-11-05T12:21:00.002-05:00

Even if it is misty and gray out!

I heard from Tz today! He's still at UNC hospitals but is doing a little better. The staph infection (MRSA) has been straining his heart. He's got a lot of fluid built up and they are doing their best to battle it. He was very chipper and sounded strong. When I called his doctor was there and he asked me to hold on...I noticed he put the phone receiver where I could hear their conversation...

that was his gift to me for today... I listened and was thankful I could understand all that was said...

He told me that on Monday, his sprained wrist had a lot of fluid on it, so they numbed it and drained it...while he was alert! He said, "And I didn't scream like a girl! Not once. It hurt like hell, but I didn't go girly on them." I laughed but I think that's what he wanted... to hear me laugh.

He told me to call whenever I could...that he was a lot better but still not well enough to go home..but he planned on doing all the doctor said to do, so he could get back home.

I can breathe easy now... or rather easier. I've been writing our story and it's hard to get him off my mind. But according to him...it's 'ditto.'

Prayers work.

in a way.. I'm here

2008-11-03T13:28:00.002-05:00

Last week was very busy. This week will be the same..the start of the holiday season for me.

I started on my NaNoWriMo novel Saturday... it will be about T and I...but in fiction form...there will be a lot of our exchanges woven in there. I am not sure if I will post it online or not... But I do know that once I finish it I will publish it in book form throught he createspace.com site and send him a copy...

if he's still here...

at this moment he's checking into the UNC hospital. He's got fluid building in his lungs, a dislocated shoulder and a sprained wrist...he's still weak from the MRSA bug and I fear that he's not going to get better soon. These conditions are causing him to fall behind in chemo treatments and then radation/chemo. He wanted to start the radation next week but it won't happen...not as long as he's weak like he is now.

I realized today when he called to tell me he was being admitted and for me not to worry..that he would be back soon... I realized that I love this man. I love him with a depth that I didn't know existed... this love I have... will stay with me and keep me warm, when I am missing him so much...it will remind me that although it is difficult that I am lucky to know it..to feel it beat in my heart...

and no matter what happens, it will always be with me...

so if I am quieter than normal..it's because I am praying for his survival with every free moment I have... it's because I am writing our story and am lost in the amazement of love and the way that God can put a person in your path for reasons that fail to be understood...I believe that Thomas is my reminder that life and love are so short...to hold them tight yet not smother ...to allow breathing room and to remember to thank God for the ability..the opportunity to love and to live..as if each day is your last.

Oct 08's last Thursday

2008-10-30T12:07:00.002-04:00

This month has flown by. It's very cold here. I feel as if winter jumped in before autumn could arrive. My sister and I are alledgedly having a yard sale Saturday but I bet she opts out. I will be a bit pissed because I have a truck load of yard sale stuff I got from Al's, all ready to go.

I talked to Tz yesterday afternoon and he sounded much better. He should have been a voice-over artist, because he can rip into some of the funniest characters and go off on long dialogues. I laugh so hard at him... the last time we were together he had his wanker talking to me in a very funny voice. I laughed until I couldn't breathe, which made him laugh until he couldn't breathe. He said, "I like to make you laugh. I'm happy when you're laughing like this." When he made me laugh yesterday, I knew he was recovering. He's going to the beach with the girl he 'dates' this weekend to see his mom and step-father. I'll miss him.

He called last night at midnight. I was still up and he said, "Is it too late to call?" I said no. Then he said, "I'm not calling because I have to. I'm calling because I want to. I just woke up and thought, 'I want to say good night to Sherrie.'"

We talked for about 3 mins and I made him go back to sleep. This morning was the first time in almost a week where I had a Good Morning email from him. Little things like that make me happy.

I will probably stay home this weekend. Al has to work both days and I really don't feel like sitting at his house. Unless M calls... if she wants to get together, I'll probably go. If not...I'll start working on my novel and do some of my online class stuff. Maybe get my winter clothes down from the attic, since it will be a cold winter. At least that's my forecast...

Last night was the first time I've pulled out my Tarot cards in months. I did some readings and was surprised at how on target they were...

There are a lot of things I want to write about... Al and I declining...Tz and I uplifting...work and home life... insights into my soul...you know, things like that...

so if I am disjointed in my posts, it's because there is so much I want to release at one time...that it will be impossible to be coherent, because there's so much love and life living inside me.

November is National Novel Writing Month

2008-10-29T12:27:00.000-04:00

National Novel Writing Month begins Saturday. I was going to write a children's book but opted out on the idea because this thing that's grown in leaps and bounds between me and Tz needs to be told. Never has anyone changed my outlook on life and love in so short a time. Our paths have crossed for a reason and like he says, "I don't know why we're here together but we have to follow it." Never has any man given me so much encouragement and believed so deeply in who I am and strives to provide what I need on all aspects of my being.

We became reaquainted while I was looking for classmates for the reunion back in early Sept. He sent me an email, informing me he might not make the reunion and to share his photos. I replied that I hope he makes it and that he still looked handsome (which was true compared to some of our classmates who hadn't aged that well.) He replied with "I see you've got your flirt on." And things went from there. Below is one of the first emails he sent about all the health issues he's dealt and is dealing with.

Just to give you a summary in a nutshell of my health issues I've dealt with in the past few years....diabetes, dialysis, kidney transplant, amputation of toes on right foot, amputation (below the knee) of left leg, lymphoma cancer survivor, and most recently (in Feb.) I was diagnosed with Stage 3 colo-rectal cancer. I am currently doing chemo with radiation to follow in about 2 1/2 months. I will do the radiation DAILY for 5 weeks... Take a deep breath as you absorb this info. The pics I sent you were of me AFTER all of this, so I'm still handsome & probably the most positive person you'll ever meet! I have to be in order to have survived this! God has me here for a reason I've yet to discover...

I was married from '96 until '06 to a wonderful woman whom I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, but she suddenly wanted to re-live her 20's, so she left me.... Marriage is meant to be a "one time" thing, so I'm done with it now! LOL. Never say never huh? I've learned from it, grown from it, & no longer see it as the burden it once was on my emotions. I'm happy now & live each day as if it were my last....well, as much as I can while doing the chemo. Ya know, that stuff is pure poison!
Now you know more about me than most...share as you wish with others who ask. I do the same as a way to provide God's gift to me of inspiration!

He is fighting MRSA (the super bug) at this moment. He had it once years ago and I guess it still lies dormant in his body. This time the chemo he's taking caused it to appear again. He's very sick and weak. Yet fighting so hard to get better. His thirst for living is contagious. I refuse to think any bad thoughts and keep saying prayers that he'll get over this soon and get stronger so he can go through radiation and get it behind him. I called last night to check on him and we talked about how he was feeling. I could tell he was exhausted just from the conversation we were having but before I could say that he should rest, he said "How was your day, Baby?" His voice purred out the baby part and he sincerely wanted to know and wouldn't hang up until I gave him a brief summary. When I said goodnight and that I would talk to him tomorrow, he said, "I surely hope so, Sherrie. I want that so much."

Our future is uncertain but I won't let that stop me from taking the moments together and savoring them...running in the wind with no worries, other than the moment at hand. As controlling as I like to be about my relationships and where they are headed...this is new to me and whatever the end product is, I'm happy to have/had it!

the Sun and other celestial thingies

2008-10-27T16:09:00.000-04:00

I have no idea what happened to the sun! It was hanging out with me this morning and I just looked out the door at work and...it's gray out! Maybe it ran away with the fork...since the moon ran away with the spoon.

My weekend wasn't bad. I had to work late Saturday. One of my clients came in with her daughter whose name is Etta. They call her "Et." I said, "Wow, I can have some fun with your name... 'Hey Et, have you et yet?"

She thought for a moment and said, "Yes... I have."

Her mom said, "Et, Miss Sherrie likes to pick on people. It usually takes me awhile before I realize she's just made a joke. So you best watch 'er."

It was fun...their visit. Et left some work for me to do for Xmas. But their late visit put me behind schedule and I didn't get to Al's house until after 6 pm. He and I had a long talk the other night, about spending quality time together. When he got in after 8:30, I was shocked that he didn't turn on the TV. We chatted about things going on...ate supper and discussed what to do the next day for my birthday. At around 10:30 pm, he turned on the TV and zoned out. I wasn't surprised... in fact I was a bit shocked he lasted 2 hours in the convo department.

Sunday was lovely day...lots of sunshine. After church, Al and I got out to experience my "Sherrie Day." He stopped at the gas station first. While he pumped up I listened to "Midnight Train to Georgia." It occurred to me that everyone should have some Pips for a day following them around. When Al returned, I said, "Al...wouldn't it be cool if everyone had their own "Pips" for a day. Everything you did they would sing about. I wouldn't mind it one bit. I can hear it now.

Me paying for gas: 'I would like twenty bucks worth of gas.'

The Pips sing: "Oh she's got gas Woo Hoo."

Or me at Walmart in the produce department. The Pips singing about my every move: 'She's fondling...the cucumbers...at Walmart.. ..Oh yea...cucumbers...at Walmart."

'Course after a couple of hours I would be ready to send them to Georgia."

Al laughed in a surprised kinda way. I think he's not sure how to relate to the humor I find in every day settings. Maybe because we spend so little time with each other...that he forgets I'm silly.

So...Al took me to lunch at Red Robin. I had another huge Killian's Red beer! And did I buzz away... we sat at a table by the wall and at one point I noticed that a huge carousel horse was on the window ledge beside us. I pointed at it and said, "Al... you're sitting under a horse's ass!" He didn't find that funny...don't know why...it had stars painted on the saddle.

So we're sitting there...waiting for our food...me fondling my big mug of beer and Al goes into his business venture(s) talk. I sighed. Even when I tried to change the subject he would return it back to his topic. I zoned out. Behind him sat a guy with a huge nose. It was the kind of nose that would intrigue any artist...like me. I couldn't stop looking at it. My eyes glazed over as I stared and I began to draw it on an imaginary canvas. Sadly my ears didn't glaze and most of Al's talk sunk in... along with my big beer.

We ended up at Barnes & Noble. Al needed to pick up a birthday present for his father and I was secretly thrilled. When Al has to shop...it takes hours for him to find something. This time it didn't take long..only 2 hours. I had time to read excerpts of some of my favorite books. We got home at around 6 and I took a short nap because the beer made me drowsy.

After I woke up, we had a big debate about dinner... in between Al's discussion of his future business ventures. We ended up calling in an order for Asian food. On the way there, I thought my head would explode because he began discussing another venture. I tried to find the moon but it was either hiding or having sex with the spoon... so I couldn't zone out like I had before and this time he kept asking my opinion and wouldn't give up until I gave it ...which wasn't the opinion he wanted to hear...

and when I said I was burned out on talking about all this business stuff, he blew up, citing that it was me who wanted more intimacy!!!! It was me who wanted him to share things with me and hold my hand. I don't cry often but I did this last night because I was so frustrated with him. He doesn't understand what true intimacy and sharing are... that business talk is not intimate...I realized just how far apart we really are...

There are times when he says things without thinking and last night was one of those times... instead of saying I'm sorry for all he said and for making me cry, he made polite small talk as we ate. I joined in and we got over that bump.

When we finally went to bed, he asked if I had a good day. I said I did...except for the bump--it was a nice day.

And I'm truly beginning to think that if there's a fork in the road, I should pick it up.

A B-day Photo

2008-10-25T15:44:00.001-04:00

Noone told me I was having a bad hair day! I guess it's the only part of me that was rebelling against another birthday.

William is on the left, I'm in the middle and Ben is on the right. My boys! They love me... and that's good enough for me.

Cakes, Candles & a CD

2008-10-23T23:47:00.001-04:00

When I got home last night, my mom was there cooking up steaks for dinner and had a generic grocery store cake with pink roses and sparkle thingies on it. My brother, nephews and sister were there waiting for me. The nephews were excited about the cake I think or maybe just excited because kids do that...get excited.

We had dinner and then they drew around the cake and my sister put a ton of candles on it. I was like... "Lisa, the cake's not big enough for THAT many candles."

They sang an off-key Happy Birthday, which I pretended to direct and the nephews didn't blow out my candles! It was the first spit free cake we've had in years. I could have used the help though...it took me two tries to get all the candles out...

Presents!

My brother John handed me a gym bag and said, "I didn't wrap it, SherBears."

I took the bag and said, "Wow...a bag of dope! How cool!"

He said, "I don't have THAT kind of money. And I want the bag back."

So I slowly unzipped it and looked inside...no dope but...butt...buuuutttt there was a CD...and I squealed like a teeny bopper over the Beatles...

"A BAYCITY ROLLERS CD...OMG!" I squeaked again..

and again. "THE BAYCITY ROLLERS. I LOVED THEM WHEN I WAS IN THE 9th GRADE!"

To my sister I said, "Look... a Bay City Roller CD." I waved it around and then stopped to drool over it.

She said, "Do you remember that poster you had on your closet door? It was a picture of one of the Bay City Roller guys and all he had on was a looooooong plaid scarf and nothing else. That was the FIRST DARING thing that happened at THAT house." (She was referring to our childhood house which was dominated by my stepfather during the teen years).

I laughed...and realized I had forgotten about that. So we looked over the CD until we figured out which one it was. I wonder what I did with that poster..hmmm...

anyway...Mom comes over and wants to hold the CD. I had to inspect her hands and nails to make sure they were clean. My brother pointed out that the CD was still in its protective wrapper...we all know how protective wrappers can fail!

William the oldest nephew said, "I don't know them. I know Alvin & the Chipmunks."

Brother John pipes in, "They sound just like them."

I ignored that comment and went on to open my cards from my sister and mom, both contained money...a good thing.

Now I can go buy some plaid.

This morning my brother greeted me with a Happy Birthday and wished me a good day. I said, "Well, it should be. Remember last year was the first year I went backwards...so instead of being 46, I'm 43 instead."

He said, "How's that working for you, Sherrie?"

I said, "Not that great but I'm gonna keep trying. It may take a backwards wind down to 36 before I start feeling the effects."

But it was a good day in all..

Tomorrow

2008-10-22T14:44:00.000-04:00

I'm taking birthday present deliveries between 11 am and 9 pm tomorrow. LOL.. if it's a big present, then I'll accept the delivery until around midnight.

Man of Sapphire and Wit

2008-10-15T12:23:00.000-04:00

Man of Sapphire and Wit

I cannot remember you as you were;
slender boy of sapphire and wit,
burning across acres of youth and time;
every step a new beginning.

I was not a part of your first rite,
passage of boy into manhood,
swollen fruit bearing seed and hope
over lush green planes of passion.

Paths flow in circles and straight lines,
forks dividing lives into separate entities,
each seeking and some finding dreams
along the beaten trails of who we are.

Now an eternity later, lives molded by fate,
fickle with love and loss; restlessness a demon.
I now know you, man of sapphire and wit,
burning across the acres of my soul.

Each moment a gift of laughter and desire,
a second of touch and sound; souls blended.
The strength to embrace life a gift to treasure,
as I treasure you, man of sapphire and wit.

So...

2008-10-15T10:14:00.002-04:00

I've come to the sad conclusion that Al and I will never get married. He's too busy putting other things in front of our relationship and is content with what we have--a Friendship. Yet he expects me to play weekend wife without so much as a passionate kiss or any form of validation.

The other day I spent time going over this blog and realized that I glossed over much about us, because I didn't want to face the truth--things had become the same as they were the first time around with me giving 110 % and Al popping out zero, if that much.

Do I want to live like this? No...I want a passionate life and I'm not referring to sex--but to passion between two people. We do not have it. He seems to think everything is fine...well on his end it is. I cook, clean and even call every morning to wake him up. IF he's down, I am there, if he's sick, I am there...and when he's working late hours and I won't see him but for 6 waking hours of the weekend, I am still there.

In the past 6 weeks, I've met another or rather had a personal 'reunion' with an old classmate... he's had more sorrow and illness that any person I've ever met at our age. Yet, he has the most positive attitude I've ever know. And he inspires me like no one before him. I feel as if I've awakened from a long sleep and am seeing the world for the first time.

There's not enough time now to write all I want... things are changing here and I've hidden from writing about the changes.

Time to face the music and write the truth...what lives in my heart. I've found that words give me strength...and now I know that positive thinking and realizing we've only got this one second in life... drive me too.

Eyes, Tea and the happy Dance.

2008-10-15T10:08:00.003-04:00

My Opthalmalogist visit was a good one. My angle closure is staying put so there's no surgery slated for this year. Who knows about next year? My Doctor had me look at several videos about the procedure, etc. Then she looked into my eyes with a high-tech lens and ...whammy... she promptly did a double-take. And said in an amazed voice, "Sherrie, your angles have closed only a slight degree, if at all. I really thought we would have to do surgery."

She removed the bothersome lens away and sat staring at me. I blinked, thinking..."Cool." Then she said, "You eyes amaze me. When I thought you had glaucoma, they proved me wrong. And now, they're testing me again. I'm happy that you don't have to have surgery--surprised but happy."

Hell Doc...ME too! We should have both gotten up and did the happy dance.

Now ... I have to give up my morning coffee or at least not have it every morning. The Goddess of Java Beans is not HAPPY. She will come down from her lofty bean hill and smite me. But wait..I have mocha flavored lip gloss, suddenly things are looking up.

My mornings will consist of green tea...and herbal tea, starting today with peach flavored. It's different...not what I truly want but it's better for ocular hypertension. Eyes are important...they see what they want of the world around me and on occasion look inward. SO if it must be green tea or herbal tea...so be it.

But I will say this... paying homage to the Goddess of Tea Bags...doesn't sound quite right. LOL

Call off the Search Party...

2008-10-09T14:37:00.002-04:00

I'm here.

One of the reasons I've been away is that I don't know what to write. My life has changed in so many ways. When I try to find words to begin again...in an old place that was once a great comfort, I can't find them...they run and hide. So I say...Ok..tomorrow I'll write.

But I don't.

My eyes are open to a new way of thinking...to a new awareness of life around me... to the ability to love life as it should be loved and people too.

So if you truly love life and if you truly love those around you, please take moments to appreciate the love. All you can give the people you love is time--a little of yourself. That's a great gift... time. So often we take it for granted...live each day as just a day and think of the next.

What if there wasn't a next? What if that life was gone in the next moment?

My wish to all that read here is that you find it in your hearts to love life, to let the petty things go and embrace the world around you. To love, to live, to cry and to fight the sad times with this knowledge that we don't have all the time in the world...that we should fight to live, fight to love and fight to breathe the air.

Don't give up on yourself or those you love. Each of us has a purpose in life, a gift... God's gift of us to this world.

I pray that each of you will find this blog post a comfort or a battle cry or maybe an uplifting moment...

Don't let it get away... like a wisp of heat in the winter. Grab on to every moment that you have and live...

Dream

2008-10-01T12:29:00.001-04:00

I tend to have crazy dreams and am blessed to remember many of them. Yesterday morning I got up at 7 am to get my nephews ready for school. My sister picked them up at 7:15 and I slipped back into bed.

My dream was a strange one. I was in a huge bedroom filled with a crowd of people sitting in rows of chairs. On opposite ends of the room were two full sized beds facing each other. One held Obama and the other held McCain. They were debating. And I had to get into bed with each one to listen to their replies to the questions. They wore white shirts with red ties and had the bed covers tucked around them, smug like a bug in a rug. Whenever I tried to take a peek at their lower extremities, a secret service guy rapped my hand with a ruler.

So it is true...Politicians make for strange bedfellows.

Hello October

2008-10-01T12:27:00.000-04:00

Another month kicked the bucket, and now October rolls in. My birthday arrives in 22 days, as my brother politely pointed out last night at Outback. He treated me to dinner. I had the Pecan Trout covered in candied pecans and served on a bed of wild rice and a side of steamed veggies. Very good. I suggest you also order the wine suggestion. It will cleanse the palate so that each taste is as crisp and fresh as the first.

Birthdays aren't what they used to be. As a kid, I was all excited about the present and the cake. As a young adult, I was all excited about the partying and sex. As a mature adult, I am not excited at all...wait a second. There is cake.

The last few birthdays have been depressing for me, not because I'm aging--I look damn good for 45. But because I miss a ritual that was an intricate part of my birthday, my maternal grandmother's memory.

When I lived away, she always sent a card with a special message penned and some money in it. Then sometime on my birthday or even the day after, she would call and say:

"I remember the day you were born. It was sunny and warm. The sun was so bright it hurt your eyes. When I first saw you, I loved you right away. I went to work the next day and my supervisor told me I was too young to be a grandmother. I was 37 years-old."

She would pause and I would wait, knowing there was one more important thing she had to say.

"I love all my grandchildren, but you will always be special because you were born first. I love you, Sherrie."

About three years ago, I got a card from her that was addressed crazy. She had written my first name and the first 3 letters of the last. On the street address, she put the number behind the street name and there was no zip. A sign of her mind becoming lost in the grips of Alzheimers. My mom marveled at how it got to me. I silently thanked the Postal Goddess for delivering it. It wasn't signed but the card was designed for a Granddaughter. At least I had the sentiments of that to comfort me.

After the party (since my nephews have arrived we have a party for everyone's birthday), I felt listless, as if something was missing. I didn't say anything. But I think Mom instinctively knew. She quietly called Grandmother and must have told her it was my birthday. When she handed me the phone, I didn't know who was on the line. Granny said, "Hey. Happy Birthday. No one told me. I don't have a present." But she did, even if she didn't realize it.

We talked and I made her laugh. Part of me prayed I would hear her birthday speech but it never came. We hung up and I cried that night, not because I aged a year but because my Grandmother would never be the same again.

That was the last card I recieved. Now when I talk to her I don't stress over what's not said, just embrace what is said. Part of growing older is dealing with changes, I don't look for a message or even a card now. But there is a part of me that yearns for a memory that made me feel extra special, even if only for a day.

2008-09-25T15:10:00.000-04:00

Your Autumn Test Results

You are a dynamic, vibrant person. You aren't afraid to pursue your passions.

When you're happiest, you are outgoing and expressive . You love celebrations, and you enjoy showing off a little.

You tend to be afraid of change. You are never ready for things to be different.

You find novelty to be the most comforting thing in the world. You love anything that's new or unusual.

Your ideal day is active and full. You like to keep busy with your favorite things, and you appreciate a routine.

You tend to live in the moment. You enjoy whatever is going on, and you don't obsess over the past or future.

The Autumn Test

I'm alive...really I am.

2008-09-25T14:48:00.001-04:00

My attention is elsewhere. Sorry but it is...

Things with Al are changing. My whole outlook on life has changed. And once I am able to find the words. I will pen it down here.

Awakening

2008-09-19T15:25:00.001-04:00

I've been who I am for so long that I forgot who I once was, many many years ago. Been contemplating this tonight... our feet..where they take us, the roads we travel--some never to be forgotten, others never noticed.

One would think that I wouldn't be where I am today, if I had followed the blatant path before me so very long ago. But a side road took me away and through many twisting turns and hills and valleys, I blossomed. I grew strong under sunlight, yielding under rain and deep rooted to withstand violent wind.

Paths, forks, side roads...each taking us to different worlds, places, people... during my travels, I barely look at the destination. Although I am conscious of the direction. And often times choose a scenic view. And when I look back, I forget how difficult the road might have been in becoming who I am today.

I'm just glad I'm me.

2008-09-19T15:25:00.000-04:00

What's Sexy About Your Name

You are sexy because you are reserved. You keep most of your passion hidden.

In truth, you are a very sensual and sexual person. But you mostly keep this to yourself.

You are secretly very interested in sex and very open minded. You definitely have a wild side most people don't know about.

You are comfortable with every aspect of your sexuality... but you don't flaunt it.

When you're finally alone with someone you trust, it's like flipping a switch.

You're sexually savvy, exciting, adventurous, and carefree. No one would ever guess it!

What's Sexy About Your Name?

Ben's Birthday ..a Pictorial

2008-09-18T08:17:00.002-04:00

Shame on me...

2008-09-17T22:53:00.002-04:00

I seem to be absorbed in a torrid state of bliss, desire and need. Once I get my thoughts together I'll be back.

Gas Riot

2008-09-16T09:17:00.002-04:00

Friday we had a massive 'gas shortage panic'. It was worse than the Katrina scare a few years ago. Kangeroo Gas Stores put a note on all their pumps asking people to purchase only $10 of gas due to the possible gas shortage in souteastern NC due to the damage Hurricane Ike may cause to the oil industry.

I wasn't going to get any because I had right much gas in my truck but when Dad told me it was crazy and people were in every station filling up, I figured I had better get my share. I had to go to 3 different stations until I found one that didn't have a long line waiting. This store had a 'drive-thru pay' window on the side. As I got gas, I noticed that a line was forming around the store. One would think that to save gas, since there might be a storage later, that one would get their sorry butt out of their vehicle and walk a few feet to front door and pay inside. I did, sorry butt and all..lol. And then had to wait for the drive-thru line to dispense so I could leave the pump.

Noticed I noticed as I drove to Fayetteville on Saturday that people are out every where, stores, fast food places, etc. Now shouldn't they be saving that expensive gas??!!

Hung out with my friend Michele for a while Sunday and she needed gas. She drives over to the Kangeroo and I said, "They're out of gas. They're the ones who started the gas panic." Sure enough..every tank had bags over the nozzle. I saw their 'discreet' note and it still taped on each tank. I wish I had snatched one off. Then she drives over to another Kangeroo store. I laughed and said, "What are you doing? This one won't have any gas either." And I was right. She ended up at Hess station and I noted that none of the tanks had any low grade gas.

TGIF #18267

2008-09-12T13:54:00.002-04:00

Like most Fridays, I don't know why I'm glad it's here because I'm working tomorrow! But not a whole day...so I guess that's one reason why it's good to be Friday.

Hectic weeek in many ways. I spent 4 days on some photo fixes for Dad. They always take forever because the files are so large they crash my photo programs. Then this morning I had to do some printing and now I'm restoring stuff.

The reunion has kept me very busy. A lot of classmates are either emailing or calling and I spend a lot of my free time, filling everyone in on everyone else. It's been fun to re-connect. Then in ways it hasn't because there are always the sour apples--sour about anything and everything.

Then there's one classmate who I always had a great friendship with...Thomas.. we've spent a lot of time emailing and IM'ing this week. He's been through a lot in his short life:
....diabetes, dialysis, kidney transplant, amputation of toes on right foot, amputation (below the knee) of left leg, lymphoma cancer survivor, and most recently (in Feb.) diagnosed with Stage 3 colo-rectal cancer. He is currently doing chemo with radiation to follow in about 2 1/2 months and will do the radiation DAILY for 5 weeks. He is the most positive man I'm ever known. Laughing and smiling through all our emails and IM's.

I chat with him and get so many funny and bright emails and when I talk to Al at night, it's like going into the darkness. He's always talking about things that go wrong and disappointments over some sideline tasks he's working on. We don't laugh, even if I try to make things light and fun.

Today is the first time since Jan 14, 2006 that I didn't wake up and think of Al or call him, just to make sure he's up! I even forgot my cell phone, which I use to call and say hi during the day. And I didn't think of doing that! When did I think of it? About an hour ago!

Talking with Tommy had made me realize that life is too short to wait it out... to spend days and weeks and years on a person who is too self-absorbed to notice time fly.

That fork in the road is bearing down on me and Al...and I wonder if he really cares.

2008-09-10T22:24:00.001-04:00

Your Taste in Music:

Classic Rock: Highest Influence

Adult Alternative: Medium Influence

Alternative Rock: Medium Influence

Eighties: Medium Influence

Nineties: Medium Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

Kids and the things they say...

2008-09-10T22:10:00.001-04:00

Kids and the things they say...
Category: Life

My nephews are never boring. This week (and it's only half finished) I've learned a few things from them, mainly my little bird--Ben.

1) The meaning of Gay as told by Ben 6 soon to be 7 in a few days:
When a boy touches another boy's butt or bladder, he's gay. When a girl touches another girl's bladder she's gay. When a boy touches a girl's bladder, they aren't gay.

2) Ben's BoogerMan (Boogey Man) Theory:
He's got claws and hoofs and lives in the ground where it's hot. You have to dig through China to get to him. When you see him, you'll know he's the BoogerMan because he'll be covered with boogers and slime.

3) Ben explains how to defend myself from the Burger King Burger King guy:
Sherrie, when the Burger King Man peeps in your window or tries to get you to eat lettuce or sumpthin.... you... KICK HIM IN THE NUTS. He'll fall down on the ground like this (falls down) and groan like this (Groans like a ghost) and holds onto his bladder.

2008-09-08T16:21:00.001-04:00

What Your Purple Umbrella Says About You

When faced with adversity, you remain together and graceful.

You are very balanced, and it's hard for you to let yourself get too down.

You are brainy and philosophical. It's hard for you to lose your broad perspective on life.

You accept things as they are. You don't try to change anything that can't be changed.

On a rainy day: you should spend the day reading

The Umbrella Test

A Conversation....

2008-09-08T13:31:00.002-04:00

about VP elect Palin...

(Tongue-in-cheek on my part)

A friend called to check on me after Hanna went through. We chatted about different things and then he mentioned Palin.

"She's very secretary-ish, don't you think?" he asked.

"Yes and there in lies the deception....she's probably a very stunning woman with her hair down and glasses off."

He asked in a astounded voice, "You think she dresses and looks like that on purpose?"

"Sure. And under that prudish skirt and blouse, she's wearing leather."

He laughed amused. "Oh really?"

"Yep and during the upcoming debates with Biden, she'll show her true colors by stripping off that skirt and blouse and with whip in hand show him how a brassy Republican can take command. Just imagine him squirming under her latex encased leg with a 6" stiletto heel grinding him in the back, while she whips his Democrat ass into shape."

Now he's openly laughing. "Oh will she whip the economy into shape too?"

"Oh yes... it's what our country needs...a little S&M!"

Panthers, Pepsi and Pep Talks

2008-09-08T11:54:00.002-04:00

Well, my Pirates kicked ass and then...my Panthers stole the game with a last second touchdown. Before the game Al read the sports page in the paper and no one gave hope that the Panthers would win...it was the Chargers all the way. But guess who won, although we almost gave it away...The Panthers! Al gave up on the after it took so long for them to reform their line. It was down to mere seconds and Al was going to turn the tv off...but I said, "No...they'll win at the last second. Delhomme has something to prove in this first game." And they scored...final second. Al turned to me in shock and accused me with "You know more about football than you let on!"

Maybe I do.

This morning I grabbed a Pepsi from his fridge and ran out the door. I was a few minutes later getting out than I like. Even if I got here on time, I still like to allow for slow traffic down I-95 or road crews. So as I drove, I sipped the Pepsi. It tasted strange but I thought it was my mouth, because I had just brushed my teeth with some of Al's Colgate toothpaste (I use Arm & Hammer Complete Care)...but it wasn't until just now when I was tossing the can in the recycle box that I saw "Pepsi. NFL Kickoff. Limited Edition Flavor. LEMON." No wonder it tasted different. I will say it's ok but nothing to write Pepsi about.

In my search for old classmates, I've reconnected with a few lost friends. Only to hear of sickness and a few deaths. I realize how lucky I am and I shouldn't complain about anything in my life compared to what a few have gone through and are going through. So I gave myself a pep talk on the way to work and vow to make the most of every day and every friendship...

Obviously

2008-09-07T11:56:00.004-04:00

since I just posted a quiz, I'm ok and Hanna didn't sweep me away!

We had a lot of rain and wind in some areas. I got 3 inches of rain but my mom's bf got 5 almost 6! We had some tree limbs down but nothing major. I spent an hour outside Saturday after lunch and cleaned up the yard.

My cold is slowly getting better. I slept thru the tropical storm and sort of hate I did. I love hearing rain fall on my tin awing over one of my bedroom windows.

But the storm went through with no major damage other than a few power outages. I wasn't going to come up to see Al since I felt bad but he sorta begged and said he would pamper me. I took a nap before driving up and got here around 6:30. My friend Bonnie called and we talked a long time. Al got off early...at 8. I was sorta shocked. He took me out to dinner at a new restaurant around the corner. We had some prime rib and man...it was mouth-watering. Then he drove me home and we watched the college football highlights...all I can say is..

GO ECU PIRATES!!!!

They are kicking ass and taking names.

Don't know what's in store for today. Al's at church...yeah, I guess I'm a heathen. I just made some coffee and am catching up on my email and stuff like...blogging.

Heard from two of my favorite male classmates today regarding the reunion. One sent photos and the other sent his home phone number and asked me to call so we could catch up. I will probably try to do that sometime today if Al doesn't have me off to the golf course with him. He's off today and wants to get out and do something fun. All his buddies keep letting him down about golfing and though I know nothing about it, except how to drive the cart I will go along. Why? because I love the man and he deserves to have some fun once in a while.

Enjoy the day...it's a lovely one.

2008-09-07T11:56:00.001-04:00

You Are in the Genital Stage of Development

According to Dr. Freud, you've reached the genital stage of development.

Whatever issues you may have had in your childhood have been resolved.

You don't have any hang ups, and you are able to function as a stable adult.

You are the model of being well-adjusted, and you are able to balance your life beautifully.

What Freudian Stage Are You In?

Hanna ..not Hannah Montana

2008-09-05T12:16:00.002-04:00

We're geared up for Hanna to hit us. Looking at the projected path, it doesn't matter if it hits NC or SC, I'll be getting some of it.

It's been since 2004 since we've had a Hurricane... or even a tropical storm. And none were damaging to my area. Course the coast is a different story. Sunset Beach is practically eroded away. And this storm has 25 feet waves accompanying it.

According to the gas station lady (I stopped to fill up the truck before coming into work), not many are rushing to fill up their tanks. I figured a mad rush will happen after 4 pm today. Many of the schools and a lot of businesses are closing up early. Which reminds me...I need to drop by the bank in a while.

I helped some of the elderly neighbors secure items around their houses yesterday and this morning. And will go around and make sure they've got plenty of water and stuff to eat. Most do but not always the stuff that you need during or after storms...like canned items, water and snacks that you don't have to heat up if the electricity is down.

I'm stocked with batteries and have plenty of reading material and candles. So...if the worse happens I'm ready and if the storm blows itself out before it hits me... all the better.

So enjoy your weekend and be safe.

Head Colds, Cole Slaw, Road Blocks and the American Way

2008-09-04T12:45:00.002-04:00

I'm fighting a head cold I think. It could be my sinues but my ears ring a lot. And the sinus meds that usually work--aren't. So I'm assuming it's a cold and dealing with it as best as I can. I fell asleep sitting at the computer yesterday. My head hit the monitor and woke me. Luckily I did't damage it...though my forehead is sore this day.

My weekend was ok. I had a quiet one. No big thrills, except the frog in the toilet. Oh and Al romanced me--that's always a thrill. Cooked several awesome meals. Al won't confess to this but I'm fast becoming a better cook than he is. The cat and I hung out. She follows me around the house and I talk to her a lot. She'll listen but I'm learning what types of conversation she likes...when the topic is something she's uninterested in, she'll turn her back to me and grooms herself.

I tried out a few luau recipes. The Hawaiian Coleslaw rocked. It went into my personal cookbook...but the Haupia...sucked. I think I need to find a more authenic recipe or change the one I have. I threw it out.

Over the weekend a bunch of my old classmates called and emailed me. It was fun talking to them. They are all excited over the reunion. I'm happy that's happening. Many who never went to a previous reunion are very interested in attending this one. So many are trying to help find classmates and offerring to do what they can. I'm so pleased with the response so far. It wasn't until I talked to one of my old friends (a girl named Donna who works with the local sheriff's department) who had been in charge of two reunions that it occurred to me that not one person from the current committee has contacted me. I know they have a pretty detailed list of classmates but aren't sharing it. One of the guys on the committee told a girl who called over the weekend that he had some names and told her who they were. She asked him to call me but he made a face. And this guy and I were always good friends during school. I just don't get it. Donna told me that one of the committtee members told her that she didn't like half of our graduating class and was planning a reunion for the ones she liked. Now that's a crock of crap. Donna said that she doesn't have a high regard for this person anymore.

Neither do I but the person will receive an invite anyways.

Ran into a road block over the building we want to use. I talked to the guy in charge this morning. He said it was used as a beach house during the day to swimmers at the lake and was hard to dry out during the summer. He suggested we move the reunion date to sometime after labor day. Then he told me the price for night time rental and added a bunch of surcharges. He told me he hoped the ice machine would be working then. And that there would be air conditioning...they had it up until the spring ..someone stole all the copper. There's no stove ...only a sink and refridge plus there's only 35 people allowed in the building... the outside deck is larger than the inside and there's no limit there.

Oh and we have to have an attendent there... to watch over the place...we have to pay this person too. The price went from $45 to $215. I'll talk to Bonnie tonight. I don't want to be in a building that doesn't have a stove or enough room for everyone if it rains on our parade. She'll be disappointed but that's life.

Al's joining a network. It seems that Donald Trump dumped a large amount of change into it and if DT invests in something, then it's golden...or so Al says. He's trying to figure out how to network it and innocently without thinking I suggested he join Myspace and Facebook. Those places are all about networking. It dawned on me later that I might not want him to know about my myspace page. I'm not an open book there like I am here but I've got personal stuff on it and my friend's list has some old beaus on it...I guess I can go through my blog there and mark certain stuff as diary posts. Not long ago one of my friends there..a guy I semi-dated asked for my advice about the current girl he was seeing. She was jealous of his blog posts about his ex-girlfriend who had just died of cancer. He was so in love with her and it showed in his writing. The current gal wanted to know why he didn't write like that for her. In the end he deleted the posts which were so beautiful... he said to me that he wasn't going to write about being in love or other personal details about his girlfriends on the off-chance that his future soul mate would read them and he didn't want to cause any pain. I guess that's why I'm cautious about Al finding my stuff online. I've written a lot about him and other lovers. I would never want to hurt him.

We had a birthday party for my brother yesterday. I'll have to post some pictures of it. The nephews had fun. I had fun and so did everyone else.

I confess I'm worried about Hanna... we've had a lot of rain and the ground's very moist--prime for falling trees that might not fall if the ground was dry. So let's pray the storm blows itself out before reaching me.